She pulls out a huge piece of paper and gingerly unfolds it. The years have thinned the fibers, and it rips along the creases despite her care. The five of us kneel around the paper, reading aloud to one another, laughing and remembering.
This fragile time capsule is our Quote Wall, covered in magic marker with inside jokes, witty remarks, and (occasionally drunken) verbal blunders. It adorned our apartment walls in college, and our memory keeper Andrea has kept it safe for all of these years. When our annual roommate reunion weekends are at her home, she pulls it out and we reminisce. Many quotes make me laugh until the tears come, and some I need a bit of help remembering. A few quotes baffle all five of us, as the decades have stolen their significance. I suppose it’s natural that we would forget much of the minutia of those four years, but it saddens me. It’s like completing a puzzle only to find that the final piece is missing; those forgotten quotes fill that empty space.
My four roommates, and my honorary commuter roommate Erin, are the only friends in my life now who knew me before I had kids. I have amazing post-motherhood girlfriends, but these five women knew me Before. Before I was a wife. Before I was Mommy. Before I was grown up. Often I can barely recall the Before, but they were there. We were young and single together.
Graduation brought jobs and new homes, husbands and children. We followed similar but separate paths as we established our families. Monthly double dates became quarterly family nights with babies and toddlers, and those became semi-annual get-togethers scheduled months in advance. Our children control our social calendar, but we manage to reserve one thirty-six hour visit every year.
These friends were once in the nucleus of my life, and now they are on the periphery. But relationships are fluid, and on this weekend these friends move back into the center. We are five women who have left our Mom capes at the door, although they are always in view.
I remember the young woman I was, as I take stock of the less-young woman I have become. Being with my oldest friends gives me a perspective on my own life; they help me look back at where I have been and contemplate where I want to go. We reminisce about life before marriage and motherhood, and we talk about Allysa, our roommate who did not live to see her 25th birthday. She will forever be that young and carefree girl that the five of us have left behind, and her absence is an ache.
Andrea sifts through the papers tucked away with the Quote Wall. Among the pages is an invitation to my baby shower, and a photo of my infant daughter. Now that baby is in college, making her own wall of memories with girlfriends who are also on the edge of adulthood.
Far from that edge, I will soon be peering into the empty nest. One by one, my girlfriends will follow, until our reunions include early bird specials and photos of grandchildren. And always, the Quote Wall. Creased and faded, it holds the voices of the young women we were and the lifelong friends we would become.
As the saying goes, it takes a long time to grow old friends. Traditions add to the richness of the friendships, I think. I absolutely LOVE the idea of the quote wall. What a fabulous treasure to look back at to jog memories and relive the special times you have shared!
How wonderful that you have stayed friends with these women, the ones who knew and understood your younger self. I only have one or two of those left, but I treasure them. We also had a quote board from our first year dorm, full of suggestive comments and inside jokes. (We also decorated our hall walls with the lids of all of the pints of Ben and Jerry’s we consumed.) In fact, I think I might have that quote board somewhere…
Great tradition. Gave me goosebumps and reminded me of my own college days, especially my best friend who also died way too young. But it’s true that we’ll always remember her at that age, 28.
It’s strange, isn’t it? I wonder what Allysa would be like as a 30 year old, as a mother, as a 45 year old…it’s hard to imagine, because she is frozen in time at 24.
That’s sweet. I have a friendship group of five. We’ve survived two cancers so far. I can’t fathom losing any of them. As it is, attending funerals for parents have been hard. I’m the youngest but we all graduated from high school the same year and have known each other since we were 10. So we go way back. It’s wonderful to have them as friends after all these years. And we try to get in that girl’s weekend once a year if only for a day.
That’s amazing that you have these women in your life for so long, Kenya!
A someone who went to three colleges and doesn’t keep in touch with anyone, this made me nostalgic, jealous and weepy all at once. Your article is more words that cement your friendships!
You’re right, Allison – I should print out my post and give it to Andrea to keep with the quote wall.
I got goosebumps reading this. First, I am so sorry about the loss of Allysa. Tragic. Second, I have clung to my pre-marriage friends, as well. I think, because I lost mom so young, I was desperate to preserve my relationships with people who knew her. My 30 year high school reunion is this year and I’m really looking forward to it. Did I just type that?
Ha – I know what you mean! Mine is in two years. That makes sense about preserving your friendships with those who knew your mom; I would guess that it’s easier to hold onto memories with people who shared them with you.
What genuinely precious memories, Dana! Friendships from “back in the day” are like gold. Nothing can replace them, and it’s doubly precious that you have the Quote Wall to refer to as you guys reminisce. Truly a blessing!
