Twenty-three years ago, I spent my spring break repairing houses in Jackson, Mississippi. The next year, I spent winter break in Mexico repairing an orphanage. My college had a phenomenal service program, and no experience before or since has opened my eyes to the world around me as much as these two did.
I wish I still had the journals I kept during those trips. I can’t imagine that I threw them out, but I’ve turned my house upside down searching for them only to come up empty. I want to read the words I wrote each night; I want to remember what it felt like to become aware of the poverty that exists outside my cozy suburban existence. I do remember our unofficial theme song for the Jackson trip, and listening to it today brings me to tears. It’s Hammer and a Nail by The Indigo Girls; if you’re on a computer, play the song while you read. I’m going to quote it, too, because Emily Saliers’ words are perfect.
These trips were grand gestures, and a call to action for idealistic college kids who wanted to change the world. I haven’t done anything so grand since then, and sometimes I feel guilty about that. There is something so gratifying about using your hands to make a change, trading labor for a bed and a hot meal.
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand in a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
The world needs people who will do big things. It needs people with deep pockets, people with huge hearts, and people with strong backs. We don’t have to have all of these, but we have to do something.
A distant nation my community
A street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world I have a gift to bring.
How do you show compassion?
Contribute to a charity.
Smile and say hello to the cashier at the grocery store.
Make sandwiches at a homeless shelter.
Hold the door open for the person behind you.
Cook a meal for a neighbor in need.
Say please and thank you to your waiter.
Text a friend who is having a rough time.
Let a car merge into your lane during a traffic jam.
Speak up when you witness mistreatment or unkindness.
Send a sympathy card. A real one, in the mail.
When someone you know looks like they need a hug, give one.
The kids and I sat in the dentist’s waiting room last week, fiddling on our phones until we were called back. The dentist entered the room with a stout man who had Down’s Syndrome, and she greeted a second man, slightly shorter but with the same childlike face and rotund belly.
“David has an extra toothbrush to give to you, Carl,” the dentist said to the smaller man.
Carl stood up, shuffled the few steps to his friend, and exuberantly embraced him.
“I love you,” he told David.
The dentist and the men’s caregiver smiled, and I wiped away a tear.
To most of us, a declaration of love and an embrace is a bit over the top for a free toothbrush. Perhaps that’s the reason it affected me; why shouldn’t small acts of compassion be worth that much?
Yes, the world needs people who will do big things. The world also needs people who will do small things – acts of kindness, empathy, and compassion. It starts with one person who cares, and it spreads. That is how one voice becomes over one thousand voices, today and every day.
i agree that you don’t have to change the world. you only have to bring your best person to the forefront…whether that means forgiving someone you’ve held a grudge against, holding your tongue when your instinct is to say something mean, or being compassionate and friendly. it doesn’t take much.
So true. And so sad that so many people lack compassion when it’s really so easier to give.
On Valentine’s day, we paid for a couple’s lunch at a local coffee shop (in secret). We left there feeling so blessed to be able to do that.
What a lovely thing to do!
No we can’t throw in the towel. Small gestures will get the ball rolling and who knows what types of further compassion that will unleash? And thank you Dana for reminding me to pop a sympathy card in the mail to a dear friend. Off to do that now.
You’re welcome! I need to start sending more snail mail – such a lost art.
That was so beautiful, Dana. I used to listen to Indigo Girls daily, and that song was perfect for this piece– I just love it. And what a moving story at the end in the dentist’s office. I’m slowly making my way through these posts– what an inspiration!
It’s a long process, but how wonderful that so many of us participated!
Dana, as I was reading your post and saw the words about the world needing people to do big things I was mentally composing a comment to mildly disagree. But then, I saw that you had written about the everyday acts of compassion that are so easily within our abilities to perform. I believe that compassion starts with the little, everyday, things. Grand gestures are wonderful, but I (for one) can’t sustain them each day. I can, however, be kinder to those people that I meet each day and to my family. And that’s where I’m headed!
Great post!
Thanks, Anna. Most of us can’t sustain the grand gestures, but that doesn’t mean we should throw in the towel and do nothing.
I love Indigo Girls but I didn’t know this one! So thank you for teaching me something new.
I admit that the David story made me wipe away a tear too. “I love you.” So wonderful.
I love to think about all the wonderful people in this world doing wonderful things. It far outnumbers the bad and I’ll never believe differently.
I’m with you, Tamara. I firmly believe there are more good people than bad, and it’s things like #1000Speak that make me even more sure.
