My earliest recollection of Valentine’s Day was from the third grade. I decorated a Buster Brown shoe box with paper doilies and construction paper hearts, and carefully spelled my name out above the slit my mother had cut in the lid.
I have spent every Valentine’s Day since then with my boyfriend, who became my fiancé, who became my husband. I’m sure they were filled with romance and gifts for the first few years, although I honestly can’t remember. The gifts stopped long ago, eventually to be replaced with little gifts for the two little ones in our lives. It used to bother me that Valentine’s Day came and went without fanfare, but I’m okay with it now. I don’t love Matt any more or less on that one day, and I certainly don’t need flowers or chocolate to know that he loves me. I wouldn’t refuse them, but I don’t need them.
Sounds like a great way to spend Valentine’s Day to me.
Do you do anything special on February 14th, or is it just another day for you?
I dumped the box’s contents on the kitchen table that afternoon, sifting through the cards until I found the ONE. The card from Randy, my eight year old crush. I was convinced that I could see love and adoration in the way he signed his name.
In high school, students could buy carnations for Valentine’s Day – white ones for friendship and red for love. I wistfully eyed the red flowers until I had one of my own. It was the first and last time I ever lusted after carnations. And eventually I stopped lusting after the giver of those carnations, too.
Freshman year of college, those of us without boyfriends made a reservation at the campus “fine dining” restaurant, and went on an Un-Valentine’s Day group date. We dressed completely in black, thinking that conveyed our feelings about the holiday. I bought into the mob mentality of boycotting February 14th simply because I was not in a romantic relationship. It seems silly in retrospect, but to eighteen year old me it felt rebellious.
I have spent every Valentine’s Day since then with my boyfriend, who became my fiancé, who became my husband. I’m sure they were filled with romance and gifts for the first few years, although I honestly can’t remember. The gifts stopped long ago, eventually to be replaced with little gifts for the two little ones in our lives. It used to bother me that Valentine’s Day came and went without fanfare, but I’m okay with it now. I don’t love Matt any more or less on that one day, and I certainly don’t need flowers or chocolate to know that he loves me. I wouldn’t refuse them, but I don’t need them.
As I look back on the evolution of Valentine’s Day, I find that the day was important to me when I was looking for a relationship. When I was in a relationship, the day became less significant. Tomorrow will be the twenty-fourth Valentine’s Day I’ve spent with Matt, and we will spend the evening driving the kids to field hockey and basketball. And on Saturday night, we’ll dine with eight other people we love, as we celebrate my parents’ forty-fifth wedding anniversary.
Sounds like a great way to spend Valentine’s Day to me.
Do you do anything special on February 14th, or is it just another day for you?
24 Valentine’s Days?? That’s amazing!
Yes, we started dating when we were five years old 🙂
This is sweet. I’ve been with my husband for 17 Valentine’s Days (which I didn’t realize until your post inspired me to count). We’ve had a similar evolution, though a couple of years ago we decided to put more effort back into it, and now try (try) to see it as a chance to take time to express love, even if we already know it. But really it’s like most other days, and the most loving moments we have don’t come on that day.
And that’s what makes a successful marriage – not saving it up for just one day. I’d like to think we may put some more effort into it once the kids aren’t home anymore, or at least when we don’t have to spend the evening driving them around!
I think that is the way it is for most couples. Even while dating my husband and I never went crazy on Valentine’s Day – we just traded cards. I remember before the great recession the office where I worked would be filled with flowers on Valentine’s Day. The past couple of years not one female in my office has received flowers. I do love my husband’s new tradition. For about five years now he makes me a chocolate molten cake that he serves in a ramekin cup. It is to die for.
That sounds heavenly. I don’t think my husband knows what a ramekin cup is. 🙂
Late to the party, crawling out from my rock to say hello. VDay is just another day for the stores to make $$, in my humble opinion…. Lol! I love my Hubs all the time & I’m just as feisty everyday, not just Valentines. BaHaHaHa!
Miss you so, Dana. Hope all is well, think of you often, especially when I talk to my friend who is working his way on the Broadway chain. (right now he’s really successful in a ton of off Broadway stuff…) Anyways XO, Love! ~A~
Miss you too, Amber. I thought off you when I heard that Idina is singing “Let it Go” on the Oscars – yay! And I just bought tickets to see Wicked for the ninth time (granted, it’s not until April 2015, but still…)
AWW, 24 years! That’s amazing and very sweet. 🙂
We have always been “less is more” with V-Day. The obligatory gestures and commercialization irritate me, but we always do something sweet for the kids. What I’ve started doing a few years ago is indulging in something I normally wouldn’t spend on myself in lieu of a gift from Jim. This week I got a pedicure and had the house cleaned, guilt free! Viva Valentine’s Day!
