I’m sure you are a nice girl. You better be. I will admit, however, that watching you actively pursue my baby has made me hate you a little. You’re both only thirteen; what’s the rush? But if you insist on crushing on my kid, take my advice.
1. Kissing up to me will not help your cause. When I was chaperoning the teen night at the pool, you bounded up to me and asked me for a hug. I had no clue who you were, but you pushed the issue and insisted that my son said it was okay. Truthfully, he was bewildered by your request. I was put off; I know brown-nosing when I see it. Instead of ingratiating yourself, you put yourself on my “watch out for that one” radar.
2. Don’t be so aggressive. You may be the same age, but you are way ahead of my son in terms of comfort level with the opposite sex. When you text him, he texts you back not because he loves you, but because you texted him first. You will scare him off if you get too flirty.
3. Respect guy time. My kid has a great group of friends; they’ve been hanging together for years. Throw a girl into the mix and the dynamic completely changes. Instead of thinking you are interesting and witty, he will think you are a pain in the ass.
4. Ditch the drama. Stop with the “who do you like” texts and the whispering among your girlfriends. Eighth grade boys have no patience for she said/she said, and my son couldn’t care less about your friendship dramas. Use him as a pawn in one of your games, and he will run far and fast.
5. Don’t play prissy and weak. My kid has a strong-willed, independent mother and older sister. I’d like to think these are traits he admires in girls, so don’t pretend to be something you’re not. He can spot a fake, and if he can’t, his sister and parents can.
6. Back off. I know you are testing the dating waters. I know that my son is a nice kid who is fun to be around. So just enjoy his company and dial it down a bit.
So, Girl Who Likes My Son. I’ll close with one final piece of advice, given as a former teenage girl and not as a mother. Don’t try so hard. Let my son get to know you as a friend, and you may just end up having a meaningful relationship.
Just wait a few years, please.
I hate to disagree with the majority; however, I think that you were just a little too harsh on the poor girl. The fact that you wrote a heavily-worded, hateful blog post about her is immature. Children need time to learn and grow through trial and error. Do not disrespect that process, because we all go through it. Give the girl a chance and take into account your son’s feelings.
I do not think I was being hateful or immature. I expect that this girl will learn and grow, and I understand that it is a process. However, her behavior is quite different than most thirteen year old girls my son knows. So I am simply giving my advice for pursuing a relationship with my son, knowing my own child and the experience he has already had with this girl.
Perfect advice! When we were on vacation last week, this little girl started flirting with my son while we were in transit on a boat. When we reached our stop and were getting off the boat, she jumped up and gave him a kiss (or two or three). Good Lord! They were both around 5 years old. Her father sighed and said “I am in big trouble.” For sure.
Yes he is! It’s cute now, but girls have to be careful as they get older. First impressions can stick – I know this girl made one on me that I can’t shake!
None of my four children dated in high school — something that was totally weird for me (as I was boy crazy when I was a teen). But at the same time, I was VERY relieved I didn’t have to worry about teenage drama and sex and everything that comes with that. Reading your post made me hyperventilate a bit on your behalf.
Ha – so far I haven’t had to deal with dating either. Keeping my fingers crossed…
I am so not ready for this. So. Not. Ready. I know I have a few years but already Tucker has a crush at the bus stop. Sigh. I’m kinda surprised by her assertiveness though – when I was that age, I was SO SO SHY (which is probably why I had no boyfriend)…
I was too. And Gwen, while not shy, was definitely not that assertive. Most girls aren’t, in my experience, which is why this one stood out.
My son is only ten and already has a gaggle of little girls following him around. I really don’t like it! I love this and am right there with you on every single point. I am saving this for later as I’m sure I’m going to want to read it again….and again!
Good luck, Sandy! It’s hard to watch your baby being pursued by girls, isn’t it?
Holy Moly. That’s a little young to be so aggressive. A little strange. And, yes, I’d watch out for that one.
Trust me, I am!
Well, well, well… who do we have here? This girl’s a bit troublemaker, she shouldn’t play with fire!
