Sticky clusters of rice flew out in all directions; a few pieces of fish may have hit nearby diners.
We were in a trendy restaurant in a posh suburb of Atlanta. Against my better judgment and with Matt’s encouragement, I ordered sushi. It was cooked, but it was still far outside the box for my bland and wimpy palette. I liked all the ingredients in the sushi roll, but I was doubtful that I would enjoy all of them together, rolled up in a mushy buffer of rice and seaweed. One does not eat a sushi roll in multiple bites, and the thought of popping a whole one into my mouth was not appealing.
I went for it anyway. Using chopsticks was completely out of the question; that would be like asking a toddler to twirl spaghetti on a fork. I stabbed my fork into my Americanized sushi, and placed the whole roll into my mouth. I began chewing, and chewing.
Physically, I was perfectly capable of swallowing the mouthful, but my brain was messing with me. The more I chewed, the more I thought about what was in my mouth, and the more I panicked about being able to get it all down. I felt the gag rumble its way up to my throat, and I snatched the cloth napkin off my lap and put it to my lips just in time to catch the sushi. I placed the napkin on the table next to my plate, finished my cocktail, and slid my dish to Matt. He shook his head in mild disappointment, then expertly popped the remaining sushi rolls into his mouth.
When we were finished, our waiter handed us dessert menus and began to clear our plates. I was distracted by the mention of chocolate, and did not notice that the server was reaching for my napkin until it was too late. He grabbed it by the corner, opening the sushi pouch and sending the contents flying in all directions. I bent down to pick up what chunks I could locate, but a few may have landed in purses, laps, or a stylish head of hair. As a true professional, our waiter did not say a word, but Matt was struggling to hold in his laughter.
The next time I tried sushi, I eschewed the one bite rule and ate mine in two. I was eventually able to eat it normally, but I still can’t use chopsticks without looking like an idiot. And I always make sure I have a paper napkin on my lap, just in case.
This story was coaxed from my memory by The Inky Path’s Edible Memories prompt of food and laughter. Even reading it aloud to Matt before I published it made both of us laugh all over again.
the pieces can often be too big for one bite. sometimes i have asked if they can slice even narrower.
It never occurred to me to ask this – I’ll have to try that.
Thanks for sharing your funny story. My entire family loves sushi except for me. We recently found a fabulous restaurant where they can get their fancy displays of sushi while I can order a delicious, yet boring looking hibachi grilled dish. I think the chefs are punishing me for not liking sushi!
I used to do that too, Debbie. My daughter doesn’t like sushi either, so we only get it if the menu is large enough to offer other Asian fare as well.
Ha! I have never liked sushi. I tried it once when David and I were dating – the cooked ones – but didn’t like it and couldn’t fathom eating the whole thing on one bite either. During my third pregnancy, I developed an aversion to seafood that has never gone a way, so just the thought of sushi now turns my stomach. Have never learned to use chopsticks either!
I’d be sad if I had an aversion to all seafood. But an aversion to chocolate may help my waistline…
This was hilarious, Dana, and so well-written! Being in a restaurant and eating something you just can’t stomach is tricky business.
It is – and I won’t make that mistake again!
I have always said that the mark of a truly good sushi restaurant is bite-sized pieces that don’t make me want to choke. 🙂 Great story!
And I want to connect over The Inky Path community. Email me? Trying to decide whether to jump in with the $ or not!
Will do!
Hilarious!! I’ve never had sushi. I can’t get past the rice vinegar and the seaweed, much less what would be in there!
I’m a pretty beginner sushi eater…if you ever try it, have a paper napkin nearby.:)
This is hilarious Dana!! I actually love love love sushi but I can relate to spitting food in a napkin because of the brain tricking me thing! Also sushi is hard to eat in two bites – it’s the seaweed I think.
I don’t know what it is, but I know I will never spit food into a cloth napkin again! Or I will be taking the napkin with me and throwing it out myself.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh that is SOOOO FUNNY!!!! Oh my gosh what a story!! I could just picture the server whipping out your napkin and all that food flying everywhere!
How totally embarrassing!! But it sure makes for a great story, Dana!
That is does, Chris! I’m usually good for a great story- it’s a perk of regularly embarrassing myself.
I laughed out loud for real! I am the queen of “ewww gross” but I eat sushi, I eat eel in my sushi, I eat RAW sushi and I even use chopstick with my sushi and from the beginning bite to the last piece of rice in a hibatchi restuarant. I learned to use just the right amount of wasabi so not to get a nose-gasm.
