Joe pulls a sheet of paper out of his jacket pocket, unfolding it and smiling across the table at Matt and me. It’s an unspoken challenge, and we confidently accept. We rattle off names of restaurants, slowing down as we name ten, twelve, fifteen places. There are twenty on Joe’s typed list – one for each year we have celebrated our anniversaries together. Erin was my bridesmaid, and a year plus two weeks later I was hers. A year after that, the four of us toasted at the first of our anniversary dinners. Tonight is dinner number twenty-one, and our official list keeper has recorded every one in between.
In the early years of marriage, back in the 20th century, our dining picks were dictated by price. If a place was on the Entertainment card, it was in our budget. Drinks were a luxury, as were appetizers and desserts. We laugh as we recall the year that the maitre d’ loaned Joe a jacket because the restaurant was fancier than we thought. In those years, we were often seated near the kitchen, the hostesses assuming we would not complain about the second-rate table location.
Our reservation time was late and dining was leisurely. We had no babysitters to pay, and no early morning wakeup call the next day. Many of those restaurants no longer exist; like our pre-parenting years, they have been replaced by something new, although the outline of what used to be is still faintly visible. Our anniversary dinner was just one of the many Saturday evenings we spent together as couples in those easy days, yet it was the rare night out on the town.
We reminisce about the years when parenthood required all of our attention, and our anniversary dinner was the only night of the year we saw each other without babies, toddlers, and elementary schoolers in tow. Our reservation time was early and dining was brisk if not rushed; babysitters are not cheap. We announced pregnancies, fretted about developmental milestones, and marveled at how fast our families were growing.
Eventually our oldest daughters became the babysitters, and our dinners are once again relaxed. This is the only night of the year we manage to double date, although we vow to change that as our nests empty. Some years our dinner is a week late; some years it’s over a month after our anniversaries have passed. But it is nonnegotiable, and it is the one standing date we have held onto through the hectic years of parenting. Only once has any of us missed our celebration. Even then, a pregnant Erin left her sick husband at home, and we dined as a trio.
We now choose restaurants with little regard for price, and we all order at least one drink and appetizer. As we have matured, so have our meat and potato palates; we have become amateur foodies in our middle age. Tonight, Matt and I arrive at the restaurant first, and the hostess seats us by a window, claiming ours is one of their best tables handled by one of their finest servers. I smirk as I place my napkin in my lap, undecided as to whether I should be bothered or flattered that we are now prime clientele for a hip and trendy dining establishment. Weren’t we just the couple who was pretending to be grown up?
We leave our table hours after we have cleared our plates. Joe folds up the list and tucks it back into his pocket; he will add this year’s restaurant as number twenty-two. As we wait outside for our cars, we promise, as we do each year, to get together before our twenty-second dinner. We may not make good on that promise, but our anniversary celebration, on a summer evening in 2018, is one date night we can always count on to keep.
This piece originally appeared on JMore Living.
That’s really cool! What a great idea. I’d love to see the list, I wonder how many restaurants Id recognize? We ate some great food in downtown EC. And a few Anniversary Dinner’s, too. Jordan’s (now gone:(), and Tiber River Tavern…
I don’t have the list, but I think Jordan’s was on it! That may be it in EC, though.
I love traditions of any kind but those that involve loved ones – be they family or friends who have become family – even better! I’m impressed that you kept the annual date even through the hectic blur of the baby/toddler/young children years!
I’m kinda impressed too, Mo! Although we were highly motivated to get out of the house for an adult evening. It felt so decadent back then!
I’m nodding my head as so much of your memories. The couple pretending to be grown up? Describes us perfectly! And back when we were young and poor, our dinner out was where the buy one/get one free dinner was being served. I just wish we had thought to do this with another couple to truly relish in the memories.
It’s not too late to start, Kerri!
that is a wonderful tradition, and a beautiful narrative of the progression of life. it made me think of college when a friend and i used to have brunch once a month or so…and the places were so cheap. one step up from fast food. now…we just laugh…and order the most expensive glass of wine on the menu!
Love it! It’s neat to see how far we’ve come.
Beautiful Dana, I enjoyed this story! The one thing I miss most about living “away” is all the things you mention here. After I was “grown”, I didn’t get to continuing growing up with my friends. There’s no standing date we can count on and we just hope and pray it’s not for a sad occassion.
I know what you mean, Kenya. My college roommates and I also have an annual girls’ weekend – I’d love to see them more often, but we are all spread out and busy with life.
So heartwarming. I love this piece on friendship, love, marriage, tradition, and the bittersweet passage of time.
Thanks, Tamara!
Very heartwarming to see how the bonds of friendship between you have held fast through the years, Dana.
Thank you Alison!
What a wonderful tradition! It sounds like a lovely way to celebrate both marriage and friendship 🙂
It really is!
This is so sweet, Dana! I wish that I (and all of us everybody) had friends like this. I love the progression through the years; the rushed babysitter evenings, the table placement, ordering drinks and appetizers now… such a great way to show life’s paths with such a great friendship. Love!
Thank you, Kristi 🙂
Love this one (who am I kidding I love all of them all) and am a tad bit jealous that I can’t say that I have someone that has been around for 22 years. You four certainly chose well!
It says something that you keep up with this, keep the list going and want to see each other every year! The only thing I want to know is where you went and what has been you favorite dinner? Thanks for this and love the picture!
Last year we went to Oceanaire downtown. I could not tell you my favorite dinner, though – I can’t even remember every place we have dined!
This is the sweetest thing!! I absolutely love it and love the tradition. What amazing friends you have. That is a very rare and special thing, as I assume you already know. And, I can totally relate to dining though the years and moving from the kitchen to the window seats 🙂 We’re still in the sitter paying phase but, honestly, it’s worth every penny!!
It totally is worth it!
What a wonderful tradition! And I can relate, yup, yup, yup, on all accounts, right down to the Entertainment Card! 😉
There’s one thing that you’ve said more than once on this blog that I really relate to… “aren’t we pretending to be adults”. I get that, so well. Here I am, 47, with a house and a farm, a real grown up, and many times, I still don’t think that I am, or I can’t believe this is where we are when I remember the years when we lived on student loans and went to Olive Garden to fill up on bread sticks and salad so we could save most of our main course for dinner the next night. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one pretending to be grown up. 😉
You certainly aren’t! I’m glad to know it’s not unique to me. Sometimes my childhood and adolescence seems so long ago, and sometimes I can’t believe that I am a homeowner, wife, mother…a responsible adult. I wonder why that is?
I loved this so much, Dana. What a beautiful piece on both marriage and time passing.
Thank you so much Nina!
Absolutely love that you have held to this over the years through it all. And like you I can clearly recall the early years being one way for us dining out and how that has changed with the addition of kids and even more so now that they are getting older. So can relate a bit on that level.
Thanks Janine!