A few years ago, I wrote a piece entitled “Eighteen Summers.” I bemoaned the passing of time, thinking I had only eighteen summer vacations with my children until they left the nest.
The start of summer marks another year passing. There are only eighteen summers in a childhood, and the numbers are creeping up much too quickly.
Now my oldest is home from her freshman year of college. It is her nineteenth summer, and I plan to embrace every second that she will spend of it with her father, brother and me.
Things have changed since she spent the year away, but not as much as I feared. We are easing into our familiar rhythm of summer, and learning how to balance her independence with our expectations. She is living at home, with a nannying job that leaves her free to vacation with us, but next year may bring experiences that put an end to the lazy days.
I feel the urgency most keenly when I plan our summer vacations. There are so many places Matt and I want to take our kids, and so many experiences we want them to have with us. I hope that this can still happen when they are young adults, but that is not in my control. Those tiny newborn hands that once clenched my thumbs are now bigger than my own, and every summer they slip from my grip a little bit more.
I relax my grip, but I don’t let go. My teenagers are just as eager as I am to continue our summer adventures. We have already picked 27 pounds of strawberries and eaten three dozen crabs, but that is just the beginning of summer awesomeness. This month we spend a few days in Florida, just the four of us. Next month, we join my parents and sister’s family for an Alaskan cruise.
When it occurs to me that perhaps we are spoiling our kids, I remind myself that Matt and I want to share these experiences with them. Some of my clearest recollections of childhood are from my summer vacations, and they are memories that bond my parents, sister and me because they are ours alone to share.
Mom forgetting to pack Dad’s underwear, seeing same-sex couples walking hand in hand in Provincetown, missing the last ferry back to the mainland, eating fried shrimp on my hotel bed in Maine, visiting cousins in Puerto Rico.
My children have their vacation memories too, and those moments are shared by only three other people in the world.
Eating peanut butter sandwiches in the Swiss Alps, being bitten by a Capuchin monkey in Roatan, meeting Baltimore Raven’s player Justin Tucker in Florence, being frisked at Logan airport for suspected explosives, being in a Disney parade, biking over the Golden Gate Bridge.
I’ve allowed myself to release some of the urgency of these summers with my almost-adult kids. While the vacations with just the four of us may be numbered, we will grow into a new normal. We did it this year when Gwen was away at college, and we will do it when both kids are grown.
I know that this is how it should be. It is my job to raise them to be independent young adults. Raising children tears us apart and makes us whole all at the same time. I miss the young children that my daughter and son were, but I love who they have become and who they will be.
This is James’ sixteenth summer, and Gwen’s nineteenth. We will lounge on the beach in Florida, ride with sled dogs in Alaska, and play card games at our kitchen table. We will get on one another’s nerves and need our personal space, and we will laugh and goof off and eat too many s’mores. We will live under one roof for at least one more summer, and for now, I will not count past nineteen.
Oy, that app mentioned above would be stressful.
I love your positive approach to the quality time with your kids.
Thanks, Nina. I try to take a positive approach most of the time, although there are days when the time together is definitely not high quality! Those are less and less as they get older though.
I love your family, and all your incredible experiences you create together. Reading all about your adventures and travels and UPCOMING travels, makes me want to prioritize trips for my own kids. (We never go anywhere…)
I am SO glad your girl is most definitely sticking nearby and I have a good feeling, no matter how old your kids get- They are going to be spending quality time together with you as a family and doing trips with you always. I picture you all going on trips when they have their own kids!
This new season, new transition- is turning out to be just fine. MORE than fine, actually. I’m so glad for you, mama.
Thank you so much, Chris. I’d love to go on multigenerational family trips with my kids and grandkids. I hope we get to do that!
This is comforting to me as I am on my 18th summer with my oldest…and I hope she comes back to me next year 🙂
I hope she does too!
NOTHING,
Absolutely NOTHING…
compares to FAMILY))
I love your family, sweets)))!! xx
HAPPY SUMMER))))))
Thank you – happy summer to you too!
I need to hear about your sled dog plans! That was a highlight of my trip to Alaska!!
I remember your “Eighteen Summers” post like it’s yesterday. I think that’s when I realized we were kindred spirits who measure time and emotions similarly.
I say you grab these moments and seasons any chance you get!
