This month’s topic for the Who I Am project is all about work, specifically jobs and careers. I’ve written about both before, but this time I thought about what I want my children and my grandchildren to know about that part of my life.
Before I entered kindergarten, I wanted to work as a truck driver or a construction worker. I have no recollection of this, but my mother faithfully recorded these memories in my baby book. As a child, I played school and imagined myself as a teacher and a mommy.
Playing mommy to my new baby sister. Not being a great mommy to the baby doll I left with her head halfway under the couch.
I began college as a math major, simply because I liked math and was good at it. I was not good at computer programming, however, and the class I took concurrently with Calculus scared me out of that field forever. I was also taking Introduction to Psychology, so by the beginning of second semester I was officially a psych major.
My daughter is beginning college next month, and she has heard the story of how I switched majors more times than she would like, I’m sure. She is undecided, and I want her to know that it’s okay. I don’t want her to cling to a major simply because it’s easier than being unsure.
In retrospect, that is exactly what I did. I was scared to be undecided and I liked my intro psych class, so I jumped from one major to another with little thought as to what that would mean in terms of a career.
Five years later, I discovered that a major and an advanced degree does not translate into a paycheck. I was still undecided when I graduated, and I never found a job that I wanted to turn into a career. A Master’s degree in clinical psychology is not a terminal degree, so my options were limited.
My first job out of graduate school was performing psychological evaluations on kids in a residential treatment facility. Since that work was part-time, I also did re-evaluations of public school students who were receiving services for learning differences.
I was using my degree, but I wasn’t making connections. I spent a few hours with each child as an impartial observer, and that was it.
My next job was as an assistant director of admissions at a small liberal arts college. For the first time, I had co-workers who became friends, and I loved guiding high school students on their journey to college. I did not love the eight weeks of travel every fall, or the hour commute every morning and evening.
Motherhood put an end to that job, and for the next year I stayed home with my first-born. I then became the director of guidance at an all-girls’ Catholic school for two years. This was my last full-time job. After the expense of two children in childcare, my salary would have been negligible. That would have been fine if I loved my job, but I didn’t.
I have been a stay at home mother for almost fifteen years. This decision has weighed heavily on me at times, and I wonder what might have been. What if I had chosen a different major? What if I had stayed in the workforce after my youngest was born? What if I had returned after both kids were in school?
What-ifs don’t provide answers, and I am constantly struggling with letting them go and embracing the what-happened instead.
Sometimes I wish I could be visited by the Ghost of Careers Future, to gaze into the crystal ball and see where I will be in five years, ten years. I often think about what I will do when my kids leave home; I can’t imagine what that would be, but I can’t imagine not returning to the work force.
I could look at my empty nest future with anxiety and dread, but I am trying to look at it as an opportunity to do something new. I don’t know what it will be, but I know it will not be anything I have done before. In my original Who I Am scrapbook, I wrote that one of my dreams for the future was creating my own business. If a blog that makes no money counts as my own business, mission accomplished! Perhaps this blog will be a stepping stone to something bigger, or perhaps it will just be a venture that keeps my mind sharp and brings amazing people into my life. I have even met some in person.
I have been a waitress, a switchboard operator, and a cashier.
I have watched my boss become increasingly drunk during my farewell lunch, been questioned about a fire in my hotel room, and restrained an angry tween in a time-out room.
I have traveled on my own for weeks at a time, balanced four dinner dishes on my arms without dropping them, and given the “admissions talk” dozens of times.
I learned some interesting skills during my varied albeit short career, but my story isn’t finished. My next chapter awaits…
Sometimes I wish that I could have lived two parallel lives – one as a mostly stay at home mom and another as a career person. My husband and I started in identical jobs at the same time. Obviously, we took different paths partly because we agreed that I would be more hands-on with the kids. I’m not saying that I’d have matched his career progress step for step. I know I would have branched off. But I do wonder “what if”. Wondering makes me feel a little guilty, like I resented my time at home which is absolutely not the case. The bottom line for our sons and daughters is that we need reforms in family leave and child care costs so that more opportunities are available to all. (And now I’ll step off my soapbox.)
I completely agree with you, Mo! And I like the parallel lives idea – if only we didn’t have to choose.
I. Am. Doing. This. One. I AM. I really really really want to. I’ve had some funny jobs and I want to. I can’t believe I want to every month and then boom. Anyway. I agree that your daughter doesn’t need to know what to major in yet. I started pre-law then thought about psych but ended up with Business Management. And you know what? I don’t think anybody hiring me ever asked what my major was. Truly.
