At the end of each summer, I always feel a little sad. Sad that another year has passed, and that my children are another year closer to leaving home. At the end of this summer, however, the joy eclipsed the sadness.
I have often been proud of my children. Usually these moments of pride are small and private. Sometimes the moments are a little bigger and more public. And rarely, the moments are monumental, and the pride and joy and love bubble out of me.
Last weekend was one of those rare times. James became a bar mitzvah, and the pride and joy overflowed. I know I’ve mentioned it here often this summer, but there are not that many milestones that I can share with dozens of people who are important to me. It is amazing to have all of those individuals in one room, as is knowing dozens more share our joy even in their absence.
I sat on the bimah in synagogue with my husband and my children, trying to remember to sit ladylike and quiet the nervous bounce of my foot against the chair. I watched both Gwen and James lead the congregation in prayer, and I was in awe of their poise and their mastery of the Hebrew language.
“Bar (or Bat) mitzvah” means “Son (or Daughter) of the Commandment,” and the ceremony marks the passage from childhood to adulthood within the Jewish community. It signifies one’s acceptance of and commitment to the laws and customs of the Jewish faith.
On Saturday, James read from the Torah for the first time. The Torah is the sacred parchment scroll containing the Five Books of Moses. For Christians, these are the first five books of the Old Testament. The Torah is written in Hebrew, with no vowels or punctuation.
Seven years of religious school, from September to May each year. Learning to read in another language, and learning dozens of prayers in that language. Weekly tutoring for six months, and daily practicing the entire summer. Writing a D’Var Torah, which is James’ interpretation of his Torah portion.
James spent hours and hours learning and practicing. And while I had to remind him to practice most nights, he did it with minimal complaint.
The result? A fluid reading of his Torah portion, and a thoughtful and well delivered D’Var Torah. An understanding of his new role in the Jewish community, and a commitment to being a role model for the younger students he will teach this fall.
As many families do, we threw a big party after the service. I struggled with this a bit, as I did when planning Gwen’s bat mitzvah. The party is NOT the bar mitzvah; it is a celebration of a life event, not the life event itself. I didn’t want the focus to be lost, but I wanted to celebrate.
How often are you able to have so many people you love in one room, laughing and eating and dancing?
So we laughed, and ate, and danced.
While James prepared for his bar mitzvah by studying, I prepared for his party by adding fun touches to his Baltimore Ravens theme. The projects kept me busy and made me feel a bit more in control of an event that really wasn’t in my control at all.
Place cards
Instead of a sign in book, guests signed a Ravens banner
Table numbers were jersey numbers of favorite players
Simple centerpieces – a tin pail, tissue paper, and balloons
There were the trademarks of a great party. Broken chairs, neck hula-hooping, ties removed, and heels tossed under the table. Hugs and smiles until the very end.
And the next morning, I posted on Facebook:
What a way to end the summer.
When you write about your children, I always feel a little heart tug. Your love spills through your words without your even having to say the words. Congrats to you and your son. Looks and sounds like a fun celebration too.
Thank you for saying that, Mandi – I’m glad the emotion comes through. And it was a fabulous celebration!
CONGRATS! That is a huge moment. And you did a great job, mom, on that party. It looked so thoughtfully put together for your son. That’s love.
Enjoy the happiness hangover a little longer….you deserve to.
Thank you so much, Allison!
Mazel tov, Dana, to you and your family, and especially your son! I can only the pride you must have felt as a mom during this very special day. I would have a happiness hangover too 🙂
Thanks Bev! I was almost as emotional as I was at his bris. The years in between just flew by!
Beautiful. And I loved hearing about your anticipation, reading your update, and knowing that you had such a fabulous time. Kudos on the party theme – very cool 🙂 But yes – the focus on the actual Bar Mitzvah – you did well to keep that, and James did brilliantly to do so much to achieve this stage in his faith.
Lovely.
I hope the dancing was WONDERFUL 😀
The dancing was FABULOUS. If my feet don’t hurt at the end of a party, I didn’t have enough fun.
