According to the impeccable records my mother kept when I was a child, I wanted to be a truck driver or a construction worker when I grew up. Then I started school, and I wanted to be a teacher. For awhile I even had the ridiculous notion that I could be a famous singer or dancer.
Ah, the delusions I had in my youth.
When I was a kid, I thought that:
1. There was a monster sitting on the top of the cupboard in the basement. If I raced back up the stairs and passed the threshold that divided the carpet and the linoleum, the monster disappeared and I was safe.
2. When I fell and got a hole in my red tights, I could find the piece of fabric for my mom to sew back in. I wrote about it here, for my very first Finish the Sentence Friday.
3. A carpenter made carpets. Actually, my sister thought this, but I think it’s hilarious, so I’m using it.
4. I would marry Randy H, the boy I had a crush on in the third grade. I didn’t. By sixth grade he wasn’t even on my radar.
5. I would never get boobs and wear a bra. I got’em, but barely.
6. Wearing a retainer would be fun. Then I got one, and it was very un-fun.
7. The doll on my shelf followed me around the room with her eyes. I collected dolls from different countries, and I was convinced that the Holland doll was possessed. Sure, she looked all innocent in her clogs and bonnet, but underneath it all she was evil.
8. Chocolate was the best food ever, and dessert was the best part of the meal. I still think that.
9. Being able to roller skate backwards would be super cool to be able to do. I couldn’t do it, but I sure did try.
10. My parents were old. Now I’m the age they were then, but I still feel 25 in my head. I suppose my kids think I’m old, but I’m choosing to ignore that possibility.
I guess delusions aren’t just for the young.
What was something you thought when you were a kid?
I was sure there were monsters in my closet, that I was never going to have children, and that I was meant to be named Kitty. Oh, and my parents were old too. I’m pretty sure at that point they were younger than I am now. Haha
I just don’t see you as Kitty 🙂
Uhm I wanted to be a truck driver too, but we’ve talked about this haven’t we?
Also, dolls eyes? I eventually made my dad put my doll in the rafters of the garage and I was still sure she could see me.
Oh, Jen – I bet she could still see you. Dolls are magic that way – evil magic.
kids are just so damn smart, aren’t they? i thought that when i went to sleep that the world stopped. i swear, i wasn’t narcissistic.
Ha! Wait, you mean the world doesn’t stop when I’m asleep? Kinda like thinking our teachers lived at school – how could they possible have a life outside of teaching us?
Your delusions make for a funny post. Reading your list make me realize that I was a LOT less delusional as a child than I am now. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Since I’m delusional I’ll go with “good thing.” Woot! #sitssharefest
I’ll go with it being a good thing too!
So with you on #8! So glad I know this about you it makes me like you even more! 😀 This was such a lovely list. It made me try to think back to some of my own childhood convictions. Such a fascinating topic.
It really is – since I’ve started this blog I’ve reflected and reminisced a lot about my childhood. It’s been fun and illuminating at times – I’m starting to understand how I became the way I am today. That’s not always a good thing, but oh, well 🙂
I totally remember thinking that my parents were so old when they were in their 40’s. Here I am. I tell my kids I’m not old. Not sure they buy it though. I sometimes look in the mirror now and can’t believe the lines I see around my eyes (laugh lines of course). I need better lighting, I think.
I think that it’s definitely the lighting, Leah. Candlelight is the only way to go!
I was never really scared of monsters under the bed, but I was convinced a pirate would come and stab me in the ear (????) so I protected myself by sleeping with a pile of blankets on top of my head. (What can I say, I was a strange child.)
My daughter used to sleep with a pillow on her head, so I can relate to that. Not the ear-stabbing pirate though!
Creepy eyed dolls are the worst. I hate it when you are enjoying a perfectly lovely stroll through an antique or resale store and you come around the corner only to be greeted by the glassy-eyed stare of one of these demon dolls!
And much like your retainer, I thought it would be cool to wear glasses. Be careful what you wish for. Now I have dozens of pairs of reading glasses strewn all over the house because I can never find a pair when I need them which is always!
Haha! love it – such a funny list 🙂 I used to think my parents were positively ancient. There were older than almost all the other parents, but back then I thought their age was actually embarrassing. LOL. I also used to think that being able to rollerskate backwards was THE coolest ability in the entire world. I never quite mastered it though 🙁 For many years, I was convinced I was going to marry my best friend’s older brother. Soooooo glad that didn’t happen (but that’s just between you and me okay!) 🙂
Your secret is safe with me:) It’s funny how rollerskating was such a big thing when we were kids, but my kids have maybe gone twice in their whole lives. It’s just not the thing anymore.
#10 is my favorite!!! I know that my boys probably think I’m old – shows how very little they know!!!
And, the retainer thing – did you ever make paper clip retainers? I think I sat through most of 3rd grade with my homemade retainer!!!
