A long, long time ago, back when men wore fedoras to work and women wore dresses and sensible pumps to go to the grocery store, Father knew best. He came home from work, called, “Honey, I’m home,” and traded his wingtips for slippers before he settled into his recliner with a cocktail and a cigar. His children gathered on the floor beside him and waited with bated breath for him to speak. When he did, words of infinite wisdom poured out of his mouth. All the kids needed to know was dispensed by Father during these talks, because Dear Old Dad knew everything.
Contrary to what my children believe, I did not grow up a long, long time ago. My father went to work bareheaded, and my mother grocery shopped in her track suit and Keds. My sister and I never sat rapt in front of Dad’s recliner, waiting for sage advice.
Clearly Dad wasn’t dispensing fashion advice; could there be a more hideous shirt? Oh yes. My mom is wearing it.
That’s not to say that my father did not provide us with advice and wisdom that we would use as we grew up. But he was not the only wise parent; my mother had plenty of her own nuggets of wisdom to share with us. Yet the advice never came in the form of a talk.
My father’s best advice was given by example, not by lecture. There are many things I learned from my parents’ examples.
DADVICE I’ve Taken
1. Drive your car into the ground. Only buy a new one when it dies.
2. Pay the credit card bill off every month. If you can’t make the payment, don’t make the charges.
3. Label your food if you don’t want anyone to take it out of the refrigerator and eat it. How else will they know you were saving it?
4. Save for retirement before you save for your kids’ college educations. They can take out loans for school; you can’t take out a retirement loan.
5. Do not get a dog when your kids are teenagers, or you will end up an empty nester with your kids’ dog. Get a dog while your kids are young.
6. If you are angry at someone you love, get angry. Then get over it.
7. Friendships are important, even when you are in the eye of the parenthood storm. Some may eventually fade away, but the ones you nourish through the years of raising children will survive. These relationships are priceless.
8. Never stop learning. You don’t have to be sitting in a classroom to educate yourself.
9. Travel. It’s often the best way to learn.
10. Vote. If you don’t vote, don’t complain.
BONUS: 11. Do not order a McDonald’s sausage and egg biscuit unless you REALLY want it. That’s a story for another day…
My parents may not know that I learned these things from them. (Except for #11. My dad and I remember that experience quite clearly.) They may not realize that I was watching. But I was; kids always watch. And if they are lucky, they are watching parents who are setting examples that should be modeled, and making decisions worth repeating.
I asked my daughter Gwen if she remembers me ever giving her advice. She does not; she says she’s not facing any issues for which she needs it. But if she were, she would just do what she felt was right.
Dear Old Dad doesn’t know everything, and Dear Not-So-Old Mom doesn’t either. But we know enough, and Gwen’s been watching. So if she does what she feels is right, I think she’ll be just fine.
that picture is priceless. every is so cute…even your parents with their ugly shirts 😉 great advice from your dad!
Yep, he and my mom led by example well. I hope I’m doing the same!
Beautiful, Dana. I love the notion of looking in the rearview mirror of parenting and seeing that it wasn’t necessarily specific words of advice that shaped the character of our kids but our actions, modeling good character, that were the best lesson of all.
Me too, Mo. It makes me a bit more confident in my own parenting. It’s not the specific words of wisdom my kids will remember, it’s the way Matt and I are living our lives.
Some sweet advice here Dana. I bet Gwen will write a blog post like this in 20+ years 🙂
I would love that, Tara. I wonder if we will laugh at the clothes we are wearing in the family photo!
My dad was quite the ass but he too had some of the same advice. Cars only needed to get you from a to b. We had a station wagon that my friends put band aids on because it looked that sad.
Credit card bills. Yup.
Ugly shirts….never go out of style
I guess they don’t! The key is making sure they are ugly enough to be fashionable.
I love that you tried to save yourself your mom’s wrath by saying Not So Old Mom after ridiculing her rockin’ shirt 😉 But I think Gwen put it best, your dad (and you) taught his children well not be dispensing advice but by showing it.
Kerri – I was actually referring to Matt and me at the end, hence the Not So Old Mom 🙂 But my mom took it in stride; she’s quite fashionable.
