I really don’t know how parents with more than two children do it. I have two kids, three years apart, which means that I have attended Back to School night twenty-two times.
In elementary school, I sat on tiny chairs twelve different times, listening to all the fun and exciting learning experiences my children would have throughout the year.
I admit without apology that I skipped Back to School night the last two years of middle school for my second child. We didn’t have the opportunity to meet the teachers, so what was the point? I only go to lay eyes on the teachers; I don’t need to hear the same spiel about the same school for the fifth and sixth time.
This week I went to my sixth high school Back to School night, and in order to amuse myself, I created a list of the parents you will find at this yearly event. I haven’t been snarky in awhile, so let’s start this school year off right, shall we?
This list applies specifically to parents of high schoolers, although the types are similar for elementary and middle school. At our Back to School night, the evening starts with thirty minutes of talking heads in the auditorium. Then the parents walk through the school day of their student, spending ten minutes in each class before heading to the next one. It’s like American Ninja Warrior for moms and dads.
THE NEWBIES
It’s their first year at the school, and you can tell just by glancing at them. They look either terrified or overwhelmed, like they are the ones attending high school for the first time. How will I find all my classes? Who will I walk there with? Will anyone trip me in the hallway? I can almost hear them worrying, and I can definitely smell their fear.
THE SLACKERS
These parents show up to Back to School night late, perhaps missing the presentation in the auditorium and arriving just in time to go through the schedule. They skip classes they aren’t interested in (sorry, P.E. teacher) and play Candy Crush on their phones while the teacher is speaking.
THE MULTI-TASKERS
With more than one kid in the school, these parents have to divide and conquer. They prioritize classes and split up if they are a pair. Usually Mom chooses which classes she wants to attend, and sends Dad to the rest, knowing he will take no notes to share with her later. They may high-five one another when they pass in the hallway.
THE BROWN NOSERS
These moms and dads stay after class to talk to teachers, even though they are told that TONIGHT IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE INDIVIDUAL DISCUSSIONS! They sit in the front row of every class, and ask questions that are often easily answered if they just read the syllabus. Their goal is to be remembered by the teacher, so the teacher will remember their kid.
THE SOCIALIZERS
These parents are at Back to School night to catch up with the friends and acquaintances they haven’t seen all summer. They stop to chat in the hallway and whisper to each other during class; this group often overlaps with the Slackers. For the Socializers, Back to School night may continue at a bar or restaurant, while their kids are home studying.
THE PROS
These parents have been around the block, and they know exactly what they need to do to get what they want out of Back to School night. They make no eye contact in the hallways, sit close to the door, and move swiftly and confidently. They are the first ones out of school at the end of the night, so they can beat the traffic jam that forms in the parking lot as everyone tries to get home.
I’m a little of most of these, and while I complain about Back to School night, I have mixed feelings about only having one more to attend, ever.
Which type of parent are you? Did I miss any?
I think I would definitely be a slacker as well as the first one out the door!! You’re quite right about these groups having similarities with elementary and middle school parents!
Yep, it doesn’t change much as the kids get older!
LOL! Had to do something to keep yourself entertained during the “dress code” speech, huh? I’m a multitasker/ pro/ socializer. “Meet the teacher” happens at the same time at ALL THREE SCHOOLS my children attend, and hubby can rarely go, so I’ve definitely learned how to streamline the process. My high schoolers only care about getting a locker; I try to at least introduce myself to teachers I don’t already know. (It’s a small high school in a small town-usually I know them all.). The kids get mad when I stop to socialize too long. Overall, it’s an exhausting process that requires a good pen (paperwork), a checkbook, (school fees), and a large Coke. 😉
Sounds like it! Ours was easy this year with just one kid, but I was a little sad knowing I only have one more BTS night. EVER.
OMG THIS IS SO TRUE!! I have now experienced my FIRST high school back to school night and I was most definitely the terrified parent. LOL
This is hilarious… I could see myself being the socializer at Cade’s back to school night for middle school- becauselike you said- I know this drill. lol i was all “OH my gosh how ARE you?” to all the people I haven’t seen since last school year. And I skipped a few classes too, pulled out early, so basically I was a slacker, socializer, pro. 🙂
You are all the things, Chris! And next year the high school BTS night will be easy peasy.
ha! Hilarious. I’m a Socializer but now with Des in kindergarten, I’m also a Multi-Tasker. Maybe a bit Pro too, but that doesn’t really combine well with Socializer!
