As the daughter of a father raised Catholic and a mother raised Jewish, my childhood experiences with houses of worship were a mix of no man’s land and the promised land. I sat in synagogue during the High Holidays, as the three hour service felt like thirty. The fact that I knew no Hebrew didn’t help; while the cantor sang the prayers I amused myself by guessing how many e’s were on page 208 of my prayerbook, and then counting to see how close I was.
In high school I joined some friends in their Methodist youth group that met in the social hall of their church. Occasionally I glanced into the sanctuary and saw the neat pews and simple crosses, but I never had the opportunity or desire to go any further than the doorway.
I did not step foot into a Catholic church until I was 18 and began attending a Jesuit college. The church was not only where Mass was held, but non-religious events and celebrations took place there as well. I gazed up at the crucifixes with both horror and awe; to see such a violent religious image in a house of worship was foreign to me. But the sanctuary was beautiful, and it was a place I felt calm if not comfortable.
In my senior year I got wild and crazy and joined the handbell choir. We played during Mass, so at the age of 20 I was introduced to this house of worship in an entirely new way. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I was not threatened by this worship service that was so different from what I knew; instead I was intrigued by the rhythm and ceremony of a Catholic Mass. While I did not say the prayers or participate in Communion, the service did allow me to reflect on my place in the world and contemplate my own relationship with God.
I returned (literally, not figuratively) to the Catholic church before my second child was born, when I worked at a Catholic high school. Whole school masses were mandatory for all staff, and were held in the auditorium. While I remembered the nuts and bolts of the service, I found it difficult to find that place of contemplation in a secular auditorium filled with fidgeting teenagers and a horrible sound system.
Through the years I have been in many sanctuaries – ones that I was too young to appreciate, and ones that I appreciated but were not of my faith. At the ripe old age of thirty two, our family joined a synagogue. I found a house of worship to call my own, and I found it when I was mature enough to truly value it and the people who make it a community.
Awww this was a nice post Dana. I’ve never been in a synagogue. I have been in some Catholic churches for weddings. Though I get nostalgic for the “old school” type church I grew up in (A.M.E Zion), I love where we go now. It’s non-denominational and it’s been an experience I couldn’t have fathomed in my youth.
Thanks, Kenya. I’m glad you’ve found the place for you, too.
I admire you for talking about this subject. I grew up in a very strict background and to this day have yet to feel like any religion is my home. Thank you for your honest feelings. I enjoyed sharing in your journey!
Thanks, Kate – it’s getting easier to open up on my blog because I get such kind feedback like yours.
I have gone to a lot of different services but do find I prefer traditional over the modern. I grew up Catholic but now go few and far between- maybe 3 times in the last six months. I need to be better because I do feel better after I leave!
I feel better after services too, Kate. I have to make the time to go – life gets in the way too easily!
Dana, I really enjoyed reading about your progression through faith. While faith is the most important thing about religion, it’s really the community that holds it together. While others may find the rituals boring, I am really passionate about the rituals as I love the tradition and history behind them (i.e., the prayers, the chanting, the singing). I am Catholic, but am very much enthralled in the rituals of other religions (i.e, brises, naming ceremonies, etc.).
I’m glad you enjoyed my post, Catherine. I find the rituals of other religions interesting too – going to a Catholic college was really a wonderful opportunity for me to learn about another religion.
I will admit, I am jealous of the gloves. I am impressed with your take on the different house of worship. I feel out of place in ones not of my faith, almost like everyone is staring because they know I am on outsider.
I felt like that when I first went to college, but I got used to it. And I realized that people really don’t focus on me as much as I tend to think they do 🙂
I love how you got wild and crazy and joined the handbell choir. Too funny. And the rest of it–awesome. I was raised Catholic and still attend Catholic Mass on Sundays, but I do love me some Methodists, too! I’ve got a ton of Methodist friends and sometimes join them at their services.
It’s funny, most of my high school friends were Methodist, but my college friends were Catholic. And now my friends are either Jewish or Catholic – not many Protestants in the bunch! Go figure.
