The end of the world. The R.E.M song comes to my head immediately; I often think in song. I sing beautifully in my head. It’s the end of the world as we know it. I listened to that song often in college, and I suppose it could be the theme song for that period of my life. There was my world before college and my world after; one taking center stage as the other ducked into the shadows, back and forth until the space between them closed.
The end of my world. When will that be? What do I want to have accomplished, and for what do I want to be remembered?
I don’t particularly care about answering those questions. I don’t have grand aspirations of leaving my mark on this world. Is that wrong? It is more important to me to love and be loved. To laugh, and to make others laugh. It is more important to me to do those things during my life, than to be remembered for them after I am gone.
Rabbi Harold Kushner said, “No one ever said on their deathbed ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’”
I heard this words long ago, and they have stuck with me. I revisit them when I am particularly stressed, or when I am wrestling with a decision. It helps put things in perspective. If I decide one way, am I going to remember at the end of my life, and wish I had chosen the other?
I have never answered that question affirmatively. Whatever is such a big deal to me now is never really that big.
Of course, there are big deals. But we don’t know what seemingly insignificant instances will become important. Sometimes the individual little things aren’t a big deal, but the sum of them is. One Sunday forgoing family fun for yard work will be forgotten. A childhood of such Sundays will not. I remind myself this when I feel guilty about not being present, and I’m able to determine whether my guilt is misplaced. For children, that one Sunday may feel like the end of their world. They may threaten that they will never forget it. But time is fuzzy, and it can blur the harsh edges.
The END of THE WORLD. I had an unexpected and intriguing conversation with a friend yesterday about religion. We talked about different faiths’ stances on what happens after this world, and whether one’s motivation for being moral is based on this life or the next. Do you live a good (whatever good means) and moral life because you want to get into whatever your idea of Heaven is? Or do you live that life on its own merit? Should the existence of an afterlife have any bearing on how you live now? It was a heavy discussion for a Wednesday night.
I am free writing this based on the Finish the Sentence Friday prompt, which is a departure from my usual style. It’s a bit unnerving to empty my brain directly onto the page; it’s safer to keep the words inside where they can bounce around in private.
The last night of the world. A variation of the prompt, and one that immediately makes me sing in my head again. This time it is The Last Night of the World, from Miss Saigon. Two lovers are desperate to be together, yet destined to be apart. They will dance like it’s the last night of the world, because it may be the last night they have together.
It is a bittersweet and tragic story, yet they have this one night. That’s all they know for certain, and it is enough.
Thank you, Kristi, Nicki, and Jena for hosting FTSF this week, and for being amazing women who inspire me to Just Write.
Oddly, I have this dream a lot…..and I always have an anxious feeling of trying to find my mother….I guess that’s rooted deep from losing my father at a young age. Even reading your post I felt it!!!! HAHAHA It’s definitely a concept we all face, plus with all the prophecies out there, I know I sure played this song in my head for a few “end of the world” scares…xo
Sorry to give you those anxious feelings – but you’re right, it is something we all face. I try to avoid thinking about it though!
Reading this post was like taking a deep breath. I was raised Catholic and, honestly, I don’t know what I think anymore. I’ve shoved it to the back of my mind for years but now I feel like I need to open myself up to revisiting the topics of religion and spirituality because of my daughter. Ah well. You’ve inspired me to go outside and enjoy the day and maybe later listen to some R.E.M. And that’s enough for today.
I love that song.. sorta… and sometimes I hate it. It makes me go down deep, and it’s dark down there too. I really don’t know what I believe, but I do believe in life and life right now and being good for the sake of it, and not because I want a reward at the end.
By the way, I used to want to be BIG. Like a household name, leaving my mark on the world. These days, I am happy to not be that way and to just be BIG within my own family.
When I was younger I used to think about the end or last day a lot more – it always freaked me out. Now I try not to think about it much but just enjoy each day and hope that I’m doing enough to make each day one that I’m happy with and would be OK if it really were to be my last day. Sadly, some days I would definitely hate to be the last because they aren’t so great!
Good, old R.E.M! What a great song. It’s so right for those times of transition 🙂
—-I’ve not pondered the “end of the world” so much as the “end of my life on earth.”
