The partially empty nest doesn’t clean itself. On the day Gwen moved into her dorm, my SUV was stuffed to the gills, complete with a large man-sized duffle bag strapped to the roof. One would think that there wouldn’t be much left at home, but one would be wrong. I warned her that I was going to be merciless about purging the things she left behind, and she told me that was fine. After all, if it didn’t make the cut to college, how important could it be?
The duffle on top most of her clothes. But only the summer ones.
With a mix of nostalgia, melancholy, and a little bit of glee, I emptied out her desk and nightstand. I filled the recycling bin with old school papers, and tossed empty pens and dried-up markers in the trash. Half-filled spiral notebooks littered her drawers, the loopy cursive of her handwriting sprawled on the pages that were sometimes a decade old.
Gwen has always loved to write, and her stories are strewn about the house like Easter eggs. When I discover one, I tuck it away to respect her privacy and perhaps preserve a bit of the little girl she used to be.
I don’t read her stories without permission, but I have always read her essays and papers. As early as age ten or eleven, Gwen knew that a thorough proofread and edit could strengthen her pieces, and she took advantage of my eagerness to go to town with my red pen. Having a fresh pair of eyes on her writing has helped her hone her skills and improve vocabulary and grammar.
At college, Gwen has many fresh pairs of eyes at her disposal. There is a writing center, peer editors, and any number of kids on her floor who would proof a paper for her. But she and I have a rhythm, and I am more than happy to read a paper about Shakespeare as long as I don’t have to write it.
I prefer to edit on paper instead of on the computer, but long distance editing is best done via email. Yesterday I read a comparison paper on The Merchant of Venice and A Jew in Venice. (“This class SUCKS,” Gwen has informed me multiple times this semester.) I was reading for style, grammar, and clarity, which is all I can offer since I have not read either play.
I added my comments and suggestions in red, and emailed it back to her. I finished a piece I was working on, not quite satisfied with the ending. A fresh pair of eyes helps me too, and Matt is my usual editor. Why not have Gwen do it this time? The piece is about grandparents and grandchildren, and her perspective could be helpful.
As I was reading the final draft of her paper, she was reading my essay. The two pieces passed one another on the web as they were returned to their writers, and I smiled when I saw Gwen’s red comments peppered in between my own words. She caught a verb tense shift I needed to correct, and she tightened up a few phrases and ideas. She even included a comment: (lol this last sentence made me laugh). It was intended to be funny, so I was happy to know it hit its mark.
I didn’t use all of her edits, as I’m sure she doesn’t always use mine. But our exchanges over text and email gave me a mom-buzz, which is the joy I get from feeling close to my children even when they aren’t with me. She needs me less and less as she finds her own way in the world, but my fresh pair of eyes will always be here.
Even when they get a little misty behind my middle-aged reading glasses.
I adore this! How special that you get to connect this way via writing! LOVE. xoxo
This was sweet. My dad is my fresh pair of eyes even though he’s no good with grammar and stuff. He’s good with how it sounds and if it makes sense. He actually read the very rough draft of my last post which I think I would have fart over for another week before deciding not to publish at all. So I’m glad he was here and I showed it to him.
Isn’t it weird – as techie as I’d also prefer to use a pen for marking up. Writing markup technology is here but I think you have to use a tablet or some kind of touch device to do it. I haven’t had the pleasure.
**As I was reading the final draft of her paper, she was reading my essay.**
Magic. Priceless. Beautiful.
I LOVE)))
When I edit, I utilize the “! ! !” when I get excited about a particular word, sentence, or insight.
Awwww! *sniff, sniff*
I love the idea of your writing passing in the interwebs with love. <3
Oh Dana, I love that you and Gwen now edit each others writings. She’s following in her mama’s footsteps in more ways than one.
Thank you, Debbie. She told me the other day that she edited a friend’s paper too – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
Oh, I just had a little glimpse into my future! <3
I love reading your posts, Dana! And I love that your family is part of the process. I used to have my parents read over my essays, and everyone in my family read over my book before I published it. I hope to do something similar with Eve!
Aw, you’re giving me hope that someday my daughter and I will have such a relationship. As a grammar nerd, this would be my ultimate dream for how to connect with her!
My family does this, too! It’s always nice to know that there’s a fresh pair of eyes you can call on 🙂
It sounds like Gwen has her mom’s gift for writing (and editing!). What a wonderful connection for the two of you! My daughter and I have proofread each other’s work over the years, too. Just the other day I proofread an email she was sending to her mother-in-law. LOL.
That’s funny! Emails can be dangerous since you can’t read tone or body language – she’s smart to have you proof!
You two obviously have a wonderful bond. I love that you had her proofread one of your pieces. It bet it made her feel important to help you, too. It’s so interesting to read your description of life as you transition to having Gwen at college. It’s a bit like looking into the future for me.
I suppose it is, even though it’s years away for you!
Aw- how wonderful that she respects your opinion – and that you now show respect for hers. What a wonderful thing to share. My oldest son sometimes asks me to read over essays or important papers (science fair report), and even important emails. But my daughter never lets me see anything. She has a talent for writing – great voice – and I tell her all the time that she should write. Someday, I envision us writing a mother -daughter collection of essays. But for now, she keeps her words to herself. 🙁
I can understand that – Gwen never shares her stories with me, just her schoolwork. A collection of essays – that would be awesome!
Love this one! Sharing everywhere. Best, Erin
Thanks Erin!
Awwww. So glad you have such a bond with your daughter. I hope my boys can find me “useful” after they can feed and clothe themselves 🙂
Of course they will! You may not want to be “used” anymore, but they’ll find ways!
Oh boy, this is like major life goals for me. Scarlet and I write side by side, and we take photos side by side, but I can’t wait to go deep with it.
Lucky Gwen and lucky you.
We are pretty lucky. Now if I can only get James to let me read his essays – he likes to submit them electronically before I have a chance to get my eyes on them!
Loved, loved this post. Gwen is very fortunate to have you (& Matt, too) guiding and supporting her!
I have excellent role models. <3
Awwwwh I love LOVE the bond that you two share, and am so glad it’s transcending the distance. That gives me lots of hope for when I move (just gonna have to get my mum online somehow! Eeek!!)
Exactly! Technology does make it easier to make those small connections, although I’m counting the days until I can hug her again.
I cannot say enough how I love that you both edit each other’s work. Truly made me hopeful that someday one or both of my girls will share this with me, too 😉
Thanks Janine!