I am an anti-hoarder. I can’t stand clutter, and I will toss anything that’s not nailed down. While some people are of the “I better save it because I may need it someday” mentality, I fall in the “I can’t imagine ever needing that again – dump it!” camp.
Yet as easily as I can let go of objects, I have a very hard time letting go of annoyances.
My kids take off their shoes in random spots in the house, and I seethe. The bag of pretzels is left open on the counter and I grit my teeth. These stupid little things drive me nuts. Why? It’s not worth the aggravation. But the shoes and the pretzels get stuck in my craw every single time, and I can’t shake that feeling.
Most mornings I leave the house with my son at 7:30. Our dog Nellie and I walk with him to the bus stop, and then we continue on our daily route. More times than not, we encounter a woman and her dog walking towards us. Nellie gets a bit psycho with other dogs, so the first few times I crossed the street and walked on the opposite side until the two passed us. Day after day I did this. The woman never made a move to avoid us, and I felt like we were playing a game of chicken. Who would cross the street first? How close did our dogs have to get before one of us caved?
I was annoyed. This woman never looked at me, and never said one word to me. I looked at her, waiting for her to make eye contact so I could say good morning. It never happened. She made her dog sit in the middle of the sidewalk waiting for me to circle around her.
I expressed my annoyance to my daughter, and as I was talking I realized how ridiculous I sounded. Why was I letting this bug me? I realized I was also making assumptions about this woman’s behavior that could have been dead wrong. Maybe she was waiting for me to say hello. Maybe she was training her dog to stay still when other dogs approached.
Or maybe she was just not a warm and friendly lady. None of this was in my control, but my reaction was.
Life is way too short to let some random neighbor and her dog piss me off.
I do not usually let things roll of my back, and I wish I could. Matt can, and that is one of the many reasons that I married him.
On our wedding day, we mingled with our guests during the cocktail hour. As I tried to put a canapé in my mouth without dropping it on my dress, I spied a relative wearing a short-sleeved shirt and tie, with no jacket. Our invitation stated that the dress was black tie optional, and if I had known in advance that this is what he would wear, I would have gone ballistic. Because when you are planning a wedding, every single detail weighs a million pounds and is as important as world peace.
Yet that evening, I simply noted the casual attire and moved on. I was too happy to care.
Life is too short to let a fashion-challenged relative piss me off.
It’s much easier to ignore the annoyances when I am focusing on my happiness. My brain is too occupied by the positive feelings to pay much attention to the negative feelings.
I know the discarded shoes and empty pretzel bags will still annoy me. But my annoyance has a useful function in those cases; I want to teach my children that they must pick up after themselves. In other instances, my annoyance is simply baggage I heft around needlessly. It serves no useful purpose.
What will being annoyed at the dog walker or the under-dressed wedding guest accomplish? Absolutely nothing.
Being annoyed would only make me less happy, and life is too short to be less happy.
Do you hold on to objects or annoyances? Do you find it hard to let it go?
I totally agree. I do have things that annoy me like an unkept bed or keys not placed in the key jar, but like you I have learned to let go. I do remind my kids to fix their beds and place their keys where it should be but I don’t let these things ruin my day.
You’re right – letting small things like that ruin your day just isn’t worth it. I have to remind myself of that sometimes!
Letting go is the only answer to all these annoyances we have encountered, it is easier said than done but we MUST do it. You are absolutely right, life is too short to be less happy, so make the most out of it, let’s enjoy life, forgive, forget, be aware of all our blessings, be grateful and do what makes us happy. Thanks for sharing. Great post.
Thanks so much, Lynne – I appreciate it!
I would be lying f I said I let things go. I am going to be that seething old granny bitching about what happened when I was 8. I have a tshirt with an elephant holding a knife in it’s trunk with the words “Elephants never forgive…and never forget”….. lol. Hhhmmmm….I might need therapy
Maybe we could get a group discount if we go together, Katerina!
I definitely don’t hold on to objects, and I don’t tend to hold onto annoyances.
