Friends told me my life would change when my teenager got her driver’s license. Each morning, I stand by the window and watch her disappear down the street, instead of climbing in the car in my robe and slippers to drive her to school. I exhale in relief when I hear her pull into the driveway every afternoon. I use the Find my Friend app obsessively.
After a snack and homework, she is off to work. She has taught at religious school for four years, but this new job involves a boss I’ve never met and customers who are strangers. It also requires a uniform.
She looks absolutely adorable in her visor and polo shirt. She does not agree, but the uniform is far less offensive than the stiff polyester checkered dress I wore to my first job decades ago. She couldn’t believe she had to purchase black pants (not yoga!) and non-slip shoes on her own; why would anyone want to buy those unfashionable pieces? If only she had seen my white leather comfort shoes and nude pantyhose; my Friendly’s waitress ensemble was the most effective boyfriend repellent available.
I believe everyone should hold at least one job that requires them to wear a name tag and a uniform. Whether it is a summer gig or your livelihood, a position in the service industry teaches skills you can’t learn behind a desk in a classroom or a corner office.
There is no better way to learn to deal with all kinds of people. Most are reasonable and a few are kooks, but you have to be respectful and polite to all of them. If you can handle rude customers with tact and a smile on your face, you are more likely to disarm them.
The household tasks your mother does for free are actually marketable skills. Gwen is sweeping, wiping counters, and preparing food. I do these things too, but she is getting paid. Neither one of us love these tasks, but now she does them at work without complaint. When you do it without pay, it is called a chore. When you do it for wages, it is called a job requirement.
You are not going to love everything you do. A job in the service industry is not easy, and it’s not necessarily fun. It’s a job, and this can come as a shock to relatively care-free teenagers. Being on your feet for hours at a time is tough, even on a 16-year-old back.
You will be a kinder, more patient customer. If you leave the service industry, you will not forget what it is like to wait on someone. Many people do it for a lifetime, and they deserve as much respect as the CEO or professor. However, you will also know that there is no excuse for rudeness. When I check out at Target or place my order at a restaurant, I expect to be treated with the same courtesy I give. As a former waitress, I tip well as long as the service is decent. I know that a screw-up in the kitchen is not the server’s fault, but a surly attitude is.
Taxes stink. The government doesn’t care if your paycheck is small; it still takes a portion every time. This can be a rude surprise to the kid whose allowance or babysitting money is paid in tax-free cash. You can learn about taxation at school, but until your two digit paycheck arrives with a chunk taken out for FICA, it is an abstract concept.
Everything costs money. Mom or Dad gives the cashier a credit card, and you get a new sweater. When you have to pay for it yourself, the price tag is no longer invisible. If that sweater costs $30, how many hours do you have to work to pay for it? It’s tougher to spend your own money than someone else’s, but earning it is empowering.
She grabs her visor and car keys, shouting out an “I love you!” on her way out the door. She comes and goes on her own now. It is freeing and scary. I am trading chauffeuring for worrying, my control for her independence.
I’m also taking advantage of her 25% employee discount – who wants pizza for dinner?
i think it’s so important for teens to have a job! doesn’t matter what it is: babysitting, parking cars, whatever it is. really does help them understand about responsibility and finances. i was also shocked when i saw my first paycheck. had no idea half went to uncle sam.
It’s a rude awakening! And just wait until she makes decent money…
I worked at KMart through high school and most of college. To be honest, I loved it. I loved interacting with people. Sure, we had some really rude ones or creepy ones from time to time, but I still loved going to work. I think you are right that every one should have a customer service job at some point. It’s a valuable learning experience!
It really is. I loved working at my college bookstore, too. Less stressful than waitressing, but I also enjoyed interacting with all the different people who came in. And I liked operating the cash register. 🙂
Visor and name tag type jobs are humbling, for sure. I’ve had plenty of food service jobs, but none of them involved those things, haha. My first job was as a waitress at a private tennis club on Long Island when I was sixteen- talk about particular customers! But that served me so well and prepared me for every other job that came after.
