When our oldest was in early elementary school, Matt and I began giving her an allowance equal to her grade level. Third grade, three dollars a week. We gave it when we remembered, which was about once a month, and Gwen never seemed to notice. We waffled back and forth for years, doling out money inconsistently with unclear guidelines as to what was expected.
In retrospect, I see that we arbitrarily started this allowance thing without thinking it through. Once we wised up, however, we found that there were three options:
1. No allowance.
2. An allowance based on the completion of chores.
3. An allowance not dependent on chores.
None of these options is inherently better than another, but one is bound to work best for your family. Here is the thought process for our brood:
1. No allowance. We certainly do not owe our children an allowance, but we decided against this option. Having an allowance enables our kids to have their own money that they can manage or mismanage, and this experience is important for future financial literacy.
2. An allowance based on the completion of chores. Our kids have responsibilities in the house, because they are part of our family. I do not get paid for doing laundry; they will not get paid for emptying the dishwasher. We felt that tying allowance to chores would result in chores being optional, and they are not. When I ask Gwen to strip and make her bed, she needs to strip and make her bed. Period. When I ask James to take out the trash, he has to do it. Period. There is no bargaining, and no withholding of allowance is necessary. The chores are done because Gwen and James are members of the household, and every member pitches in.
3. An allowance not dependent on chores. This is the option we chose. Each child gets a weekly allowance the equivalent to their grade in school, and they use that allowance as they see fit. Gwen decided to get an Ipsy box; the subscription is $10 a month. She uses her allowance. James wants to buy snacks at the pool; he uses his allowance. When they wander the aisles at Target and find something they simply must have, they buy it with their own money. If they save their allowance for awhile, they will ask me to deposit money they’ve saved into their bank account.
This system works for our family, but I was curious to know what other families do. I surveyed parents on my Facebook page, and the results from my minuscule sample of 18 moms were interesting. I gave them the three options above, as well as a “something else” selection.
Here is what I found:
1. A third of the moms surveyed do not give their kids (who range in age from 5 to 15) an allowance.
2. About 15% the moms surveyed give their kids allowance based on chore completion. One mom’s caveat, which I found brilliant, was that the kids earn $1 a day for doing the chores, but lose a $1 if they don’t.
3. A third of the moms surveyed give their kids an allowance that is not based on chores. As one mom said, responsibilities are implied. Another stated that doing chores is a part of their responsibility as a member of the family.
Being part of a family means helping out whenever needed.
4. 20% of the moms do something else. Typically this seemed to be paying on a by-the-chore basis, although some chores such as keeping rooms clean were expected and not paid for. One creative mom puts marbles in a jar for different jobs done, although not every chore earns a marble. A full jar equals money or a special outing or treat.
Clearly my sample of parents is not a large enough or random enough one to draw any scientific conclusions, but this is clearly not a research article. I did find it interesting that the allowance based on chore completion group was the smallest; I had assumed that most parents give allowance based on chores.
Regardless of how families handle the allowance issue, it seems like the consensus is that children are expected to do things around the house simply because they are a part of the family. Whether it’s a preschooler picking up his toys, a third grader taking out the trash, or a teenager doing her own laundry, kids who do for themselves will be thanking their parents when they live on their own.
If you have children, do you give them an allowance? If you do, is it dependent on chore completion?
I believe in giving allowance, but each system can be different from another because what works for one family may not for another. Giving allowance can teach children the importance of money and they can learn how to save and manage their allowance too.
I completely agree, Lynne!
great post! i do want to teach my kid about money, but unsure as to how i’ll do it. i appreciate all the different options that are available and glad you summarized them here.
my parents didn’t give an allowance. instead they rewarded us based on grades. only As were rewarded, so if we got 10 As on a report card, we were given 10 times X amount of money which totally depended on what year we were. as we got older, like high school, it was $10-20 an A which is all the money we got for the quarter. honestly, not sure if i would do the same with my kid. clearly academics took precedence in my household, but it was more my mom expecting us to get straight As vs her paying us for it.
