I don’t remember how long I had been dating my boyfriend before we said those three little words.
I thought I was in love, but how does a fifteen-year old know? I knew I loved my parents, I even loved my little sister. But did I love this boy?
There is no test for love. Feelings are unmeasurable in any concrete way, although I had watched enough romantic movies to believe that you “just knew” when you were in love.
I don’t even remember who said “I love you” first. I do know that it was reciprocated immediately, and we proceeded to say those three little words over and over again for the next three years. Until one day we didn’t.
I can’t remember when I said those three little words to my next boyfriend, but I do know that I have been saying them for the last quarter of a century. I have been known to say less loving words to him as well, but such is the way with relationships.
He is the only person I am *in* love with, in a romantic way. But just as love is immeasurable, it is boundless and contagious. We do not run out of love, and we do not have to give it up in order to share it.
There are people I love.
My family, my friends. Neil Patrick Harris.
My six feet of separation from NPH
Loving some people does not mean we have to hate others. The two extremes are not the only options; there is plenty of room in between.
There are mundane things I love.
The first sip of coffee, a cozy robe, pee-inducing laughter.
A fabulous book, dangly earrings, singing out loud in the car until my kids beg me to stop.
There are concepts and ideals I love.
Peace, justice, compassion, equality.
Loving these concepts is a start, but working towards them is a goal that can’t be achieved with warm fuzzies. There must be action, and that action starts with discussion.
Many bloggers use their platform to spur discussion about national issues. Now people, I am not one of those bloggers. But in the wake of the continued gun violence in our country’s schools, my friend Kerri is stepping on that platform. Other writers are joining her, in the hopes that their posts will encourage dialogue as a vehicle to making the changes necessary to keep our children safe.
I love dialogue, when it is respectful and positive. I encourage you to read some of these posts written by bloggers who love it too. There are posts linked up to Kerri’s piece, as well as posts linked up to today’s Finish the Sentence Friday prompt.
For a trifecta of link-ups, this post was also inspired by 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion. Each month, bloggers from all over the world use their words to speak for good. This month’s theme is Love, and I’m honored to participate.
I love that there are people in this world who have the guts to stand up for their beliefs.
I love that words can change minds and change lives.
What do you love? Do you remember the first time you told a boyfriend or girlfriend that you loved them? How did it go?
I’m so late to this beautiful post. I love it when people can use words to build other up and to raise awareness. Thanks for doing your part!
The first time I said “I love you” it felt compulsory, because the guy I was dating said it. I’m not sure I meant it- not sure I knew what it meant. Thanks for this- it’s inspired a YA essay. 🙂
****I love that there are people in this world who have the guts to stand up for their beliefs.*****
Me, too!!!! xx
As a non-native English speaker I observe that LOVE and “I love” are used much more often than in my language.
Same goes for “friends”. You have to be a pretty good friend to be called a friend.
Why is that? Aren’t Swiss folks easily impressed? Not as affectionate and enthusiastic? Maybe.
Either way, I love your post!
Visiting from Coach Daddy’s six word post on field trips 🙂
Thanks for visiting, Tamara! That’s interesting about the use of love and friends. Maybe it is that Americans are a bit exuberant. But while people will say they love so many things, saying “I love you” to a person (romantically) is such a big deal, and really difficult for many people.
I’m not sure that I can remember the first time I uttered those three words. But I do recall at least one or two boys that said them to me and subsequently broke my heart. It took a little bit longer for me to say them to the man I ended up marrying. But gun violence is a much more difficult matter. Is it the guns themselves or the laws surrounding their purchase or storage? Is it the media? Or is it the result of cultural issues? I can’t pretend to know the answers.
Neither can I, but I suspect it is a combination of all of those issues, which makes a solution so complex.
Gotta say I love how you handled this topic, Dana. Up here in Canada we aren’t immune to guns. We used to be, not anymore. Off to check out Kerri’s post and those of the others. Thanks for the reminder. “I love you.”
THIS:
I love that there are people in this world who have the guts to stand up for their beliefs.
I love that words can change minds and change lives.
Gorgeous post in and of itself, Dana. I love seeing you in my inbox. (that was meant as dirty as it sounds. wink-wink)
xoxoxo
Ah, Beth. I love you and your flirting ways. I took it exactly as you meant it, of course. 😉
It was this huge build-up and thing when it happened for the first time, at fifteen, but it turns out he was gay. Yeah, didn’t end well.
🙂
I resisted it after that, because it took a long time before it came around again, but I am glad I experienced it, as painful as it could be. I hope to feel it again. While I wait, in the meantime, I write about love, compassion, and equality.
Ouch – that was not a stellar first time for you. I can imagine you would be hesitant the second time around. And kudos to you for using your time so wisely while you wait!
I think this is such a powerful post all its own! I look forward to reading the rest. I said “I love you” to my middle school boyfriends and even college boyfriends, but sometimes I think I only really meant it once or twice. I said it first to Cassidy. That’s why I always loved that Regina Spektor song, “Samson” because she sings, “I loved you first.”
My only other deep in love boyfriend said it to me first, and it was such a surprise. We were at the mall and there was something I wanted to do or whatnot and he said, “I’ll do it for you, silly. I love you.”
It is so hard for some people to say those words, isn’t it? It’s a risk, but the pay off is huge.