And employee discounts are awesome! I work part-time in a bakery at the moment and get all the bread and pastries I could possible need 🙂
Oh…that would be dangerous for me. A bakery? Yummmmm.
As much as I hated my time working retail, it did teach me a lot about people and how to be a good customer 🙂
So true…retail is a tough gig!
I love that she’s learning these life skills! So true that very often you have to do stuff that you don’t love, or even hate, but you just do it!!
It’s a tough lesson to learn, isn’t it?
I have never been a waitress, it’s the one thing I was terrified of trying, you see I’m a klutz and I knew I would either trip with a tray food of food, spill something on someone, break stuff…yeah I would do all the embarrassing stuff! lol I was a babysitter, a nanny, a camp counselor and I worked on a farm…that I could handle! =)
The chore I hate doing the most is…IRONING! hate it, never do it….forget about it! =)
I spilled water on a customer once…not fun. And ironing SUCKS – I’m with you. I don’t buy anything that has to be ironed – I prefer the “spritz and hang” method.
This was awesome and reminded me of all that I too learned when I got my license and had a job at a gourmet candy store after school. Guess how quickly I gained 10 pounds? VERY quickly! I eventually quit and worked at Benetton instead and promptly spent every paycheck. Oy.
Side note . . . my husband, who always kind of does his own thing parenting wise, makes the kids pay quarterly taxes from their already very measly allowance. Yup!
Working at Friendly’s wasn’t great for my waistline either. People said I’d get sick of the ice cream, but that never happened.
I love that your husband does that. I’ve always paid the tax on purchases my kids make, so they have grown up in a tax-free bubble. Rude awakening when that first paycheck comes!
A job like this is essential for some life lessons! I think it helps kids develop in a very unique way and get a taste of the real world and helps them focus on getting the kind of skills and education they need to work in an area they really want to work in. It’s also good for them to learn it will not always be pleasant in life. Some things, like taxes, will always suck!
So true! I was surprised at how passionately she objected to the taxes – I guess I’m just so used to them.
Oh, I have many jobs that required a uniform and name tag. The greuling work that left me exhausted after a shift at restaurants, banks, ice cream shops, mall stores, etc. It taught me to work hard and be proud of what I do, even if it was just making someone’s coffee. Building work ethic – that’s waht it’s all about!
I completely agree, Gracielle. That work ethic has to be learned through experience.
What you say is so true! My girls are too young for a proper job, but the do earn money here and there babysitting or dog walking and they do give more thought to purchases they have to make with those funds. I loved (and dreaded) that last line about trading in chauffeuring for worrying…oy.
Yep – it’s definitely a trade off! But what are you going to do? They have to grow up.
What a fantastic post, Dana! Makes me so nostalgic of old good times! 😉
Thanks Lily!
Dana, so much of this resonates with me. One of my first jobs was at a coffee shop called “Jims.” Flowered polyester dress, pantyhose and sensible shoes…sex on a stick, I tell ya.
My daughter is 22 and her first jobs were food service jobs. I watched as she learned all these lessons.
And yes…when they come and go on their own, it’s super scary. I always, always worry and never went to sleep fully until I knew she was home. That’s part of what makes moms moms.
Always love your posts!
Thank you Jill! Right now I can’t even imagine sleeping when she’s not home yet. Fortunately we aren’t at the late night driving point yet.
I love this.
First, I can’t even imagine what life will be like with a driving teenager – I am still in “buckle in to carseat 5-point harness” mode.
Second, yes, everyone should have to wear a nametag in a job at least once. I learned so much during my years waiting tables and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for the most fancy internship ever.
I agree with you, Allison – being a waitress was such a valuable experience. Although I still have the occasional nightmare of being at work and being handed a brand new menu. And I’m wearing that horrendous uniform again.
Dana, great post. I love how you framed it with all the positives you can learn that go beyond learning the job itself. And making a mental note of that app for the future 🙂
It’s a wonderful app, Tara. Sometimes I check it just to know my family are all safe and where they should be. It’s like a stalker’s security blanket.
Oy! I’ve got just over 3 years until my oldest gets her license and I am not ready!!!! I may be calling you to talk me through the first time she drives away alone!!! 🙂 I have actually never had a job in the service industry (unless you count teaching public school and dealing with crazy parents), but I think all the lessons you have listed are extremely valuable and important.