That was my gut feeling too – I’m keeping an eye on that one, for sure.
Middle school is so tough. I am already dreading my daughter reaching that age. I am taking notes!
Middle school was totally fine for my daughter, Lillian. And my son too, so far. Just some minor blips like this girl, but in the scheme of things, it’s not that bad.
I am currently seeing this from the other side – my 8 year old daughter has a mega crush and is going through agony and heartbreak as he clearly is not quite so ready as she is for love.
Aww, I’m sure that is hard for your daughter. I hope her heart mends soon!
I must say, I’ve read many of these from the opposite side… the letter to the boy. But this is a first for me and I enjoyed the read. Good stuff all around. But you know this is for naught. That love will be over in a week. 🙂
I hope you are right, P.J.! Please be right.
This letter rocks! With one of each, I’m saving this one for both of my children. But reading this really made me think of my sweet little boy and I don’t want to think about the day when a girl starts chasing him. The only thing I can think to put in a letter to her right now is: he’s mine and you can’t have him!
I hear you, Tricia! That’s probably why my reaction to her was so strong (in my head, anyway).
Oh I am so, so glad to be past that age with my kids. But these are excellent words of advice for all the middle school girls out there!
I bet you are, Mo! Just wait until your grandsons are being pursued 🙂
I think we all needed to hear this when we were 13. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I would have listened!
I know – ignoring adult advice is a rite of passage for teens, isn’t it?
I think I stopped breathing at your title. I know this is just right around the corner for me. I remember that 6th grade girl that chased a boy around the fair trying to kiss him. Girls are so fast – mature – whatever that girl was me. And I’m not ready for my son to meet someone like me when he gets to middle school. Oh Dana, am I going to be able to sleep tonight? 4th grade is only going to last a minute. 🙁
You will be fine, Kenya. Your boy is smart, and he may not encounter any girls like this. But if he does, you will set him straight – I have total confidence in you.
Well said, Dana! I’m so glad that your son is not on this level with girls yet. You’re right. He has time. I think when I was in 8th grade, I felt like the boys were too pushy and I was the just leaving the idea of playing with my Barbies!
Whoa! I love this. Great advice. She hugged you? Creepy! Thanks for being a great role model mom for those of us who walk behind you.
I’m just faking my way through it, Tara – not sure how close behind me you want to walk!
Don’t try so hard is probably the best advice ever 🙂
It may be – but I’m sure no teen every listened to it!
I’m very happy that so far I haven’t experienced this with either of my boys. My 10th grader has a great group of friends (girls and guys) that all hang out together and I prefer that because I was exactly the same way in high school.
I hope James has a group like that when he starts high school – I hope the boys and girls hang together as they get more comfortable. Right now he is still very much “a boy’s boy!”
Dating is one thing, but aggressive girls are another. I have oodles of time before my kids date, and I hope they make good choices. No hugs or endless texts. Oh Lord. I couldn’t handle that. I wish you lots of luck!
Thank you, Carrie. I may need it!
My oldest is still too young for this but it’s coming sooner than I think. Thanks for this perspective!
You’re welcome, Elaine. It does happen sooner than you think – how do they grow up so fast when we don’t age at all?
Nice post! I will say this, I should create (if not already done) one that says, “Advice for the Boy who likes my Daughter.” lol 🙂
I’m sure that would be a very interesting and informative post!
I can think of older girls and grown women who could have this directed at them!!
So true, Chris!
dana, hate to play devil’s advocate, but maybe your son likes this girl?! at 13 years old, if he didn’t like her, then she would absolutely positively definitely know! the fact that she is still putting her claws on him leads me to believe he is actually allowing this behavior, and perchance might be leaving the window open.
I think he does like this girl, Catherine. And you’re right, he is allowing this behavior. That doesn’t mean I have to like it! Like the girl, he is testing the waters of the whole dating scene. I just think she’s ready to jump in, and he’s just dipping his toe.