Brilliant. I am so happy for you and yours. Many years ago my husband and I attended the Jewish wedding of a dear friend’s son. It was the most joyful and moving experience. I loved the readings, the throwing of the candy, the smashing of the glass … Oh! And the dancing at the reception. I left feeling loved – which is unusual at a wedding not of my own!
I hope the guests at the bar mitzvah and the party afterwards felt the same way, Kelly. How wonderful to leave an event feeling that love.
What an exciting day and a beautiful end to summer!
It really was!
Siman Tov Umazel Tov! My oldest had a Bar Mitzvah, and I remember the preparation, anticipation, participation, and celebration! Great to hear that it went so well, and that your family was able to come together to celebrate.
Thank you! So you know it all – the relief mixed with sadness that it’s all over.
How lovely to get a personal glimpse of the Bar Mitzvah ceremony and celebration!! Mazel Tov to your son and to your entire family!!
Thanks so much Roshni! I couldn’t use many photos because they included other kids, but the one with James dancing and the other kids blurred was perfect.
A “happiness hangover”- I love it! I may have to steal that phrase. Congrats, mama, you have so many reasons to be proud. So much joy in those photos… 🙂
And these are just a few – I can’t wait to get back the professional ones. There has to be an awesome photo of me hula-hooping around my neck!
Wow, now this Catholic wants to be a young Jewish person just so you can throw my party. Well done. Haha. Though this kind of means I missed the point you were talking about, doesn’t it? I do always attend the ceremonies before I attend the parties after, so I guess that’s something. Congratulations to your son and your family!
Thanks Liz! I am glad that James’ friends were able to see how much he accomplished before they were set loose on the dance floor – it really bugs me when people assume that a bar mitzvah is just a party. But once you’ve been to a service, you know how much more it is.
How wonderful!! Congratulations, James! My son is going to prepare for and receive his First Communion this year. He’s seven, so there’s a lot of it he won’t totally understand, but he’s excited about it, so I hope that helps some of the info stick!
That’s great that he’s excited about it – I’m sure that will make it more meaningful, too.
Mazel Tov! My two best friends growing up were both Jewish, and I still can recite “Baruch atah Adonai elohaynu…” all these years later just from listening to them practice over and over again. What an accomplishment.
You remember well, Cassandra! It’s amazing what you learn just by hearing it over and over – I may even be able to chant a line or two from James’ Torah portion. Not well, but still.
I got so happy when I read your happiness hangover status.
As I get older, I get more stunned that chances for a lot of loved ones to be together seem to come far and few between. Weddings, graduations, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Joy. I have one coming later this fall with my sister’s wedding and I look forward to that.
I can’t imagine the pride. You did this too!
Yes, I did play a part. And I didn’t even cry (much) during the service. Those chances are far and few between, and punctuated by too many sad times to gather together. We have to celebrate while we can.
LOVE your FB message at the end! Congratulations to your sweet boy on this amazing event! 🙂 The party looks fantastic…well done!-The Dose Girls
Thanks ladies!
Mazel Tov and thank you for sharing this with us! Great decorations and looks like it was a great way to commemorate such an important occasion. And by the way, I went to college with Jim Harbaugh when he was our quarterback at Michigan – I even had a class with him! 🙂
How cool! John is the Ravens’coach, but the media made a huge deal out of the two brothers facing each other in the Superbowl. So can you get tickets to the 49ers games? 🙂
Yes, I did know that John is the Ravens coach (although I can get them confused – they look alike!), but only mentioned it because I once “rubbed shoulders” with his brother Jim a LONG time ago. Can’t say I’ve got a connection to get tix though….oh well. 🙂
They do look alike! I’m glad you mentioned it – my son was impressed. Any chance that I can brag about the “connections” my blog friends have, I do it! Rubbing shoulders counts as a connection in my book!
What an incredible event!!! Congratulations to James on such a huge milestone!
And, your party decorations/theme are amazing!!!
Thank you Kim!
Mazel tov! Those of us who haven’t been through it might not realize the impressive amount of work and practice that goes into preparing for the Bar Mitzvah event. I appreciate your concern that the party not overshadow the significance of the ceremony and the passage it represents. Made me think of what we used to talk about in our Pre Cana classes reminding the prospective brides and grooms that the giant wedding reception is a fun and wonderful way to celebrate with friends and family, but the most important part of the day is the ceremony and the union of marriage it creates.
