On Saturday I visited my happy place; I saw the bound-for-Broadway musical If/Then, starring Idina Menzel. Idina (because we are on a first name basis) was the original Elphaba in Wicked, and I’ve listened to her amazing voice on the cast recording over and over again. I also saw her in concert, and I’m girl-crushing big time. I was super excited to see her on stage again, and she did not disappoint.
If/Then is the story of Elizabeth (my bff Idina), a 40 year old newly divorced woman who has returned to New York City to start her life over. In the first scene, she is in the park with her new neighbor Kate and her oldest friend Lucas. Lucas asks Elizabeth to join him at a housing demonstration, and Kate asks her to stay and listen to the guy playing the guitar in the park.
A tiny decision. Hang out with Lucas, who has always called his best friend “Beth,” or hang out with Kate, as the new and improved “Liz.” Beth goes with Lucas, and Liz stays with Kate. The remainder of the show depicts both paths, both possibilities.
While the show needs some tightening up, it was fascinating to watch Elizabeth’s life unfold in two entirely different ways based on one small decision.
Hours after the show, I was turning thoughts around in my mind. Off stage and in reality, we can’t follow both paths. We make choices and we live with the ramifications. We stand at intersections and we pick a direction to go.
Because Matt loves when I analyze things, he was more than happy to answer me when I asked him about choices he’s made at major intersections. That was sarcasm, by the way. It’s hard to convey through the computer screen. He mentioned his college choice. If he had chosen a different college, he may now have a different career. He certainly would have a different wife and different kids, if he would have had them at all.
That’s major. College, a job, a boyfriend/future husband – those kinds of choices are crowded four-way intersections. We take our time weighing the pros and cons because we know our decisions will have life changing consequences.
In If/Then however, Elizabeth’s choice was seemingly inconsequential. Her intersection was an isolated dirt road with only the occasional pick-up truck driving through.
My thoughts churn again. Is any choice inconsequential? Or does every decision have the potential to be monumental?
I make benign choices daily. For instance: do I run to the grocery store before the kids get home from school, or do I put it off until tomorrow? Occasionally, as I mull it over, I have an odd and admittedly neurotic thought. What if I go to the store and get in a serious car accident? What if that accident would happen if I went tomorrow? If I choose “correctly,” I would never know what potential injury could have awaited me in the second scenario.
Am I the only one who has those kinds of thoughts? They aren’t debilitating, and I brush them out of my mind as quickly as they arrived. But they illustrate my point.
We have hundreds of choices to make each day. Some scream “BIG IMPORTANT DECISION!!” Some whisper “choose wisely.” And some don’t speak at all.
Maybe it’s those quiet ones we have to look out for.
That woman is undeniable. You keep having a girl crush on her.
I have thought about the ramifications of my decisions a lot this past year. I’ve worried that moving away from my parents will change the personality of my children or that they won’t form strong family bonds.
But you are right, the small decisions can also make a huge difference and we usually do it with little to no thought. One night, at a bar, I left my boyfriends side and went to say hello to some old friends from high school. It made him jealous and he broke up with me a week later. Two weeks after that, I was out again and ran back into another old high school friend- THAT high school friend is now my husband.
It’s like the musical come to life! Well, not really, but that is an excellent example, Jean. To think that you would have totally different children if you had married someone else…I think about that sometimes but it hurts my brain.
So, I am a newer follower to your blog, we run with the same peeps, I’m just a wanderer, my B, but, you my darlin’, just earned a HUGE like gold star or something. You see, I was one of those choral/ musical theater kids in school & RENT is my all time FAVE show so who wouldn’t LOVE Idina!!!! ( I totes have a woman crush too, just sayin’)
ok- so, to the topic at hand- I analyze the crap out of every situation, even being the fly by the seat of my pants gal, I analyze & worry… what if I had made this choice & this would have happened blah blah… that is no way to live though…
I really should watch this movie, huh?
~A~
I’m glad you stopped by, Amber. I do see your comments on many other blogs, so it’s about time we connected! It is hard for me not to analyze and worry, too, but I try hard not to dwell on decisions that have already been made. As you say, that’s no way to live, right?
Some decisions do bring a certain level of angst, Dana, but I’ve learned to try to go with my gut and leave it alone. Otherwise, I’d drive myself batty (and I’m already halfway there!).
I agree with you Alison. I tend to make my decision and not look back!
You’re not the only one who has these thoughts. Every time my flight gets changed, or I miss it, or anything like that, I wonder whether one of the planes is due to crash. That if we travel today rather than yesterday, did we miss the accident? I usually brush the thoughts out quickly as well but it really is interesting to wonder how life would have been different with a different decision. For me, a major one was moving from Denver to the east coast, which is where my career took off, I met my husband, and we had our son. I then mostly quit the career part.
The tattoo on my ankle says “To Die With No Regrets” as a reminder to embrace the decisions we make and move on. Really excellent post, Dana! And Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Love your tattoo quote – I think about that when I’m scared to do something. Will I regret not trying? If I think I may, I go for it. I’d rather fail than have regrets and wonder what-if. Hope you are having a great Thanksgiving!