That’s good to know, Kristi. I bet you have some great job stories – even if you don’t link up, write about them at some point!
I still don’t know why kids are expected to have any level of certainty about what they want to do with their lives. I still remember how daunting it was to pick a major as a 19-year-old. I bet these days there are a lot more opportunities for a phsyc major.
I’m sure there are, and if you have an end goal, it’s fine. I just didn’t. Gwen doesn’t seem to be interested in any kind of counseling field, though, so I doubt that’s the road she’ll take.
What a wonderful piece. I’m going to link up this week!
I think I regret my wayward path sometimes, but it still led me to this. And this is pretty good. And I’ve been with the kids, whether working or not, for years. I can’t imagine regretting that at all. But I could imagine regretting the opposite – sending them to daycare every day as babies. It wasn’t for me.
I know it works differently for everyone, but I think we might have that in common.
We do, and you make a great point. I could imagine regretting not being home, but I don’t regret my decision to stay.
I have also been a SAHM for about fifteen years now. Maybe it’s been fourteen. But close. I sometimes wonder if I should be doing something else, but at the same time, my kids are growing so fast. I’m happy that I’m able to be here with them. And it also gives me time to write, which is a huge passion of mine.
The kids do grow so fast – I don’t regret staying home with mine while I can.
Oh I could do with a Pimms about now… Thanks for the link to my oist about meeting YOU! YAY! Loved meeting you, Dana, and chatting a weensy bit about the possibilities that lie ahead. I truly believe we need to be open to the concept of possibilities. I look forward to seeing what unfolds for you.
Thank you Kelly! It was good to chat about that, and so much else. Happy to link to your post, although I will admit that it was partially selfish because you made me sound so cool.;)
**I could look at my empty nest future with anxiety and dread, but I am trying to look at it as an opportunity to do something new.**
I Loooove how you continually add something positive to your sentences! Such a girl w/ “HOPE.”
You know what? I pray for direction and guidance all. day. long.
I say to God, “USE every single bit of me!”
Still waiting…
xxx from MN.
PS. I’m not utilizing my degree because I only want to write.
You know, Kim – writing things down helps me be positive. It’s as if putting the words to paper makes me realize that I have the choice to react differently. I didn’t really think about that until your comment, so thank you!
I have so many thoughts on this, and I can’t find the right words for it. I knew a little bit about your career path, but I didn’t realize the feelings you had tied into it. Being a psychology major is a mixed bag — often many of us (myself included) choose it because we find the field to be so fascinating, but there’s not much you can really do with a undergrad, or even Master’s degree in it unfortunately that is in the field. I considered getting a PsyD in psychology because I really didn’t know what else to do with the degree. I left college not sure what I wanted to do with my life, other than work with kids, which I did for a few years, and then my path skewed slightly toward working with families, and that helped me in many ways with the journey toward motherhood. But now I have an advanced degree that I’m still paying off and not using, and NEVER imagined I would ever start my own business (and even sometimes I question that). I think for many of us we don’t end up where we expected and sometimes wonder where we would be if we had make a different choice or had gotten a different job. But as you said, we can only move forward, and I look forward to seeing where your next chapter will bring you. (P.S. I considered majoring in math also, until I took Vectors & Matrices — for “fun”, mind you — and then I realized that was not the route for me!)
I thought about a PsyD too, and I probably would have done it if my college had a program. But by then I was married and didn’t want to move somewhere for school, Matt had a job…
Vectors and Matrices for fun. That sounds like something I would do!
LOVE this. I didn’t know you were a psych major. I switch my major freshman year, too. I was a communication major, but then found out I had to give lots of speeches. I freaked (I was attending college out of state and hardly knew anyone). I switched to accounting. Safe. No public speaking. Always employable. I guess it was a good decision, but I never had passion for it. I too often (quite often) wonder what would have happened had I braved it out and stuck with communications.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot since Gwen is contemplating majors now. There is so much pressure to pick one – how can an 18 year old know which to choose?
I totally related more than you even know to this, especially the part about being a kid and pretending to be a teacher as I so wanted to become a teacher even back then. But I did totally go to school for it and was also good at math and even good enough to become a math teacher. But like you I also loved psychology and even minored in it, as well. And still here I am definitely not a math teacher anymore and never imagined doing what I am doing as far employment goes, but definitely can’t complain and am pretty happy with the road that ended up on here now 🙂
I never considered being a math teacher – I’m not sure why, because I think I would have liked that!