No, I never used paper clips. I would put my plastic rainbow headband down around my mouth like those head gear retainers. What a dork.
Hahahaha! Dana this is great! Chocolate is still awesome, right? I used to think weird things like that about boys. I had a little boyfriend when I was in 8th grade, finally. Most girls my age had them prior to middle school too.
I had a “boyfriend” in sixth grade – we sat next to each other when they showed movies in class. Now kids can “go out” with each other and never speak face to face – it’s all texting. Crazy!
“Now I’m the age they were then, but I still feel 25 in my head.” Same here. Are we still deluded? I don’t think so! LOL
I don’t think so either, Alison. I just think we are positive thinkers 🙂
Great post…love how you answered it! I’ve always been freaked out by dolls, too. My freakin’ mom and aunts collect those porcelain ones and they love to terrorize me with them. GAH. Those things should be outlawed. And I’ve been campaigning to y-e-a-r-s that those of us who have more than we want (i.e. ME) in the mamm region can donate to those who’d like more, and then we don’t need all that saline crap. I’m so brilliant sometimes I can’t stand it. I mean, if we can put a man on the moon…we outta be able to do a boobage swap, am I right?
You are so right. I would glad receive your donation. Not a lot, just enough so when I wear a sports bra I don’t look like I’m 11.
Dana, I’m not trying to be a spammer, but I JUST did a post about this today! You’ll have to come over and check it out. I loved this; I think we would have been good friends when we were younger. We thought in much the same way!
Really? You were (are) brilliant too? Going to check it out now!
Ok…so I’m glad to know I wasn’t the ONLY one who believed #7! I thought for SURE those dolls followed my every movement with thier eyes! I also totally agree with your last point, that we thought our parents were old! It’s crazy that I’m now almost the age they were when I was a child!
It is crazy, right? And welcome to the I-think-dolls-are-creepy club!
That’s funny, I wanted to be a truck driver too, but I think that’s because I had a crush on Greg Evigan when he was a trucker on BJ and the Bear. 🙂 Hmmm, your monster theory might explain why my sister’s dog will run through the house and when she gets to the end of the dining room carpet, jump the divide over the hardwood between that and the living room carpet LOL. LOVE that the carpenter makes carpets! I wonder if she spells carpenter without the n inadvertently? 🙂
My dog does weird stuff like that too – maybe dogs have monster vision? To go with their excellent hearing.
Or just cold paws that don’t want to be on the bare floor, but I like the monster vision theory better. 😉
Wait? You’re not 25? Does that mean I’m not 25 either? Dang? I guess my increasing number of grays is a dead-giveaway. Or the dark circles under my eyes and little monkeys tagging around behind me! Oh well. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, even my perky boobs at 25!
Nope, I’m 26 😉 But you’re right, Nicole – I wouldn’t trade my life for my 25 year old body. Not that I would take it if it was given to me for free…
Love that you used a list 🙂 And that I am not the only one who thought that carpenters made carpets.
Did you really think that too? I will tell my sister; she’ll feel vindicated.
I had a similar-ish doll problem myself. When I was little, I thought my dolls came to life when I wasn’t in the room (this was way, way before Toy Story)I thought if I was accidentally VERY STILL, it might happen when I was there and they might turn against me. I never wanted to just sit and read in my room as a result. I always had to be moving in there. GAH! –Lisa
My sister said something very similar earlier in the comments – she thought her stuffed animals had a party when she wasn’t there. Who knew so many of us had these weird issues?
So I cannot agree with you on chocolate…you know that. I never thought it was the greatest food and still don’t. But let me talk to you about grilled oysters in NOLA, white sugar pineapple in Hawaii, or endless grilled shrimp tacos from Cabo…those might be the three greatest foods ever. I digress, when I was young- Totinos pizza. Thank God my pallet has matured.
Scott Baio had magical eyes, but they weren’t evil. And oh dear, I did not cover them when i was changing. Please, Huey Lewis yes, but Chachi getting to see me naked was very exciting.
My funniest thought was that I thought you could name your baby ANYTHING and I declared to my mother and the world that my first born would be named Hot Dog. Simon is so grateful I grew out of that thought as well.
I love your posts and am so grateful when I take this five/ten minutes to fit it into my morning.
You are the best, Dana – thank you so much for giving me 5 or 10 minutes of your morning. xoxo
Totinos pizza – not quite as yummy as Acme’s oysters. Scott Baio – also yummy. And Hot Dog? That is hilarious. Would your second child be Relish? Or Hamburger?
you have some great memories. When I was a child, I so wanted to marry the catwoman from batman (Julie newmar version, I am showing my age now).
Well, I can understand that Mike. Catwoman was hot. I wanted to marry Scott Baio.
My best friend who was endowed, told me if she punched me in the chest, mine would grow. And I listened. :/ It did not work. lol!
