Are you ready? It’s almost here. That glowing beacon in the middle of gloomy February, the holiday that originally honored a Christian martyr and has morphed into a celebration of lingerie, roses, and chocolate.
Valentine’s Day is a strange holiday, and one that can hold different significance depending on your age, gender, and relationship status. It is a day that has the potential to be a huge letdown, if your expectations are unrealistic (or your partner is not Prince Charming).
These unrealistic expectations are nurtured by the film industry, beginning when we are barely out of diapers. Your knight will save you if you wait patiently and look pretty. Happily ever after, the stories promise. And then the credits roll, leaving us to imagine the wedded bliss that follows.
While I love weepy romantic movies as much as the next gal, I firmly believe that so many of them encourage women (and men, to a lesser extent) to buy into ridiculously unrealistic ideas about dating, love, and marriage. Viewer beware, or real life will disappoint for failure to measure up to Hollywood.
I perused AMC’s list of the fifty greatest romantic movies to illustrate my point, concentrating on films from the eighties and nineties. Most of the older movies I haven’t seen, and most of the movies I’ve seen since the turn of the century are not date night material.
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
If you want to meet your soulmate, use your son (or any random cute kid) as a matchmaker. Look up into the night sky a lot and dream about your true love, who you heard on a radio show and now know without a doubt that he is the one for you.
Titanic (1997)
Doomed love is the most romantic kind. It is also the kind that always ends badly, but if you hang in there long enough you’ll meet again in that big ship in the sky. Also, a man who can draw is pretty sexy.
Pretty Woman (1990)
Every woman has a knight on a white horse who will rescue her from the dreary life she leads. She’ll fall in love after less than a week of shopping, polo matches and bubble baths, and that love will unfreeze the man’s cold soul. Apparently love is easier when you have money.
Ghost (1990)
Doomed love again. Why is this so romantic? Must be the pottery making.
Jerry Macguire (1996)
When your feelings are unrequited, don’t give up. It doesn’t matter if he marries you for convenience and not for love, because the way to your man’s heart is your adorable son. After you’ve had enough, dump him and wait for him to come running back to you.
While You Were Sleeping (1995)
Start your relationship based on a complete lie, preferably while your beloved is in a coma. Figure out that it wasn’t him that you loved after all, but his conscious brother. Confess to your deceptions and all will be forgiven.
Dirty Dancing (1987)
The bad boy your parents disapprove is always the sexiest, especially if he can dance. Underneath it all, he is looking for a good girl. Be innocent and idealistic, and carry a watermelon. The relationship will only last for the summer, but it will be worth it.
Sixteen Candles (1984)
Sometimes the only way to get your crush to notice you is to reveal your feelings in a quiz that’s passed around the entire school. He’ll see it and fall for you, and make you a cake.
Grease (1978)
Wrong decade, but my first remotely romantic movie and the one by which all subsequent ones have been judged. What did it teach me about love? Boys are dumb, girls can be bitches, and look out for yourself or some floozie in a high ponytail will steal your man. But if you dress like a slut and smoke a cigarette, he’ll come crawling back to you.
Damn, Hollywood. You have this love thing down cold.
You mean that’s now how it really works, Dana?? I’ve been doing it wrong all along. Actually, I could write a similar post about what romance novels teach us about love, but that would just depress me!
This was absolutely AWESOME, Dana! I haven’t done one of my Top 10 movie lists in ages but this was right up my alley. I do believe there is “magic” out there and also like you said there is reality that comes with it. I had a mega-crush on Olivia Newton-John back in the day. Oh my. Another one that is amazing love story in a VERY twisted way is Meet Joe Black. Claire Forlani is still one of my crushes *wink*.
I wanted to BE Olivia Newton-John! I still love when one of her songs comes on the radio.
Haha. Grease–you’re absolutely right. And Pretty Woman, yeah, money helps. Plus there’s always that “lesson” that if you lie for a good reason, like if you love the person, then it’s okay. Ah, Hollywood, it’s a slippery slope.
Very slippery – pretty much anything goes.
There seems to be a lot of dysfunction here, huh??
I didn’t even remember about Jerry Maguire. I’ve seen all of these movies and I’ve probably enjoyed most of them… 20 or so times.
When I really want to think about love and its power, and its raw reality, I wonder what movies to show my kids.
Not these!
You’re right – I don’t think my kids have seen any of these. And I had to google most of these, since it’s been so long since I’ve seen a movie!
I’ve never seen “Gone with the Wind” or “Titanic”! (too long for my antsy being). But, my all time favorite love story is “Somewhere in Time” Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour, time travel, The Grand Hotel………it’s all lovely.
