My fifteen-year-old son has been asking for some new Xbox games for months. He has his own money, but that isn’t the issue. The issue is that he wants games that are rated M for Mature (age 17+), and up to this point Matt and I have only permitted him to buy games rated T for Teen.
I’m not naive. I know James is exposed to the Big Three (violence, language and sex) to some extent already. But when I have the control, I’m going to wield it carefully and wisely. I do feel that he is old enough to play some of these games, but not without scoping them out first.
And so I stand in the middle of Gamestop, looking up games on my phone. Common Sense Media is a website I’ve been using for years; the site reviews all types of media for parents and families, and I find it invaluable in helping me decide what I’m comfortable letting my kids see and play.
So. James wants three games, and I want to know how horribly they will scar him. First up:
Assassins Creed IV
What parent doesn’t want their kid to role-play being an assassin? Common Sense Media describes this game as an “…adult-oriented historical adventure filled with pirate warfare and melee fights.” I’m thinking a violent Pirates of the Caribbean without Johnny Depp and Kiera Knightly. Interestingly, parents and kids rate this game at 12+, not the official 17+ rating. I look at the category ratings, which are on a scale of 0 to 5, and find it rated:
5 for violence and language
3 for sex (It is implied to have taken place.)
The language is no worse than what James has heard in the halls of high school (or in the movie Deadpool, which I watched with him). We’ve watched the entire series of Friends as a family, so implied sex is nothing new. The violence is historically accurate sword fighting and cannons, and this sits with me better than guns and machetes. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but don’t try to make sense of my logic here. Next up is:
Rise of the Tomb Raider
I’m vaguely familiar with the Lara Croft movies (RIP, Brangelina), and I already like this game better because the hero is a strong woman. She is kind of like Indiana Jones with a potty mouth and a mean streak. Common Sense Media ratings are:
4 for violence and language
0 for sex
I find it refreshing that media involving a central female character features no sex, and I decide I’m okay with this game, especially compared to:
Far Cry Primal
Based on the covers of the three games, I thought this one would be the least offensive. There’s a wooly mammoth on the cover and the game is set in prehistoric times, so how bad can it be? Pretty bad. Common Sense Media ratings are:
5 for violence and sex
2 for language
The language rating surprised me; did cavemen invent cursing? Maybe the grunts and hand motions are risqué. The violence includes graphic torture scenes and burning people alive. While Fred Flintstone threw back a beer or two, players in this Stone Age game drink bloody cocktails that send them on drug-induced trips. There is female frontal nudity, and just for fun, a character urinates on the player and calls him Piss Man.
Me: (hands James my phone) Read these ratings.
James: (reads the ratings, looks at me, hands me my phone, and puts the game back on the shelf)
Me: There’s so much violence in these games!
James: (looking exasperated) It’s not like I’m going to go out and do what I see on the screen!
This is his sweet but misguided attempt to make me feel better about my decision to let him buy the first two games.
I launch into a lecture about desensitization to violence, and he pretends to listen. He volunteers to play with the sound muted, and that illogically makes me feel a little better. Because a sword in the gut hurts so much less when it’s silent, right?
James has been playing these rated M for mature games for a few weeks, alternating with his football and soccer Xbox games. He doesn’t mute the sound but he does lower the volume, and he is showing no propensity towards becoming a pirate or a tomb raider. #ParentingWin
Have you had to wade in the murky waters of violence, sex and language in media with your kids? What do you consider the biggest threat?
I couldn’t agree more, however, I wouldn’t even allow James, if he was my son, to be play teen rated games. These teen rated games still show lots of violence, some sexual content, and foul language. I personally would limit my son to only E rated games until he is a legal adult and is no longer under my jurisdiction.
I completely understand your point of view, Carol. Thanks for weighing in.
Thanks for the breakdown… Ongoing discussion in my house ALL.THE.TIME.
I’m sure it is! It’s so tough to walk that line, and it’s different for every kid too.
I’m sure that every generation says this but I sure don’t envy you and yours having to navigate all of the things parents are presented with these days. (I sound really old, right?) In my day we only had to choose between Mario Cart and Sim City.
You are so right – I was playing Space Invaders as a kid and watching Scooby Doo!
i’m not in the teenaged years yet, but i use common sense media to determine books, cartoons and apps that i put in front of franco.
That’s smart, Catherine! It starts so early, but at least there are resources for parents to make informed decisions.
Such a tricky issue!
It really is!
I was listening to the radio while driving in the car with Eve at 7:00am and they used the b-word. I’m not sure that she was paying attention, but it definitely caught MY attention. As she’s at the age where she repeats and mimics so much, I’m definitely starting to tread in those murky waters, though obviously at a completely different level at where you’re doing it with James. I can’t even imagine what it will be like as she gets older, especially the sex part. As it is, even at her age, the skirts and shorts are TINY, especially compared to boys’ shorts. It really frustrates me!
