This piece was originally published almost four years ago, in December 2014. It’s once again the season for traditions, memory holders, and that purple bin that I just lugged up from the basement for its annual emptying.
I venture into the unfinished part of the basement, and survey the towers of Rubbermaid containers until I find the purple one, sandwiched between the orange Halloween tub and the gray tub whose contents are a mystery. I slide the 14 gallon container out like a Jenga block, and lug it upstairs.
Hanukkah begins tonight, and the purple bin holds all our menorahs and dreidels. We light three menorahs each night of Hanukkah, so that by the last night 27 flames make the walls of our kitchen shimmer. But the bin is full of many more menorahs, and not one stays tucked away during those eight nights.
The one Matt and I received as a wedding gift, from a family friend who passed away years ago.
The one five-year-old Gwen crafted out of a block of wood and washers, boldly painted with pink and blue swirls.
The clay one that three-year-old James created, holes too shallow to hold a candle upright.
The one my mother lit every year of my childhood, and the two that my grandmother lit even before I was born.
I have never purchased a menorah; I prefer to use the ones that hold memories under the hardened candle wax that settles in the crevices year after year.
I lift each menorah out of the bin and arrange it on the table, creating a Hanukkah landscape of brass, clay, plastic, and wood. I add the dreidels I bought for each child’s first Hanukkah, and scatter them among the chanukiahs with the dozen smaller tops I’ve collected over the years.
I admire my handiwork, and look into the bin to make sure I’ve emptied it. I haven’t; two small boxes remain, corners frayed and lids dented.
Matt and I both grew up with Christmas trees, and we put up our own for the first three years of our marriage. We had no children, and we were both reluctant to give up the secular tradition that we remembered from our childhoods. But we were committed to raising our family in the Jewish faith, so the tree was given away once our daughter was born. With it went the lights and almost all of the ornaments.
I pull the worn boxes out of the purple bin, and rediscover the ornaments I saved, those memory holders of our first years of marriage.
The fake crystal heart I excitedly bought months after our wedding that says Our First Christmas Together 1995.
The sand dollar painted with a bride and groom that my mother-in-law gave us that same year.
The clay toucan ornament I bought on our honeymoon.
The pair of teddy bears in Christmas stockings from 1997, the last year our family was a twosome.
As I do every year, I lift each ornament out and remember the young woman who hung them on a tree. I tuck them back in their boxes until Hanukkah is over. When I pack up the dreidels and menorahs, the candle wax still soft on the metal, I take out the ornaments again. I hold them one last time, and then I close the lid on the purple bin until next year.
The was sincerely sweet. I think I’m entering a new phase of hormones or something because I cry over everything. Finding your first year ornament was the icing on the cry cake. I decided not to put up a tree this year. I just did some other decorations. So I’m going to miss the unwrapping the memories that make me smile year after year.
the jewish faith has such wonderful traditions. do you also have a framed ketubah and mezuzah?
We do. Our ketubah is framed and in our bedroom, along with the glass Matt stepped on at the end of our marriage ceremony. And there’s a mezuzah at the front door and our bedroom doors.
Absolutely beautiful, Dana! I love that you have hung onto a few special ornaments and cherish them in your own way. Our daughter and son-in-law bought the most adorable Disney Menorah for the baby that I know he will love forever and ever!
Oh, I know he will! Even when he’s a teenager and says it’s babyish, he will secretly love it. My son used the one he made when he was three this year, even though I had to re-glue one of the washers onto the block.
“Hanukkah landscape of brass, clay, plastic, and wood” – so beautiful!
We don’t have any menorahs we’ve purchased either, but have at least a dozen that the kids have made over the years (many out of wood – um not fire-friendly!). I usually put one for each child out to light each night, but this year I decided I didn’t have enough candles, and didn’t feel like going to get more, and wanted to keep things clean so we’re lighting only one. But after reading your beautiful piece, I’ve changed my mind. It’s the sight of so many candles lit together that is so special, illuminating the stories in each precious menorah, and I realize I’m missing it. Thank you, Dana! And happy, happy Hanukkah.
