My darling daughter,
All your life I’ve been giving you advice. All your life you’ve been ignoring me.
When I suggested that you may not want to put the piece of chewed gum you picked up in the preschool parking lot into your mouth, you popped it in and munched away.
When I recommended that your sandals were a smarter choice in July than your Uggs knockoffs, you trotted out with your shorts and boots.
When I encouraged you to keep up with your summer reading so you didn’t have to cram at the beginning of high school, you ended up staying up until 2:00 am the week before school started instead.
Yet I keep trying, because one day you’ll learn that you don’t know everything. It might be in your twenties, it may be in your thirties, and it better be by your forties. And now, before the summer you turn seventeen and begin your final year in high school, I want to give you more advice that you will probably ignore. I know you don’t want to hear the old and tired cliches, but that’s what I’m telling you. Except I’m going to tell you how many of them are complete and utter bullsh*t.
*****
Don’t judge a book by its cover.
How else will you know if you want to read it? People will make assumptions about you based on your appearance, so make the impression you want to make. Dress how you want to be treated.
Actions speak louder than words.
Not always. Words have the power to destroy and create, wound and heal. Wield that power carefully, and remember that once you write words online they will live forever.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
I wish. Dad and I have given you some decent genes, but the rest is up to you. A fried mozzarella stick is not lean protein, Skittles are not fruit, and beer doesn’t hydrate. I know the Chick Fil-A milkshakes are heaven in a cup, but balance them out with some healthy choices. When you head to college, find the fitness center, and use it.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Meh. Lemonade is so predictable. When you find yourself dealing with a whole lotta crap, get creative. Make lemon bars, or lemon chicken, or a nice lemon face scrub.
Take it like a man.
This is ridiculous. Don’t just take it, do something about it. But if you must take it, take it like the strong, intelligent, and thoughtful young woman that you are, because that will always be enough.
Two heads are better than one.
Not always. Trust yourself, and have confidence in your own decision-making abilities. Remember all the times I asked Dad which shoe looked better with my outfit? Did you notice that he rolled his eyes every time? That’s because I always went with the shoe I wanted, regardless of his opinion. I asked for validation, but I really only needed my own.
What goes around comes around.
Unfortunately this isn’t the way life works. Some people get away with bad things, and that sucks. All you can do is live the way your father and I raised you.
A watched pot never boils.
Yes it does. And if you’re watching it, it won’t boil over and make a mess. Know what’s happening and be in charge of your own life. “I didn’t know” and “No one told me” will not fly as excuses when you’re a grown-up.
Don’t toot your own horn.
Why not? If you don’t, then who will? You can be modest or sell yourself short professionally, but men won’t be doing either. There’s nothing wrong with letting people know what you’ve done well, as long as you also take responsibility for things you haven’t done so well.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
In theory this sounds good, but the bird in your hand may be a pathetic little thing and the two in the bush may be kick-ass. Sometimes holding out for something better is worth the risk.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
If you’re talking about turning off a stove burner or changing your underwear, okay. But you’re going to need to learn how to prioritize and manage your to-do lists on your own. All the nagging you think I do? Those are reminders to get stuff done, and soon you’ll have to remind yourself. Good luck, my dear – you’ll need it.
If you can’t beat’em, join’em.
I don’t think so. Do not compromise your principles just because everyone else is.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Bullsh*t. Why would you take the time to buy a cake, put it on your own plate so it looks like you made it, and then not eat a bite? You may not be able to have it all, but you won’t know until you try. Don’t ever let anyone set limits for you – that’s my job. At least it was when you were little and I was trying to keep you safe. Now it’s your job, and only you can determine how much cake you can eat.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
If you are living in our house, then yes, that is literally true. But figuratively, the grass usually just looks greener. Up close it has weeds and bare patches; all grass does. Yours may not be the perfect shade of green, but it’s yours.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Not sweating the small stuff could kill you. Perhaps I’m being a bit melodramatic, but I want to get your attention. Forgetting to buckle up, leaving your drink on the bar unattended, not using sunscreen daily – these seemingly little things can be life-altering. Take a few seconds to be smart, and sweat the small stuff so that it stays small.
*****
That’s it for now. I know you probably skimmed most of this letter anyway, since it was much more than your usual 140 character attention span is accustomed to. If I come up with any more cliches to debunk, I’ll text you.