What has truly kept me moving forward after much darkness is “KNOWING,” without hesitation,
that this “IS NOT” my home. And I thank God for that.
Thought provoking post, Dana. x
Thanks, Kim. I’m glad that your knowing has been a comfort and a source of strength for you.
I actually like the “free style” on you – you write it well. As for the “big” questions and observations. I don’t know, I have no certain answers and wished I did. I love your ending. I’ve yet to see Miss Saigon, but now I must!
Oh, it’s such a good show, Allie. I don’t think it has been on tour in many years, but I would definitely see it again.
Wow. Definitely HEAVY. I think about the end of the world a lot and/or the end of my life. As a Christian who is far from perfect I want to have lived my life that was pleasing to God so that I can be enter into Heaven when my time comes. I have read a lot of Christian fiction books that line up with what the bible says are the end times. I want to live out a natural life like those before me. I don’t want to be here for the end of the world or the rapture if there’s really such a thing. yet it is something I think about. Glad you wrote freely. This similar thing was on my mind but I didn’t have the guts to go there.
It’s interesting, Kenya…because I free wrote and just published, I didn’t realize how heavy this post was until people started commenting. I suppose it’s natural given the prompt, but it was not my intention to be so dark and heavy! Not my usual fare, but I guess that’s okay.
Oh I didn’t think it was dark. Just very thought provoking.
I’ve heard that Kushner quote before and it does definitely put things in to perspective. I really don’t think about the end of my life very much. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s bad?
I think it’s good, Lisa. I don’t think about it much either – after writing this, I am done for awhile!
Apologies if this is a duplicate comment. *By* the last day, I hope to figure out why I have technical difficulty leaving comments on some blogs!
Anyhoo, thanks for the REM song in my head. My favorite part of this post? “One Sunday forgoing family fun for yard work will be forgotten. A childhood of such Sundays will not.”
Comment #2…why do you keep going to my spam folder? Ugh!
I sang the REM song in my head the whole time I read your post. For me, the most moving part was “One Sunday forgoing family fun for yard work will be forgotten. A childhood of such Sundays will not.” Off to engage my tween in some idle after school chit-chat. But maybe days, weeks and years of that will mean something to us both later in life.
You’re welcome for the ear worm! And yes, I think that idle chit-chat will mean a lot.
Wow. That was definitely a heavy read for me on a Friday afternoon! But it’s a topic so many people have hoped to answer; and no one really can until it can no longer be shared. Love your perspective that one Sunday playing will be forgotten but a childhood spent with such Sundays will be cherished. …and don’t think you aren’t making a mark on the world. Your mark could just be through your children or your children’s children. We don’t know what the future holds for us or our offspring.
That’s true, Leslie. I suppose I meant that I don’t care if my name isn’t in the history books. Sorry to hit you with a heavy one – I promise to lighten up next time!
I believe that life is a summation for most of us. It is the sum of the little things that we do and think that defines who we are, and how we relate to those around us. Everyone has a finite period on this Earth, and we can choose what to do with it.
(On a less serious note, I’m gonna have to try this freewrite thing. Until today, I had no idea what it was and now it seems like everyone is doing it!)
Ha – I did it when I was in Jena’s writing group, and I should do it more. I tend to edit, edit, edit. Stream of consciousness can be a hard thing to share, but it usually gives me a good start to then form something to put out there.
Dana, I love that you just free wrote for this. Most of my post is from the free write in Jena’s group – I edited just a little bit… And I so love getting to peek into your awesome brain. “Sometimes the individual little things aren’t a big deal, but the sum of them is.” SO SO true and I needed that reminder. Yesterday afternoon, I was going between ignoring Tucker and playing with him and feeling guilty for both but you know – true truth that it’s the pattern in that. Thank you. Also when it comes to behaving based on the repercussions of an afterlife. I don’t. I just don’t think about what will happen when we die that much I guess. I mean I sometimes do, but I’m just not sure. I hope but. Well anyway. Thanks so much for joining this week again – I know you were thinking of skipping. I am so glad you didn’t!
So am I, Kristi. This was definitely out of my comfort zone; I almost bagged it. But I wrote it for me, and that’s enough, right?