That being said, we all like to celebrate! I love the decorations – what a fun theme!
Thanks, Mo – it was an easy theme to run with, especially given the time of year. I know it’s hard for the kids to focus on the religious aspect, but I think James did a good job of balancing.
What a wonderful hangover to have and to rejoice. I hope the Torah guides him in this journey to adulthood and hope it offers you peace as he becomes the man you knew he would. Mazal Tov my friend!!! Although I hope he discovers the true Champions are the Patriots, but I know it takes some tutoring for that too 🙂
Yeah, yeah – not going to happen. Unless he has any Patriots on his fantasy football team, and then he will cheer for them!
Congratulations to you and your son! Looks like he took this crossing quite seriously and did and excellent job of preparing for it. And I loved the theme party. Sorry about your blister, but I am glad you ended your summer with a wonderful and joyous event!
I didn’t even notice the blister until that evening! Having too much fun.
AHHHHHHH,
I got a happiness hangover just reading this, dear.
Congrats on all of these excellent achievements. xxxx
Thank you, Kim!
What a wonderful celebration! I’m sure you were so proud! The pictures are great. I love your ideas for the party, too. So creative!
Thanks, Marie! I had fun scouring the internet for ideas that I could actually pull off on my own, without spending a fortune.
Well, you know how my church’s congregation is very connected to our Jewish neighbors across the street form our church. However, I am still learning about the Jewish faith and I honestly had no idea that the bar mitzvah required so much studying and preparation. You should absolutely be proud of him and I’m so glad everything went well. (The party decorations are adorable!)
I hope that wasn’t too obnoxious for me to list everything he did – I just feel like most people don’t understand how much work it involves. James and I are both glad to have the studying (and the reminding to study) behind us!
“happiness hangover” I like that – Congratulations to your son and to the parents that made it happen – your party rocked and it was evident in your son’s smile. 🙂
Thanks, Marisa. I can’t wait to get the professional pictures, but I’m thankful my friends snapped a few that day!
“The party is NOT the bar mitzvah; it is a celebration of a life event, not the life event itself.”
Love this. Applies to weddings in a big way.
You’re right, Wendy – it does. The wedding industry is out of control – so much time and effort on the party, and sadly so many couples end up divorced.
Mabel Tov! Way to go, James! So
Glad your summer ended on such a positive note.
Thank you Sarah – although the weather this week has reminded me that we are still technically in summer!
My dad’s wife is Jewish and so my step niece and nephews (is step niece and nephews the right term? whatever you know what I mean I hope) also celebrated learning a new language and having the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony and celebration afterwards. I think it’s pretty amazing that kids are given such responsibility and assumed to understand so much about the entire religious history in it. In many ways, I wish that all religions had a similar right of passage because what an amazing event to celebrate a kid’s entrance into adulthood. I love that you got blisters and had such an amazing time and I love even more that you were so dang cool to do awesome decor. Can I hire you for Tucker’s 12th birthday, as a consultant on how we can make it equally monumental for him? I mean, crap, not disrespectfully of course….
No disrespect taken at all, and absolutely! I love to do the decorating parts of a party. The cooking and baking, not so much.
Totally perfect way to end the summer. You have every right to be proud of your son and so glad the ceremony and party went perfectly, Dana. And the party theme looked like a huge hit, too! Congrats to James!! 🙂
Thank you Janine – he is relieved the hard work is behind him. Now he’s writing thank you notes…
Congratulations Dana, to you and your son. I understand your struggle with the party aspect. After my children’s First Communion’s – it seemed like the party was the focus for most of our friends, not the service. It was unsettling how many people skipped the service, but showed up for the party!). Momma, I didn’t know you were a Ravens fan…ouch. Go Patriots!
Uh oh. At least you’re not a Steelers fan! 😉
Mazel tov! I’m so glad you shared this with us–shared your pride, your son’s hard work, the pictures, etc. What a handsome boy! “man!” 😉
Thank you, Nina. It really was a wonderful day!