Do-overs. In golf, they are called mulligans. In real life they are virtually non-existent. But how would your life change if you could take a mulligan – if you could rewind the tape and start the song over?I can think of many small instances when I would rewind. The time I used Sun-In in my hair, the time I got that unfortunate haircut, the many times I’ve opened my big mouth and said something stupid.
But if I got a do-over on something big, would I use it?
Maybe. I may do-over my choice of a college major. I chose Psychology, and I went on to get a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. Turns out it’s hard to get a job with an MS in Clinical Psych – I really needed a doctoral degree, and that wasn’t happening.
If I had chosen a different major, maybe I would have had a better paying job, a job I loved. Then maybe I would have continued to work after my youngest was born. How would my life be different now?
I struggled for a long time with my decision to be a stay at home mom. Was I wasting my education? Was I less successful, and less worthy, than moms who worked outside the home? For the most part I’ve made peace with it, but there are still times I wonder how it would have been different if I had chosen a career that I loved, and continued to work after both kids were born.
So many what-ifs, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they are pointless. I made the decisions I made, and there are no do-overs. Instead of wondering what could have been, I choose to focus on what is and what can be in the future.
My life is what it is because of all of the decisions I’ve made, good and bad. A major do-over would change the course of everything that follows it, and who knows where I would end up. Even if I could, I wouldn’t risk changing my life that drastically.
A better haircut? Sure. Taking that foot out of my mouth? Absolutely. But a bigger rewind? No thanks. I’m ok with the tune that’s playing now.
You know what Dana? I’ve made a TON of mistakes in my life. Mostly pre-30, but I wouldn’t change a thing either. It’s like going back in time and stepping on that butterfly. I can’t imagine my life without my boy, and yes even without my husband 🙂 It all happened just as it was supposed to!
My thoughts exactly, Jen. Let’s hope the majority of our mistakes are behind us!
Great Post! Loved your reference to golf and mulligans. What we’ve been through makes us who we are. Hopefully, the good and bad makes us stronger. I wouldn’t take a mulligan either. Found you through SITS and glad I did.
Thanks, Kate. I just commented below you on the featured blog today, and now here you are! I appreciate the visit – glad you found me too.
By the way, I find myself asking those questions a lot. And oh hey, did you ever watch the short-lived show “Do Over”? My parents and I loved it but it didn’t last very long. It is about an adult going back to being 16 or so and doing things differently.
I doubt I would. I majored in Journalism and I suppose I use that to a degree. I’m not wildly paid for it, but I still use some of the structuring and composition I learned in college! And all of the jobs I had did lead me to my husband and kids. It’s interesting..
I’ve never heard of that show – sounds intriguing! And I also use my degree, but unfortunately I don’t get paid for it!
First of all, you shouldn’t question your decision to be a stay at home mom. It is NOT a waste of your education. You are teaching your children the importance of education, but still demonstrating that family is important. And you can’t un-learn what you know. I guarantee you use your education every day.
Second of all, I’ve had this thought many times and my conclusion is always the same: my life is what it is because of every decision I’ve made, right or wrong.
Since I truly love my life, and I know you do too, I wouldn’t do a do-over.
Well, maybe I’d go back and never try fast food….:-)
I do use my education ever day – you are right, Lisa. It made me who I am. And for me, it would be chocolate to avoid, not fast food!
This: “So many what-ifs, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they are pointless. I made the decisions I made, and there are no do-overs. Instead of wondering what could have been, I choose to focus on what is and what can be in the future.”
EXACTLY how I feel. You’ve summed it up so well!!
Thank you, Shay!
I can’t think of anything major I would do-over. If we had do-overs, our journeys would have been different and then things that are now part of our life would be different. I’d miss my life.
My feelings exactly, Michelle.
I love this! I wanted a do over this morning. But then again I woke to a flat tire and then fell down the garage stairs. But do over my life? No thanks! I love the life I have even if it means a bad haircut or well, a hundred of them.
OH wait, can I do over my prom picture? That is just hideous 🙂
Ugh – hope you didn’t hurt yourself too badly! And I think you should post your prom picture – I’d love to see it 😉
Thinking back, most of my life changing decisions were the right ones. I see how my life progressed and I am in a good place
I’m so glad to hear that, Aunt Sue! xoxo
I’m with you Dana, life is just exactly how it should be. It is ironic since I often find myself wanting life to be different in this way or that. If I was actually given the option to change the past I wouldn’t take it.
I know – I’ll have to remind myself that next time I wish for life to be different. It’s hard to do sometimes, though.
Totally agree with your outlook. We need the major “mistakes” to learn from, so we can avoid making majorer mistakes, as my 3-year-old would probably put it.
Majorer is totally correct. I think you should be able to add -er to any adjective 🙂
I agree with you so much about the little things! Seems a lot of the TT posts have been about this. Enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing it!
Thanks for reading, Traci!
Sun in, should be illegal.
Funny how as moms we’re never *happy* with the working vs. SAHM. I work, I love my job, but I would give up I d/k running (my love) to be home with my LOVE. But then I know I would be going insane , just a different kind of crazy
You are so right – just different kinds of crazy. The grass is always greener I guess.
I’m very happy you made the decisions you did. My life would be tremendously different without you (and certainly not in a good way).
So you do read my blog! That is one of the sweetest things you ever said to me, Mattie. Back at ya xoxo
Ha! From this theme, and the letter to our 16yo self theme, I’ve learned that EVERYONE regrets using Sun-In, and NOBODY is happy with the major they chose. You’re in good company!
That’s comforting 🙂
Good points! I’ll definitely take do overs on the little things- what 12 year old needs a perm doused in Sun In? The big things make us who we are though.
Did you do that too? Sun-In on top of a perm just spells disaster.
Couldn’t agree with you more on this Dana and sure if I could change small things like a haircut that would be nice, but on the big and important stuff I think no way and it is what is!!
Exactly Janine!
I agree with you. Small things I would love to do over, but things means that I may not have my son sitting here with my right now. Each past change affects a part of your present and I am pretty happy with where I am right now.
Great post babe!
Thanks, Karen – I’m glad you are happy where you are too.