We’ve never paid our kids for grades, but that’s another option. School is such a pressure cooker here as it is, though. You’ll just have to see what feels right for you when the time comes.
No allowance here. I tried it one summer and with each dollar we’d end up at the dollar store or somewhere for him to blow it. I think that was the summer following first grade. He gets gifts at the appropriate times, and some things in between and I could have bought an iPad for all the comings, goings and gear of football season. When he gripes about chores I remind him about how much his last pair of shoes cost. There’s a time a year that he’s hanging out with us when my husband is shooting a tournament so he gets paid for being there 😉 This year I’ve started with a incentive for good grades. As long as there are no C’s on the report card he get’s $5 for each A. So he gets paid plenty I think.
Sounds like you have a good system worked out, Kenya. I like your approach of reminding C how much things cost when he complains about chores. Kids will have no clue how expensive the things they want are unless we tell them.
We’re so inconsistent about paying the allowance that my older one gets a tad frustrated with us!! Not that he remembers half the time!
We definitely go with option 3 because I agree with your thought process; chores should be non-negotiable since they are a part of the family!
I am considering, however, paying a bonus for certain special tasks around the house! For instance, we decided that when they’re a bit older, we’d get rid of our gardener and let the kids mow the lawn etc and pay them extra for doing so!
We do that, Roshni. $5 for the front lawn, $5 for the back. Gwen chooses not to do it, but James jumps on it and makes $5-10 a week in the summer.
So interesting! I wish my parents had given me an allowance because I think it is a good opportunity to learn about finances.
I do think it’s a good opportunity. And some of the best learning experiences are the times when my kids have spent their own money on things they didn’t really want. They regretted it later, but they aren’t likely to do it again.
This is a great post! I was just running this through my head recently and we decided on family responsibilities plus paid extras. There are things that are mandatory and then there are chores assigned with dollar values that I am willing to pay an allowance for. My grade school/preschool kids’ chores are assigned in cent value and my teenagers have larger chores worth between 1 & 4$. It’s been working really well and my house has never been cleaner, lol.
That sounds like a great plan, Anne. It can be hard to find a system that works for kids of different ages, but “ranking” the chores and payment is a good solution.
We’ve waffled on allowance for our kids too. We don’t do it consistently, mainly because we don’t often have it to give. I hate that, but it’s true.
But it’s still a great opportunity to teach your kids financial responsibility. You have to prioritize spending, and budget. Having you as a role model is just as valuable as having an allowance.
I do not have kids yet but I can say from my memory as a kid that we did get an allowance based on chores. However, that meant when I got a job I felt justified in giving up my chores. Made sense to me at the time. Clearly not what I would want my kids to do so I would need a different system for sure.
I can certainly see why that would make sense to a kid – I never thought about it from that perspective. That’s another plus for not basing allowance on chores; getting a job doesn’t mean ditching responsibilities around the house.
There are certainly chores I expect done because I provide room and board. But there are chores that I want done and I want to create the habit of doing them, that is where my $1 for the making the bed/cleaning the room comes in. Eventually, I will transfer that $1 to the next behavior. It’s less about allowance and more about personal responsibility and showing them the power of creating good habits. If that makes any level of sense. And, yep! They lose the $1. My daughter paid for a week and then realized she didn’t have any money left so it is best just to do the task at hand. It was valuable and interesting to watch play out.
I bet it was! I like the focus on personal responsibility and creating good habits. I’m not sure how I’m doing on that front; sometimes I feel sorry for my kids’ future college roommates!