I know that if people knew better, they would do better. So, the lady with the dog is doing the best she can with the belief system she has. Or, my nosy neighbor is doing the best she can with the belief system she has. If my neighbor was more enlightened, loving, and positive, she would never have done half the things she has done to her neighbors.
It is like an insight into her mind – and it makes me understand her a little more. For instance, she won’t let anyone park in front of her house, and will even go so far as to park her car there when she has a garage and a driveway, just so no one else can park there. But, while the other neighbors and her fight over this, I can clearly see that she feels protective of her home and disrespected when people park there – even though that’s ridiculous and she has no claim to that spot. Point being – she’s not a happy woman and she feels on guard a lot of the time.
You make a good point, and that’s what I tried to do with the dog walker. I don’t know what is going on in her head; perhaps she thinks I’m the one who is being rude. I’ve started saying hello to her and not letting it bother me that I cross the street, and my walk is much more pleasant because of it.
i am easily irritated which is such a horrible character flaw. i wish stuff didn’t bother me, but it bothers me to the bone! i know i get it from my mom who is total OCD. and i vowed i would never be like her. granted i don’t have it to her extent, but i think it all stems from being such a germophobe / neat freak / perfectionist. i wish it weren’t so, but i can’t change who i am. that said, life really is too short to worry.
I get it from my mom too, and I think I may be passing it on to my own daughter. I don’t like that, but as you said, I can’t change who I am.
I’m starting to think the little things being left around the house might be a mom/homemaker annoyance. I can think of reasons why it would bother me if I just cleaned up, too or just for the reason you mentioned which is you want to teach your kids about leaving things. Funny thing, I’ve noticed that JR will do things beforehand because he remembers what I said. That usually brings me to tears. Like he knows I hate when he gets on the bed with his shoes. Harroll and I watched him take them off one day before he got on the bed. Or I usually tell him to put his toys away when we are about to leave. I’ve caught him doing it lately the last few times we are on our way about. I’m glad my 2 year old seems to be listening to me this early on. 🙂 That is making these things less annoying I guess.
That’s great that JR is listening already. You’re smart to set the expectations early, Brittnei. I’m sure he will challenge you at some point, but that’s just part of growing up.
I could stand to work on this too. Eventually I do let it all go, except the big things. And this…there is this woman who that I used to be friendly with. Over the last few years when I run into her, she pretends she doesn’t see me, unless I specifically make a point to say hello to her, which I often do, because I find it irritating that she tries to ignore me when it’s obvious she sees me. She can’t be polite and just say hello to someone? There was never any issue between us, and I can’t even fathom why she behaves like this. I should just let it go and let her ignore me, but I just can’t. I’d love to know what her issue is.
That would drive me nuts too, Michelle. I guess you could confront her. You just have to decide which is the better option – doing that or dealing with her rudeness and not knowing why.
You know, it drives me nuts but not enough to confront her. Clearly she has some sort of issue, because I never had enough of a relationship with her for me to have done anything that she could have taken offense to. So I’ll just take the higher road when I see her and continue saying hi to her when she’s pretending she doesn’t know me. Life is too short for this kind of ridiculousness.
Agreed!
Absolutely right!! I think I started reaching that zen phase of life but now I’m dealing with pre-menopausal hormonal ballistic emotions that drive me up the wall every time I see a towel lying crumpled on the bathroom floor!! 😀
Ugh – damn hormones! I’m hoping my kids are out of the house before they start affecting me – for their sakes, mostly.
I recently went to a wedding where multiple guests were wearing jeans… JEANS! I was horrified. Hoping the bride was too happy to care or notice. Or maybe she is like your Matt and just doesn’t let those things bother her. I’m like you though!
Jeans? I would have had a cow. What are people thinking?
You may know from reading my blog that I’m working a lot on myself. I just got done reading a book recommended by a wise friend called “The Four Agreements” and basically it addresses this very issue (although in kind of a weird, abstract way). The author talks about taking things personally and making assumptions – and how both of those things make us unhappy. I’m also trying to let a lot of my baggage and condition behaviors go – easier said than done, as I’m sure you know – but every day I believe I’m getting better at it. While I have times that still feel like crap, I think I’m making positive progress on being more happy in my life – and isn’t that the goal?
