She walks on her toes, inching closer to the door dusted with cobwebs, and extends her trembling hand to grasp the cold doorknob. It protests as it turns, and she hears the voice in her head whisper furiously, “Don’t go in there! You know a white female always dies first in horror movies…”
She idiotically ignores the voice, and continues to rotate her wrist until the knob clicks. She nudges the door open millimeter by millimeter, peeking in as if that will save her from what waits inside. She inhales deeply, then exhales as she pushes the door open fully with feigned bravado, daring the darkness or the monster or the psychopath in a hockey mask to come and get her.
The room is empty.
That was me, flexing my atrophied writing muscles, using the metaphor of a deserted room to describe how it feels to write on this blog again. The room is empty because I haven’t written a non-book review post in over five months, and I may well be talking to air right now. But there might be a few of you left, even if it’s only my parents, husband and daughter.
So, let’s do a bit of housekeeping in this neglected, dusty blog, shall we?
HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY TO ME!
Kiss my List is seven years old this month. My kids were eleven and fourteen when I began, and I had 20/20 vision and no gray hair. All that has changed, and every year I post less. I only posted thirteen times in 2019, compared to 32 times in 2018 and a whopping 72 times in 2015. I don’t even look at my blog traffic anymore; I’m writing for me, and for the people who choose to read. I’ve often thought about quitting, but when it came time to renew my domain and hosting last month, I just couldn’t give up this space.
The word of the year…again?
As if resolutions (which I refuse to make) weren’t painful enough, the word of the year is now a thing. I played along in 2016 when I chose the word embrace, and I’m going to do it again.
Since I rarely do things off the cuff, let’s research. Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year for 2019 is climate emergency.
Well, that’s two words, Oxford. And I’m looking for a word that can direct my personal intentions for 2020.
Merriam-Webster’s word of 2019 is they. As in the non binary pronoun. I understand and support the need for such a word, but I wish the English language had a gender neutral pronoun. By using they in both the traditional plural and new singular form, my inner grammar nerd is freaking out. However, I do believe it’s time to stop using he/him/his as the default pronouns, so I will embrace the change.
These dictionary giants choose words that are used frequently and reflect the zeitgeist of the past year, but I want a word that is specific for me.
Deliberate
I start with the word deliberate, as an adjective. I’m aiming for purposeful, focused, centered, grounded, but Dictionary.com’s definition is “carefully weighed or considered; studied; intentional.”
I like intentional, but deliberate is feeling a bit too constricting now. I’m switching my word to:
Purposeful
Here are Macmillan Dictionary’s definitions:
purposeful
determined to achieve a goal
intended to achieve something useful
I can work with that.
My life is in transition, more so than life is generally just by definition. My youngest headed off to college in August, and my oldest may come back home this August, so Matt and I have officially entered the emptyish nest portion of our lives. While his career remains a constant, however, I am completely up in the air regarding what I want to be when I grow up.
I told myself I’d give myself time, but I can’t just la-de-da my way through the days waiting for something to happen. I’m not even sure what I want to happen, or if I’d know it was happening when and if it does happen. So.
I am going to be purposeful in my daily plans, goals, actions, and decisions. Even on the smallest scale, I am going to move forward with intention.
My life is purposeful when I get things done. Projects, goals, anything on my to-do list. Read this book. Call that friend. Organize that closet. Work on that resumé. Clearly I’m not talking about life-changing things, but baby steps can still get me where I want to go.
Where do I want to go?
My life is purposeful when I take time to think about what I want and how I’m going to make that happen. I will spend more time with myself, figuring out what my brain and my body is telling me, and actually listen to both.
I come back again to my 2016 word embrace. Four years ago, I promised myself I would:
Embrace the people in my life.
Embrace the things that are good, and be satisfied.
Embrace the changes that will come, and view them as opportunities to take risks and grow.
Embrace being a control freak, and embrace the lack of control.