This is a good question: To pay, or not to pay- The debate…
We do things a little differently in my house. We have what we call a Mom Dollar system where the kids earn their choice of privileges or money. The kit is a Job, Law & Financial system like we have as adults, but it’s been broken down to a child’s level. Everything has a set pay, price, or fine so the kids know exactly what the reward, consequence, or sacrifice is for everything- not just chores. It helps keep things fair for everyone and cut down on a lot of arguments. It also motivates the kids to be responsible more independently without having to constantly stay on them. I know lot’s of other parents who also use this system as well.
That sounds like such an interesting system, Angela – I checked out your site. I love that there are so many options out there for parents; thank you for sharing!
Today was the VERY FIRST DAY (great timing Dana!!!) that we talked to Tucker about an allowance. He was reading a book right before bed and said “I want this” as he often does. I asked him if he had the money to buy it. He said no but you and daddy do because you work. UGH. So I told him that he needs to work too by cleaning up his toys, etc. Anyway, the convo did not go well (bedtime duh me) but I think it’s time we start talking about it!! thanks huge for the reminder and really, they should do like um something to get the money right?
At some point that would be a good idea. I don’t think we started until Gwen was in second grade-ish. It’s good to start thinking about it, though. So I’m not the only one who has unsuccessful conversations at bedtime, huh? Why I even try is beyond me. And I’m the cranky one, not them.
We followed the allowance not tied to chores method. But one time I was fed up with all of the crab apples that had fallen off our tree and were making a mess is our yard so I offered the kids 5 cents per apple if they would clean it up. I thought they’d each pick up 20 apples, I’d be out a total of $2 and get rid of a bunch of apples. The good news was that they picked up every single apple. The bad news: it cost me about $15. Still worth it!
Ha – I tried that with getting the kids to scoop the poop in the backyard with much less success! The other day I asked (required) the kids to come out with me and rake/bag leaves. I thought they were going to ask if they got paid any extra, but they didn’t. I was pleasantly shocked.
No allowance is how it goes in my house, but only because I can’t manage another thing to keep track of. I love the idea of it though, and what it teaches our kids. Despite no allowance, my kids always manage to have money or gift cards somehow and that is what they use to buy the extras that they absolutely must have (more Lego, really?!) Thanks for getting me thinking about this again, Dana!
It is something that’s worth revisiting from time to time. I make a note on my calendar when I pay the kids, and I often skip weeks and then catch up. Substitute nail polish for Legos, and I know exactly what you mean. How many bottles could she possibly use?
We don’t.. yet..
When I was a kid my dad gave us all ten bucks a week for completing our assigned chores. There were five of us so it got expensive to him when we all did our chores!
Ten bucks a week is very generous, especially in the 80s! I hope James doesn’t read this – he’s at $8 a week.
We tried the weekly allowance but failed because I never have cash. Now we do monthly allowance (not based on chores because that is just part of being in the family:). A couple of years ago I actually opened checking accounts for the boys and they have their own debit cards – I wanted them to learn now how to use them and get in the habit of tracking their spending. It makes the allowance thing easy because I have online banking and can just transfer money from our account to each of theirs.
I have to get cash out because I never have it either! I really need to move the kids’ accounts to the same bank as mine so I can take advantage of online transfers. That’s a great idea!
This is very interesting as I have been questioning this for a while. I have no idea what to do or what is right for our family. My son does things without asking so he really doesn’t need a specific “to do” list, but I’d like to have him do something to gain something but he does stuff…see hard.
You gave me things to think about. Thanks guys!!
My pleasure, Kimberly. There are some great ideas in the comments too. And if you decide on one thing and it doesn’t work, just change it. You’re the queen of your castle, after all.
This was interesting to read Dana! You know I have a ways to go before I have to decide any of this but I like your logic on not giving allowance for chores because you’re right, I feel like they need to know that chores are not optional and that they should do them regardless of pay. I would have to say that we will see how things play out because we may have something going on to where our kids could be doing some work and actually get paid for it. For example if we have a family business or something like that. My husband doesn’t have anything in mind right now, but I do sort of have ideas for a small business that my kids might want to or be able to pitch in and help with from time to time. If they don’t have anything like that, I think giving money every so often like you are doing so that we can teach them about managing money sounds like a really great option.
