I’ve written quite a bit lately about growing. I’ve contemplated ways that I have changed for the better over the years, as I’ve embraced the shades of gray in my life instead of categorizing everything in black and white.
I used to be a Never person. I still am to some extent, although I recognize the dangers of Never. “I’ll never do this,” I would say, foolishly confident that I was speaking the truth.
The old adage “Never say never” is often quoted for a reason. It’s true. When you make a Never declaration, you are almost guaranteeing that the Never statement will become a lie. I’ve told many Never-lies over the years, fully expecting them to be true.
As a kid:
1. I’ll never kiss a boy, and I don’t want to! I eventually did, and willingly.
2. I’ll never leave my mommy and daddy.
3. I’ll never be old enough to do anything fun.
As a teen:
4. I’ll never kiss a boy, even though I want to!
5. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love my boyfriend. Until the next boyfriend.
6. I’ll never be able to walk in heels.
7. I’ll never be old enough to do anything fun.
As a young adult, pre-kids:
8. I’ll never let my kids go out looking unkempt.
9. I’ll never feed my kids junk food. Are Skittles junk food? They are fruit flavored…
10. I’ll never wear a skirted swimsuit.
11. I’ll never leave the house without makeup.
12. I’ll never let having kids keep me from doing anything fun.
As a not-so-young adult with two kids:
13. I’ll never eat sushi.
14. I’ll never play Candy Crush or 2048 again. Damn addictive games.
15. I’ll never have a clean house.
16. I’ll never survive my kids’ adolescences.
While the jury is still out on #14 and #15, all the other Nevers have been proven false. I suspect the last two will be, too.
Oh girl do you speak TRUTH!! I can’t remember if I read this or not… because that is the summer I am having!!! I have been thinking about you so much and just wanted to come by and check in on you!! I hope you are EMBRACING your kiddos, family, and preparations for your bar mitzvah- I know it will be a cherished moment and a grand event!!
Thank you for checking in, Chris. I haven’t been good about that this summer, but only because of good things going on!
I absolutely love this post, it is the reason I started following you. “I’ll never usually means I will eventually” is an accurate statement I think everyone relates to. I’ve also heard “You’re capable of doing anything under the right circumstances, so don’t say ‘I’ll never'” and I think those two concepts together provide insight on another idea that ANYTHING it possible.
I completely agree with you, Tiffany. The words never and always are just too absolute, and they don’t allow for growth or change. Thank you for visiting and becoming a new follower – it’s nice to meet you!
Yeah, I said I’d never got out in public without makeup, and now I’m posting “makeupless” pictures of me before and after my runs for the world to see! HaHaHa!!!
Great FTSF. I too never thought I would go out unkempt. So much for that. I seriously will never go to the store in the pj’s that people think look like clothes though. I don’t even own any.
I saw an unfortunate video yesterday about sushi. It might take me a minute to get over it our I will be inspecting it closely from now on.
Eew – I don’t think I want to know any more about that. And I’m with you – I don’t own any pajamas that I would go out in public in!
I’m not sure I will ever have a clean house, but I hear you on all of this!
I’m not sure I will either, Michelle. Somehow it just hasn’t become a priority for me. Too many other things to do!
Hahaha! Dana, this is so true. I’ve stopped saying this for this exact reason. The truth is, no one really knows what they will ever do in a situation until it happens. I can think of lots of things I hope I’ll never do, but all I can do is hope and pray that I don’t. 🙂
There are definitely things I hope I’ll never do, but there are also many things that I may look at differently later in my life. You never know!
I stayed away from Candy Crush. I knew I’d become addicted!
That is a very smart move, Amber. Stay very far away!
Great post! It’s so funny how things change. Pre-baby I thought I’d never love a child like I love my dogs… now my poor dogs are neglected (not REALLY neglected… they still get fed and walked… they just don’t get the same spoiling they did pre-baby!).
HAHAHA I love your take on this and adore that you played with the rules, just a bit. Which you never ever do 🙂
Just for FTSF – it’s my one small rebellion!
Ha ha ha. The jury is still out on a clean house for me too!