It is, Jana. I agree that it’s something you have to practice every day – you can’t change a lifetime of thinking a certain way overnight. Glad to hear you are making progress!
Oh, man, you and I have so much in common! I am not great at letting things slide off my back… at all. In fact, I’ve been trying to spend some time lately figuring out exactly what my annoyance triggers are and why they happen. Just noticing them makes it a little bit less aggravating, I think. Thanks for this- I really appreciated it! I feel less alone, and you really put it all into words so perfectly.
Thank you so much, Stephanie. I’m learning my triggers too. I do not tuck my daughter in anymore- she comes in to me. The state of her room drives me crazy and would get me agitated at a time when I just wanted to relax and enjoy her company for a few minutes. And the bonus is that I don’t have to get my lazy butt out of bed!
Needed to hear this today. It’s something I’ve definitely been struggling with. Both things and thoughts/emotions, I can’t let go and I replay scenarios in my head. Not healthy! However, one humorous thing to note. I once went to a wedding where my friend’s friend wore a black mesh top. Mesh! It was casual dress, but I think mesh is tacky even if he was alone in his own living room! Just him owning it was an affront. One I apparently refuse to get over.
Ha – mesh is much worse than a short-sleeved shirt! Why does little crap like that bug us so much? Ugh.
I have been working on this A LOT this year. Some days are still better than others, but overall I can honestly say that I am happier because I have learned to let stuff go. Excellent post!-Ashley
Thanks, Ashley!
I can see myself in this post. The little things can sometimes build up way out of proportion. They’re usually the same little things I’d be encouraging someone else to look beyond. Hard to take my own advice sometimes. 🙂 You’re right though. I’m much happier when I do let it go!
So am I. And I agree, it is hard to take my own advice. But I’ll keep trying…
Lately, I’ve been holding on to petty annoyances, but you are right that life is too short to be less happy 🙂
Like Michelle, I hoard my kids artwork. I definitely hoard mementos. I get aggravated at thing the kids do over and over – and that is a daily annoyance that is hard to let got. But overall, must things outside the hosue, just don’t bother me anymore. C’est la vie. Btw – love the photo you used for “Let it Go:)”
Thanks – I downloaded it knowing that one day I would use it for a Let It Go kind of post, and today was the day! And yes, the things the kids do over and over are daily annoyances, because they just don’t seem to learn. Or they completely tune me out, which is a very real possibility.
I read this about 8hrs too late. It’s one for my back pocket, though!
Ugh – did you get annoyed a lot today (or yesterday?) Hope today is better!
I am learning to “LET GO,” but it’s hard as hell.
That dog-woman sounds horrible. What would she say if you stopped to talk to her?
xxx KISS
Who knows? I do see her talking to other dog walkers, so I wonder if she thinks that I’m being unfriendly. Whatever – I’m over her. Letting it go…
I let go of annoyances WAY too easily. My friends always jokingly tell me I should learn to hold a grudge when people wrong me, but I simply can’t, because, like the title of your post–life is too short to be less happy. 🙂
That’s amazing, Shay – I bet you are a very good influence for the people in your life!
My reaction to life’s little annoyances is usually a good reflection of my general state of wellbeing. If I’m doing well—taking time for myself, not over-scheduling, etc.—then the little stuff rolls right off my back. But if I’m super stressed, then every tiny thing sets me off!
That is exactly how I feel, Katie!
Very good advice to let go of annoyances. Although food on the counters tends to make me cringe as well. Channeling one’s annoyances in a positive direction is a wonderful way to allow your life to be a more positive and enriching experience! Plus maybe my kids will actually learn to clean up after themselves.
Nah.
😉
I have to believe someday they will, right?