That is awesome Beth! I dropped my daughter off at the movies and went to Nordstrom Rack while I was waiting for her. Bought Matt a shirt and more than one for myself – happy Valentine’s Day to me!
it’s just another day for me! i have to tell my husband, “don’t spend money!” all the flower shops around my office were mobbed throughout the day. a friend of mine used to throw these anti-valentine’s day parties where she would play movies like “kramer vs kramer.” totally hilarious.
Sounds like my dress in black protest! I’m too practical – it kills me to know that flowers cost so much more that day than on others. I wouldn’t mind the occasional surprise bouquet, but not on Feb. 14th.
It’s just another day to me. My husband and I are not romantics…I prefer the little everyday gestures over the grand ones for Valentine’s Day. I did make a nice dinner though. 🙂
Same here – nice dinner followed by a family night of TV comedies. It was perfect!
Oh, Dana! I can see the love in the way a boy signs his name too! Haha…Ironically, I spent Valentine’s Day with the man you all know as S., who was down for the weekend to see the kids. We didn’t spend it with each other … but as a family. This is a total spoiler for my next blog post by the way. xo
I love spoilers – can’t wait to read that post! It seems like many parents spend Valentine’s Day doing family things; I’m enjoying that while it lasts.
Yesterday while waiting in line at the grocery store, I told him I loved him, on valentine day and every other day. He told me the same. Then we went home, put kids to bed, cuddled on the couch to watch tv. I used to want the fanfare too. But everyday love is so much better.
Happy valentines day,
You said it perfectly, Tricia. Everyday love is so much better, but it takes awhile to figure that out.
I LOVE this post Dana!!!!! SO funny about the college dinner in black- I think that was a BRILLIANT idea! I love that you have spent so many V days with hubs…. how precious and longevity is all about the other days of the year- most definitely.
Our anniversary is the 17th- it was a Valentine’s wedding- red roses etc. And ya know what we’re doing? An all weekend regional swim meet, soccer practice and an all day soccer tournament as well. Yeah- I get you. 😉
Happy almost anniversary, Chris – ounds like an exciting day you have planned!
Happy anniversary to your parents! And your Valentine’s Day sounds much like mine. This year, I even said “Don’t bother getting a card” because honestly? I know that he loves me and he knows that I love him. You’re so right that when we’re NOT in a relationship, Valentine’s Day seems important somehow. And then, when we have been in one for a while, it’s just another day. I’m a big believer in birthday celebrations though and I’m not giving that up.
HAHA to the Buster Brown shoebox! I had those! 😀
Did you have Garanimals too? I was very fashionable at a young age. And I agree – birthdays should be celebrated. Never give that up!
I took myself out to dinner last night and went thrifting while Michael stayed home with the kids and put them to bed. It was a MUCH MORE romantic gesture than dinner and flowers.
I adore reading your evolution. I’m pretty sure I protested Valentine’s Day once in my college’s dining hall too!
It’s a rite of passage, I think. Everyone should have at least one Valentine’s Day that they protest, to get it out of their system. Hope you enjoyed your evening last night – sounds like the perfect night for a mom with two little ones.
I love reading about peoples’ relationships 🙂 My hubby and I both planned to do something special for each other today, but we just put our 8 month old to bed and completely forgot it was v-day after such a long week LOL! But that’s ok, we are just happy to relax with some red wine and fast food…it’s a great night for us ♥ I’m following your blog now! ♥
Thanks so much for following, Galaxia – welcome! Sounds like a perfect way to spend Valentine’s day. My kids didn’t get to bed until 10:45, but we had a nice family evening together – all activities were cancelled due to snow.
I love your evolution, Dana! I think with age (and maturity) we become less fixated on the day and more interested in maintaining loving ways throughout the year. But it’s fun to see younger folk get all caught up in the romance!
I guess it is – although I’m not sure how I will feel when it’s my daughter getting caught up in the romance! Time will tell.
Sadly, for my family, it is just another day for me. I just don’t get what the big deal is. I tell them I love them every day and now I have to get a card and a gift to prove it. Isn’t that what Mother’s Day is for 🙂
Exactly – and I loved your post about Valentine’s Day. It was perfect!
Eddie always gets me a card and a little token (I think he knows by now it better not be cheap chocolate. If I’m going to gain a few, it should be for the good stuff), but goes bigger for the kids. At first all the fanfare irked me, but now I’m thrilled they know what it’s like from an early age to be treated well by a man who loves them even when they are a complete pains the ass.
You’re right Ellen – although he certainly does set the bar high! I hope you ate some chocolate for me.
I love the way you wrote this! It’s quite true, and I could picture myself in every one of your scenarios. 24 Valentine’s days – now that’s impressive. Happy day of love of basketball to you!!!
Thanks so much, Mandi – enjoy the day, however you spend it!