“I love that words can change minds and change lives.” Yes yes yes, and I love your words Dana. They always give me a welcome, new perspective. And um NPH… LOVE!
I know, right? I love what you said about my words – what a meaningful compliment. Thank you, Nicki. And just keep swimming…
Oh, how I wanted to have the guts to write about this. It is something I feel so strongly about, but I don’t know if I feel comfortable writing about on my blog. I will definitely be reading Kerri’s post. Here to be loving and respectful!
I feel the way you do, Bev. But I wanted to support my friends and encourage dialogue, so I’m happy to send readers Kerri’s way!
First of all, “There are people I love…Neil Patrick Harris”…I laughed.
Totally have not linked up to this particular topic, not to oppose, simply because I have such limited writing time. But this is an excellent cause, and I am reading and commenting to show my support to all those that are speaking out on the easy availability of guns.
Excellent read!
Thank you so much Sandra!
i love that picture of NPH! you need to have that framed.
I need to photoshop myself into it first!
“I love that there are people in this world that have the guts to stand up for what they believe in.” Amen.
Where would we be without those people? Yes, amen.
aha! infatuation vs love. Been there and boy! what a whirlwind it was 😉
I agree on the later points, Dana. Love vs hatred…so much to benefit out of just compassion and love and so good for one’s health too 🙂
Agreed! Hate is so unhealthy – for the spirit and the body.
Awesome how you weaved all these beautiful concepts into one discussion! Thanks so much for participating in these important causes!
Thank you for being a leader in the 1000 Speaks movement, Roshni. You are one of the people I love!
I really liked this and “Loving some people does not mean we have to hate others. The two extremes are not the only options” is fantastic! I agree 100% and I wish more people simply respected each other. You don’t have to love everyone, but hating people is a terrible thing and causes negative feelings and thoughts in ourself which only brings us down. I would rather choose to love!
Also you helped me smile with this post. When my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time it felt as though all my dreams had finally come true. I had been holding back my feelings unsure if he felt the same about me. Thanks for sharing this post and helping me to remember such a joyous memory.
I’m so glad this post brought back such happy memories! And I would rather choose love, too – any time.
I love that even if you don’t do ‘national issues’ you still stand with those who do! I love that you have lists of even things that you love. I love that your love for M is stronger than it was 25+ years ago. I love that you love NPH and your kids with (almost) equal measure. I love that you are my friend, even if we haven’t officially met.
I love our friendship too, Kerri. And I love that we don’t have to meet in person to care about each other. Thank you for being that person who has the guts to stand up for what you believe in – you inspire me!
And I love this post! 🙂 That Margaret Mead quote is one of my favorites.
Me too, Christie! I first heard it in college when I was on a service trip, and it has always inspired me.
One of my greatest achievements is teaching my grandfather, now 98, how to say I love you. It was months of phone conversations ending in ‘I love you grandpa’ and awkward silence from the other end or a stammer and uh-ha. Now he sometimes says it first and it always makes me cry. Thanks for the reminder how important it is to just say it.
That is amazing, Kristine! I would consider that a fabulous achievement, and one that is a gift to you and your grandfather.
Very interesting and damn you for making me think this much this early in the morning! I also love when there is respectful and thoughtful discussion by people standing up for what they believe in..otherwise I use that “unfriend/unfollow” button mercilessly!
As for the first “I love you” exchange with my husband, I remember every detail. He said it first, I was a little shocked (b/c we had not been dating that long) but I said it right back. That was 13 years ago.
Aw, I’m jealous that you remember! What a wonderful memory to have.
I’ve been reading the posts about #gunsense from bloggers that connected with Kerri, and some of the comment threads are amazing. Different opinions, but respectful. Learning from one another without malice or judgment. It’s pretty awesome.
I remember hearing “I love you, but I’m not *in* love with you”, and I was just happy someone wanted me. All bad. Well. Not all bad, but also not all right or alright, because from there…well.
I learned to say “I love you” to friends within the last couple of years. There is one person I can attribute that to, and she’s amazing – she taught me it was ok to express a deep level of care for friends, and be vulnerable in that way, and eventually I got over my terror and was able to start saying it when I meant it. Which was and is amazing.
You did this post SO cleverly, and I think it’s wonderful. And I love you 🙂
I’m so glad you are able to say it, Lizzi. It’s funny – we say “love” so often when referring to things…I love chocolate, I love that movie, etc. But saying I love you to a person can feel like a risk. It does make you vulnerable, but vulnerability can make you Feel.
I love you too, my friend. <3
That’s what I learned…I have a very special friend who taught me that, and I’ve written about how she changed me, and submitted it to NYT Modern Love, so we’ll see if that brings anything. But she taught me it was ok to take the risk and be vulnerable. I was always too afraid to, before.
🙂 <3
I so remember telling a boy first, when I was 17, and him not saying it back for days. How that kinda killed me, and affected the rest of my relationships forever. Thank you.
I’m sorry to bring up those memories, Kristi – I can imagine that is devastating for a 17 year old!
Thank you for the reminder here today, Dana and I am not sure I could tackle gun control myself, but as for the topic of recalling my first love and when he told me he first loved me, I still do remember it quite vividly, but can’t believe how long ago that really was. Just crazy how fast time does seem to fly!
It really does, Janine. Our first date was 25 years ago…I still feel 25 some days! I’m not fooling anyone, but I still feel that way inside sometimes.