It’s nice to take a departure from your usual style of writing (it was actually the same for my post today as well). It’s interesting to see when you just write instead of mulling over the words, as I am prone to do.
I remember having a conversation in religious school with our Rabbi and coming to the realization that in Judaism we don’t really talk about when you die. While I definitely respect other religions and their beliefs, I kind of like it this way. And I love your point about small things turning into big things over time. I never want Eve to think of me as always working, always being on the computer. I try to get out and do things with her for that very reason. (That, and it’s often way more fun to just kick back and let out your inner child with your own child!)
I like it that way too, Bev. I imagine that’s hard for some people to understand, when the afterlife is such a huge part of your faith.
And yes, letting out your inner child is always more fun than working!
Dana, the way you play with perspective here (and it with you) opened my mind and brought me so into the present moment of asking, what matters? If writing this way is a “departure” for you, it’s a back road worth staying on and seeing what else you find. Thank you–for participating in FTSF and for sharing your insightful, heart-filled words here for the rest of us to read and appreciate.
I felt like I was back in your writing group, Jena. It’s been awhile, and I’m looking forward to starting again. It is a back road worth staying on; I’ll admit I have trouble doing that. I’ll keep trying!
Well this is certainly a nice cheery post for a Friday! Hahaha. I have this conversation with my husband a lot. We both lost our moms to cancer early in life and now the boys have a lot of questions about exactly where their grandmas are! Kids a tricky little things and they want answers!!
Sorry – it is a bit dark, isn’t it? It just turned out that way, which is odd because my brain usually head straight towards sarcasm…
OK, I’m going to go in a much more shallow direction and point out that the REM song has long been rumored to be an anthem about policy debate teams in high school and college. Yes, I’m a nerd as are my children who were proud and accomplished members of their debate teams.
I have a debate team kid too! I appreciate your shallow direction, Mo. This post was much deeper than I usually delve. It’s dark down there.
Heavy thoughts…and yet so obvious in a way. Your words hit home with me because I often think about this. ..what will my daughter remember about time together? That is huge for me.
Me too. I don’t want my kids to remember me on the computer. I want them to remember the hugs, the talks, the jokes.
Love this Dana, so much. I love all your writing and your honest perspectives, but this peek into the beautiful, untethered paths your brain goes was a gift this evening. Thank you. I feel the same way about letting the words out, instead of keeping them safe and cozy inside my head. But I know you agree that it also feels great :).
“But time is fuzzy, and it can blur the harsh edges.” Exquisite truth.
Thank YOU for inspiring me. May it be a happy Shabbat and weekend for you and your beautiful family.
Untethered for sure…I feel like I was all over the place. But that’s okay. Good Shabbos to you and your family too!
Some people tell me I’m about to burn in hell for not believing what they believe, but I have come to the conclusion: I’m about all the things Jesus preached, not because the Son of God preached them, but because I believe His Dream is the best possible paradise. If we all loved each other and spoke out of love, the world would be a better place.
Amen, Michelle! I just would never tell anyone they were going to burn in hell. I can’t get on board with condemning someone for their beliefs just because they aren’t mine.
What is your understanding of Judaism’s stand on the afterlife? I like to think of it as beyond our comprehension and leave it at that. Kind of a comfortable uncertainty and kind of a cop-out. If there is a Heaven, we are certainly not in charge of who makes it in. Whether there is or not, shouldn’t we try to be good for the betterment of ourselves and our families and our society? Anyhow.
Sarah, I don’t know much about it. My understanding is that Reformed Judaism doesn’t focus on the afterlife; the focus is living a good life here. Like you, I leave it as an unknown, and I’m okay with that.
Whao. I had a similar conversation with my mom just today. After much discussion we agreed that we choose to live life on its own merit. May we – you, she, me, and all the folks reading this – not find out the true answer for a verrrrry long time.
Your post made me ponder, Dana.
Yes, life will go on so why worry about our last day! The song is beautiful and it suited well to this prompt 🙂
Thanks, Ruchira!
Amen – a verrrrry long time.
Definitely left me now thinking and pondering the end a bit myself, as well as having that classic REM song in my head 😉
Sorry about that! I hope you like it. 😉