This year I think it will be all about fun heart-shaped stuff for our almost 4 yr old (pizza, pancakes, etc.) We’re trying to figure out how to go out, maybe Saturday or Sunday night to avoid the crowds, but I’m not sure we’re going to be able to find a babysitter.
At least you have little ones and can spend some time together after bedtime. My kids go to bed between 10 and 11, which make it a little more challenging. Have a great weekend, Sarah!
My husband and I are the same. We’ll usually buy a card, and sometimes I like to bake something nice, but we don’t do a special date night or gifts. We just do our best to love one another every day. No practices tomorrow night, but we’re thinking of doing a family movie night and then probably burgers – and I’m totally OK with that! 🙂
That sounds like a great evening, Kerry – enjoy!
We don’t do much for Valentine’s day either. I also remember the ONE time I got flowers in high school on Valentine’s Day. Some girls’ parents would send them flowers so they didn’t feel left out, but my parents wouldn’t. The time I actually got flowers from a boy was something special (even though it was a boy I wasn’t really into.) I think the way you will be celebrating this year sound absolutely lovely! We are snowed in here, so definitely aren’t doing anything special~
Yep, we are snowed in too. Hopefully the roads will be okay by tomorrow – my kids are off from school anyway.
I clicked over here from Word Nerd 🙂 I definitely don’t go overboard but I do like to cook a special breakfast for the kiddies. And I always get chocolate for the husband. Mostly so I can eat it too 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Amy. I think what you do is perfect! I get the kids a little something, but no chocolate for the husband. He’s not a huge fan, so I would just eat it all. I eat enough chocolate the other 364 days of the year – I don’t need any more!
My husband and I don’t do much. This year we actually have a babysitter so we’re going to…Steak N Shake. Less crowds, you see 😉 And we’ll exchange cards. And chocolate, I hope. I got him chocolate. He better have bought me chocolate.
Lol – I hope for his sake that he did! If he didn’t, you are totally justified in taking half of his back. 🙂
Well, I told Chris yesterday that I hadn’t gotten him a card yet and suggested we just skip the cards this year! I would rather get a random card on a day “just because” than one on the day that society says we should show our love. I’m a bah-humbug on Valentine’s day I guess.
I know what you mean, Kim. You can be a scrooge on Valentine’s Day!
You are so right when you say you don’t love your husband any more or any less on Valentine’s Day. That pretty much sums up how I feel. My husband has the night off, which is rare, but we’re not making bog plans (we’ll be snowed in anyway…) I’m thinking heart-shaped pizza and strawberries for dinner with the kids. Maybe a movie after they go to bed. I’m just thankful for the comfortable-ness that we have together!
That sounds like a lovely Valentine’s Day, Rabia – enjoy!
Oh, those high school carnations!! Wasn’t that just THE WORST! You knew you’d get one for your bff and she’d get one for you…but would you get more? Would you get a red one? Would you look like a loser? How awful!! It was just so stressful and sad. Do they still do that these days? I hope not. Blech!! –Lisa
It’s like you were in my head back then, Lisa! My daughter’s high school does nothing for Valentine’s Day. She thinks it stinks, but she doesn’t know how stressful it could be.
That does sound nice this year! Hope the snow doesn’t cancel any plans. It will here…sigh.
We used to have the flower-grams in high school too. I used to get them from my sister and my gay guy friends. It was sweet! I always loved the mystery of Valentine’s Day, especially while single. Wondering if someone was going to ask me out or call me or tell me they were thinking of me.
Sometimes it happened. Mostly it was just a night with friends, though.
I can remember when Valentine’s Day was more of a big deal than it is today. Even when it was a big deal it kinda wasn’t. I never was one of those girls who had to have romance and flowers and chocolate. I did enjoy it when I got it though. Who wouldn’t?
These days, it’s just a simple card and maybe some wine at home with hubby. I strongly believe that if you need one day to show how you feel about your partner then it’s not a strong relationship to begin with. What matters, at least to me, is how they treat you and take care of you (and vice versa of course) the other 364 days of the year.
I completely agree, Kim. You can’t save all the romance and love for one day. There’s just too much pressure for Valentine’s Day to be the perfect day – it’s bound to fall short.
The hubs and I are actually celebrating the next weekend. We don’t like the Valentine madness in the restaurants, so we will just be enjoying a long three-day weekend and dining at a restaurant next weekend.
The four-year-old though will be baking cookies today to bring to his teachers tomorrow, and he will pass out the Valentines we made earlier this week too.
I did love Valentine’s Day when my kids were little, but I must say I don’t miss it now. Enjoy your week-after dinner out!
It’s kind of just another day. But each year I intend to do something cute for the kids. I guess I have just today to make that decision! It is incredible how *important* the holiday feels when we’re teenagers!