I’m with Matt, if I had seen sushi bits flying here and there I would have had to excuse myself in a hurry!
I’m impressed with your mastery of all things sushi! I cannot handle even the tiniest smidgen of wasabi – I’m a spice-wimp.
Dana, This story reminds me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! And I’m wondering which Atlanta suburb you were visiting?
It was Buckhead, but I have no idea what restaurant it was. I’m sure I will never go back though!
HAaahaaaaaa.
Too funny!
You must order California Rolls next time!!!!
I’m embarrassed to say that I think that’s what I ordered! It was my first time eating “sushi.” I’m such a wimp.
Sushi and I are buds but I laughed at your napkin story because early in my experimenting I had to do the same thing and to this day my friend still teases me about it. I also understand the 2 bite need, I have a small mouth and some sushi chefs make more than a mouthful. ☺
So true! And then I start psyching myself out – mind over chewing, I suppose.
This is TOTALLY something that would happen to me.
I actually had a hard time getting used to eating sushi, too. I used to have the same problem with feeling like there was too much in my mouth at one time. I think I was worried about being able to chew the seaweed. I remember I used to ask the chefs to double cut it for me – because I am a very clumsy eater and 2 bites of sushi usually ended with me dropping the roll and scattering bits EVERYWHERE. They always agreed. (They probably knew what sort of mess I was capable of making!)
I never thought about asking for it to be double cut – that’s so smart. But I usually dine with experienced sushi-eaters, and I don’t think they would stand for it!
I’ve never tried sushi, so you’re braver than me. Thanks for sharing – this brought a smile to my day – and I’m wondering what is proper restaurant etiquette for dealing with “napkins with surprise packages” in them? Kudos to you for even trying. 😉
Thanks! I should have kept the napkin in my lap…now I know.
LOL, sushi is the most amazingly delicious thing on the planet! I am always surprised when people say they dont like it or find it wierd, lol!
So I’m sure I’d completely embarrass you, Gingi!
I buy my sushi from the grocery store fancy food section right next to the cold meat section…that shows you how developed my palette is. And all I can picture now is that lady with the elegant head of hair with chunks of chewed up seaweed strewn about.
I picture a woman in the restroom, reaching into her purse for her lipstick, and pulling out a chunk of avocado.
And it depends on the grocery store…the Wegman’s by me rolls sushi right in the store, and it’s delish!
As a lover and frequent eater of sushi – this is hilarious!!!!
It is now…but then, not so much!
Oh gosh!! That’s so funny!! I took a long time to warm up to the idea of eating raw fish! Even now, I don’t really relish it because it’s also so bland!
I can now eat ahi tuna that seared and very rare, but only in small quantities. It’s like my stomach knows the food isn’t cooked, and will only tolerate so much.
I did not see that punchline coming. Hilarious! I’m not a fan of sushi either – especially the whole having to down it in one bite thing. No way!
Now I just take a few bites, even if I look silly. No one’s paying attention to the way I eat anyway!
Oh my gosh! What a mess!! I remember before I got married, I went out for dinner with Ken’s best friend. He may have considered it a date, but I didn’t and I’ll just chalk that up to being a teenager. After our drinks and food were delivered, I picked up my glass to take a drink. when I set it back down, I set it on the edge of my plate and tipped the full glass forward, all over my companion. Thankfully we both laughed despite the soaking he got. And he still stood up for Ken as his best man at our wedding!
What a guy! At least the drink wasn’t hot, right?
My mouth fell open at the thought of that sushi flying. What a great story!
You wouldn’t think so if you had been hit by the sushi:)
We love our sushi, but I’m ashamed to say that my kids can wield chopsticks far better than their mother. I remember when I was a sushi rookie, spotting what I thought was a big piece of avocado on my plate and popping it straight into my mouth. It wasn’t avocado, it was wasabi, and I think I nearly died.
Oh my gosh – that made me laugh! Out of sympathy – I have absolutely no tolerance for wasabi. I completely understand that rookie mistake, though.
Love sushi and love the visual. ..I know where we should go to dinner next:)
I’ve frequented a few sushi places in our area, Dana – I wouldn’t embarrass you, I promise!
Ha ha, I love this post! I’m not much of a sushi eater, so this really made me laugh 🙂
I’ve learned to love it, but only in small quantities. And in small bites. 🙂
I admit I am not a sushi eater myself by any means and I know I might be in the minority, but still just can’t get past what it is to actually try to enjoy it myself. So was reading your first encounter, I could honestly relate and than some.
I hope you never flung your sushi all over the restaurant Janine!