I went on a few trips like that as a young woman too. Helping people with a young back and an enthusiastic spirit was a wonderful gift, to both a community in need and a young person finding their way in the world as an adult. I bet that experience made you a more tolerant, compassionate person in later life. I can no longer swing a hammer over my head all day, but my experiences as a kid motivates me to volunteer in soup kitchens and raise awareness for people in need as a middle aged person. We have different gifts to give at different points in our lives.
That is so true, Elizabeth. And we always have something to give, if we make the time to give it.
Now,
this is Compassion and the Meaning of Life. xxx
It is. xoxo
It is so very easy to show compassion–but I have to say, you did it in a LARGE way! I love these compassion posts…spreading so much of that very thing all over the internet. Great job!
So awesome that you did those things when you were younger Dana! What a huge impact you had on the world and what an impact the experience had on you. I’ve not done anything like that and I regret it. I suppose it’s never too late!
Yes the world needs big and small gestures of compassion and you articulate that so beautifully here. Thank you for sharing your wonderful experiences and insights.
It’s never too late, Nicki. Although I don’t think I could do the same kind of labor I did when I was twenty…but that’s what is great about compassion. It comes in so many forms!
I absolutely loved, loved this Dana! It’s amazing all of the little gestures we can do each day that require so very little effort and time yet have the worth of a goldmine in fulfillment for the recipient! I was blessed to have a mentor early on in my life and it’s been an integral part of it ever since. I even did that on my blog for a period of 18 months. You are such an amazing, wonderful person with a heart of gold and for me I see it and feel it in your writing and sharing with us. Compassion is something so many could pick up and learn from you, my dear. Have an absolutely awesome weekend! 🙂
Thank you Mike – your comments always make me smile! I’ve had a very snowy weekend – hope yours was good!
Excellent job Dana! I love how we took such a similar approach as well. I really wish that I’d done one of those college work trips. I remember the first time I went to Mexico – it was such an eye opener to see the poverty just mere miles away from the gorgeous resorts.
I know…in so many vacation places there is such a disconnect between tourists and natives. Thanks for hosting, Kristi – this day has been amazing!
Student volunteering is such a great way to build character! I’m sure it helped you immensely, Dana.
The story was so heart-warming. I think ‘special’ people are named so for their ability to show love without fear!
I agree, Corinne. To be able to show love without fear is such a blessing for the giver and the receiver.
This is fantastic, Dana. As a mom, I often think that I’m too busy with my kids to do something big to change all the trouble in this world. But you remind me that even the little things matter. I should know better. One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa and goes something like: “We don’t have to do great things. We can do small things with great love.”
The quote on my fridge this month (because I rotate my quote magnets like the anal girl that I am):
“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” JFK.
Thanks for the nudge. We’re going on a mission trip this summer… I think I’ll take a journal, and give one to each of my teens too. (Although, I don’t know about the boy… he might not use it.)
I love that you rotate your fridge magnets. And I bet your son may use that journal…a trip like that can stir up a lot of emotions that have to come out somehow.
Those truly must have been wonderful experiences. It does get more difficult to volunteer for such things as you get older. Jobs, kids, and running households get in the way. I love your list of small actions that anyone can do to show compassion. This will be put on my list for today.
That’s the beauty of those things – they can be on your list everyday!
Dana, it doesn’t surprise me for a second that you were our doing community service (volunteer, not court ordered) when the rest of us were doing keg stands at frat parties. You’re such an amazing person. I have admired you since the very first word of yours I read, and that just grew even more today. Thanks for sharing your experiences. More people could stand to be more like you.
Mandi, thank you. That is such a lovely thing to say, and to know that you feel that way means so much to me. The feeling is mutual!
That’s one thing all these posts are reminding me – acts of compassion don’t have to be big mission trips to other countries. They can just be little things we do each and every day.
Exactly, Lisa!
The part about the toothbrush really touched my heart. Act of compassion doesn’t need to be grandiose; it CAN be something small – it may seem small and insignificant to us but to someone it may mean the world. Wonderful post Dana!
Thanks so much, Ana! I think so often our small acts make a difference without us ever knowing.
i love your point that some will do big things and some will do small things – but every act of compassion matters. One of the things I love about my daughter’s school and our church community is the culture of service that is present. Some build for Habitat for Humanity, go to work camps, and some pray for the sick and cook meals for the bereaved. It all matters.
It does. I feel that way about our synagogue too, and I hope my children go to colleges where that culture of service is prevalent.
This is such an awesome post! One thing I want to instill into my children is a sense of good stewardship of the Earth and community involvement. My husband and I were just talking about getting involved in volunteer work as a family. We both grew up going on mission trips as teens, but haven’t done anything in the community recently.. and we want that to change! You’ve reminded me and inspired me! <3 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
I’m so glad to hear that Gingi!