I’m soooooo NOT jealous of your white gloves … I strong-armed into attending Katherine Gibbs Secretarial School for college, so I had my very own pair LOL. Thankfully, we weren’t actually required to wear them, but they did have some pretty strange rules back then.
Ha – too funny, Chris! One other girl and I volunteered to wash the gloves each week, because who wants to put on a pair of stinky gloves that were all sweaty from the week before?
I don’t have much experience with Catholic churches but my brother was married in one. I remember wondering what the point of a Latin mass was when nobody understood it. Seemed silly. I love this sentence “…a mix of no man’s land and the promised land.” And of course, the photo of you is priceless. I am so jealous of the gloves and glad that now you’ve found a place to worship that you truly enjoy. That’s huge.
Thanks, Kristi – I really did rock the gloves.
That is a great, Dana! It is so important to find a place of worship where you are comfortable. I’m glad you finally found your spiritual home!
Thank you Lisa – so am I!
My parents gave it a lot of thought and raised us all Jewish – Hebrew school and Bat/Bar Mitzvahs and all..but we also celebrated Christmas and Easter! Talk about confusion. And it didn’t help when I married a man of mixed religion and we had two kids of mixed religion! I took some time off but now that I have a family I am definitely seeking something for them. For me too.
I was a bit confused growing up too, so I was adamant about one religion (even though my kids have exposure to Catholicism from their paternal grandparents). It’s challenging – I wish you luck finding what works for all four of you.
I love that you explored too before finding a place that feels right for you. We didn’t have much religious experience growing up, and I regret that sometimes. I hope that my husband and I will find a community too where we feel at home. We’re exploring our options now, but it’s a big decision!
It is a big decision. Good luck in your search, Jessica!
I’ve been in many places of worship – some have been great experiences where I’ve felt completely comfortable and others have been more awkward. There are times that I feel more comfortable “worshipping” outdoors – not in the confines of any building.
Our temple has a wooded outdoor area with pews – one of our congregants was working on his Eagle Scout badge and he built it. It’s lovely there. I also love the huge windows in our sanctuary, so I can gaze out to the woods during the service.
I think it is great that you explored before joining a Synagogue. That way you know that your home is right for you. Plus you have the added bonus of torturing your children, I mean enjoying the traditions with your children!
Ha – now I just have to perfect your “look” to give them when they are messing around!
I think ultimately the most important thing is to find a place you are comfortable in! And it’s also important that we learn to respect other religions…in the end we are all the same!
Amen to that, Michelle. Religion should unite people, not separate them.
OMG…love that photo…yes I’m a little jealous of the white gloves.
I love the last paragraph…that is the most important thing babe, finding a place to worship and feeling part of something bigger.
Exactly! Sorry to make you jealous, Karen 🙂
That’s an amazing photo! Wow! You really knew how to live it up 🙂
Community is key, I think – no amount of empty sanctuaries or beautiful buildings will compensate for somewhere where spirituality and community are dry and old. These things need vibrancy and warmth to engage with. I’m pleased you’ve found the right place for you 🙂
Thanks, Lizzi – I did find the right place. And you’re right – it’s because of the community, not the building it is in.
So glad you found a place to call home!
Thanks, Alana. Me too!
I loved that, Dana! What an interesting glimpse into your life- I am intrigued to read all the posts this week, and see what everyone does with this sentence. I of course cleverly deviated from the topic of church… Oh, and I was totally in a handbell choir, too. So. Cool. (I actually loved it!)
You were? I loved it too. I wish I had started before my senior year. Not much opportunity to do it after college, and there are no handbells at my temple 🙁
I have only been to Catholic churches for funerals and college. I’m not sure why, but the services bring out too much emotion or something. Some would say that is a good thing, I’m not a fan of crying through the whole two hour Mass…
Thanks for linking up with #FTSF this week! Hope to see you next week!
Yes, I think two hours of crying would be exhausting. Always fun linking up Dawn – thanks!
I think usually with age comes more thought into worship and one’s faith (at least from my experience). I really do love how you explained the transition for you and that picture was just an awesome share. Thank you so much for linking this up with us!!
I pulled out my yearbook for that photo – it’s an oldie!