Take it with you, he always says. It has become a running joke over the years, but he really means it. He wants me to take it out of his house and into mine, and now that my children are almost adults, I understand why.
My in-laws have lived in the same home for 47 years, and it is packed with memories. Many of these memories are tangible, packed in boxes and tucked into crannies, corners, and closets. A full home clean-out would take months, but my father-in-law is doing his part, one memento at a time.
My husband’s high school football jersey? Take it with you! A box of photos I offered to go through? Take it with you! When I mentioned I needed a new stockpot, Dad couldn’t hand me one of theirs fast enough. I laughed as he handed it to me on Christmas Day, minutes after we arrived. Take it with you!
I am more of a purger than a collector, but I didn’t fully understand my father-in-law’s need to clean house until the empty nest became a not-so-distant reality. When the kids were younger, I reminded myself that they won’t live at home forever, and I should appreciate the mess while they were still living with me.
I’m over that. I’m not ready to kick my kids out, but I’m tired of all the STUFF.
The new year brings a systematic cleaning and reorganization of the closets in my house, starting with the basement. My strategy is simple: if my kids think they will take it with them when they move out, I’ll store it. Otherwise, it’s gone.
Well, almost. I will save a few art masterpieces, a few favorite toys, and all of the books. I’m not completely heartless and unsentimental, and I know how these childhood artifacts can illicit powerful memories years later.
*****
My mother spent a rainy Saturday cleaning out her basement this past fall. She still has all her record albums, and I know getting rid of some items was difficult for her. Yet as she often reminds me, she knows my sister and I will toss much of this stuff once she’s gone, so why hang onto it for us? I already took my middle school P.E. uniform and my Homecoming dress; what am I supposed to do with a vintage Jessica McClintock frock that my kids thought was a pioneer woman costume?
Hey, at least it still fits.
I did peruse my mom’s treasures. She had a dozen board games I remember from my childhood; some were purchased when I was a kid, and some were from my mother’s childhood. My sister and I spent hours playing those games, rolling the die onto the brittle boards, moving our pieces from square to square. Parcheesi, Monopoly, and Yahtzee were my games, and there were a few score sheets that still bore my adolescent curly cursive loops of the “D” where I wrote my name.
I took my mother’s Scrabble game. The box is ripped, and the paper lunch bag that holds the tiles is probably thirty years old. Matt and I have a Words with Friends streak, but I’d love to revert to old school Scrabble where the only words permitted are words I’ve actually heard of and can use in a sentence. And then I took Rummykub (or Rummy-Q, as I called it). How many hours I spent at my grandparents’ dining room table playing that game – my grandmother, my grandfather, my sister and I. Perhaps my love of games started with those Rummy-Q battles, and two little girls trying to outmaneuver Grandma and Grandpa.
*****
So I’ll save some of the games in my basement, too. I’m trying to think beyond my immediate need to purge the miscellany of two childhoods, and anticipate the nostalgia so many of these items will hold for my daughter and son.
The baby doll she carried around for years, which now looks like a cherubic Chuckie.
The handmade wooden sword he bought with his own money at the Renaissance Festival.
The board books I read to them, and the early readers they read to me.
And when Matt and I downsize and I have no more room to store these things, I will repeat the words of a wise, patient man: Take it with you.
Ah, Rummykub. That was New Year’s Eve tradition at my aunts’ house when I was growing up. Such fond memories. Over the holidays I found my old Careers game at my mother’s house and played with Zoe. It was amusing to open up the game and see the tally sheets my sister and I had made when we were her age!
I loved Careers! We had it too, and we also had my mother’s Careers game from the 1950s. So funny to see old versions and how outdated they are.
I used to be a purger, and was forced to be one when I moved last year. But like you, I have to keep my books, no matter what else goes. And board games… they bring back such fond memories of Saturday nights playing Sorry and Monopoly and Scrabble and Simon Says… ah, the good old days!
Yep! My daughter found some of our old board games, and we’ve been trying them out!
When we moved, I got SO aggressive about getting rid of stuff. I was disgusted with myself by how much I kept… but still, when we got here and I was unpacking, I was like “REALLY!?!?!? WE MOVED THIS???” so I got rid of more stuff. I think we were around 40 large boxes/bags of Salvation Army by the time we were done – maybe more. Plus, a yard sale that was a waste of time for the money we made. Sigh. Still, here we are in this new home and I can’t find Tucker’s Cub Scouts Derby car, so of course, just in looking, I wonder why I unpacked and put some of it in places to be used, especially when it’s not used. Anywhooo. I have my high school team shirts – all of them, I think. I love the dress and LOL to your happy face. My dad has a storage unit that has a sailboat my grandfather built. I want it, but don’t want it HERE, you know? And I don’t know I’d trust trying to sail it anyway. But he built it, so… gah. ”
PS was going to IM you today – I’m listening to Rush – was that one of your recommendations? I’m loving it.
Nope, I can’t take the credit. I imagine moving is a huge incentive to purge!
