When my daughter graduated from fifth grade, other moms warned me about the drama of middle school. It’s such a tough time for girls, they said. Finding their place, friendships beginning and ending, discovering boys.
My own middle school experience was not as smooth, although I have to dig deep to remember the details. The ultimate non-pack-rat, I’m cursing myself now for tossing my middle school diary along with love letters from my old boyfriend. So I can only rely on almost 30 year old memories and my middle school yearbooks. Now my friendship drama seems petty and inconsequential, but for thirteen year old me it was monumental.
Eighth grade me – lovely, huh?
Romy and I met in sixth grade, and quickly became best friends. We were in many classes together, sat together at lunch, and even planned our outfits to coordinate. Monday, Wednesday and Friday we wore pants; Tuesday and Thursday we wore skirts. Collars up and hair feathered just so, we strolled down the halls as quite the stylish pair.
“Dana, It’s been great having you as a friend even though I may not have been the best friend at times. I won’t make this any more mushy than it already is. So I better just make this a short sweet goodbye. Goodbye and farewell my darling until next year when we’ll rule the school!”
Ah, adult me can read the writing on the wall, but young Dana was clueless. Eighth grade is a bit of a blur, but I remember it involved whispers and giggles from Romy and Jill, and the Romy/Dana friendship came to a bitter end. I’m pretty sure she broke up with me via a note slipped in my locker (We’ve drifted apart, I hope we can still be friends, blah, blah, blah). I felt a bit better when I learned new best friend Jill was moving to New Hampshire, but it was too late for Romy and me. She found cooler friends, and so did I. As we said goodbye to middle school, both girls signed my yearbook:
“Dana, I’m gonna miss you when I move! Forget about that big thing between R & you & I. Let’s be friends! Lylas, Jill”
At the time, I thought I’d never forget that big thing between the three of us. Now I can barely remember what happened.
“Dana, Well we’ve finally made it. 8th grade. I know we’ve grown apart this year but I still consider you a great friend. Have a great summer. Best of luck! -Romy”
I probably did have a great summer, and I entered high school with a small but inclusive circle of friends that was very different from the circle I started with in sixth grade.
Come to think of it, that’s exactly what my daughter did too. Minus the drama.
Clearly Romy wasn’t your BFF because she went on to make those movies with Michelle.
Ha! You are my new BFF – that is the most clever response to this post I’ve seen!
Oh Dana. This brought back memories…that I’ve suppressed, lol! Middle school was an absolute nightmare. I hated it. I’m not looking forward to that for my kids.
Hopefully it won’t be a nightmare for your kids; it doesn’t have to be!
I was bullied in grammar and middle school, I really didn’t have any friends it was the worst time for me. I can already see how friendly Dino is and that he wants to be friends with everybody and cares about people. I hope he has lots of friends and doesn’t get caught in that drama, I will beat him if he ever bullies anyone. LOL
Girls are so mean and fickle, aren’t they? OMG, I had a true aphro, it was horrible.
Oooh – I’d love to see a picture of you from back then Karen – maybe for a Wordless Wednesday?
Honestly I cannot remember any drama in middle school. I guess that is a good thing. Wasn’t any drama in high school either. Now graduate school…that is a different story! I clearly regressed in my emotional development 🙂
It wasn’t you – I’m sure it was the other girls!
I can honestly say that there is very little I would like to do less than return to middle school. I am not looking forward to it at all with my girls! This is a great post.-Ashley
That seems to be the consensus, Ashely – no one wants to relive middle school! But it doesn’t have to be horrible; I hope it’s a good experience for your girls.
Did you change the names to protect the not-so innocent? I started having flashbacks of misery while reading this, but your picture cheered me right up. You give bravery a whole new meaning! And I’m right there with you– middle school was delightful for my oldest but I hated so many aspects.
Nope, I used real names! Glad my goofy pic made you smile. I hope middle school is painless for your other girls too. And happy almost birthday 🙂
I didn’t realize this was a theme Thursday post until the end. I loved the nostalgia and the very accurate description of school friendship dynamics and incorporating the messages you wrote to each other was a wonderful idea.
Thanks, Katia! I wish I had kept my diary – I could have written a series of posts with that baby!
{Melinda} Oh, I remember the drama! Treva Going … she was the friend nemesis that came between me and Becky Hamilton! Sniff!
The drama is so much worse now though with my teenage daughter and her friends. It drives me crazy!
That darn Treva…she’s probably bff’s with my nemesis Jill now. Sorry your daughter has so much drama. I’m hopeful that my daughter will continue to steer clear of it all.
I find this entire post to be serious hilarious and cute! My best friend in middle school is so far from my radar that I couldn’t even tell you where she lives. Oh well. It was great while it lasted. You’ve inspired me to take a walk down memory lane. Thanks!
Mine is a facebook friend, but we’ve never interacted past the “hey how are you” stage. And that’s fine – I have great friends now and I’m sure she does too. Glad you liked the post – thanks for reading!
Ugh, I think we’ve all had that awful best friend drama. When I transferred out of my school to a school in another city, my best friend got closer to someone else. I was crushed. Adult me understands, but teen me was crushed.
I did end up making a lot of new friends, but losing my friend at the time was sad.