It is incredible. My teen isn’t dating anyone so I don’t think she feels like it’s a big deal yet. It also helps that there is no school tomorrow – takes the pressure off. She’s planning on going to the movies with a friend, which I think is a perfect way to spend the day.
Those carnations- why were they SO crucial to us high schoolers?!
Love the way you’re spending your Valentine’s weekend. I’m rocking sweatpants and ordering Chinese 🙂
That sounds perfect to me, Kate. I’m just hoping we don’t get more snow on Saturday. Is it spring yet?
Dana, as you know I’m a big greeting card sender. Way back (45 years ago!) I always gave a Valentines card to my husband, followed two days later with an anniversary card. Not always reciprocated. You and your sister became the recipients of my valentines cards (your grandparents also never missed a year!) along with a little gift. Those little gifts continued until about five years ago, remember? Now my grandchildren receive my valentine wishes. Thanks to Nicole for the anniversary wishes! Happy Valentine’s Day to all!
I remember all the little gifts – that’s one of the reasons I get them for my kids. Not sure if I’ll give them for as long as you did, but I probably will. See you Saturday 🙂
Have fun at your parents’ anniversary party! Congrats to them!
I remember those carnations (that I never got) being handed out at school! I’m with you, if Bill gives me flowers or chocolates, it’s sweet, but it doesn’t bother me in the least when he doesn’t. And I have a rule about never going out for dinner to celebrate Valentine’s because the restaurants are too crowded.
Yes they are – it annoys me. I’d rather go out the week after too. I feel the same way about New Year’s Eve – same food, just pricier and more crowded because it’s a holiday.
Congrats to your parents on their 45th wedding anniversary! What a testament to true love!
My husband and I aren’t big gift givers on any holiday, but we usually get each other our favorite candy and a card on Valentine’s Day. Right now it’s all about the little ones and their parties. Little Mermaid pencils and orange slices do the trick nicely!
I bet they do. I just get my kids a little something to celebrate – our day of class parties are over. And in case you didn’t see her comment after yours, my mom thanks you for your anniversary wishes!
I completely agree with you that the day was much more important BEFORE I was in a long-term relationship.
We’ve never been big gift givers, but we will be having a date night because we haven’t had one for ages. To me, that says less about Valentine’s Day and more about every other day; we need to carve out more quality time together so that we don’t feel so starved for it on this particular day.
That’s a great point, Katie. If you make time to spend together as a couple throughout the year, February 14th isn’t a big deal. Enjoy your date night!
Honestly, we will just possibly go out on the weekend to dinner and that is about it here. I am still not a huge fan of the holiday having had my grandfather pass away 15 years ago tomorrow on the day and usually just breathe sigh of relief when the day is behind me. But I love the way you are celebrating and have a wonderful weekend 🙂
I’m sure the anniversary of your grandfather’s death is hard, Janine – especially when it’s on a holiday. I hope it helps to celebrate a little with your girls.
Oh the high school carnations!!! I so remember those!! My husband and I don’t usually do much of anything for Valentine’s Day but I always get him a card or small gift just to recognize the day. Plus, when you’re at Target 3x a week, you basically HAVE to buy something for Valentine’s Day!!
Sounds like you have a great weekend planned with your family – enjoy every minute!
Thanks, Allie. I know what you mean about Target – that’s where I got a few little gifts for my kids.
We almost always do something special, just because. It’s always small, but it’s fun to have a reason to celebrate. And now that we have kids, we get to give them small gifts on Valentine’s Day morning. My husband teases me and says that it’s unnecessary, but I alwyas tell him how much I looked forward to my Valentine’s Day gift from my mom, even though she warned us every year not to expect something big. I always loved those gifts, and guess what–she STILL gets us gifts and I’m now 36 years old. And, like I tell my husband, I still look forward to those gifts! Also, we started the tradition of making chocolate-covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day with the kids. Have you ever realized how easy those are to make? All in all, I look forward to Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure I knew how much until I left this comment. 🙂
My mom gave my sister and me gifts for years, until she switched to our kids. Chocolate covered strawberries…mmmmm. I’m doing a sugar detox this week so that’s out for me. But my mouth is watering. Thanks a lot, Shay.
It’s pretty much another day for us and that was even before Christopher was born in December we already had each other’s birthdays in December so we just kinda skip any gift giving in Feb. We have gone out to eat as a family and stuff like that. Christopher made the All Star team in basketball so he has practice Friday night 😉 Gotta love that.
I remember in 1st grade expectantly going through my cards and being disappointed that I got a generic one from John – they boy I had a crush on. But I got wax lips and a “Be Mine” from Conrad, they boy I hated. LOL!
My son has a 6:00 basketball game and my daughter has field hockey practice from 5:30-8:00. Just another wild Friday night for my family! And wax lips…that’s a sign of true love.