According to the internet, June 18th is International Panic Day. As if the state of our country and the world isn’t enough, we need to dedicate a day to sudden fear and anxiety. Not surprisingly, the website’s researchers could not determine the origin of this day. My guess is that some random dude is holed up in his basement, surrounded by towers of cans from his Costco emergency kit, laughing his ass off.
Seriously. Costco has 93 items in their emergency food category, from a macaroni pasta emergency food bucket ($49.99) to a year’s supply of food for one person ($4,499.99). Just add water and voila! Chicken stew or spaghetti with meat sauce!
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Almost two years ago, I read a funny piece in Glamour magazine titled “12 Email Lines that Scare the Crap Out of Us.” I saved the idea to come back to when the mood struck, and International Panic Day seems like the perfect opportunity.
From your teen: Bail isn’t that high
From your significant other: Is it supposed to burn and itch?
From the pharmacy: Mixup with your birth control prescription
From your in-laws: We can stay even longer than a week!
From the school nurse: Lice outbreak
From your friend: You’re invited to a Tupperware party!
From the babysitter: We have a situation…
From anyone: Pretty sure it isn’t contagious
From a stranger: Don’t think you meant to send these pics to me…
From Ticketmaster: Your Hamilton ticket order did not process
If you don’t have anything to panic about on the 18th, don’t worry. There’s another Panic Day on March 9th. Start getting yourself worked up now!
Dads just don’t worry about lice outbreaks. We’re generally itchy anyway.
Love the idea of the panic-inducing email subject lines! For me, the sender’s name, in some cases, can be enough to make my pulse race – and not in that good “Hey, is that Laura Linney in a shampoo commercial?” pulse racing.
The Lice email gets me every time!!!!!!!
So funny Dana! As a fellow Broadway fanatic, I totally appreciate the Hamilton one!
Weren’t the Tonys amazing? I’m going to see Hamilton in October, much to the envy of Gwen. One of these days we will get her a ticket too.
Darn it, Ticketmaster! I need my Hamilton tickets!
Were you able to snag any last night? I tried, but no luck.
Sadly, no.
Okay, so that school nurse email would definitely make me panic! And what is it with those supply lists? I wholeheartedly believe someone started the system figuring it was a brilliant piece of marketing.
Really! You should read the comments on the website – seems like people buy that food for regular use, too.
Those would cause me some panic, for sure!! Great list. I think I need to go lie down now. 🙂
Ha – sorry to stress you out, Rabia!
Hehe, these were great! I especially liked the one from the stranger. (That also reminded me of the time some woman texted me a photo of herself and I’m pretty sure I was not the intended recipient!)
Ha! I sent a graduation pic to a complete stranger last week. He told me it was the wrong number, but “congratulations anyway!” Made me laugh.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw the Lice outbreak one! We’ve had several of those emails this year!
Oh no – I hope Z wasn’t infected! We did that in third grade…that was the week from hell.
Wow, that Costco tidbit is juicy!
I’m laughing about the idea of more panic in this world. I already have enough! I think when the old preschool would send out the head lice or stomach bug emails, I wanted to cry.
Oh yes – the stomach bugs! Or pink eye. Or hand, foot and mouth. Any of those contagious things!
Oh my gosh Dana, HILARIOUS!!! My favorite? “Don’t think you meant to send these pics to me” HAHAHA!!
I sometimes panic as I send an email (without pics, though!) – that I sent it to the wrong person. Getting an email with that subject line would definitely make me panic.
I do NOT need a panic day. But this was hilarious and the perfect way to start my day! I’m not sure which of these would be the worst. Probably the lice outbreak…I’ve had friends who had to deal with that and it was really AWFUL!
We dealt with it years ago – it was horrible for my daughter and for us. Thank goodness no one else in the family got them!
This is Nice one Dana, I love to read this type of post. actually i come to know the reality after getting these things..
Thank you!
Ha! I hate that lice one even though none of my girls have ever actually had it. (knock on wood!) My in-laws are my neighbors, so I don’t have to worry about hit one and, thank goodness, I don’t have to worry about the birth control one anymore either! 🙂
I know, right? That’s one less thing to worry about.
This is awesome Dana. So so funny. *shudders* at the lice outbreak and the inlaws. HA 🙂
Lice was horrendous. If James had gotten them, I would have shaved his head.
I started to quote the one I loved (and feared) the most, and realized they all apply!
So brilliant, Dana! June 18 is my daughter’s birthday, double digits, and the thing I’ll be panicking about is that she’s growing up too fast lol.
Happy almost birthday to your girl! May not want to tell her it’s Panic Day. But it’s also International Splurge Day; she may like that better!
Ha! Like the worriers of the world need a day (or more than one day) to devote to panic. Love your list- especially the lice outbreak. A “legit” cause for panic!!! 😉
Totally. I remember in vivid detail the lice outbreak in Gwen’s third grade class.
Yes to all of the above being anxiety laden, especially the in-law one!! 🙂
Mine are local, so we don’t have that issue!
LOL! As if I need a panic day around here!! I love the “we have a situation” from the sitter. I actually panic when I just SEE a text from the sitter when we’re out to dinner. It’s usually a little nothing but one time it was “where do you keep the clean sheets for the boys’ bed?” Not good.
Ugh – that doesn’t sound good at all! I would agree; any text from a sitter is cause for concern.