Oh my to the dress. That’s all I have to say about that. LOL! I’m a purger too more than a collector. I try not to ever bring up my wedding dress when I’m at my parents, because they have it. I couldn’t take it because our first move was to Japan. But I still never brought it to my house. I imagine that one day when Christopher moves out, my wedding dress will move in among other things that’ll come from my parents house. You’ve got some serious collectors items such as those games.
Right? I wonder what my mom’s records are worth – it’s tough to find a dealer who will buy vinyl, though.
I love that you have your middle school PE uniform and your homecoming dress!! Seriously!
Funny thing is, I tossed my kids’ PE uniforms, but kept mine!
I can definitely see myself saying it..
My parents keep everything and Cassidy keeps nearly nothing. I’m caught in between these two worlds – the family of origin and the family I’m creating. I tend to hold onto things because I’m afraid the memories will go with them, which sometimes happens! Then you see something and you remember something so vividly. My parents keep everything because we lost so much as young kids and maybe they’re afraid to be the ones to make the decision to cut stuff loose. I know they want us to come and get rid of it!
Yep – you better be careful, Tamara! Make sure your car is packed full so they can’t send you home with all of it.
Not surprisingly, I can SO relate to this. I still have 3 kids firmly at home, but I feel the need to purge. It’s actually one of my goals this year to clean out the attic and the basement. Get rid of the old toys, games, and books they’ve outgrown or don’t like. Three things I’m definitely keeping for (*whispers because she doesn’t want any for at least ten years*) grandchildren are LEGO, Thomas the Train (wooden tracks and cars), and the Fisher Price doll house. I’m planning on going through the books next month. You’re keeping them all? Hmm. 🤔
And PS, I had Jessica McClintock frocks too!
Ha – I whisper the same thing! Yes, I’m keeping all the books, I think. It’s too hard to decide which to keep and which to give away.
Love this! So true. I’m not a pack rat, and pretty much clean cupboards and drawers throughout the year. Today, in fact, I cleaned out the linen closet and got rid of old, ughly towels I’ll never use. It gives me such a good feeling when I do this. Crazy, right? But, one thing I have been trying to do for over 2 years, is to organize & get rid of photos. Most are in albums, but many are not. I had planned to have them scanned. Oh well, maybe this year, I’ll get back to the sorting.
Oh, photos are daunting. I have so many prints that I really should scanned and save, but that’s one task I’m just not up to yet.
Dana, Such a coincidence! Dad told me about your post as I was cleaning/organizing the jelly cabinet in the third bedroom. I found about 100 buttons (from shirts purchased over the years), note pads, and art work from our grandkids. I also found a pink diaper pin!! Want it??? I am surprised you didn’t mention in your post that I usually come to your house or your sister’s with “goodies” which are immediately refused!! BTW, I luved that dress and am so impressed that it still fits you. Luved the post!!!!
I’ll pass on the diaper pin, thanks! And you’re right – I forgot about your attempts to give me more stuff…
My parents handed off the last of my boxes to me in August. So, thirty years after college graduation, I’m officially moved out.
I did an immense purge in September followed by a tag sale, a lot of donations and online sales. I’m thankful for technology; I sent the kids scores of photos of their “treasures,” and they decided what to keep and what to sell.
The kids now have one foot out the door; with their college schedules, co ops, travel, and such, we’ll most likely not all be simultaneously in the house until Thanksgiving 2019. So, like you, I’m glad to hang onto their keepsakes a little longer.
I know you can relate! Right now I’m enjoying having everyone under one roof for a little while, but I know that’s not going to last long.
Lately, my mother-in-law always arrives with a bag of “stuff” for us. Unfortunately, it’s never the good stuff! That we won’t see till they’re gone:). But Lordy my MIL is a packrat. A neat and organized one, but a keeper none-the-less. Not looking forward to cleaning out their house. I hope it will be very far in the future (because I love them), so my kids can do it/or help. I’m starting to be a minimalist myself. Too much stuff, to much work. But I will never get rid of the books!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you Homecoming dress is hilarious. I want to see the PE uniform!
I still have it, Allie. Maybe I’ll send you a pic, but I’m definitely not modeling it for you!
Totally can relate to this as I am more of a purger like you, as well and the “take it with you” mentality tends to drive me a bit crazy, as well. Because I am constantly trying to rid my home of clutter. But then, I often have to stop myself with that urge and remind myself, as well that my kids won’t always live with us either. So to enjoy what I can of all of their stuff being possibly out of its so-called place. Trust me; I have done this enough here, as well. Oh and love that the dress still fits you 😉
It is a pretty forgiving dress 😉
Oh I love this! My aunt tends to hold onto EVERYTHING and we make fun of her but, when I have a memory of something from my childhood, 9 times out of 10, she has it! I’m still clinging to way too many boxes of baby things from the boys but I’m not ready yet. I do purge a ton of toys and so many clothes but, like you, there are things that will never leave as long as I’m alive.
Beautifully written and I also thought that was some kind of pioneer costume – LOL!!! But yes – it still fits!
It was a very fashionable dress in 1987 or so! I’d like to find a balance – holding on to some things, but not ALL the things.