I am a bit of a memory hoarder and have a hard time letting go of “special” objects or objects that are tied to very specific memories. As far as holding grudges…well it depends on who you are and how you pissed me off. I noticed a dog crapped in our side yard y’day and I am LIVID!! While we are new to the neighborhood I KNOW my next door neighbor doesn’t have a dog…nor do we. I have NEVER seen dogs running free around here either so I think it is safe to say that the unknown owner of this dog watched it happen and did nothing. I will take a deep breath and let go though
You have too, especially when you don’t even have a person to direct your frustration or anger to. I have actually walked home to get a baggie when my dog has left a present on someone’s lawn. So I promise it wasn’t me 🙂
It really just depends on what time of the month it is I think. Like the way my son makes his bed might annoy me and I have him fix it as soon as he gets home from school or I just close his door so I don’t have to look at it. I’ve been practicing that pick your battles for a long time – I used to let a lot of things get under my skin that life was too short for. Great post!
Pick your battles – that is absolutely what we have to do, especially as parents!
I am a big fan of letting things go, both physical and emotional. Why let anything clutter up your life? Now I just need to learn to let them go BEFORE they piss me off in the first place!
Exactly. When you figure that out, will you let me know how to do that?
I just gave this advice to a friend this week. I told her you have to let stuff go, because a grudge only hurts yourself. Then, the following day, I got very angry/ annoyed about a recurring situation on my son’s soccer team. Obviously, you’re not alone- I have trouble letting the small stuff go, but we must! Focusing on the positive really does help.
It does. And I was annoyed at least three times yesterday – on the very day I preach about letting it go. I think we just need to keep at it, until our default reaction is changed. It could take awhile though!
I hold on to the annoyances, too, and most of them are my kids’ messes. Most of them are fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. When it comes to objects, though, I am much better at letting go!
Isn’t that weird, Lisa? How we can let go of stuff but not the annoyances. It makes for a less cluttered house, but a cluttered mind.
Wonderful piece, Dana!
I have a bit of a bad habit of letting things annoy me a bit too easy as well. Case in point: My husband walked out to the living where I was and started yammering without even realizing I was reading this post. And yes, it annoyed me. Especially since I’ve asked countless times to first ask if I am busy before talking. Other little things annoy me too easily as well and I’m slowly working on getting over that. Not easy but you’re right, life is too short to be less happy. Nothing to be gained by being negative or pissed off all the time. I choose happiness and positivity.
Me too, Kim! And it helps to hear other people say it or write about it too. We all need reminders – no one can be Suzy Sunshine all the time. Well, maybe someone can, but that would not be me.
It’s true – maybe that woman is writing on FB or her blog about someone not smiling at her and saying Good Morning! Either that or she really is a rhymes-with-witch.
Scarlet was getting slightly shoved by a classmate yesterday and I nearly yelled at this five-year-old. God help us all for that one.
I love this post. Its message is simple enough, and yet I can’t seem to follow it.
It is hard for me to follow too. This morning, less than 24 hours after I posted this, I found myself saying how annoyed I was at my computer. Really? Life is too short, Dana.
Oh Dana how I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!! You are SO right… and I am much like you. Why would we spend all that energy on something so futile? Thank you for this- it speaks to me.
Such a beautiful and insightful and encouraging post, my friend!!
Thank you so much, Chris – I’m glad this post spoke to you. Now I just need to remind myself of what I wrote when I find myself getting annoyed…
The place I find myself getting the most annoyed is in my car – I seem to always get behind the driver who refuses to drive even close to the speed limit (I could probably run faster than most of them!!). Lately I’ve noticed that I’m very tense when I drive so I’m trying to just relax and enjoy the drive more (so far it hasn’t worked but…..
Oh, I’m a tense driver too. I have no patience for traffic or idiot drivers. I try to breath deeply and relax, or sing at the top of my lungs. It works for a little while!
I’m with you on the counter issue. The trash is RIGHT THERE why the heck can they not just open the door and put it in the trash and not on my counter? And why 3 minutes after I have cleared the counter is it full again????