It is sad. My post could have been really bitchy towards the other two girls, but they weren’t really intentionally mean. They were 13 year olds who didn’t know how to handle a tough situation. Glad you survived the drama, Melanie – thanks for visiting!
When I saw this post title on SITS I KNEW I had to come by and check it out. If I changed a few names I could sign my name to this post and it would ring true. I worried about my daughter when she got to the age of mean girls and first crushes. She made it through with some heartache along the way. Her ex-bestie moved but they connect on Facebook and though there’s no animosity there anymore, they’re both two very different people now. Years from now my daughter will be able to reflect back on the whole situation with different eyes. I agree with the sentiment of another commenter – you couldn’t pay me enough to go back to middle school.
Thanks so much for visiting, Melissa! It is hard to watch your child go through friendship drama – my mom commented on this post because she remembers how hurt I was. You couldn’t pay me to go back either!
Oh, girl. It didn’t end with middle school. I remember plenty of high school friend drama and then college friend drama, then so-called adulthood friend drama. Is it the nature of women to be this way? Is is the nature of being American? I dunno. But only the strong survive.
You’re right – I’ve seen the occasional adult friend drama, but I try to steer clear of high maintenance friends. I don’t know why women behave this way, but our society eats it up. Catfights on the Real Housewives make for good ratings!
You couldn’t pay me to go through middle school again. I remember the drama and the mean looks during lunch, from former friends. Yuck! I am glad my girl is faring better in middle school.
But I love your feathered hair- classic!
Classic is a very nice way of putting it, Erica. 🙂
Ah the drama. So monumental then, so forgettable now…
Exactly. But then again forgetting things seems to be my new normal these days.
Dana, this can be a terrible thing for a kid to go through, because they value their friends. Teen hood can be the worst!
It can, Michelle. I’m so thankful that my kids haven’t had friendship drama yet – keeping my fingers crossed!
Friendship drama? Oh god. 7th grade was the worst!!!!
We should just go right from 5th grade to 9th grade. Who needs all the heartache?
Oh, always. I could never keep a best friendship alive (or a goldfish alive!). I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now I realize it was just middle school, and a bit of high school. Oh, and some elementary school too. To this day I’ve never been able to have just one best friend. Sometimes I’m jealous of those kinds of friendships. And sometimes l like my five-best-friend life too.
I’m like that too, Tamara – since 8th grade, I have never had one best friend. For the most part it’s fine, but I get a little jealous every once in a while too. Funny that my daughter is the same way – and my son is too. It will be interesting to see how friendships pan out for your daughter.
I really enjoyed how you wrote this. I almost felt as if I were reading a Judy Blume or Sweet Valley High novel.
I wouldn’t relive middle school for all the money in the world. Hell, I’m not even dredging up the memories, they’re buried for a reason.
Thank you – and keep those memories buried deep!
Girl drama is the WORST! Sadly I have had my share, I am praying my daughter doesn’t. Loved the visual of the collar up and feathered hair – oh 1980s what were we thinking?
How did you know it was the 80s? 🙂
What’s middle school without a little drama? I’m pretty sure that’s how the high school drama clubs were initially formed. 😉
I have three girls, the oldest is 5 and she’s already SUPER at putting a dramatic flair to any situation. I am soooo not looking forward to her middle school years.
Yeah, I’d be scared too. The key is not being friends with other drama queens – one in a group is plenty!
hahaha, I’ll have to keep that in mind, and teach my DQ how to recognize and avoid another!
Welcome to the Eighth Grade Sucked club! I’m glad you’re daughter isn’t a member.
She was not, and I hope my son isn’t either. Although it’s easier for boys – they just beat each other up and call it a day.
I know I am prejudiced, but I think you looked adorable. I guess I should be glad I saved my old “love letters” and my diary ’cause I have enough trouble remembering my children’s childhood years – mine would be impossible to recall! I do remember Romy and your other friendships and my heart breaking when people hurt you. Glad you missed that with Gwen!
Thanks, Mom <3 I’m glad she skipped all that stuff too!
Ugh – there’s no way I would go back to that! So far my kids have skated through relatively unscathed…1 to go. Starting this fall, I’ll have two in high school. Those years can be difficult too though….definitely better than middle school though!
Hope your third gets though easily too, Michelle. My youngest hasn’t had any issues so far – but boys are typically easier than girls during the middle school years.
I wouldn’t relieve junior high even if you paid me!! Brave to post your yearbook pic – I don’t think my bangs fit in the frame! I also emerged from junior high with a smaller, but closer and amazing, circle of friends. Glad your daughter escaped the drama!
Me too, Sarah. And my bangs got bigger in high school 🙂
So true about middle school with girls and friendships. I too had my fair share of this and before I had kids I also taught in a middle school setting. So, I got to see this all over again, but happening to my students instead of myself. Very interesting seeing it from this vantage point and can tell you just like you wrote it sure did bring back some memories for me, too!!
Ugh – I dreaded middle school for my daughter, so I was pleasantly surprised that there was no friendship drama. Maybe it skips a generation!
Oh I wouldn’t be able to pick just one grade! My husband would totally relive his JR High and High school years. Me, you couldn’t pay enough.
Oh and judging by your school picture I think we had the same hairdresser!!!
I was styling, wasn’t I? I got my braces off on the last day of 8th grade, but it didn’t help much.