My life is purposeful when I live with intention and embrace all it has to offer.
She steps into the empty room, her fabulous shoes leaving footprints on the dusty floorboards. She calls out, “Hello, 2020, I’m here!” and smiles as her voice echoes off the bare walls.
Linking up with my dear friend Kristi for Finish the Sentence Friday.
YES!!!! This was SO. MUCH. FUN. to read, Dana!! And girl, you still got it!! You are a true WORDSMITH and it’s a gift you will ALWAYS HAVE.
I love your word. I love all your thoughts as they unfolded so brilliantly and intentionally- dare I say Purposefully? 🙂 I nodded through this entire blog post whispering, “Yes, I agree, oh yes, so true! mmmm.. yes totally, that oh yes, exactly YES!!
PLEASE keep writing!!! I’ve missed your words and your heart that always comes through them.
Thank you for your encouragement Chris. I will keep writing – thank you for sticking around!
Dana! You’re my inspiration. Perhaps someday I, too, will step into the room:)!
Love your word, and so grateful you’re still writing.
I really appreciate that, Allie. I’m grateful that you still read when I do write:)
Perfect note and word to start the new year!
Thanks Nina!
I love your word. Living deliberately and purposefully is something I have been focusing on lately for many reasons similar to yours here. I wish you a year filled with clarity and direction!
Same to you Lisa!
What timing! I was awake ridiculously early this morning thinking about blogging and the friends I’ve made through it and how I sadly rarely have time to read them anymore, and this popped up in my Facebook feed. Happy 2020, friend! Good to see you here 😊
Good to see you here too, Bev! I’m so glad we can stay connected on FB – I love seeing your updates and those adorable faces of your girls. Happy 2020 to you and yours!
I’m so GLAD you renewed and so happy to read your words again! I haven’t picked a word this year, but I have thought a lot about how to approach 2020. I, too, am in transition, although not exactly the same as yours. 2020 will most likely offer me many opportunities for growth, but also many challenges,(daughter graduating and leaving for college, daughter insisting she should have more independence because she is “about” to leave for college, pursuing publication in earnest) and I must be mindful and purposeful as I forge ahead or I might get lost in a reactive, peri menopausal cyclone of stress and tears. So I LOVE your word for 2020, and I look forward to more posts from you that convey this mindset. 🙂 Happy New Year!
2020 is going to be a big year for you, Julia! It’s easy to get lost in all of the transition, so I wish you the mindfulness you’re aiming to keep throughout the year. And publication – woohoo!! I can’t wait to hold a copy of that book in my hands.
I know it likely wasn’t your intent, but I’m a little teary reading this. I’m not sure if it’s mostly because it’s so wonderful to see you here in this brilliant space (glad you renewed by the way), or if I can relate to so much of what you say. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, either, and I didn’t even realize it until recently. You and I started blogging almost exactly at the same time (a few months before you in late September) and I am SO GLAD we both did – if not, would we ever even have met one another?
I love your word (and all of your ways to get there – looking up the definitions and all that is so adorably YOU) “Purposeful.”
Oh! One more thing – I, too, am so glad that there’s a “they” but it messes me up too and I agree it’d be easier if there were a completely new word that didn’t mean “more than one person” to identify with but also get it – I mean if a person feels like a “They” because they are both… Still, it’s a retraining thing for sure when it comes to writing and thinking.
Kristi, you basically just wrote everything I was thinking as I was reading this, no lie! Dana, I was so delighted when I saw your post on FB, I haven’t written on my blog in forever but I just renewed it as well. You’ve given me inspiration. So glad to see both of you here (insert 17 heart emojis).