Just one of life’s many mysteries, Kerri. If you ever figure it out, please let me know!
Dana, I could not say it any better or agree more than Bev (above)! However, it really annoys me when people say “oh, don’t let it bother you” but they don’t follow their own advice. I guess I still have a way to go to rid myself of this behavior. It seems you may come by it naturally…..sorry!
Hmmm – I wonder who those “people” could be? I live with one of those people too 🙂
I hold onto both objects AND annoyances, but I’m learning to let go of both more. You are so right, Dana, life is too short to hold onto these little things. We have no idea why people say and do the things they do, but we do have the ability to chose how we react to them. It is easier in the long run (harder, though, in the short run sometimes) to let things go that ultimately don’t matter rather than allowing them to rule our emotions. Wonderful post!
Thank you Bev. I do try to change my reaction, since I can’t change other people. And my mom agrees with you too – she mentioned it in the next comment 🙂
I had to giggle when I read the first paragraph since Frank has that exact mentality! He can also hold a grudge . I used to hold grudges but then I learned to let go. I’ve learned that it really doesn’t do me any good except make me feel bad. Life is way too short for that!
I totally agree. The person you are holding the grudge against usually has no clue – it just weighs you down.
Oh my goodness, this post could have been written by me; everything annoys me the shoes scattered everywhere, the empty cups, the mail on the table – please if it is not of any use throw it away or put it away, that is all I ask! You are absolutely right life is too short to be less happy – thank you for pointing that out. I am going to remember that 🙂
I’m going to try to remember too, Marisa – especially when I’m tripping over the shoes and clothes all over the floor!
I do and I don’t, I guess. I hold grudges for years and years and years. In fact, I cannot stand my across-the-street neighbor because when Tucker was tiny (like 6 months), I fell down with him in my arms and she shook her head at me. I always assumed that she was judging, but for all I know, she’d just received bad news or was shaking her head at the horror that I felt. What I wanted from her, she didn’t give. Yes yes yes my friend. Let’s just let it go!!
I’m really trying. Tonight I was complaining about something, and Matt said, “Just like you said on your blog, let it go.” He’s right. But he’s also annoying when he’s right 🙂
I hoard stuff, from my children’s artwork to my feelings. Yep. Not fun being here. Love your post. Thank you for writing it.
It’s just hard to let go of those things, I know. The feelings are harder to release than the things, but many times those feelings aren’t doing us any good. Thanks for reading, Michelle.
Oh this could not be more timely. Truly. On our dog walk today we passed by Hoarder Lady’s house. This place is a wonder. The city recently came in and swept her yard. Literally. It was chalk a block full. Car seats, piles of newspapers, swings, chairs, couches, buckets, piles of clothes, … you get the idea. For one week the place looked livable. Now it’s slowly filling up again. I couldn’t live like that. Yet I shouldn’t judge. It’s HER life. Not mine. Then just yesterday I was buying fruit and vegetables at my favourite fruit stand. Oops. My eyes were bigger than my wallet by $4.60. Had to forego the blueberries. As the clerk snapped them out of my hand I asked “would you like me to return them?” She didn’t look me in the eye but simply grunted a negative no. I heard myself say as I walked to the car “What a delightful woman.” I was so angry at her hostility. BUT as I type this I realise my reaction is just silly. I could have been the 47th person to return berries that day. Or she had a thumping headache. Or she was just a grump who loathed her job. Not my problem or concern. Off to get an apple. Thanks Dana.
Those are perfect examples, Kelly. You never know what is going on with another person, and I have to remind myself of that often. Nice to know I’m not the only one who lets other people get under my skin for minor reasons!
Dana, I admit I have a hard time often to let it go when I get upset about something even if it really is trivial. I am trying to make a more conscious effort lately, but still I definitely could see myself getting annoyed at that other dog owner just as easily as you did and letting it get under my skin, too. But still deep down do want to choose happiness every time if I could and like I said trying to indeed make a better effort at this now.
I’m trying to make a better effort too, Janine. It’s easier said than done sometimes!