My baby boy had his first real girlfriend and I adored her…she was the sweetest girl…but she lives pretty far away and they decided it just wasn’t going to work.. I think I was as upset at my son.
Aww, I can imagine! I really hope I like the people that both of my kids date.
haha!! Seriously, she’s just 13, so it’s not like she’s going to be very smart about how to ‘snag’ a boy but clearly she likes your son and maybe she thought being nice (what she thought was being nice) to you was a good way to go!
Personally I think it’s cute! I don’t think it’s tart-y or vixen at all, like some of the above comments are saying! Give the gal a break!
It may not sound like it, Roshni, but in my head I am cutting her some slack. It may be cute now, but it will not be cute in a few years when dating becomes serious and repercussions can be major. Time will tell…
Oy! I sure hope my girls are never one of “those” girls. I wasn’t and I agree- it would be far more of a put off than a turn on. I always try to teach them not to be something they aren’t. Of course, at 13, they aren’t thinking long term relationship, but I would hate for them to get in that habit and endue with a guy who loves them because he thinks they are something they are not.
Exactly! They are young, but they are exploring the whole relationship scene. That’s not too early to learn that no one wants a fake.
I watched The Goldbergs season premiere too and I’m totally grinning. You just have to watch it.
And you’re not anything like the mother in that show, by the way.
I can’t imagine Des (or Scarlet) dating. Help!
Ugh – I may be a mother-in-law by the time Des starts dating. And I will watch the Goldbergs, keeping in mind I am nothing like the Smother.
You know what? It sounds to me like you have one smart little man there. He’ll run. Far. Man alive but she is quite something. I didn’t even give my future mother-in-law a hug until her son and I were seriously dating. IF then. Good grief. I see that your son read it – be grand if she did too. Oh the things she could learn.
Maybe, or would she just roll her eyes and think I’m completely out of touch? I can’t imagine she’ll ever see this – which is part of the reason I wrote it. 🙂
She asked you for a hug??? Ok, that’s just weird. All of this advice is spot on, especially the simple tip to stop trying so hard. That single piece of advice could help so many teenage girls.
And boys too – don’t you think? If you have to try so hard to get someone to like you, they aren’t worth it. That’s just hard for teens to understand, though.
Great post!
My son will be 13 next year. Eeps. I hope he doesn’t get a girlfriend.
I know what you mean. It will happen eventually, but does it have to happen so soon?
Holy Moly – that’s how I want to start this comment with – I love this list-because it is exactly what I want to say to all the girls in my sons grade- they are in the 7th grade it’s not so bad yet well I don’t think it is – although last year during their Halloween Canteen (a monthly middle school function) there was this girl that when we were ready to leave was quite pushy asking can I have your number – here is mine (text me later) uh Hi I’m James’ mom- (no response) – then she told my son you have to come meet my dad he is waiting outside – I said oh come James we gotta go – and he told her I can’t – I made it somewhat light of it when we got home, I told my husband about it – James was listening – then I said if you ask me it was all too creepy – she was a Mime- Pushy Mimes of freaky! LOL!
Days following she pestered him to the point he deleted her # and he told her don’t text me anymore. 🙂
You nailed it and boys!
Wow, that girls sounds like a piece of work. Fortunately, most girls aren’t so pushy. My James did have a girl call him repeatedly in fourth grade, and I finally started answering the phone and telling her that he couldn’t talk. He had no interest in talking and no idea what to say!
This was awesome Dana!! Girls are so far ahead of boys, it seems like! Sharing!
Thanks, Michelle! Like me, you get to see both sides of it with sons and a daughter. So interesting…
Just yesterday I was quietly watching my (not-interested-in-girls) 8th grade son casually chatting with a few lovely females. The girls are so obviously more sophisticated at this age, right? Such great advice in this post, Dana. I wonder if the vixen’s mom is aware of any of it and what she tells her daughter, if anything…
I wonder that too, Nicki. I don’t know her at all, though. I do know some moms of girls, and you can be sure that I pick their brains!