Ooh – I loved that movie too! I’m a sucker for time travel.
Haha…such a hilarious post and your analysis is qyite right! But I confess I like all the movies listed above… 🙂
Aditi
I like them too!
Ironically, I don’t find your assessment of Grease to be too far from reality sometimes. I also just realized it’s been months since I’ve watched a good chick flick/romantic comedy.
Me too! I rarely watch movies these days. I’m sure there are a bunch coming out in February though, so I may try to get my fix.
I love this so much, Dana, and it made me SO nostalgic!!
Me too, Nina. I could have watched clips on You Tube for hours, but I resisted!
OMG DANA!!! Ok I’m embarrassed that I pretty much liked all of these movies but you’re right!! Stupid Hollywood for messing with us!! Did you see For Love of the Game? Same type of thing (and I loved it because it’s Kevin Costner and I could’ve had his baby) but girl/boy love, boy is famous/ girl has adorable daughter/ boy loves game more than girl/ break up/ boy sees daughter/ something I forget/ boy follows girl to airport and catches her just in time… OOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOH what was the one where dude held up the boom box under the window??? Peter Gabriel… that one! And the Heath Ledger one?? ?With the drummer chick? Yeah…
I didn’t see For the Love of The Game – how did I miss that one? But the boom box – Say Anything is one of my very favorites. I couldn’t make fun of that one, because John Cusack in his trench coat… Yeah.
OMG this was hilarious!! A man who can dance and a man who can draw is sexy. Women who carry watermelons and smoke cigarettes always get the guy. Got it.
I loved all of these movies, but the way you so accurately described them made them sound ridiculous! Ah, love it!
I do love making things sound ridiculous, Gracielle. Glad I entertained you!
This is great, Dana! I love 16 Candles and can watch it anytime it comes on…and Pretty Woman and Titanic! LOL! But we don’t do much for Valentines Day…which is partially because the hubby and I’s birthdays fall just a few days later. We generally go to dinner for all three. Have a great week!
Happy early birthday! My parent’s anniversary is February 16th. I can’t remember the last time we went out for dinner on Valentine’s Day. Last year I got crab meat and shrimp at a local seafood place and we had a yummy dinner at home with the kids.
This is so true! I do like some of these movies, but their “love lessons” are horribly unrealistic. I blame Hollywood for everything wrong in my love life 🙂
It’s totally all Hollywood’s fault!
Were you the one doing crowd sourcing for romantic movies on FB? I think it was you. I was totally going to add Titanic as my favorite romance movie, and then I got embarrassed by that and didn’t add anything! LOL
I guess the taboo love stories are my favorite, but that’s because I love breaking rules.
That was me on FB – I actually hadn’t seen a bunch of the movies people named.
I’m with you – the taboo love stories are my favorite too. But not because I love breaking the rules. I have a hard time breaking the rules, so I like to live vicariously through movies and books. Sigh.
Love your list, Dana! 🙂 I’ve seen most of the movies you listed and your summation of them completely made me laugh. This post also reminded me of one of my BFF’s that I grew up with. We’d watch a lot of these movies together – me the romantic and so starry-eyed about love – and her the realist with a tremendous sense of humor. She’d do the same thing you just did – break it down into a few funny sentences afterward. Drove me crazy, but always made me laugh as well. 🙂
I bet it did! I wasn’t much of a realist as a teenager, but I knew nothing of real life love at that point (or feminism, for that matter).
My favorite part of romantic comedies is the way the first kiss happens. They get this intense look in their eyes and their heads move together like they’re in slow motion. Without fail! I don’t think a single one of my first kisses ever happened like this. Lies, I tell you, lies!
You are so right! What about the kisses where you both turn the same way and knock noses? Not that this has ever happened to me…I’ve just heard about it. 😉
Can you believe that I have never seen Dirty Dancing or Ghost? I might have to put those two films on my 2015 To Do List.
What??? How is that possible, Mo? Get thee to Netflix or On Demand and watch them now! I have a preference for Dirty Dancing, but you can’t go wrong with Patrick.
I agree that Valentine’s Day is a strange holiday, but those were some good movies! Ridiculous, yes. But I could watch all of them a million times, I think. Why is that??? Jerry Maguire & Pretty Woman are my favorites!
I don’t know why we could watch them over and over. I guess we want to believe that love conquers all. My fave is Dirty Dancing!