And when you finally realize that your old, out-of-touch mother may actually know what she’s talking about, I’ll be here waiting with open arms and a barely concealed smirk.
Love,
Lovely! I enjoyed the way you flipped these cliches around. You’re a smart cookie!
Mmmm – cookie….
We seem to think alike…on a variety of topics 🙂 I love your advice to your daughter. She probably won’t listen but when she discovers she doesn’t know everything she might remember this and think oh crap I could have saved a lot of time if only I listened more and rolled my eyes less
Exactly! I know that’s what I thought about my mom’s advice.
Awesome post Dana!! This will serve your beautiful girl well as she matures and leaves the best. I love each one that chose and I’ll be sharing!
Thanks Taya!
My ex and I have our differences, but are both deeply committed to raising our son well. I am forwarding this to him. Such great advice!
Thanks, Steph – I think most of the advice applies to sons as well as daughters.
If my mother gave me any words of wisdom as I got older, I certainly don’t remember them (except for the “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” adage). I know your daughter will appreciate this. Probably not now but in the near future!
I’m sure not now, but a mom’s gotta try!
I love this! I love your take on all these cliches and your advice is spot on!
Thank you 🙂
I love these. I wish I had someone to share these thoughts with me when I was in high school. But, now that I’m in my 20’s, I’m glad I read them here!
I’m glad you did too, Jenn! Now you’re old enough to realize that you don’t know everything, unlike most teenagers. 🙂
So much great wisdom here! Lemon bars! I love how you spun a lot of these and gave great advice. True, especially, that what goes around doesn’t always come around. They’re all true, really!
I went through lots of cliches, Nina! Many can be spun either way.
This is great! I think I need to save it in some really smart place I”ll be able to find so I can give it to my girls when they are older. (Ok, reality- that’s never going to happen, but maybe I can remember and give them similar advice – maybe) But, my memory aside, this is absolutely great.
Thank you so much, Jessie – I’m glad you liked it!
I’m laughing and applauding. This is beautiful, and I must share with my children.
Do you remember that song that was popular about a decade ago – it wasn’t a song really, but a series of platitudes by Baz Luhrman of all people… you know, the “Don’t forget the suncreen” song?
This is better. Way better. Good job.
I remember…I’m happy you think mine is better! Thanks, Julia.
I loved reading this so much, Dana. It goes to show that there are varying ways to interpret and see things in this life. It’s not all black and white. There are varying shades of gray that work depending on you and your situation. People can definitely make a full coherent explanation as to why some cliches either do live up to what they say or how you so cleverly put it, how many don’t. 🙂
So true, Brittnei. Even while I was writing this, I saw ways I could have supported some of the cliches. It all depends on the situation, and how you interpret things.
Excellent advice Dana! Wow you held on to this post for a long time. I remember when you were collecting cliches. My favorite advice of yours is the “A watched pot never boils”. Love what you did with this!
I actually submitted it to an anthology and another site – both rejected. Finally decided to just post it here – I always accept my own work.
Love, love, love this, Dana!! Excellent advice for teenage girls but also contains words of wisdom reminding parents to hop off the helicopter and let kids be in charge of their own lives.
Now I just need to follow my own advice, Mo!
I never understood the whole ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’ thing. if I have cake, I’m eating it! You gave some sound advice here, and hopefully she takes it…if not today then someday.
Someday is fine with me! And I’ll eat cake with you, Leslie.
Well done with the cliches and your advice…you covered it all. It’s so scary when you can’t be there to make sure they actually listen to your advice or be there to help them all the time.
I know…adjusting to college is going to be tough for both of us!
Oh, Dana, your daughter is going to be a senior! This is awesome advice and all of it so so true. I want to save this for Eve for when she is older. I hope that as she gets older while she may not always appear to be listening that she hears what I have to say.
I think that’s what Gwen does. She hears me, and I just hope that if I say things often enough, they will stick.
It’s funny how we think we know everything when we’re young and innocent but life eventually smacks us upside the head and says, “NOPE! Here’s your reality check!” It’s humbling, and yet it’s nice to learn about so many other things that we only thought we knew.
So true. I’m so much wiser now, in large part because I KNOW I don’t know everything.
