You want to know what I think of social media? I think it brings out the middle schooler in all of us. As a mature adult (ha!), I am comfortable with my friendships, and confident enough in who I am that I do not feel like I have to prove my worth or make people like me. But…Social media, Facebook in particular (because I became a Twitter-er only three days ago), is like Zoltar the Fortune Teller in “Big,” zapping me back to a thirteen year old girl in braces, Docksiders and a Forenza sweater.
Facebook posts expose the fact that my friends are doing things without me. Ninety nine percent of the time I don’t care. But that pesky one percent of the time, I get a little middle schoolish and feel a pang of jealousy that my friends are doing something fun in which I am not included. I feel petty even admitting this, and I get pissed at myself for feeling so juvenile, but it’s part of the downside of social media. It is a way for us all to connect, but it can also make us feel disconnected.
My sixth grade son first learned of this disconnect last weekend, when some kids he follows on Instagram posted photos of themselves at a sleepover party. It was a very small party, and he did not expect an invitation. And he was fine with that, but seeing those photos made him a little jealous and sad. It’s one thing to not be a part of something; it’s another to be made aware of your exclusion on social media. As is his way, he quickly brushed it off, but not before we had a discussion about giving thought to what you post for everyone to see.
So while I know social media is here to stay, unfortunately it has created yet another hurdle for our kids to clear during adolescence. I talk to my kids about the pros and cons of the platforms they use, and I monitor their accounts. I want them to be responsible, considerate, and smart in their social media interactions, just as they should be in face to face ones.
So what do I think of social media? It can be a time suck, but it can also be a fabulous way to connect. As long as I keep my inner middle schooler in check.
I can’t imagine going through adolescence in this social media age. The heightened awareness of being excluded would be difficult enough but add to that the idea of publicly and permanently having a reactionary response to something ‘out there’ for all of eternity…that’s some pressure for a teenager. I certainly wouldn’t want to re-live every idiotic utterance I’ve ever made but our kids may have to. Yikes.
I’m relatively new to Twitter as well. On my personal FB page, I pretty much know the audience but with Twitter, I find myself getting a bit panicky before I hit the ‘Tweet’ button. It’s a whole new world.
It is – I feel the same way about Twitter. So many followers so quickly – and unlike Facebook I have no idea who most of them are.
OMG, it so is! I do this all the time! Even with people who really aren’t that much fun to hang out with…
Ha – that’s true! I don’t even want to be with them, I just feel bad that I’m not invited.
It’s just the modern “Keeping up with the Jones'”..
Thanks for hooking up at the Hump Day Hook Up
Yes it is. Always a pleasure, Molley!
The idea that you don’t talk about a party to those who weren’t invited has been obliterated by social media, hasn’t it? (I came from the Hump Day Hook Up at A Mother Life.)
It has, Ginger. And I suspect many parents aren’t schooling their kids on how to use social media wisely, so it will continue…
Like! I’ve felt the middle-schooler syndrome on Facebook, too…blog groups I haven’t been invited to join and I think “oh…shoot, do they not like me?” So pathetic. Well put!
We haven’t had any problems with jealousy or feeling left out, but have gotten to see the bullying and pettiness of adolescents. Luckily, my daughter doesn’t take it to heart, but it had some effect. It’s too easy now to be mean or insensitive.
I totally agree – and teens can bully through social media so easily.
Oh yes I’ve totally felt that pang of hurt and jealousy when I see something fun happened and I wasn’t invited. It sucks. I’m glad your son wasn’t too hurt and was able to learn a lesson in empathy in the process.
He rebounded pretty well, and you’re right – lesson learned. Thanks for visiting!
As to your comparing ‘the Facebook’ to the emotional/experiential milieu of middle school*, I would simply reply,
“is not!!! is not!!! just because you say it is doesn’t make it so”
I believe a reflection upon one’s personal experience will support my contention.
*for the youth challenged among us, often called Junior High School** much as you can spot the older Facebookians by their persistence in the use of the article ‘the’ where it simply does not belong.
Fun Post.
** I was not referring to you Sissy… lol
Thanks for visiting! Maybe junior high schoolers were more mature than middle schoolers…
That happened to me in a reverse. I had a friend over for dinner. She posted the next time that she “had a great time at Kerri’s”. The next thing I know I have a text from a friend wondering why they were not invited. I was like URGH the pressure!!!
Ugh-that has happened to me a few times too. I was being discreet and then someone else shared, and I felt bad. You just can’t win!
Yes- inner middle schooler- so well put! Why is it that feeling like a middle schooler is such a universal phenomenon, but we always feel like we are the only one who feels left out or foolish? Huh. That part about your son made me want to cry. My oldest is only 6, but they have a rule that when they are the “birthday person” and they make this drawing for the “birthday book”, they can only write/draw about their family celebration, so nobody gets hurt feelings about not being invited to the party. I wish that kind of thoughtfulness lasted longer!
Me too – it gets difficult as kids get older. In my son’s case, the birthday boy was very discreet; two kids attending the party were the ones who put photos on Instagram. I’m sure it did not even occur to them that it could be hurtful, and that’s part of my issue with social media. Kids jump in without really knowing how to responsibly and maturely handle it.
I agree and within my group of friends, a lot of us have noticed public wall posts about activities that went on without everyone included. It feels strange. I only have little ones here but I do wonder a lot about what it will be like when they’re in middle school and high school. Not only within my parenting, but within the world. Technology and social media keep growing!
True, Tamara – social media is a part of their world whether we like it or not. It’s up to parents to monitor and teach their kids the ins and outs while they still have the power to do so. Thanks for the comment!
Ugh – middle school was awful! Facebook does have some of that going on…I try to ignore. There are some things that should not be posted. 🙂
I agree, Michelle. Sometimes I can’t believe how much people share. Thanks for commenting!
LOL Makes me want to say, “Na na na na boo boo!” Social media can bring out the worst in us. Use with caution. 🙂
Ha – that’s true. The problem is many people use with absolutely no caution.
Oh yes, I so totally get this!! You nailed it for sure!
You’re not the only one who gets twinges of jealousy, I definitely know that feeling! Enjoyed the post, stopping by from SITS.
Thanks for commenting, Bev. Glad to know I’m not alone!
So true! It is middle school all over again isn’t it? Gah. Great post! 🙂
I couldn’t agree more with the junior high analogy. After a year long hiatus I am just getting back into social media to promote my blog and I have mixed feelings about it.
Me too – I just got reluctantly got Twitter and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Thanks for reading!
I know exactly what you mean….
“Join you for that weekend guys trip to Vegas….yes! Oh that’s right, I chose to have children”
Great perspective.
WG
Nice to know that guys go through the same thing (well, not nice for you and other guys, but you know what I mean).
I whole-heartedly agree with this. I’ve felt the middle-school syndrome even more with blogging. I’ve found that I just have to remove myself from situations where I get jealous, I can’t stand that I get jealous, but it happens. Ugh. I couldn’t stand middle school the first time.
So true and that is probably why I am more on with groups on Facebook for writing/blogging then with my actual friends and family in my personal account, because that inner middle schooler can have a way of rearing its ugly head sometimes. And I truly felt for your son reading about the sleepover he wasn’t invited to, because as a mother we hate seeing our kids hurt. Great post and thanks a ton for linking up with us!!