Confession: I’ve always loved Valentines Day and I was single for a LONG time! My mom just raised us to love holidays, every one of them! We still give each other little cute items and just recognize our loved ones, like a birthday. When I was younger I would fall asleep to Sleepless in Seattle every night,
Signed your hopeless romantic forever…xo
The world needs more hopeless romantics, Lindsay. I played the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack over and over, and my husband put it on before he proposed. When I Fall in Love was playing…
Watched all of the movies above,
but GHOST moves me off my feet every. single. time.
The Pottery scene is SEXY as hell.
xxx
I know…although I could be slinging elephant dung with Patrick Swayze and be happy.
Hahaha! I’ve loved several of these movies, but the love premise behind them is suspect. On the other hand, I think every teenage girl that saw Pretty Woman thought it was very romantic! 🙂
I know I did – and that is what is funny/slightly disturbing!
Dirty Dancing and Sixteen Candles – two of the BEST!!! I think I’ve seen both of them approximately 1,547,361 times.
Wow…it’s amazing you found time to write a book 😉 Dirty Dancing is my favorite – throw dancing into a romantic movie, and I’m a pile of mush.
You nailed them, Dana, so great! And in light of this awesome list, I have a few mortifying confessions:
1. Grease was the first movie I ever saw on the big screen and it was AT THE DRIVE-IN! That experience means I am hopelessly devoted to it… although I 100% agree that its message of love is diabolical.
2. My wedding song was Celine’s “My Heart Will Go On”… cringe.
3. I watched Dirty Dancing with my non-teenage kids a few months ago. Don’t do that.
But I proudly declare that for me, the forever true Hollywood love story is epically depicted in The Princess Bride :).
1. I think it was my first too! In a theater where a ticket was $1.50.
2. It was popular at the time!
3. I won’t, even with my teenage kids.
And the Princess Bride was almost on my list, but like On Golden Pond, I hated to say something snarky about it! It gets a free pass because it’s supposed to be a fairy tale. And it’s one of the few movies from which I can recite lines. As you wish…
Oh it is just so, so true!!! I guess this is why we have blogs – so we can tell everyone what it’s REALLY like! And thank God I have boys. 🙂
Yeah, yeah. You won’t get totally off the hook – poor guys have to measure up to the dudes in the movies!
Okay – I love each and every movie you listed! But, I do agree, they are messed up. Grease was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. And I was sooooooooooooo sad when Sandy changed! Even as an 8 year-old, I knew it was wrong. The smoking alone horrified me! And Sixteen Candles? Oh God, Jake Ryan, forever!!!! I swear, I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 19, because of that movie. He had to be perfect!
That’s something else I could have written about…how the movies make real guys so disappointing! Who can measure up to Jake Ryan, after all?
I think Grease may have been my first movie too…I giggled hysterically when the guys mooned the camera at the dance. I was 7.
Funny I didn’t remember that being the gist of it for Sixteen Candles. Five of those up there I will watch over and over and OVER. Sixteen Candles I MAY have seen twice. I STILL will cry on all of the happy cry parts which there are several in Jerry Macguire. I love Notthing Hill, Love Actually, and Four Weddings and a Funeral. So I guess that means I kind of have a Hugh Grant crush – though I’m not liking admitting that.
Oh and Bridget Jones’ Diary! :-O
I had to look up Sixteen Candles to remember the details – it’s been a long time. And yes, I think you may have a huge Hugh crush 😉
This one is so good D. I swear your writing is so funny. ..when we do make my life story into a movie will you promise to be the Producer/director/screen writer? ?
I do so firmly believe in love. ..I wonder if that’s been nurtured by my love for movies?
more recent times:
The Holiday
far a ago times:
Breakfast at Tiffanys
But of course for me On Golden Pond…that damn movie gets me every time. don’t we all want a love like Ethel and Norman? I know I do.
Love you. ..as always your blog is amazingly good. happy snow day. Let’s watch a movie. I have Boyhood. ..can’t wait.
When I was picking movies for this post, On Golden Pond was on the list. I just couldn’t write something snarky about it! Yes, I think we all want that love, and we all deserve it.
No movie for me today, but let me know how you liked Boyhood!
I swear to goodness, I was seriously thinking about the “love lesson” of Titanic just the other day.. haha, crazy!! Great post, thanks for sharing! <3 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Yes – why is doomed love so romantic? I think it’s pretty sucky!
I know, I get far too depressed watching those types of movies.. lol!
Not going to lie when I say I think you and I could totally have a movie marathon with all of the above, because I seriously love them all and the romantic at heart thanks you for reminding me as I truly need to watch more then a few of these once again 😉
If you’re snowed in, you’ll have plenty of time to watch!
So funny that we both had movies on the brain today!!
I love several of the movies on your list – Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing and Grease are all on my all-time favorite list!!!