Oh Gosh! I cannot imagine. I don’t have sons, but I have daughters. I taught them early not to pursue boys like the other girls do. and like you said: what’s the rush???
Exactly. And most girls are not so assertive – I wonder if she maybe has a few older sisters?
Oh I hope Abby’s future crush has a mom like you. One that gets the whole newness but that it is not time yet. Dial it back indeed. By the way Abby is so no-drama. In about 30 years when she is allowed to date maybe we should set them up?
Yes! Then I’d know I’d like my son’s in-laws. 🙂
LOVE this piece and am saving it for my girls to read…I feel like this is such helpful advice for girls and provided in a way that us girl moms just can’t. Thank you!!-Ashley
My pleasure, Ashley. As a girl mom too, I was surprised at the intense feelings I had towards this girl. Where did they come from?
Oooh, Dana! It’s interesting to see the so-you-want-to-date-my-teen side of you! And 8th grade girls….oh my. This is definitely good advice for any early teen girl. (I have no clue what Eve will be like in 12 years, but I may have to hold onto this just in case, though I hope I won’t need it!)
I hope you won’t either; I didn’t with my daughter. Maybe that was why this girl astounded me – so out of my realm of experience!
Love this Dana (and the girl better watch her back:)!) I have three boys and I dread this phase. I swear I will scratch some eyes out! My youngest has promised me repeatedly that I’m his girl and he’s going to marry me when he grows up. I think I need to get that on video and I will share it with any girls who come sniffing around!
Too cute. Hopefully you won’t have to scratch any eyes out, Allie!
What kind of strange girl asks her crush’s mom for a hug? Don’t try so hard is right. You tell her, Dana.
Weird, right? I think she thought if she can’t hug him, the next best thing is hugging me. Uh…NO.
LOVE this piece as it made me both smile and wince in pain.
Ha! You know most of the girls are just fine. Even this one is probably a nice kid. I was kinda surprised I was so turned off by her behavior!
Oh dear Lord. I can’t even imagine. That girl is lucky because I don’t think I will be writing letters – I’ll be telling it to her face. And then my sons will hate me. Luckily I have 8 years to hone this skill. Please keep writing so I can learn from you! 🙂
My son already hates me a little because I posted this. I really didn’t think he’d care. Clearly I have much to learn too!
You are so Smother from Goldberg’s!!! If you haven’t watched it you must.I’m just kidding you about Smother but that is what Simon lovingly refers to me as now.
Damn girl and I thought dads were supposed to be the tough one on their kids love lives. Of course now I’m dying to know who this little tart is.
This list feels like you let off a lot of pent up rage… just remember she’s 13. Your boy is smart, he knows how to handle himself. Give her a break and realize how silly girls are at that age. You were there once.
That being said… Hugging you was over the top, backhand next time she pulls that nonsense. Xoxo.
PS if you find a “mixture” tape, please don’t think he made it for you. (Goldberg’s again…)
Not really rage, D – just exasperation. Gwen wasn’t like that, and neither are most of the girls in 8th grade. I’m very nice to her in person, but it helped to vent a little by writing this. And I have to watch the Goldberg’s episode, but I would never say “mixture” tape. 🙂
Oh Dana this was awesome! I might just print this out and save it for the future! My son is almost 12 so that dating time looms in the future. But did she seriously ask for a hug?? I think I would run far away!
She did – and I gave it to her. Easier than being bitchy about it, but I really had no idea what was going on.
I am scared! My daughter just turned 13 and THIS is what I have to look forward to? I just threw up in my mouth a little…
Not necessarily – my daughter is 16 and she did not chase after boys. Most of the girls my son knows don’t; that may be why this one threw me for a loop.
Dana, I was smiling reading this and thinking of the episode of The Goldbergs season premiere I just watched on my DVR earlier. Seriously, if you haven’t watched it you should, because the way the mom handles her middle school age son’s first relationship was definitely awesome and your letter totally reminded me of it. 😉
I have watched The Goldbergs! I’ll have to check out that episode.