Both big and small things can be such life changing events…and not always for the one the act is directed to. I’ve never done a mission or mission-like event, though I know others who have. To me, living a compassionate and empathic life is really a life full of abundance! 🙂
It is, and it’s more important to live life like that on a daily basis than to make grand gestures every once in awhile.
Our church sends teens and adults to a couple of places each year to do a week of service, either teaching VBC or building things or planting things or whatever needs done. My daughter has asked to go this year, and I so wish I could go with her. I didn’t know of such experiences when I was a teen.
Small acts make big impacts, for sure.
They really do!
Such a great way to start this super cold Friday morning. I love the pictures! I have very vivid memories of both trips. I am going looking for my journals or whatever memories I kept this weekend. I hope I can find something. In addition to living with some of the best women I have been blessed to know while in college, these service trips while at Loyola comprise some of my most profound memories. And that’s one of my most favorite quotes, at the end of your piece. Thanks Daner!
Please let me know if you find them – I’m going to keep looking for mine.
Thank you for this post. I hope a lot of people read it and take action. You are a good soul.
Thank you, Amy. So do you. xoxo
This is such an amazing story. I really wish I had something like this in my past to look back on. I have always wanted to build a Home with Home for Humanity (I believe is the name?) But I have not been blessed with the time or money to take out of work to make it happen. It is certainly a goal and I will make it happen! Thank you so much for sharing this is so inspiring!
Habitat for Humanity – our Jackson trip was similar, fixing up houses so a family could move in. You should definitely look into it!
I love the story in the dentist’s office. Why shouldn’t it be worth a hug and an ‘i love you’? I have done my share of mission trips and nothing so grand since, as well. But I like your list. Those actions matter, too. And the Indigo Girls–always quote-worthy.
They are! I couldn’t say it better myself, especially not set to music.
The little incident at the Dentist touched my heart! Such a small gesture and it had such a huge impact not only on the giver and the receiver but the onlookers too! We need to be spreading more such cheer around us!
Yes! Those two men spread cheer to me and they didn’t even know it.
I clicked on the song afterward. I can comment and listen but not read and listen 😉 That’s a perfect song for this post – definitely the soundtrack to those pictures. That’s wonderful you got to participate in something like that.
I think a service program would be an excellent prerequisite to living life as an adult I wish all colleges did that. Some kids up that point may not even know what it means to be compassionate.
I wish I had deep pockets, but thank goodness you don’t need deep pockets to be compassionate. So many grand gestures are completely free!
I think a service program would be an excellent prerequisite too. I hope my kids participate in something similar; I’m certainly going to encourage them. And yes, free grand gestures are often the best ones!
I like that compassion can be in the form of a grand gesture like what you did in college or a small, simple thing like giving a toothbrush. We need more of that every day. What a great campaign!
Isn’t it? And so many people so eager to be a part of it. I think that says so much about humanity and our potential for good.
I too would have loved to read excerpts of the diary! What a valuable experience that must be!!
It really was. Maybe I’ll find that journal one day…
Wow Dana. You brought me right into your world with that Indigo Girls song. It reminded me of my own college years and how community service was a big part of how we operated on campus and in my sorority (yes, I admit it, I was in a sorority). It’s good to remember that the small acts of kindness and compassion are meaningful too. Love the toothbrush/I love you story. Perfect.
I was so glad I witnessed that in the dentist’s office – it really stuck with me! I feel very fortunate to have gone to a school that put such an emphasis on service. I wasn’t looking for it, but I needed it.
I love all of this Dana! Your memories of serving have me thinking I definitely want to get my kids involved in something like that. What an experience- a foundation for compassion if there ever was one.
Love your lists of options and choices, and that precious story of a moment that mattered. Compassion comes in ALL shapes and sizes… none more powerful than the other.
You’re right, Chris – they are all powerful in their own way.
Small acts of compassion add up to so much!
They really do!
Oh, that story warmed my heart. It really is the little things that add up. Like so many writers from all over the world to share what compassion means to them and hopefully make the world a brighter place.
I hope so! It is pretty amazing what we can do when we put all of our voices together.
I love that you did that in college and something I wish I could have experienced. But still, I love your tips for compassion and definitely a wonderful reminder of all the kind and gracious things we can do for others.
Thanks, Janine. 🙂
What a sweet story!! I love those simple things that we often miss because we are so wrapped up in our own worlds. Such a great example that, while the big gestures are nice, it is really the little things that make the most difference.
So true, and those little things can be so easy to do.