I’m happy now, for the first time ever that I didn’t get ’em because I can clearly see that gravity is not my friend. 😉
Exactly, Rosey! Gravity wreaks less havoc on little boobies!
I also though that the age I am now was “very old.” Heck, I thought 30 was old, and I’m way past that. It’s funny how time gives us perspective on all things – including those third grade crushes.
I know, right? But you can’t tell that to your kids – whatever they are going through at the moment is life changing and the biggest thing ever.
Yep # 7 freaks me out. So glad you covered her eyes. I had a friend that had shelves of dolls like that. She wasn’t allowed to play with them. Between the fact that I couldn’t touch them AND they all looked at me, made me not like them at all! I was in the first grade and there was a box in the 3rd grade that I thought I was going to marry. This is the funny part. One part of his name reminded me of another so to this day, I can’t remember is his name was Thurgood or if it was Marshall. 😉
My guess would be Marshall, but that is too funny! I actually looked up Randy H on Facebook, but he’s not on there. It would’ve been interesting to see what he’s up to now.
I also thought I wouldn’t ever get boobs! That I was different, “marked” or whatnot and I’d be the only girl ever to not get them. In truth, I never really did until I was postpartum (not even pregnancy! They didn’t budge an inch) and I was somewhat “marked” because I was painfully thin my whole life and boobs weren’t really purchased with that package! However, I’ve grown up to know that many people feel that way and many others are built this way! Whew. Wait, am I happy other people are insecure?? (no?)
Funny story. My sister had a giant poster of Huey Lewis on her wall and she said he’d wink at her, so she’d cover his eyes with tape when she was getting dressed.
At least us small chested gals won’t sag too badly as we age – there isn’t much there to droop! And your sister – that is hilarious. I had Tiger Beat posters in my room, but C.Thomas Howell’s eyes never winked at me 🙁
I remember the day I said that about carpets and you almost started crying you were laughing so hard. I use to think my stuffed animals had a party when I left the room. I would try and peek back in but they always knew I was coming back because I never caught them in the act.
Maybe your stuffed animals partied with my devil Holland doll 🙂
Dana & Amy, you both make me laugh (think you inherited that talent from me….or your Dad!) You left out how clowns make you feel. I’m glad I didn’t know about all these fears and thoughts you had as children ’cause you both would have been in therapy at a very early age:) I also do not feel my age (except for my aching back right now!) and am amazed that I have children that are only a few years younger than I!!!
Mom
I’ve talked about clowns on this blog before – I didn’t want to revisit it because dolls and clowns would be too much creepiness. Glad to hear you don’t feel your age, because I don’t plan on feeling your age when I’m there either 🙂
Amazing that you had a mark in the linoleum after which you were safe. I remember having ‘safe’ points like that for things…weird, huh?
Also, when I was a kid, I discovered that my mum can ICE-SKATE BACKWARDS. And I never could…which I think might make her cooler than me!
That is cool – I cannot ice skate at all. Or ski. I don’t like being cold.
I never tried skiiing. And I can ice-skate forwards, not very well, but it has to be in high summer. And I HATE being cold, so it usually runs out of ‘novelty factor’ fairly quickly…
Chocolate IS the best food ever, regardless of age. 🙂
Amen to that, Natalie!
OMG I can’t believe Steph brought up “We must!” HAHAH I did them too. It’s only now that I hate them for being too big but I think that has more to do with fat than boobs!! Also? The doll’s eyes following us around the room? Totally. Oh and the old thing. Our kids have no idea…
Not to brag or anything, but I could almost pretty much roller skate backwards. Which is weird, because I’m super uncoordinated…
Almost pretty much is better than what I could do. I’d move my legs in a wave-like motion and just kinda shift back and forth. It could not have been pretty – maybe that’s why I never slow skated with any boys.
Yes! Dolls eyes are more than creepy. Have you noticed the eyes in painted portraits. Yikes – they can follow you around as well. JK Rowling must have felt the same. Do carpenters also make ants?
I think they do, Kelly 🙂
I did number 6 too. Along the same lines I couldn’t wait to wear a bra. Now it’s can’t wait to get it off everyday. Also when I was very young I wanted to be a fire truck, that drove my super-practical older brother crazy.
Ha! I think I had a better chance at being a truck driver than you did of being a fire truck!
The “boobs” one made me chuckle. Yep, me too. I used to do those “we must, we must…” exercises. Didn’t work. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels 25 in my head! 🙂
I did those exercises too! What a crock. And I’m ok with feeling 25 in my head – it’d be great to look 25 too, but that ship has sailed.
I love the way you answered this sentence and will say I always wanted to roller skate backwards, too. I tried a few times as a kid, but totally failed miserably, but again didn’t stop me from trying! Seriously, though enjoyed your walk down memory and your thoughts as a kid and thank you as always for linking up with us!! 🙂
I went roller skating a few years ago with my daughter – it was so much harder than it was when I was a kid! Still couldn’t manage to backward skate either.