Happy Hanukkah to you and your family too, Nicki. Thank you for such a lovely comment. When I opened the purple bin this year, I laughed at how many boxes of candles I had after buying a bunch after Hanukkah last year. But now I’m happy to have so many; I may even light a fourth menorah on the last night!
I LOVED this, Dana. Memory holders is the perfect expression. And I loved this because so many people get very stuck spiritually and even just in the ritual department with the expression, “This is how we did it in my family.” I do so many things in my own Jewish way than when I grew up (when we did almost nothing). Our families of origins matter. Of course they do. But when you marry and have children (or even no children, of course) you have created a new family. We get to decide what we do and do not do and it’s not like everything we did before the age of 18 is set in stone. This was great! You got me all fired up. In a good way!
Thank you Nina – I’m happy to get you fired up! I would guess that many people just continue their traditions when they have their own family, but I always knew that I wanted to do things differently with my kids. That’s not a negative reflection on my parents; I’ve just learned what would work for me. Sometimes I wonder what my own kids will do. Will they marry another Jew, or will they also have an interfaith marriage? How will they raise their children? Then I stop wondering – I’ll just wait and see.
I don’t know why, this one made me cry. I have ornaments from people I’ve loved an lost and each year when I hold them in my hands, my heart hurts a little. I’m curious about the Christmas trees from your youth? Just because, or is one of your parents Christian?
I know what you mean – my heart hurts a little each year when I pull out my grandmother’s menorahs. But I know she would love that her great-grandchildren are lighting them.
My dad was raised Catholic, so we were raised with a bit of both. We had a much stronger Jewish upbringing, though, and that’s the faith that my sister and I both practice now.
You actually made me get a teary eyed with this post! This is the first year that my two oldest really got into lighting the menorah and my oldest daughter is so proud of her faith, my husband is Methodist so we put up a tree too…I’m loving seeing the appreciation grow with both religions in our home. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post!
xoxo
Jen
You’re too sweet, Jennifer – thank you! I’m glad this resonated with you. Enjoy celebrating both holidays!
b e a u t i f u l.
that’s all.
thank you. <3
There are great memories in those boxes. Since we have four children, we have MANY handmade ornaments: candy cane reindeer and popsicle stick Santas. Not all of these crafts (especially the ones with macaroni and flaking gold paint) make it to the tree, but I keep them tucked away in the boxes and enjoy them for a sappy mom moment each year.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
Happy Hanukkah
My mother-in-law buys an ornament for each grandchild every year. There are seven grandkids, so her tabletop tree just can’t hold them all! But they are they, in the boxes, holding the memories.
Beautiful post, Dana! I just pulled out my menorahs last night. It was fun to light them with Eve since last year she was a tiny newborn during Hanukkah.
I grew up without a tree, but Sam is from Russia and there everyone has a New Year’s tree. I was reluctant to start having one in our home since it felt strange to me, but it was a compromise (in exchange we agreed we would send our future children to Hebrew school–this was long before we married). Now that we do it, I rather enjoy it. We don’t usually get it until after Christmas and it is the most Jewish looking tree. But I completely understand why you decided to stop with that tradition. We do it as a way to bring in Sam’s (and now Eve’s) Russian background.
I love the New Year’s tree tradition, and I’m sure Eve will too. Is it decorated? I’m going to google it now!
We have a tree but most of my favorite ornaments are still in their plastic bin. Tucker broke a few while decorating so I figured why not let him decorate completely using only the non-breakable ones? So I did. And it’s tradition enough although I do love remembering some of my old ornaments. I have ones that I made as a kid and some from grandparents who are no longer here…
Beautiful post Dana and Happy Hanukkah!
Thanks, Kristi! Yes, I suppose you need to pick and choose which ornaments you want to hang when there are kids and pets around. But you still have them, and that’s what matters.
I love going through the holiday boxes each year and doing the same- bringing back memories as each item is unwrapped.
It’s like looking through a 3D photo album, isn’t it?
What a beautiful post! I love his small objects can mean so much and be tied to deep memories. We just need to make the time every once in a while to remember our memories. I think that helps us remember that it’s the little things that often are the most important.
So true, Leah. Make the time to remember our memories…I like that.
First off, happy Hanukkah! I can only imagine how beautiful your house is lit up on that last night. I love the memories you describe with each menorah…so very special. And even though you gave up that Christmas tree so many years ago, it’s wonderful that you held on to just a few memories to go with your former tradition.