It really is, Alison!
Oh, what a beautifully written essay. It made me feel a little teary, remembering that special college time with my beloved college roommates who “knew me when.” I’m amazed that you can get together ONCE A YEAR! How special.
It really is! We used to see each other twice a year, but once we all had kids who were old enough to be shuttled around to a million places, we were down to once. But we won’t ever give that up!
SO well shared, beautifully said.
I am reminded of a lyric, “Old friends, mean much more to me than the new friends, because they know where you are, and they know where you’ve been.”
Love that! It’s so true. These ladies are some of the few who know where I’ve been, because they have been there with me.
So wonderful that you continue to get together. Don’t ever lose that time, as it makes you who you are and have always been, the best roommates anyone could have. Your remembrance of Allysa warms my heart and means so much to me, and I love you all for it. Thank you.
Allysa is a part of every get-together, always. xoxo
We had a similar quote wall our freshman year that I think one of my friends still has. My college friendships are by far my strongest. Despite going to school in Connecticut, fortunately about half of my core group of friends moved up to the Boston area. We try to have a regular girls’ night — last time we pulled out some photo albums. (Oh my!) Like you, these are the women (and men) who have known me longest, since before I was married or became a mom, and despite many life changes over the years and as a result seeing each other with less frequency, they are some of the strongest and most important bonds in my life.
That’s so nice that so many of you live in the same area! We are only a few hours apart, so that makes getting together fairly easy to do. We plan on going to Vegas with the guys the year we all turn 50, so I’m excited for that!
Quote wall. Love it.
Me too!
So wonderful that your friendship with these women has lasted so long, and has developed and grown stronger through the years, in spite of the other ways life has of taking over. I think you’ve got each other for good, and that’s awesome.
We really are lucky to have stuck together for so long. It takes work, but it’s worth it.
–beautiful.
I call these girls in my life my- “Root Friends.”
We have history…They knew me from the beginning. And in a way, define who I am now.
Dana, I’m so thrilled you all still keep in touch…I have a feeling you will always be together &
your quotes, although yellowed and old, will continually be part of who you are, too! xx
I think we will always keep in touch too. Root friends – I love that term!
I love that you and your friends still have the quote wall. I’m only friends with two people from freshman year of college and I wish we had a treasure like that. Still though, we can say things over dinner like “No you can’t take a shower!” and all crack up! 🙂 Great writing, too!
Tonight’s FTSF is “The People We Meet…” (not sure when it’ll be live as Tucker has football at 7pm and no clue when we’ll be home…)
I had the linkup in mind when I posted…I wrote this last year and submitted it somewhere, was rejected, so now it’s here. You read it for me a long time ago, so thanks 🙂
OMG I thought it sounded familiar! I assumed it was because it stemmed from a free-write in the group we were in together. Forgotten I’d read it. POOP to rejections except yay because it’s here now and it’s fabulous.
Gosh I love this. I have had different groups of friends throughout life, but never one core group that transcended all that.. life stuff. And so nice to have a Memory Keeper in the group!
It really is! I feel like it’s usually me, so it’s nice to have someone else be in charge.
Well, I just loved this! How wonderful that y’all have that Quote Wall. I only have the one in my mind and have to wonder just how accurate it is. 🙂
I hear you! I tend to remember things in a way that I want to, not in the way that it actually happened.
Beautiful 🙂 So wonderful that your friend has kept such a treasure all these years!
I know – I’m so thankful Andrea is our memory keeper!
How fantastic you saved the quote wall!!! I so wish I had something like that (besides my super embarrassing journals!) to remember with some of my best girlfriends. And, yes, I have those friends who knew me “before” and they are so special. Love this so much and I think it’s so very important to remember and to do it with the people who “knew you when…” Also because I forget everything but I have THAT friend who remembers all!
Ha – I know what you mean!
Dana,
This is beautiful and really touched me. Thank you!
❤
Kris
Thanks Kris!
How blessed we are to have life-long friends that have known us through the many stages of our lives (many, many for me!).
Yes we are 🙂
I LOVED this so much, Dana!
Thank you Nina!
Perfect. Love it Dana!!! ❤. And love our weekends!!!!
Thanks MA – me too.:)
The quote wall sounds like a wonderful tradition 🙂
It really was!
Aw, loved this look back and like you is very interesting to still bond with those who I was close with before children and even marriage even now. Even more interesting is what is to come as my girls get older and eventually do leave the nest, as well as have kids of their own. So, couldn’t agree more with you on this!
Thanks Janine!