It is crazy how the gender divide starts so early, isn’t it? I feel like you have more of a challenge than I did, since iPads and smartphones didn’t come into play until my kids were in early elementary school. So much to protect them from…
Cassidy uses Common Sense Media for new movies. It’s brilliant.
We haven’t really gone through these murky waters yet, especially with games (Scarlet only plays a Santa game on Cassidy’s iPad) but the violence bothers me perhaps the most.
I’ll probably change my tune. And I think the sex thing is probably key – because I want them to know about love and comfort and permission and saying no.
Gah. Can I just learn everything from you? You seem to be doing great.
Ugh, Christopher wore me down this summer and I finally said FINE for a came. When I saw him blow up a bridge that had cars on it I was not happy. Looking exasperated at my overreaction, he pretty much said what James said.
I don’t like any of this stuff but it’s in everything. Fortunately, sometime before school started he managed to do something that he wiped out all of his progress and he was done with it. He didn’t want to start over. Fine by me. But something else will come along. He’s playing something very clean and mild on his Kindle Fire and I’m happy about that.
Though he is hearing profanity left and right in movies and school hallways, I hate to hear it in a video game but the real deal breaker is bloody violence (being able to stab and shoot people in the head).
However the biggest threat (worry) is the implied sex, so in movies and stuff like that I want to be right there when he’s seeing it. So video games that I have no interest in sitting through, I do check for sex. Most of them have had one dot and I have no idea what one dot is. Maybe it’s a level you get to and you see a woman in a bikini. Who knows.
Geez.
One dot out of five is good, Kenya. That’s my biggest worry too. We watched the movie Deadpool together, and while the language bothered me a little, Matt and I made him cover his eyes for the sex scene. We didn’t know what was coming, so eventually we had him cover his ears too! I know he can or will see it, but I’m not condoning it.
I’m lucky. My 16 year old son only wants to play FIFA. 😉 His friends play more violent games, but he doesn’t show interest, and he knows I hate first person shooters/ violence. All my kids know that I check up on games, movies and TV shows with Common Sense Media – it is such a valuable site!
You are wise to keep the lines of communication open and share your concerns with your son. I agree – they may roll their eyes, but I do think they hear what we are saying, and value it more than they will admit.
Now, I’ve gotta get my 14 year old daughter to stop watching Two Broke Girls. However, I’m not setting the best example… the entire family looks forward to The Big Bang Theory every night at 7 when we are home… even my 10 year old. (I’m hoping most of the sexual references go over his head.)
My son’s favorite is still FIFA, so there’s that! And he knows how I feel – he used to ask about Grand Theft Auto, but now he doesn’t even want it anymore.
It’s a tough balance, isn’t it? I’m just doing the best I can.
I applaud you for your due diligence, and thanks for the tip about common sense media. I’m rather hard core about the games, based on nothing other than hearsay. No shooting games period. I know they play them at friends’ houses and there’s nothing I can do about it. But only sports or driving games in the Smith household. #nerdhouse #mtkidshateme
I respect that decision, Allie – and the fact that your kids are upset with you about it should comfort you. That means you’re doing your job. 🙂
Love Common Sense Media. If my son is at GameStop without me he will say “I have to call my mom about these games.” 😂
I love the way it breaks down what is in them. I let him play some M games and not others.
The website also does movies and I just discovered – books. It is great.
I’ve never checked out the books, but I’ve definitely used it for movies. Love how your son knows he has to check with you first!
Love Common Sense Media and your approach! I just finished watching Friends with my two 16 year olds and was glad I was watching them with them! We have to be present in our children’s lives. 😊
We do. I’m not crazy about the games, but at least I know what he’s playing, and he knows how I feel about them. I have to believe that will stay with him going forward; my opinions mean more than he’d like to admit.
My husband actually plays games like this, but he is an adult. Still I am not a fan of them in our house, but he won’t play them until after the girls are asleep and I am usually in the other room reading or catching up my DVR or Netflix. Not sure what the attraction to these types of games are, but love that you use a website like you mentioned for games such as these to help you in deciding if you’d purchase for your son and if they are at the very least OK for him to play.
Yes, that website is very helpful. I’ve used it to look up movies that my kids have asked to watch, too.
OMG I am already doing this with games the boys want to download on their iPads. I cannot thank you enough for that media site!!! Just reading the reviews is not enough sometimes, although sometimes it’s blatantly obvious. The other day they wanted to download a game one of their second grade classmates has. It’s for 17+!!! Who is this kid??? Make it stop. Obviously it won’t. I am screwed.
You just need to do your research! There are plenty of games out there that are age-appropriate, but it’s hard to compete with the guidelines other parents set for their own kids.