This is the best. Seriously. Your daughter is so lucky to have you, even if she doesn’t know it yet. And PS, I’m ‘a go ahead and take your advice!
So at least one person will – thanks Chrissy! Btw, have I ever told you how much I love your blog name? Quirky is one of my favorite personality traits.
You know what else? Even though I drive her crazy, I think my daughter does know she’s lucky to have me. And the feeling is mutual. Most of the time. 😉
Dana, this is BRILLIANT! Might even be my third favourite of yours. I need to heed your advice as much as your daughter does. Thank you for this.
Wow – thank you Lizzi. I need to heed this advice too…it’s often easier to give it than to take it, though. We need to remind one another.
Nice Dana, I think I could apply a few of these myself! I laughed at the “…buy a cake, put it on your own plate…” I had to read it twice to be sure that’s what you wrote.
I’m glad you caught that, Steph…that is the secret to my awesome baking skillz.
I’m sitting here gob smacked. You nailed each and every one and I can’t think of another one to come up with. Maybe I will at 3:00 AM but not now. Nicely done. Grinning here – loved your less than sugary sweet take on this, Dana. It is a refreshing read. Off to share.
I love making you grin, Kelly! And gob smacking you. Which sounds mean but it’s really not.
I read this earlier today…and had to come back to read it again. Love, love, love your take on these clichés. I’m definitely a SWEAT ALL THE SMALL STUFF kind of mom…. sometimes it’s hard to watch them learn some life lessons the hard way.
It is hard! I’m surprised I don’t have a hole in my tongue for as often as I’ve bitten it, trying to keep my mouth shut.
Love the way you debunked these cliches! This is the advice I needed ten years ago, although I probably would not have listened to it then… 🙂
I know, right? Youth is wasted on the young…there’s one cliche that is true!
agreed, cliches can be so full of crappola. absolutely toot your horn!
Yes! No waiting around for someone else to do it. They’re too busy tooting theirs anyway.
Excellent list! If it’s OK with you, I shall be re-purposing several of these for Boy Scouts. Good advice is not just for daughters. ;D
Very true, Bruce. I have a younger son, and most of these would apply to him as well.
I didn’t skim it, but I do like the idea that it will always be here for her. (but I bet she didn’t skim it)
I definitely believe in making lemon bars when life hands me lemons. Lemonade isn’t quite right for me.
And I love the idea of dressing how you want to be treated. It’s so simply put.
Your daughter is lucky!
I like your advice about keeping the small things small. So many times my kids roll my eyes when I remind them about a “little” thing, but those small things can turn into really big deals if you don’t take care of them. Hopefully, your daughter will take your words to heart! 😉
I can only hope! She may not ever admit she took my advice, but I can live with that.
Great advice!
Thanks, Sarah!
I’ve always disliked the lemonade one without really knowing why: you hit the nail on the head! With all of them. Thank you Dana. Great post, fantastic advice. Such a wonderful way to start the day!
Yay – so glad you liked it, Nicki!
This is all valid advice, I think. Clever to organize as debunking of cliches.
Thanks, Sarah. I actually cut a few from this piece because it was too long…so many cliches, so little time.
Love this I think one of my favorites is this one: “Actions speak louder than words….Not always. Words have the power to destroy and create, wound and heal. Wield that power carefully, and remember that once you write words online they will live forever.”
So true! It is amazing the power that a sharp word or a kind word has had over me. Maybe that’s my own fault for giving them power, but the minute we speak words to someone (or millions of someones online) that is an action too.
A really great post.
Thank you so much Christie. I suppose the opposing cliche to the actions/words is “The pen is mightier than the sword.” That one I believe is often true. And you are right – speaking or writing words are actions too.
As an unabashed user of clichés, this one cracked me up! And thank you for explaining A Bird in the Hand – I never did understand that one!
My pleasure! I try to avoid cliches in my writing, but it was fun to use them freely.
I absolutely love each and every one of these. You should be winning some kind of “mother of all mothers” award. This is excellent advice and someday, she will thank you for it.
PS – I heard in a song recently “the grass is greener where you water it.” Love that.
Oh, I love that too! So simple and obvious, but how often do we lose sight of the simple and obvious?
I love this and definitely think you’re mom advice was spot on for this article 😉
Thanks Janine!