My driver’s license is a laminated bundle of lies.
That number claiming to be my weight is actually from 1987, although I suppose I should be grateful that the true number is less than ten percent higher after thirty years and two babies.
The photo is circa 2006, because my state allows one online renewal without a new photograph. By the time I head back to the MVA in 2022, that picture will be as old as I was when I barely passed my driver’s test.
I think I passed the first time, although I wouldn’t put money on it. Isn’t it funny how something that was of such importance to me then is now a memory that I can barely grasp? I do remember that when I passed, I did it by the skin of my teeth.
A driver is allowed a maximum number of points off; let’s say it is twenty. I ace the whole test until it is time to parallel park, and I can’t do it. Instead of parking in one fluid motion, I wiggle my way in. After a certain amount of time elapses, I lose points. Then I lose more. I finally wedge the car in the spot, then complete the test with no more issues. Mr. Evaluator congratulates me, but also informs me a bit too smugly that I lost the maximum twenty points for taking so long to parallel park.
I can count on one hand the number of times I have successfully parallel parked since 1987.
In 2015, Matt takes our oldest child to the MVA to take her skills test. I wait at home, feeling like I want to throw up. Forty-five minutes after her appointment, Matt calls me, ready to explode. My daughter kills it on the parallel parking portion, but the MVA guy says the inside of the windshield is streaky and must be cleaned.
Matt spits on a handful of Chick Fil-A napkins to clean the glass, but that’s not good enough for Tester guy. If you don’t have something in the car to clean the windshield with, he says, I’ll have to disqualify the car.
By the grace of God, Matt finds some wipes in a first-aid kit in the trunk. He scrubs the window again, muttering a few choice words not quite under his breath. Jerk Man deems the glass clean enough, and off they go. She passes.
This week, it was my son’s turn. Parallel parking is no longer required, but I still don’t have the stomach to accompany him to the test. Matt takes him, making sure he has a container of glass cleaner in his trunk. But Jerk Man must have taken early retirement, because the evaluator is a nice woman who deems the car clean enough.
He passes. And won’t let me show his face here.
After nineteen years of chauffeuring my children, I can hang up my hat. It’s bittersweet, and I wonder where the toddlers who kicked my seat and threw Cheerios at me went. How did they grow up when I am still 1** pounds, according to my driver’s license?
It’s also liberating and scary to have two children who don’t need me to take them everywhere they want and need to go. They can make their own way, as grown-ups do, but with Mom anxiously awaiting their safe return home.
it’s funny how we all remember our driver’s license test. i flunked my first one and it was traumatic so it was thrilling to read this post.
And I’m sure you’re an excellent driver!
I can half-way relate to this. I’ve got one driving (too fast, I think, judging by the way he caught up to me the other night on the backroads out to our farm), and one with a learner’s permit who can’t wait to drive. This morning she said, “You know you want me to have that license.” And I do, because I’ve got two more younger ones to chauffeur around and daughter keeps a busy schedule.
I do miss the time in the car with my oldest- it was a good time to talk about stuff. I’m working on finding other ways. Luckily last week when I said, “Hey, wanna go for a walk with me?” he did!
Congrats to you and your new driver… and good luck!
Thanks Julia!
Dana, I love this post with all of my heart.
It not only took me down memory lane, but also celebrates the bittersweet movement of time.
Thank you Mardra!
Can’t believe they’re not tested now on parallel parking. The angst I experienced (and still do!)! LOL And I didn’t realize we could use old photos for online renewal. I guess due to old status that wasn’t an option, but in seven years I’ll still be looking fly… at least in my driver’s licence photo! LOL
Haha – and I’ll be so sad to trade in my young photo for a new one!
Exciting and scary! From the kid POV, I remember getting my license as one of the happiest days of my life. Really! Oh the freedom!!
I know, right? Judging from my son’s grin on his license, I think it was one of his happiest too.
Holy cow that man was so mean. Your husband saved the day with the wipes. Wow.
Also, wow to this! I have to renew my license this year. I always did it previously in NJ where it was terrible. When I last did it in MA, it was more peaceful.
I don’t know if it has my weight on it! I have to check..
Different states have different requirements. People always ask Matt what eye color he lists on his license, since he has one blue and one brown eye. But our state doesn’t list eye color, so no choice had to be made!
Ugh! My oldest has her permit now & will get her license in August. Part of me can’t wait – one less kid to chauffeur everywhere. Yay!! But, there’s another part of me that is terrified and also wondering where my sweet baby girl went. I probably STILL would have a license if I was ever required to parallel park!
She’ll still be your sweet baby; she’ll just be more mobile! Overall, I’ve love having my kids drive themselves places. It gives them a sense of independence, and I think they take the responsibility seriously.
I failed my first attempt, because I was so nervous my hands were shaking. I don’t even remember getting to the point where he had me try the parallel parking. Rather than face the same DMV guy again I decided to take the exam in a different city the next time. I’d never driven in that city, although I’d been a passenger there. A pretty impressive thunder and lightning storm began during my driving test and for some reason it helped me relax. Weird, huh? Anyway I completely passed the test, even the parallel parking. Whenever I have a choice, I do not parallel park, but there are times I still do.