I’m going to go back and read your post about the sled dogs – I’m so excited!
I think you are right about measuring time and emotions similarly, although you express those measurements and feeling much better than I do. I’m usually nodding my head as I read your posts 🙂
Okay Dana, keep writing posts like this, and maybe, just maybe, I will survive motherhood. 😉 Enjoy your time with your kiddos. I’m heading off today on a mission trip with my three oldest; number four will stay home to bond with dad. Memories to be made…
You will survive! I’m so glad you enjoy these kinds of posts. Have a great time on the mission trip!
So sweet! Summer is always a good time for making family memories 🙂
Yes it is!
So bittersweet to think of all the ways time flies much too fast for all of us. But this is lovely in just as many ways. I love the idea of growing into a new normal – I think that’s a great way to approach the changes.
Thanks Lisa; I like that approach too. It’s a more positive way of looking at the unavoidable march of time.
Moms like us…we’re torn by oh dear GOD what am I gonna DO with them this summer? and STOP time you thief…but I love that you’ve learned (before it’s too late) that every single summer is golden. Thanks!
I did learn in time – and I can’t wait for the lazy days of summer!
This is so sweet but also made me completely tear up, thinking about how quickly time is going, about summer vacations I had as a kid, ones I’ve shared with Tucker… When are you going to AK? That sounds amazing, and I know you’ll have so much fun. Where in AK? And FL – we’re going in October. I think that we’re going to Chinquoteague tomorrow, which means Tucker will likely get to miss school on Monday and maybe Tuesday (he still has 11 days left). So it’s a start.
Alaska is the very end of July – we cruise out of Seattle and go to Juneau, Skagway, and Ketchikan. We are taking a helicopter to a glacier and dog sledding, going whale watching, hiking, etc. Can’t wait!
11 days left? Jeez. I hope you are in Chincoteague right now – say hi to the horseys for me.
So sweet. I remember my last summer vacation with my parents. As an “adult” 19ish, I didn’t think I’d enjoy it but I did. I didn’t realize then how wonderful it was to travel on someone else’s dime.
You’re the second blogger that I’ve seen going on an Alaskan Cruise. That’s what I’m leaving for on Sunday. And the day I get in, that blogger (Kathy from Second Half of My Life) will board the same ship.
Hopefully, before you leave I can write an experience about my trip. I sure have been blog searching for something but came up with nothing. My suitcase is packed like I’m leaving tomorrow so at this point I don’t want to read any advice and second guess my choices. (Passport is in my backpack) I decided to leave the cute purse at home. I’ve got all summer to carry it.
Oh, I’m so excited for you, Kenya – I didn’t know you were doing an Alaskan cruise too! I will definitely pick your brain when you get back if you haven’t written anything by the time I start packing. Are you leaving from Seattle? What ship? I’m going to message you.
I recently downloaded this app that was recommended to me. It’s actually pretty good with lots of interesting info & quotes, but the whole catchy to it is that it counts down the weeks you ahve left with your child until he/she graduates – typically, 936 weeks from their birth until their graduation. I’m not sure if I like that!! It does seem to create a lot of pressure to create lots of wonderful, perfect experiences before it’s too late and our time is up.
@Lisa, I don’t think I want to know! Waaaaah!
That does seem like a lot of pressure – kind of like an hourglass. But I feel like I was using the start of college as the end of childhood, and I’m finding that doesn’t have to be the case. Gwen may be an “adult,” but she is still my child and a part of our family, and I have her the whole summer!
As I edge ever closer to your reality with kids who are 15 and 11, I become more and more aware of this. I am comforted by the knowledge that several friends of mine still have annual vacations with their parents and siblings that are no less sacredly protected than when they were children. One of them happily posts photos from her parents’ condo in Mexico each spring break with her wife, her brother and his partner with captions like “20th year in Cabo.” We’ll have to start new traditions as they age, but I no longer think in terms of “the end” — or, not as often as I expected I would. 🙂
That’s good to hear, Debi. I would love to continue vacationing with my kids, including their significant others and kids eventually (hopefully). I like your way of thinking – new traditions, not the “end.” Thanks for a wise perspective!
Aw, wishing you and your family a wonderful summer ahead, Dana. Seriously, as crazy as it can get having my own kids home all summer long, I would trade it for the world either 😉