Like everyone else, I am now curious about #11, although since I can’t eat eggs I probably wouldn’t order it. (Shhhhh I prefer Burger King anyway!) Things you learned from your dad… pure gold! Definitely worth printing out and saving for reference! And I’m sure Gwen is picking things up from you and your husband!
I shouldn’t have ordered it either, Ana…lesson learned.
This amazing list is only slightly bested by the amazing family photo! Oh the fashion glory of yesteryear… Back to the list: #7 is especially poignant for me at the moment, so thanks (to your dad) for the advice, as is #6 – gotta let it go – and I’d love to do more of #9, for learning purposes, of course 🙂
Lisa, #7 was definitely advice I learned just from watching my parents, especially over the last 10 years. The joy they get from being with friends they have known for over 40 years is so evident, and I want that when I’m their age.
I love the shirt! My dad had many of the same. His advice is full of wisdom as well! Dying to hear the egg mcmuffin story.
It’s not that fabulous, but it was definitely one I’ll remember!
Love the advice! The comment about your parents’ shirts— hilarious!!!! My dad died 11 years ago and while I can’t think of specific he advice he professed, I see myself living much of his advice — at least trying too— and passing it on. I remember his example.
I think that’s what most parents aim for, Leah. It’s a wonderful legacy to leave.
I think that your Dad had a lot of good commonsense things to day to you as Dadvice. I think that the financial advice was especially helpful as we grow older and have to plan for both our kids and our parents, as well as our financial futures. I also appreciate your Dad’s views on voting. I tend to vote in most elections, even though its not considered the cool thing to do anymore, and am trying to pass that along to my kids. All in all, some pretty solid Dadvice that you got!
I agree, Anna. I’ve always talked to my kids about voting, and when they were younger I took them with me to the polls. Imagine if everyone in our country voted? That’s how it should be.
First, you look so much like your mom!
It’s amazing what we learn from our parents without ever being explicitly told. These are the things that really seem to stick with us. It sounds like your dad taught you many valuable life lessons!
He and my mom both did, and they probably don’t even realize some of them. I hope I’m doing the same for my children, but dressed in prettier shirts. 😉
I spent about 3 minutes trying to figure out what was on your Mom’s shirt – looks like people spinning skinny seals on their heads!!!
I love the things you learned from your dad and totally agree that kids tend to learn way more from observing their parent’s behaviors and actions than they do from having stuff crammed down their throats!!!
I think we need more trips – best way to learn for sure!!!
I think they are Egyptians on her shirt – how random. And I’m all for more trips!
Am I the only one that loves your dad’s shirt?! I’m pretty sure I should’ve stayed in the 70s…
Love every piece of your Dadvice (and thank you for saying your absorbed it through what he and your mom did, rather than what they said! I panicked when I couldn’t remember the spoken words of wisdom my father uttered to me…). Also, I know exactly what happened with the egg and sausage sandwich 😉
You do? I may tell that story at some point. It’s really not that exciting, but it has definitely stuck with me all of these years.
I absolutely love this one and your comment about your parent’s shirts just about killed me!!! Freakin’ hilarious!!! Right now I’m terrified that my kids are watching…and absorbing and watching some more. I really need to clean up my act…and get a dog 🙂
My youngest was 4 when we got Nellie…just sayin’. And don’t be terrified – I’m sure you are setting a fine example 95% of the time. 😉
all great advice…and love those shirts…I can only imagine what our kids will say about our choice of clothes.
I know! One day Gwen will post a family pic of us and make fun of my shirt. I shudder to think.
Dana this was awesome! Your blurb about the worst shirt had me laughing. I wonder how our kids will laugh at our family photos today, huh!
Sounds like your dad has got a good head on his shoulders, and I actually follow a lot of what he says, especially the finance-related ones (saving for retirement, driving your car to the ground, etc.). I think since personal finance doesn’t get taught well in school, it’s really up to us to teach. And like you said, not lecture, but lead by example, mention when it comes up.
I agree with you, Nina. An education in finance usually comes from parents, and that’s a big responsibility. Fortunately my husband and I are on the same page, so it’s not difficult to set a good example for our kids.
Sweet post! Your dad sounds like mine, though mine would never have worn a shirt like that. In my memory he wore the same bland shirt every day. Plus he had gray thinning hair even when I was born and would’ve been holding a Manhattan. BTW I would totally wear your mom’s shirt now. I love that stuff.