It’s totally overrated. Said the woman whose vacuum is a coat rack.
So true, Dana! I admire your attempt to stay away from 2048. I almost made it a whole day…once!
The sad thing is that I have reached 2048, but now I feel compelled to hit 4096! I’m an idiot.
I stupidly made many I never statements about having kids BEFORE I had them. So dumb.
Me too – that seems to be one of the areas where we make those ridiculous statements, thinking we know everything.
Oh this is so great!!! Imagine if we stuck to all the things we said we would “never” do?? In high school I NEVER thought I would run father then 800 yards. Seriously.
Wow – yeah, you lied. Big time!
I am kind of a never person, too, and like you I have learned that never doesn’t really never. This is a great list. And 2048 I wish I could quit you.-Ashley
Oh, I know! I play on my husband’s iPad, but I just got my own iPad mini, and I refuse to put it on there. I’m so much more productive without it!
Haaaaa.
I’ve stopped saying NEVER.
I’ve had to EAT up my words several times.
Sheeesh.
And I despise when I hear others saying this., too… It drives me crazy.
…but one needs to learn this on their own, right? xx
Yes they do. I’ve eaten my words many times, as I’ve just shared with the world. Or really just with you and the other nice people that read my stuff.
Yet another super clever way of approaching this topic! I love it. One of mine from before I had my son was definitely, “I’ll never give my children overly-processed crappy junk food.” Oh yes you will, Katie. Not often, but you will.
And that’s okay, right? The problem with I’ll Never is that there is no wiggle room. Life is rarely all-or-nothing, and every once in awhile junk food is delicious.:)
Good for you, Dana!
Right now I am standing at the opp cross road with ya cause I am learning to say NO!!
LOL
Have a good weekend!!
Good luck with that, Ruchira – I know saying no can be a tough thing to do!
Oh the “I’ll nevers!” Yep.
I well remember being so angry at my mom when I was 8. She wouldn’t let me have one of the brownies she’d just baked. It was “too close to dinnner.” I swore on the spot that my kids were going to eat brownies whenever they wanted. I was never going to say no to eating brownies. Well guess what …
Never say never.
Ha! That’s a great story. Ah, the innocence (and ignorance) of childhood!
Ohh.. well in that case, I’ll never win the lottery and retire in Hawaii.
Honestly though, I do agree. I always swore I’d never become a mom or settle down in the suburbs. Well, what happened? I became a mom and settled in the burbs. And I love it 🙂
Sometimes they things we swore we’d never do turn out to be the best things in our lives – I’m glad it’s been that way for you, Carrie. And I’ll never win the lottery either…
Before kids, I’ve said, my kids will never look grubby in public. they will never eat junk food. Guess how that turned out? 🙂
Ummm…let me guess. Cheetos cheese dust on the shirts? Chocolate smears on the shorts? Oh wait, that’s my kids!
You know what they say – never say never! On an unrelated note… what plug in did you use to create that great subscription form?
It’s Magic Action Box, and I love it. You can create your own custom box and stick it anywhere. It took me a little while to get it the way I wanted, but I’m happy with it.
No sushi 🙁 We’re all addicted to sushi in my house so I can’t imagine life without it! I said I would never own a pool. Well, we’ve got one now. I also said I would never swear. While having a potty mouth doesn’t come easy to me, I’ve been known to throw around a curse word or two. I also didn’t think I’d survive having a teenager. I did, I’m not sure how but I did. Thankfully I’ve got a few more years to prepare before my son becomes a terrible, I mean wonderful teenager.
It’s funny, just last night we were taking a walk and my kids saw a neighbor’s new pool. I said that we would never get a pool, and I feel completely confident that this statement is true. With my youngest almost 13, it just wouldn’t pay. Plus we don’t have room in the backyard. As far as surviving teenagers – you did it once, you can do it again!
HaHa – I love this list of “I’ll never….” that turned into “I did….”
I’m like you and try to limit the never thing. Although I did tell Chris that I would never live further north than KS -pretty sure he is going to make sure that one really stays a never!!!
