The other day, a friend shared a link on Facebook; it was about a presidential candidate and a man who endorsed him. The article seemed ludicrous, and the endorser appalling.
I clicked (of course), and found that what appeared to be a legit political website was actually a satirical one. The reader could click the “Read Facts” button to highlight the accurate reporting, and the rest was completely made up for entertainment purposes. It was clear from reader comments that many did not realize the article was satire. Tempers were flaring and the trolls were out in droves.
Lesson: Don’t believe everything you hear or read. Most Some adults know this, but we haven’t always. As children, we have all believed things that we laugh about now. Things like:
If you cross your eyes, they’ll stay that way.
If you die in a dream, you die for real.
Gum takes seven years to digest in your stomach.
I believed all of those. I also believed:
- My show doll from Holland was alive. Her eyes followed me all over the room, and I’m pretty sure she wanted to kill me.
- There was a monster sitting at the top of the cupboard in the basement. If it tried to chase me upstairs, I was safe once I passed the threshold between the steps and the hallway.
- Arkansas was pronounced “Ar-kansas.” Just like it’s spelled.
- I could sing well.
- C. Thomas Howell was the cutest boy alive.
- My teachers lived at school.
- I could find the hole in my tights and have my mom sew it back on.
- Santa was real.
- Getting clothes as birthday gifts sucked.
- Steak’ums were real steak.
I discovered the truth as I grew up, although I still think dolls are creepy, and that Arkansas should be pronounced as it’s spelled. Santa is real, if only in spirit. Though I now know that I don’t sing well, I do believe that singing at the top of my lungs is therapeutic. Not for anyone else in ear shot, but for me.
(I made the mistake of googling what are steak’ums made of…you don’t want to know. Really.)
I’m not the only one in my family believing in mistruths:
Matt believed in a similar basement monster to mine, although the monster couldn’t come after him until the lights were turned off.
My sister believed that carpenters made carpets.
Gwen believed that once a girl got her period, she had it for the rest of her life. Nonstop.
And my personal favorite…
James believed that if he went into the pool the same day he got a vaccination, the water would get in through the injection site and he would blow up and explode.
What funny things did you believe as a child? If you want a laugh, check out the site I Used to Believe. No matter how silly you may feel about something you believed in, you will find something sillier.
And you googled what are steak’ums made of, didn’t you? I told you not to do it.
Oh, poor Gwen! That’s one terrifying misconception. My brother once told me that he sings at the top of his lungs (very poorly) because that’s the voice the good Lord gave him, and it must sound good to him. It’s probably one of the most positive things I’ve ever heard him say. So sing loud and clear for all to hear!
Exactly. Especially when there is no one around to hear it. 😉
I don’t know how I missed this…but what an awesome post! I the whole pop rocks and coke urban legend. Poor Mikey
Forgot about that! I’m going to reference that the next time I share this post 🙂
I never have had Pop Rocks…
Cracking up! James’s was my favorite. Relate to the monster one, both yours and Matt’s. I believed if I covered my head with the blankets, the monster couldn’t get me. I also believed elephants could fly because of Dumbo, and I believed my mother when she told me that if I swallowed a peach pit, a peach tree would grow in my stomach.
I protected myself with blankets too! I assume you never swallowed a peach pit – that would hurt!
Yay! I haven’t, nor will I, google steak’ums. No idea what they are, less what they are made of. Anything like the dreaded corndogs? I saw my first corndogs in the movie “Princess Diaries” and thought it was sacrilegious that the lovely Julie Andrews had to eat one. My brother worked one summer in a meat factory and to this day refuses to eat hotdogs …
They may just be worse than hot dogs, Kelly. Or at least equally as gross.
So gum doesn’t take 7 years to digest? Are you sure??? I’ve never even heard of Steak’umm – and I think I’ll keep it that way! Great list. How gullible we are – and sometimes, happily:) Santa is real.
Nope – gum just passes through the digestive system largely undigested. You just don’t want to swallow it regularly! Steak’ums must be an American thing – you are better off not knowing. They’re totally gross.
My mom told me that if I played with my belly button too much my butt would fall off! I believed that bands were at the radio station performing their songs.
I’m not sure I see the connection with the belly button and butt, but that is funny! I love that you thought the bands were playing live at the radio station…how cool would that be?
Ha! I used to totally believe the thing about dying in dreams. My dad is a history and trivia buff, so he always had an answer for everything. When I would ask, “How do you know that?” he would quip, “Because I know everything.” Apparently, once I retorted that only God & President Reagan knew everything. I believed that then! 🙂 Wish I could have that much confidence in any of the current Presidential candidates!!! 🙂
So do I, Lisa. This will be Gwen’s first election to vote in – what a circus!