Your idea sounds great, Brittnei. We don’t have a family business so that’s not an option for us. We have had the occasional lemonade stand, though!
We have been all over the map with this one. We tried the chore chart with each chore equaling a different amount. Then noticed she only did what she got paid for (who wouldn’t). Like you, I believe as a member of the house I don’t get paid to do laundry. If I say empty the dishwasher that should be a given, not a “chore” or a pay-for-service. What seems to work so far is that if she does something extra she will get paid. For example, when her grandparents visit and she walks their dog. Or if we have a gathering and she “babysits” all the little kids. But I like your idea of getting paid at the grade you are. I will have to think about that one!
It sounds like you have a good system right now, Kerri. You may not need to give an allowance yet, but you might have to revisit as she gets older and wants more spending money. Just see how it goes.
We aren’t giving an allowance yet but we debated implementing it after New Year. I don’t think it will be chore based because we think along the same lines here – chores have a purpose to teach responsibility. I think we will adopt your third approach.
And I’m sure there will be many extra chores in the coming months – diaper duty, anyone? 🙂
My kids get an allowance but they had to put a proposal together on what they planned to spend it on, save it for and give away to charity. I made 10% to charity mandatory but they chose the amount they needed, how often they were paid and what they were to do with it. They each have debit cards and are learning to manage their own money. They have to do chores, not negotiable, but they don’t get money for them. My kids are 10 & 13 and we have been doing this for 3 years. They still haven’t put a proposal together for a raise, but with high school looming, I bet it is coming.
I bet it is! We were just talking about getting a debit card for my daughter – it’s a pain to have to go to the bank during business hours to get money out. Sounds like you are setting a great foundation for financial responsibility for your kids.
I haven’t gotten to the allowance talk just yet, but see it coming in my future. I honestly like how you did this by grade level and could see that working here. Like you not a fan of it for chores, because those shouldn’t be voluntary, but I did agree with it being creative to take away a $1 if the chore didn’t get done. Definitely such great food for thought for us in the upcoming future and appreciate it, Dana 🙂
Just something to file away for when you do need to consider it, Janine. The day will come soon enough!
When my boys were younger they always helped out when needed. But when they wanted extra money I had a chore chart on the fridge. This would be extra things that they had to do up and beyond their daily chores. I found that this taught them that they could make money without having a job, (they were too young at the time to get a job). This worked really well for us and for the boys too. Each week I would add up the amounts on the chore chart and they’re either be paid or they could carry it over to the following week if they were saving for something special.
oops forgot to mention that they did not have an allowance.
I read your post too, Susan, and it sounds like that plan worked really well for you. I love reading these comments – so many great ideas and options for families. There’s no right way, just the way that works best for you.
I haven’t given this much thought yet BUT the kids both have ‘money jars’ that they decorated. Whenever a family member gives them money, they put it in there and they are so proud. Sometimes they will ask me to help count it and they love to make a racket with all the change in there!! When they start getting whiney for toys, I tell them to check their money jar…
So you really have started getting your boys to think about money managing – sounds totally appropriate for their age. We didn’t start until maybe 2nd or 3rd grade with allowance. The plus side for you is that with twins, everything will (or could) be equal. Less complaining that way!
I am so inconsistent about allowance, constantly changing my mind about how to dole it out. Consequently – the kids are inconsistent in doing their chores! Thank you for the suggestions. I like the amount being tied to their grade. I’ve also heard of families who designate a percentage of the allowance going for certain things. 25% to savings, 25% to a gift fund, 25% to charity and 25% is mad money. But that may be difficult for the little ones to keep track of.
We used to do that, but it was hard to keep track of. I also felt like I was giving them more just to have enough for all those categories. Our system works well for us, so I’m sticking with it!