I’m really glad I held onto them, Leslie. It’s hard to remember what our lives were like before the kids, but those ornaments help me remember.
It’s amazing for me how each of the personally made and/or given ornaments that I have can be placed to a specific time, place and person. I appreciate them all because they thought of me and/or Phoenix. And for the handmade ones I have an incredible admiration for due to the time spent on the person’s part. Have a good day, Dana 🙂
Those handmade ornaments are pretty special; that’s how I feel about my kids’ menorahs. I hope you enjoy your ornament memory holders this year, Mike!
What an awesome ornament – that last one!
Funny because in my household we totally celebrated Christmas but never had a tree. It was like they could have us believe in Santa and sing carols and make cookies and get presents, but that tree would be the last straw in the fight against embracing it fully? Who knows?
We have a wonderful moose menorah we received as an engagement gift. I can’t wait to light it tonight! When Cassidy.. finally gets home.
That’s funny about the tree. We always had one. And a moose menorah – how awesome! I assume the antlers hold the candles? Photo, please.
Oh, this was such a sweet post and a great reminder that this time (whether we are celebrating Hanukkah or whatever) should be about memories (old and new) not all the other stuff that tends to overwhelm us!!!
Exactly, Kim. It’s easy to get caught up in all the stuff you have to do!
This was very touching to me. I have always struggled with Christmas and holiday time. Not sure why. Maybe I needed to read this to ignite some good memories………………………….
I hope it did remind you of some good memories, Tammie. The holidays can be a tough time for many people; I hope this year they are kind to you.
What beautiful memories! I love the holidays and all the family decorations that get to be displayed 🙂
Me too. We don’t have much compared to many Christian families, though. It’s incredible how many decorations one can put up in a home!
That’s what I treasure about this season–all the memories that are held in the decorations I pull from the notonebutthree plastic bins. (And I’m afraid it might stretch to four when I clean up this January.) Leo made his first menorah last Sunday at religious school (candle holes punched in a shapeless mound of clay). We’re still waiting for it to dry to decorate it with paint and glitter glue.
We have a similar menorah, Sarah – it’s lovely to look at but isn’t very functional. James was so proud of it when he made it though, and I will never, ever throw it away.
OHMYGOSH I love this post so much. Very touching, and evoked so many memories for me. I, too, have cherished holiday treasures that either family made by hand for us, or was passed down, etc. it really makes it special.
This Friday I’m attending a Hanukah dinner with our friends. I love that they include us, and I love exposing our kids to different religions and customs. Judaism is so beautiful.
I agree, Beth. Have a wonderful time at the dinner!
I feel the same way about a lot of our Christmas ornaments. 90% of them tell a story- just like your menorahs and dreidels do.
I love that, NJ. How fun it must be to decorate your tree every year.
Oh Dana, this is so beautiful. I adore how you acknowledge each memory holder and give them life.
Thank you Kerri! One of these days we’ll have to light every menorah we own, and watch them VERY carefully.
i love taking out all our memories too during this time of the year and truly get goose bumps when I do. It is just such a wonderful time of the year to indeed hold on to and cherish these memories;)
It really is!
It’s such a great thing to open those boxes, isn’t it? My husband and I go though each and every ornament (now with our kids) and remember who or what or why or when we purchased it or were gifted it, before it goes on the tree. The year of our wedding, in Key West, we started a tradition of buying ornaments from the places we travel though out the year and it makes looking back on the years that much more fun. It’s awesome. Thank you for sharing yours with us!
I love that tradition, Allie. I used to buy shot glasses from every place I visited (I was 21 at the time), but then people started bringing them back from their vacations for me. That wasn’t the point, and who wants 50 shot glasses? So I stopped. I like the ornament idea much better 🙂
I wonder what memories me and hubby will have! We got pregnant 4 months into our marriage and JR was born a month after it had been a full year of marriage for us. We plan on making traditions with the kids and I hope to have those memories stories away so nicely like you have done as well. 🙂
I’m sure you will, Brittnei. No matter what our faith (or regardless of whether you practice any religion), traditions are so wonderful for a family to have.