I guess there are a few nevers that actually stick – I hope for Chris’ sake that one does!
Loved your take on this, and I couldn’t agree more with the “never say never” life stage philosophy. Although, at 5’11 and not even slightly graceful, it may be safe to say that I will NEVER be able to walk in heels. Without tripping.
Ok, I’ll give you that one. I’m not particularly graceful, but at barely 5’2″, I do enjoy a nice heel.
#13- said I would never eat Sushi. I have and it wasn’t too bad!
As a teen I also told myself I would never kiss a boy even though I wanted to (it may have taken me until I was 17, but it happened!) I also told myself I would never drink to get drunk, that’s stupid. That lasted all of a couple months into college. Thankfully I stopped doing that, hangovers are no fun! And there are plenty of things I have told myself I would never do as a parent which I’m quite sure I will do (too soon to tell!)
I’m sure you will too, Bev – we all do. But just think of the great blog material you’ll be creating!
I leave my house without makeup more times than with it on! My nevers right now are… be out of debt, get botox, stop eating pasta! 🙂
I hope #1 turns out to be a lie, and I hope you’ll have no need for #2. #3 is a given – how could you give up pasta? You might as well cut off an arm.
Ha! Awesome list. Stupid candy crush. Every time I play it, I think to myself “this game is so dumb. why do I play it?” and vow to never play it again. Of course, I haven’t deleted it from my phone, either. I laughed out loud at the “I’ll never let my kids go out unkempt.” My friend Sara and I had a long convo about how nasty it was when people let their kids leave the house dirty and snotty and how we’d never do it. Um, yeah. Clean kids are overrated.
They really are. Although more often than not I was the one leaving the house with crud on my shirt – from the kids of course. I think that’s why I wore a lot of black for a few years – couldn’t see the food stains!
I said I would never ever never fly on the plane. You’ve read my story. You know how well that went!
Never say never, right?
If I look back on my life, I’ll probably come up with a big list of things I’d ‘never’ too! Such is the folly of youth. #FTSF
Exactly! I still catch myself saying I’ll never sometimes, and then I realize how ridiculous I sound.
I can vividly remember walking around the mall with my hubby pre-kids. We would see moms & dads with strollers loaded up with packages and squirming baby on their hip. I swore I would NEVER do something so ridiculous. Of course, I have. There was also a time growing up in a small town when I didn’t think I would ever see much of the world. I still have many places to see, but I have been to more than I thought would back then.
All those things we judged parents for doing before we had kids…I’m sure we’ve done most of them. I’m glad you’ve seen more than you thought you would! I look forward to seeing more of the world too!
this is great…love this post.
if I had a penny for all the times I said “I would never” I’d actually have a nest egg in my savings account…as we grow so do our understandings of situations and our expectations. Even more amazing are things I thought were fine and now I really will NEVER…LOL
That’s true, Karen, and a whole other post. Things I used to do and now I never do. Hmmm. I may have to do a follow up post, with props to you as my muse!
ha! Well I still haven’t played Candy Crush. I don’t think it’s on the agenda. I’m too scared.
I said I’d never feed my kids food with artificial coloring!
Yup. I do.
I said I’d never… well the other one is kinda dirty!
Do NOT play Candy Crush. Giving it up was the best New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made. And while I am slightly curious, I appreciate that you kept your comment PG! But I bet you’re glad you did whatever it is you did…
My post is similar to yours. I agree that you should never say “never” since that pretty much guarantees that you’ll eventually do it. I think that’s Fate’s way to keep us humble. By the way, Skittles are SO totally count as fruit 😉
Thank you for backing me up on that! And you’re right, it is a good way to keep us humble. You’re bound to eat your words when you utter “I’ll never.”
Trust me, I have indeed also said my fair share of “I will never” and in the end I have pretty much changed my mind, too. So, yes can relate and by the way, I have a bit until the teenage years, but already we got a bit of a snarky mouth tonight from my 3 1/2 year old and god help me for the dread teens years indeed!
That snark is dangerous – good luck! The teen years haven’t been so bad, though. There is hope!