Hey Steph! Hope you are doing well. If you do start posting again, I’ve become a bourbon lover since you last posted drink recipes…;)
We would have never met if it weren’t for blogging, I’m sure of it! Writing and linking up again was like coming back home xoxo
I love this!! Love your analogy of creeping into the empty room. Totally felt that way writing again and linking up for this post. I didn’t write anything at all in 2019 and didn’t miss it – until I did. I actually wrote some stuff in December and submitted it to a local parenting blog because I wasn’t sure I was going to open the door to my own blog again. Now, I kind of wish I had those pieces back! 🙂 Feels good to be back – I’ve missed everyone!
I saw your book post on the local blog – congrats! It does feel good to be back; I’m actually surprised at how good it felt to write in this space again.
Hey, congratulations on the seventh anniversary of your blog*
‘Purposeful’ totally has a solid stance and the benefit of non-defined (and therefore not limited) power. Practical without being dull,
cool
* which, as we all know, is in blogging years is 29 ’cause, I mean, time passed in the virtual world, is different… lol
Wow, my blog looks pretty good for 29! And practical without being dull…I’d like to think that describes both my word of the year and me;)
I always look forward to your posts, Dana, so trust that there are folks out there tuning in to hear what you have to say. I love purposeful as your word. Like you, I’ve had years when I embrace (there’s that word) a word for the years and other years I’m like “nah, I’m good.” This year my word is “closer”. Excited to see where it will lead me. Here’s to purposeful, closer living in 2020!
Ooh, closer is a great word, Alison. I want you to know that I read all your posts on your blog and on FB, even though I rarely comment. I appreciate such sound practical advice from a woman who I don’t feel is preaching to me…you’re genuine and honest. So thank you for that!
I really enjoy reading your blog Dana. You are an excellent writer and make every topic quite interesting. I hope you continue writing your blogs, at least occasionally.
Wishing you and your family a joyous and healthy 2020!
Thank you so much Andi! Happy 2020 to you too, and go Ravens!
I once wrote a similar-ish metaphor for if Writer’s Block was an actual place. And just like any nightmare, I never want to go there but end up back time and time again.
No offense to any of my other blogging buddies but yours is one of the few that I’m still subscribed to (like in my inbox), I guess because you’re the most relevant in terms of recommending books I like so I never want to miss a post 🙂 I do hope you stick around too. I too am trying to be more purposeful in my daily plans etc and I gotta say I’m already exhausted and it’s only the 10th of January. I’m was telling my mind and body just this morning – “Dude, work with me.”
I’ve been seeing your daily Instagram posts – no wonder you’re exhausted! Keep it going, though! I’m so glad you find my blog relevant to you – I appreciate that. And I’m glad I’m sticking with it, even if it’s only once and awhile. I really should get back to those prompts from that book you recommended, that I promptly downloaded and then ignored. Ugh. What was my word again?
I. Love. This.
I love that you’re blogging again and I LOVE your words, both in general AND your words for this year. Purposeful really resonates with me as well. 😘
I’m glad, Beth! Happy 2020 to you, and thanks for keeping me motivated to keep moving!
Another excellent, well-written post!! Hope they appear more regularly in 2020!
Thanks Mom:)
I hear you! I’m glad you’re still posting. I am not quite as far along in the child-rearing phase as you are, but it is nice to hear how things are going for you. Keep posting!
Thanks for the encouragement, Vivian! Hope 2020 finds you and yours well.
I love that you’re here! And your awesome metaphor for a deserted room, but I assure you, it is NOT deserted. We’re all still here lurking when the lights come on! That’s what happens with email notifications, Facebook, and Bloglovin!
I so hear you about “they.” I very much see the need for the pronoun but the singular/plural thing trips me up. Although I’m glad for it too!
And I love your word.
I have had gray hair long before I started blogging, though. Very uncool.
It’s tougher for brunettes, right? Nowhere for those grays to hide. And I’m thrilled to see your smiling face now that the lights are on.
What can I say, but so glad to have you back her writing in your blog in your own space. That said love how you came up with your word for this year and from how you laid it out here sounds absolutely perfect for you for the upcoming year now 😉
Thanks Janine!