I have no recollection of either shirt; I only remember 80s fashion. And my mom holds onto lots of stuff – I’ll see if she has that shirt! I’m sure the heavy duty polyester has kept it looking new.
That family photo is golden. What’s with looking the other way. I remember that being a trend. Now I generally ask people to look at me or my camera. What do I know though? That photo is fabulous!
I do need to know the McDonald’s story in the future. Luckily I would never order one. And I love the one about the dog because we certainly did that here!
Ok now I want to know the breakfast sandwich story! I love the caption under your photo – the “oh yes my mom is wearing it” totally cracked me up! My dad also taught me to drive my car into the ground. I used to follow that advice but have leased the last three cars so… um… it’s good advice though and I especially love number six. Get angry and get over it. That’s one of those hard but easy things that goes so so far.
Also? I’m pretty sure Gwen is getting excellent advice from you, even if she’s not really sure what it is just yet.
I hope you’re right, Kristi. And the anger one – that’s how my dad rolls, and so do I. We used to get into huge blowouts, yell and slam doors, and then get over it quickly. It’s more difficult when you’re fighting with a person who harbors a grudge. You can let go, but if they won’t, you’re stuck.
This is great! Love numbers 1, 2 and 4. So true! You’re right that kids learn these things by watching. Your dad had a lot of good advice!
He did, and a lot of it was my mother’s too. Gotta give credit where credit is due. But #11 is all his…
I love Dad’s advice even though I agree that the shirt is hideous!! 😀
I’m sure it was fashionable at the time. Which makes me wonder what we’ll think of our clothes in 20 or 30 years!
I definitely would take the actions over the talks any day. It seems like a lot of the people on the hop talking about things they learned from their mom or dad were things that they actually watched them do as opposed to things they actually said. I think there are few things more horrible than having someone who says they love you never show it or who says things that they themselves don’t do! Side note: I think you look just like your mom! 🙂
I agree – lead by example. The “do as I say, not as I do” line isn’t very effective. Why would kids follow advice that the parent doesn’t model on their own? You’re the second person who mentioned my mom and me looking alike 🙂
OMG, those shirts! And you look so much like your mother!
I agree that the best advice is given by example.
It’s a good thing too. I’m not great at giving verbal advice – I always feel like I sound too preachy. I don’t see the resemblance between my mom and me as much as others do. In that photo, she is considerably younger than I am now.
” … that collar would have carried you away!” Love it. Oh man that is quite the photo. Am trusting that was all your dad’s real hair? Amazing. Does he still have a full head of hair today? This post has me grinning ear to ear. Am extraordinarily curious about the Bonus McDonald’s sausage and egg biscuit reference …
Yep, real hair. A little less today. I may have oversold the McDonald’s incident, but I suppose I have to tell it now!
that was amazing!!! Your dad and I were talking cars at the wedding…… Lol
I’m sure he gave you excellent advice, Jamie!
I loved all the advises your dad gave, and curious about no. 11 🙂
I agree with the part…never stop learning…it never tends to outgrow if we embrace it.
I asked my 11 year old, if he remembers anything i used to reiterate while he was growing up…he had a blank face…lol
This generation!!!!
Although I treasure those days when dads would be looked up to…my mom used to sit down beside him when he would arrive from work…gone are those days…lol
I’m glad that today kids look up to mom and dad equally! Or, in the case of teenagers, ignore their advice equally.
OMG, you are both so funny! Loved this post, Dana and loved Amy’s comment.
As much as you loved that shirt with the Egyptians on it? 😉
Adorable
Thanks, Terry! Oh, did you mean my sister? Whatever 😉
Love this post!!! BONUS was right on. Again, so glad you were older…I learned by watching you eat that sandwich. Oh, AND I am super cute in that photo!!
Yes you are, but if a gust of wind had come by (because obviously we are standing in the woods), that collar would have carried you away!
How you ended this I totally hope someday to say that both my girls are indeed listening and learning even more then they know from me, as well. I guess time will tell, but still I am hopeful for this.
I’m sure they are listening, Janine. Kids take in more than they (and we) realize.