It’s perfectly normal to experience some “Mommy anxiety” waiting for the kids to get home. I still pray for our kids’ safety when they are traveling, and they are way beyond being kids anymore.HaHa.
I suppose it never goes away, does it? My mother still asks me to text her when I arrive at my destination if I’m driving a long way, or when my flight lands.
I knocked down so many cones when parallel parking for my driver’s test. My mom didn’t think I would pass, but I did, ha ha. Although, I still can’t parallel park…
Ha – so I’m not the only one! It’s a hard skill to master if you never practice, which I certainly do not.
I thought I lost my driver’s license a while back and ended up getting a new one. In the new ones, they don’t let you smile and the photo is horrible. I found my old one with the cute photo of course but since I said I lost it… well, the new ugly one is the legit one. Wow to having a family full of drivers. I can imagine it’s both amazing and horrifying, as all things with kids growing up. Also your daughter’s instructor guy sounds like a mega-jerk! Glad your son had a better experience. Also the inside of my windshield needs cleaning.
James bucked the rules and smiled for his license, which just arrived today. Oh, and please clean your windshield.
I remember on my 16th birthday getting my driver’s license AND getting my ears pierced. Big day! Fast forward to when my kids were learning to drive. I think the most helpless feeling is to be in the passenger seat as your child practice the “new-to-them” skill of driving. How many times did I lean to the left just certain it would help them avoid hitting a mailbox with the rearview mirror or press my foot so firmly on the floormat wishing I had the extra set of brakes that the Driver’s Ed cars are equipped with. Fortunately, my kids are both excellent drivers notwithstanding the fact that they both crashed our car on their very first outing as a licensed driver. But that’s a story for another day…
Both kids crashed the car? Oh my! Glad to hear they are good drivers, now that they are driving your grandbabies around!
Congrats on being done with the driving lesson years! I’m jealous! Congrats to that sweet son of yours – I hadn’t heard the good news!
Thanks, Laura! He passed on Tuesday – exactly three years to the day after his sister! She informed me of this, of course.;)
I’ve worn reading glasses for quite some time as my reading-while-driving eyesight declines with age. For god-knows what reason, I’ve always been against the idea of my license being marked as ‘glasses necessary’. I distinctly recall one year standing in the line to take my DMV eye test (“Read the next to the last row of letters”) desperately memorizing the response of the people ahead of me in line. Fortunately, my short-term memory had not yet begun it’s decline.
Fun at the DMV (DMV Motto: “Well, because we can!“)
You memorized the eye test? That’s impressive, if not a bit worrisome!
Huge congrats to your son, Dana. That’s a really big life achievement step. As I read your post so many memories came flooding back. Like the time I popped in to renew my license and my 3 year-old daughter had to pee. Mr. Officious behind the desk refused to let her use their washroom and she watered the bushes out front. Like the time at work when I heard Mom gasp and then reveal that her license had expired. 6 years earlier. And today we are creating new memories – heavy snowfall expected here. My son just drove off and I asked him to please consider abandoning the car in favor of public transport if the snow is too deep at dinner time. My daughter is about to head out and she’s opting to bus it in the morning but will probably need me to drive her to work in the afternoon. I woke up way too early this morning worrying about my adult kids’ transport issues! Yup, this mothering never ends, I’m thinking. As for parallel parking, for some unfathomable reason, I am a star at it. In fact, my friends call upon me to park for them. So, the next time you’re here and you need help with the rental, I’m your gal.
Ha – thanks Kelly! I’m sure the worrying never ends, with driving and a million other things.
When I got my NC drivers license the weight was not needed. They stopped doing that on the military ID too. That’s great considering they don’t let you smile for the pictures anymore. It made the license less horrible with no weight.
I bet it is bittersweet not being the chauffeur anymore. I can’t imagine what that’ll be like. And what?!? Parallel parking isn’t a thing anymore? No fair. I failed my first test because I was driving a stick and the car kept cutting off when I did the three point turn. I finally did it successfully but not the parallel parking. Seems like the grumpy guy just said, “Okay, you’re done” without me finishing the test. But I knew it anyway.
This is one of the things I am most dreading about the boys! They will be driving at the SAME TIME! How will I ever survive it??
And I’m kind of in shock over the window thing. I mean, seriously???
I also feel the need to mention that I’m an excellent parallel parker. The trick is all about cutting the wheel more than you think is necessary…
Congrats mama and I hope you’re liquor cabinet is stocked to calm those nerves!
Parallel parking was my worst maneuver, still is lol. Well done to him on passing 🙂
Thanks Julie!
I don’t have to renew my license until next year. But my photo is from right after we got married back in 2006 as I had just changed my last name legally and needed a new license for that. And lord knows I don’t look the same as I did as that was 12 years ago and way before I ever was pregnant two times over. As parallel parking, I don’t remember the last time I did it either. But man how I wish way back when it wasn’t a part of the actual test as I stressed over that for what seemed like an eternity before taking the actual test. Granted I passed, but still would have been nice not to stress over something I have hardly ever used in all my years driving!
It would have been so nice not to stress over it!