I do this CONSTANTLY! But I also work with people who have been in accidents and relive “what if I had left 2 minutes later”…. I don’t think every decision will alter your life – I do believe that there are many “good paths” for our lives. However, every journey starts with the first step, so I think we do need to watch that first step.
I totally agree, Leah. You have an interesting perspective working with people whose “what-if” ended badly. I suppose you have to let that go in order to move on, but I imagine that’s not easy to do.
No idea who your SuperSingingStar BFF is, but it sounds like a very cool show.
BRING ON THE MULTIVERSE!
Did you ever think that if the ‘you’ that IS you had ALSO taken the decision, and followed it through, and then at each subsequent decision, the ‘you’ then took both options and played them out and then all the ‘yous’ took all the options, somewhere, you’d have a billion completely different lives, with some similarities.
It looks like tree roots to think of. And then my brain explodes. I love this 😀
My brain explodes a little too – it’s good to blow your own mind every once in awhile, right?
Ohhh definitely 🙂
Oh, I love Idina Menzel (we are not quite on a first name basis yet). Sounds like a great musical.
It was, although I will watch anything that Idina is in!
Dana, this is so cool that you took the concept of this show and asked these questions in real life. I’m an extremely positive person, but it’s things like this among other factors that make me know that people can really “blow it.” I think people try so hard to be positive at times, that they never want to admit that this could be a possibility. And then there are those decisions and crossroads that we were at that even though things turned out bad, we can still bounce back from it. Your post is just reminding me that you never know that one time you make a decision which it can be. Will it be detrimental? Will it be inconsequential? All I can do, is do my best to make good decisions. Because like you so cleverly showed, sometimes things are beyond our control.
We should have written this together, Brittnei – I appreciate your thoughtful comments. I particularly like your point about bouncing back from poor choices – not ever decisions is irreversible.
I think we all think those thoughts now and then, but we know we can’t dwell on them or we’d be paralyzed.
But we can’t trivialize them either. Sometimes choices, even small ones, matter because they can spiral. As the Mom of 2 teens, I have these fears that I haven’t instilled enough caution of the choices that seem small but can have long term ramifications. But I don’t want to scare them either. It’s all such a fine line that we walk every day.
Bottom line, we do the best we can and just keep on moving. What else is there?
You’re so right, Karen. I feel the same way with my kids too – I don’t want to scare them into not being able to make any decision.
You are certainly not the only one who has those thoughts -I think that almost every day. When we leave a few minutes late for school drop-off I wonder “was there a reason that we left late” or “will leaving late be a huge mistake?”
Great post, Dana – nice to know that others think about the same things!!
It really is, Kim. I feel a little less crazy now that I know I’m not the only one!
Beautiful, thoughtful post, Dana. The time when this “choices made” notion pops into my head is when I’m at the airport and given an opportunity to get on an earlier flight or bumped to a later flight for a travel voucher. I can’t say it has caused me to make a decision one way or the other but I do think about it. I remember reading in Michael J. Fox’s autobiography that he and his family were supposed to be on the Concorde that crashed in Paris in 2000 but for some reason changed their plans and flew back the day before instead. Amazing…
That is amazing, and I can certainly see why the flight choice would give you pause. I guess it’s human nature to wonder about the what-ifs.
I think about this all the time- wishing I had made different choices but wondering about the consequences of what I would have missed.
And I MUST see this show!!
Yes you must! Tickets for the March opening in NYC are already on sale.
I think this sort of thing all the time! It’s kind of fascinating, actually, to think how things would be different if ‘a’ decision had been ‘b’.
You ever think how your kid’s name fits their personality? I wonder had I named them something else, if their personality would be different.
I have thought about that, Beth. I also thinks it’s funny that my readers don’t even know their real names – I don’t think Gwen and James fit their personalities at all, but that’s what they picked!
I was completely thinking about that Gwyneth movie (and yes it wasn’t the greatest, but yes, Gwyneth be her name, was in it so I saw it). It sounds a lot like what you went to. I am a complete believer in fate and constantly have these thoughts. How did I end up on the east coast? What if I wouldn’t have gone to law school? What if I would have joined Ellicott City moms club instead of Clarksville. Ha ha. stupid i know but you are faced with these decisions I bet, every hour. I know I am…I guess that’s the fun of life right? There are many people I know that don’t believe in fate- simply believe it’s in the big guy’s hands. I can’t quite get my head around that. But that’s why I listen to #17 and know all the words to England Dan and John Ford Coley songs.
And that’s why I love you, Dana. The Love station makes all the worry just fade away…
If we got to thinking about all those choices and intersections in the road, it could really be paralyzing. It is mind boggling to think that if our college choice had been different, our families would be completely different. Time travel would scare me if it ever became real.
I agree with you, Michelle. I don’t think I would time travel even if I could.
Crazy?!?! Yes?
If you want to get even deeper think on how all of the little choices cumulatively effect nor only us but all of our community and soon we’re seeing the organism that is our world.
