Last week I took my daughter to see a professional production of A Chorus Line, one of my favorite musicals. The stage lights came up and the opening number began. “God, I hope I get it,” the cast sang, as they auditioned for a fictional Broadway show. I got a little tight in the throat and watery in the eyes when the music started. The feeling lasted only a few seconds, and then I was engrossed in the stories of seventeen young hopefuls who each dream of being a Broadway dancer.
Why did I get choked up as the show began? Certainly not because of what was happening on stage; the show is upbeat and hopeful. “God, I hope I get it.” Those opening bars took me right back to being a teenager, when I idolized those stars in the making. A wide open future, scary and exhilarating. So much unknown, so much to be written.
What was I dreaming of when I was a teenager? What did I want my life to be? I wanted to go to college, have a career, be independent, fall in love, get married, have children. I also had dreams that were frivolous and far fetched, an indulgence afforded to the young. So maybe some of my reaction was simply nostalgia.
As the years have passed, some of my dreams have come true, some were forgotten, and some were replaced by different ones. Now my dreams are less grandiose, more realistic, more doable. They are simple dreams, achievable ones. Maybe they should be called wishes. Or hopes. Or goals. Dreams seem so lofty, the stuff of fairy tales. Wishes, hopes, goals – these words feel like a better fit. I can work toward them, make them happen on my own.
I’m not usually this reflective. I can be introspective, but it’s not my default setting. So why did this show evoke such a visceral reaction?
I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I was sitting next to my daughter, who is about the same age that I was when I first saw A Chorus Line. There’s much research suggesting that music can evoke memories. As I listened to the opening notes, I was remembering the teenage me who watched the musical. And while that teenager lives in my mind, my daughter was present beside me.
That’s a little too “circle of life” for me, a little hokey. It’s true, though. And instead of being sad about a part of my life that is over, I am full of hope for my child, who is on the cusp of her own unknown future, full of dreams and possibilities.
God, I hope I get it.” Turns out that “it” for me wasn’t a part in a Broadway show, although that was once one of those far fetched dreams. It was what I have now. It is who I have beside me. It is who I’ve grown up to become and who I will be as the years pass. That’s IT. Dreams don’t stop at age 20, or 30, or 40 – or ever. They simply change. Life is full of possibilities at any age. And maybe that’s worth getting a little choked up for.
My daughter loves to go see musicals too…she usually asks to go see a show in NYC for her birthday.
I have strong memories of when I was my daughter’s age and my experiences were very different. I was shy and insecure, where my daughter is outgoing and self assured. I wasn’t as focused on what I wanted to do with my life as she is. But I think we all have hopes and dreams and it is so lovely to be reminscing them this way. Such a great post Dana!
Thank you Michelle. I didn’t think about the differences between my daughter and me at that age; I think we are pretty similar. That would explain why we butt heads so much!
I butt heads with mine all the time. She is similar to me as an adult somewhat…although I think I am a little more flexible with things.
Oh I totally relate to the “full circle” thing. I guess as my kids become older, the memories that I have of being that same age are much clearer. As they enter their teen years, I can so clearly remember my hopes, my dreams, my beliefs, and I look at them and think “How is it still so clear to me, like it was just yesterday, and now I am witnessing watching MY CHILD experience these things??” Great post!
I totally agree with you, Leah. Now that my kids are older, I also have clear memories of being their age. It’s cool, but it’s also a bit unsettling. How did all those years go by so quickly?
What a great memory you made with your daughter. A Chorus Line is on my list of shows to see- this just moved up in priority!
This was great Dana! This summer I have gotten my girls hooked on watching “Full House” on TV. That was one of my favorite shows when I was younger and it is a bit surreal to be watching it now with my daughters (and thinking about how old those actors are now!). My dreams have certainly changed throughout life – now they are dreams I have for my kids more than dreams I have for myself.
My kids love Full House too. This whole parenting thing really is surreal!
Beautiful post of introspection, as well as thoughts about your child and her hopes! Music is truly a wonderful trigger for nostalgia!
It is – music is probably the biggest memory trigger for me. Thanks for reading, Roshni!
I love that – how dreams change. It’s still hard for me sometimes to let go of the ones I’ve most likely outgrown – supermodel, celebrity, actress, dancer, etc. Ok, maybe it’s ok that I’ve outgrown those! I much like being a photographer/blogger/mama. I still have some big ones, like crazy big, and I hope a few of those stay. And I love building newer, attainable ones. They’re not always smaller for me – just different. And I love dreaming about what my kids will be like and what they will dream about and achieve.
That’s wonderful that you still have some crazy big dreams. May they all come true for you!
What a beautiful post, to reflect back on your life, with all the nostalgia of a favorite musical, and know that you got everything that you could have wished for when you were your daughter’s age. Magical!
Thank you so much, Catherine! I did wish to be in a musical and I didn’t get that…but clearly that required talent that I was sorely lacking.
Well, thanks. I’m feeling tight in the throat too now. I LOVE this post! (And incidentally, I LOVE A Chorus Line too!) Thanks for the reminder that dreams don’t have to stop once you’re elderly like me. They just change right along with us. I just can’t shake this feeling that we totally drink from the same punch bowl, Dana.
We may just be drinking from the same punch bowl, Marie. I’d happily be your drinking partner. Just make the bowl plastic, because I tend to drop and break things.
I loved where you said the teenager lives in your mind but your daughter was sitting beside you. That touched me. I feel the same way…my children are my dream come true while other dreams have changed. Thank you for sharing this special moment!
My pleasure, Kate. My kids are now at the age where I have distinct memories of being their age (does that make sense?). It’s cool, but also kinda surreal.
I love this – mostly because I feel the same way sometimes – I remember my younger days and all the plans and dreams I had. And, like you said, some have been achieved and others have changed. I don’t feel like I gave up – just ever evolving dreams. And, it is a circle as we watch our own kids full of plans and dreams for their own futures!!
You’re right – not achieving all our dreams doesn’t mean we’ve given up on them. They just change as we mature. Ever evolving, as you said – I like that!
You’re absolutely right. I really like this piece. You’re good when you’re introspective.
Do you think so? I had a tough time writing this – it was a bit out of my comfort zone and I was getting frustrated with not being able to find the right words. I’m not going to be introspective all the time, but maybe I’ll try every once in awhile 🙂
I do. It felt like reading a conversation you were having slightly out-loud, slightly in your head, and it was rather lovely 🙂 Finding the right words helps, but I couldn’t tell that you’d struggled.
The odd one now and again might be quite nice – sounds like a good plan 🙂
This post spoke to me in so many ways. I too love a Chorus Line and “I hope I get it” still gives me chills to this day – because it evokes in me exactly what you are talking about here – possibilities- at any age. And now, for my children as well. Circle of life, indeed.
I appreciate your comment, I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was coming through in my writing. But it seems like you “got it” – thanks!
Oh Dana, I love this post. Our dreams do evolve. I remember watching a Chorus Line (the movie) the first time and thinking that is what I want to do even though I have absolutely no talent!!
But I am quite happy with where I am now, watching Grease along side my little one and thinking gosh is this appropriate?
Ha – I’m so glad my daughter likes musicals. She ranked Chorus Line third behind Les Miz and Wicked, but she said it was nice to see a show that wasn’t quite as dark. I don’t think she’s ever seen Grease…
that is pretty awesome to witness it through your daughter’s eyes, what a beautiful moment… Imagine if one day she has a daughter and all three of you attend. Okay…very sappy of me.
That may be sappy but I would LOVE that!
I’m always amazed how powerful memories are attached to music. This is lovely.
Thank you, Robbie!