Matt usually has an answer for everything too. And if he doesn’t know, he’ll make it up. 🙂
Ummmm C. Thomas Howell IS the cutest boy alive. You were a smart girl.
Why thank you, Anna! Ponyboy was always my favorite.
Oh man, the things I believed as a child. I also believed there was some sort of creature in the basement when the lights were off and had to sprint upstairs once they were. Of course right now I can’t remember many other interesting facts, though the period one reminded me that in 1st or 2nd grade one of my classmates told us every time you got your period you had to go to the doctor so you could get a shot “up there”. Totally freaked me out! Thankfully I mentioned something to my mom who quickly allayed my fears. (Also, as an aside, I learned about periods from an episode of the Cosby Show.)
Ouch to that shot! Glad your mom set you straight; she must have had quite a chuckle over that.
I learned about lots of things from The Cosby Show…
That makes me more than pleased to be vegan (though to be fair, I googled it just to find out what the hell a steak’umm WAS). EW!
But, I suppose, in my previous omnivorous incarnation, I would gleefully enjoy sausages and burgers and all sorts of nasties made of skin and eyeballs and innards and arseholes, and shrug, telling myself “it tastes good” and “it means these parts aren’t going to waste”.
Poor, poor animals.
ANYWAY!
I used to believe that there was a monster under my bed at night, which (if I got out to use the toilet) would grab me by the ankles and pull me under and eat me. It was kept at bay by the sound of the flush, so I used to wash my hands THEN flush, and race back to bed and jump in.
Ha – I can picture little Lizzi sprinting back to bed. Did you ever see the movie Poltergeist? The kid’s stuffed clown hides under the bed and pulls him under. Which is one of the reasons clowns freak me out. Why did I watch that movie?
I did NOT see that movie, NOR WILL I! I am utterly, absolutely HOPELESS at horror movies and they give me nightmares. I am told that the next time I visit Hasty, we’re going to watch a horror movie (because she loves them) and I’m already quaking in my boots. I told her she’ll have to look after me, AND tend to me when I wake up in the night, terrified and shaking.
Totally right there with you on #5! These are all great and I love your take on this week’s sentence! I will not Google Steak-ums. I will not Google Steak-ums.
I hope you didn’t Google it! Really – don’t.
Those “Onion” esque pieces can really get people riled up. Kveller shared one on FB about college admissions and most people only read the headline then went off in the comments.
Your post made me laugh. I’m sure that I must have believed that Santa was real when I was very young, but I was always trying to make sense of things, and figured out before I started school that Santa was a fictional character and there were lots of Santas.
I can’t remember when I figured it out, but it wasn’t as early as you! You were a smart cookie 😉
I had to giggle about having your period nonstop. Just bleeding for 80-90 years or so. Nothing to see here, folks!
I believed in most of these things as well. Definitely Santa. And swallowing gum. I will not Google Steak ‘Umms, though. That probably really does take seven years to digest!
If it ever digests! I’d much rather swallow gum.
I used to believe bears didn’t use the road, but that they would stick to the nice wooded area when they traveled. So not true, ha ha.
That’s funny – deer would be much safer if they stuck to the woods, too!
I Googled it. Thanks a lot Dana. 😐
I warned you! You’re welcome.
I remember the first time I died in a dream and didn’t die in real. Talk about empowering! Also, I am trying SO HARD to not Google what Steak Em’s are made of. Like really hard. They sure were yummy though.
They were yummy…
LOL – with a December 13th birthday, I always got clothes for my birthday. I must say it was fun to go to school in a new outfit when no one else was.
There’s an episode of Andy Griffith where and Barney have to go into an old “haunted house”. There was a picture in there where they eyes where following Barney and turned out they were real eyes – someone was behind the painting (at least I think so). But yeah that with dolls has always freaked me out too.
James and the vaccination – LOL!
Funny, right? And he only told me years later, after he didn’t believe it anymore. Poor kid must have been so stressed on the days I took him to the pool right after his doctor’s appointment!
This had me laughing all along except that one about having periods non-stop – so not funny, that one.
I know! I think my daughter was so relieved when she found out the truth.
HAHAHA I have a friend who does pronounce Arkansas as AR-KANSAS 🙂 I totally believed that if I died in a dream I would die for real, that C Thomas Howell was the cutest pony boy alive and that I was short because I swallowed too much gum.
I’m really glad you did not kill my belief that steak-ums were real steak. I don’t need that truth in my brain.
Ponyboy was the cutest, wasn’t he? Although I had a crush on pretty much the whole cast of The Outsiders.
My advice? Don’t eat steak’ums – ever.
Oh man, I was totally a gullible child and believed so much of the above. Trust me, if I were told it as a little girl, I probably believed it. But still loved this and you truly brought me back tonight!
I was pretty gullible too, Janine – but years of living with my husband has made me much less so!