I’d consider myself both a pro and a socializer – because I am a pro, I have time to socializer and still pay attention to the teachers!
Oh my God you nailed it!!!!! My four are in four different schools, I lost a week! I’m definitely a slacker with the youngest, and feel like I deserve a medal just for showing up😋. I’m the pro with the other three. First one out of the parking lot. HATE the brownnosers
You do deserve a medal, Allie! Four different schools…you deserve more than a medal…
I love that you describe it like American Ninja Warrior for moms and dads 🙂
It really is!
Love your list! I think I’m closes tot he Pro – definitely no the newbie or the socializes. This year, I have two middle schoolers, so I will be multitasking there. 🙂
Wear your running shoes, Lisa!
So good. So true. We are a mix but predominantly have to be multitaskers. It was hard when all 5 were in same school and there were limited presentations! Now we are juggling 3 in high school again. It’s the worst when our kids are in multiple schools (first year for many years that we are back to two schools!) and two schools have it on the same night…
I’m just impressed that you even go, Leah – with three in one school, I’d be tempted to just skip the whole thing!
OMG so funny! My kid has just started 3rd grade but I’m mostly SLACKER (when it comes to all the whatever academic stuff and bleh bleh), but TOTALLY I’m also a brown noser because OMG my kid has needs and of course I want the stupid teacher to know my face. I’m the ROOM MOM after all (LOL sortof kidding but mostly not). I’m also a socializer, because I never had friends until we all saw each other at BTPN!!! Love!
So you are a brown-nosing, slacking, socializer? You’re such a complex woman, Kristi. 😉
Both the elementary and secondary “meet the teacher” events were held in the afternoon for my two kids. School was dismissed early in elementary school which meant you had to arrange for someone to look after your children while you popped in to chat with the teacher. Yes, the meetings were one on one. It was pretty simple as we only had to meet the homeroom teacher. They were also one on one in high school but the meetings were held after school and with all of the teachers. I vividly remember my first high school appointment. I was walking down the hall and saw this woman schlepping along with her head down. It was obvious she was trying to avoid eye contact. “Please don’t let her be a teacher and please don’t let her be my daughter’s teacher” consumed me as I zipped off for my first appointment. I found the right room (my daughter had created a map for me) and was horrified to spot that very same woman, sitting behind the desk and holding her head in her hands. She sucked the energy right out of the room and she was the teacher. I morphed instantly into “Advocate” parent. This gal wasn’t going to squash my children’s enthusiasm. The next year my son had her for 2 different classes. Meetings with her were useless. She just didn’t get it so I had to go directly to the astonished Principal. That was the only time I was “Advocate” parent. The rest of the time I’d say I was mostly a “Socializer.”
You have to be an advocate parent sometimes – I’m sorry your kids had such a downtrodden teacher. I’m all for being an advocate, but one-on-one, like you were. Not in front of a classroom full of other parents!
Perfect timing as my husband and I just attended this year’s back to school night last night. I think we are a little of a few of these, especially the divide and conquer as last night both kids had the same time session for this event with them only being a year apart in school. But still so happy to report both girls’ teacher seemed absolutely amazing and hopeful for a wonderful year ahead for them now 🙂
I’m sure you do have to divide and conquer with the girls so close in age! Hope they have a great year, Janine.
Yep – I’ve seen them all at the elementary level! Meet the teachers day (the day before school) is complete and utter chaos. I get in and out as quickly as possible since why would anyone want to hang around? I say hello/introduce myself to the teachers, properly warn Vaughn’s teacher and give her my card so she has my cell at the ready and then round up the maniacs < – – this is the hardest part, and get outta dodge! It's kind of like an endurance challenge 🙂
It really is! Wait until you have to run through their schedules in high school, although at least you are physically fit and can handle it. Some parents are woefully unprepared for the obstacle course that is a high school hallway.