Good news. We just need to keep living. The rest will all work it self out. 😉
Oh, that’s very deep, Kim! You’re right, though – we just need to keep living and let it all take care of itself!
Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? If not, see it! If so, yay!
I think about this so often. How life is kinda..serendipitous. Every choice we make, like changing a diaper before or after we leave, or putting on lipstick or not, I totally obsess about this often!! How if we left earlier, we could have gotten hit by a car. Later? We’d have missed something big.
You are not alone in this.
I once had to make a choice between two men (or I could have chosen neither, but probably not both because that would have made me a bad, bad girl). Anyway sometimes I think about if I had chosen the one I didn’t choose (the not-Cassidy man) and how I could write a book about that! Sometimes I get all screenplay crazy and I imagine dreaming up this whole life – Cassidy, the kids, the photography and blog, but then I wake up in New Jersey next to my ex and this whole thing? Was the choice I didn’t make. Just a mere dream.
Wow. I just wrote a screenplay on your comments section. Call my agent!
I’ll have to watch Sliding Doors – I know the premise is the same as If/Then. I’m glad to know I’m not alone – I had a feeling other people had those kinds of thoughts too. And I’ve thought about the two men choice as well – what my life would have been like had I stayed with the other guy. Fortunately, I have absolutely no regrets about the choice I made.
When you figure out who is going to play each of the two men, let me know and we’ll start filming.
I do the same thing wondering if seemingly insignificant choices will change the course of my life.. I used to love the books that you could choose which route to take….
Choose your own adventures – I loved them too, Alexa! Although if you made a wrong choice you could just start over again. Maybe that’s why I liked them…
Great post Dana. I am over the top with that kind of thinking sometimes. I hope it’s natural. Christopher’s school is less than two miles from the house. Anytime I hear ambulances an firetrucks, I think of the school. I know that’s a little off the subject but it’s the first irrational thing that came to mind 😉
I get it, Kenya – what I was talking about was irrational too. Nice to know I’m not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts.
Choices. Not only is it the name of a local grocery store here in western Canada it is something I.TELL.MY.KIDS.ALL.THE.TIME. Think about your choices. Don’t be a ditherer – choose and roll with your decision. However think carefully about your choice before making your decision.
Beautifully written Dana. I’ll keep an eye out for If/Then – hopefully it tours here soon.
It’ll be awhile, Kelly – it opens on Broadway in March. I agree with you about thinking but not dithering. Once you make a choice you’ve gotta stick with it. Indecisiveness drives me nuts!
Wow. It’s like you’re in my head. I have these thoughts all the time,about big life choices and little ones. I’m a firm believer that everything works out the way it was meant to. Oh, and I also have a “girl crush”on Idina Menzel. I took my daughters to see her in concert and she was amazing. I am so excited to know I finally have a chance to see her on Broadway!
So we have similar thinking, Lisa. And similar taste in girl crushes. If you go to the If/Then facebook page, they have an offer for Broadway pre-sale tickets – the show starts in March.
It is amazing to think how every decision in life, big or small, can have major consequences. But I try not to drive myself absolutely crazy by overanalyzing every small choice or decision! I’m crazy enough as is!
I agree. I mean, I’m crazy too – I don’t agree that you are crazy. Maybe you are, but I don’t know you well enough to pass judgment. 🙂
Like Allie, I do this ALL.THE.TIME. Seriously. Especially in those near miss moments. And I also totally analyze how I could have taken different paths in life. My hubby is like your hubby…it is not his favorite game! ;)-Ashley
I’m so glad to hear that, Ashley. I was hoping people could relate to what I was saying, but I was afraid you all would think I was nuts! I feel better now.
This is why I have always been so bad at making decisions and can truly drive Kevin crazy, but still I am always thinking about the If/Thens. So, can tell you how many times, I have heard of the course of the years, “Can you just make up your mind!” Totally me and so can relate to your post today!
Decisions can really paralyze us if we let them, can’t they? It’s always good to have one half of a couple be a quick decision maker – sounds like in your case that’s Kevin!
YES I think this way all.the.time. Since my mom died when I was 17 I often think how different my entire life would be if she had lived, if she had never gotten sick, IF!!!
The “little” decisions about the store, etc. I think about when I sit in traffic or some other delay and try to make myself feel better that this is “happening for a reason!” Great post. SO glad you were able to have a fun night that keeps you thinking.
Me too, Allie – the show was great. I like your strategy of thinking it’s happening for a reason. I’m going to try that next time I’m in traffic.
That musical sounds a lot like the movie Sliding Doors, with Gywneth Paltrow — have you heard of it? It’s a few years old but it’s pretty good. I have those thoughts too — what if I got in a wreck right now? Is a common one, which is morbid but at least it’s a good reminder not to check that text message I got while driving!
I’ve heard of Sliding Doors but I never saw it. I guess those morbid thoughts are normal, as long as they don’t prevent us from living our lives. And if they cause us to be more careful, all the better.