I hear Friendly’s is hiring, Lisa 😉 You’ll be ready by the time your daughter is ready, at least from a convenience standpoint. Gwen just ran to the grocery store for me this morning – it was fabulous.
You DID use the word “chore.” 😀
I found myself nodding in agreement & smiling at pretty much everything you said here. . . I, too, FIRMLY believe EVERYONE should work in the service industry. . . I have to admit, I’ve never worked in food service — unless you count the hotdogs at a convenience store! LOL. BUT, my first job as a teenager was at the local “department store,” which was, basically, my small town’s general store. Just a little over a year ago, I left retail management, which was my income for YEARS. I was good at it & I loved it, but its hours just didn’t jive with the life (& family) I really wanted for myself, so I created a new plan! Good for your daughter for braving it each day! (& I can sympathize with what you’re feeling as you try to relinquish some of that mama control.) 😀
Retail is just as tough as food service – and the hours are long. I thought about doing that part time, but as you said, it’s not a good fit with family life. Glad you found a new plan!
I can’t even count how many jobs I’ve had in the service industry. And all of these lessons are spot on. It’s definitely a character builder. And this: “When you do it without pay, it is called a chore. When you do it for wages, it is called a job requirement” is totally meme-worthy. Enjoy your free pizza…I hope it’s one of the good kinds!
It was – thin crust with spinach and sausage. yum!
Oh – I want pizza instead of leftovers!!!
I have had a teen driver since November – I still make him text when he gets someplace and before he leaves. And, he is going to work this summer. During the school year we haven’t insisted because of time but soon enough!!!
I ask Gwen to text too. It must have been even more nerve wracking for parents before phones and tracking apps!
Loved your last sentence. I want pizza, thanks! I’ve only waitressed twice and it wasn’t really waitressing. I subbed in on a train and worked the passenger car. That was an eye opener. The first time it was full of drunk travel agents who were travelling for free. The second time it was full of air condtioning sales people and their spouses. The first time was full of folks demanding more booze and the second was full of folks asking for coke. I’d made coffee. At 5:00 AM. No one asked for it.
I never had to deal with drunk customers – that would suck! Unless they were the fun, good tipping kind of drunk.
Yes, I’d love some pizza for dinner. In fact, I planned on ordering some. 😉
Important lessons you mentioned for sure!
Hope your pizza was good! I had a slice for lunch.
Yes for pizza! My 11yo is talking economics in his classroom now. He told me he got assigned a salary of $26,000/yr and, after taxes, he couldn’t afford a mortgage so he is living with his friends who “bought” a 4 bedroom, 4 bath house with their salary. I love that he is getting a glimpse of the real world this way! I agree with you about working in the service industry, btw.
Do you remember the Cosby Show episode where Cliff gave Theo a wad of Monopoly money to live on, and the kid ended up with nothing? That’s what your son’s project reminds me of. Life lessons, for sure!
Give her this hint: NEVER take off the trainee button. It increases customer patience and their tips 🙂
Awesome advice, Kerri! Unfortunately there are no trainee buttons. Fortunately, she doesn’t get tips with this job, so she’s safe.
I want pizza for dinner! I worked at Domino’s during college and it was a 100% discount! (I might have snuck entire pies home..)
I don’t miss the job or the heinous uniform AT ALL.. but I miss the tips. It was like the unknown – would I make bank that night or not?
Gwen doesn’t make tips, so one less thing to worry about!
All very important life lessons, indeed. A few years ago I did bookkeeping for a friend who owned a gift shop in town. I never worked behind the counter but the gals who did, empty nest moms who were also friends of the owner, said they were shocked by how rude and condescending some of the customers were to them. These customers were neighbors in the community but, I guess, saw these ladies as “shop girls” unworthy of respect. These “shop girls” said that it quite eye-opening and really made them mindful of their own behavior toward service personnel.
So true. And the respect goes both ways. I can’t stand when a salesperson in an upscale store acts snooty towards me – is that part of the package of shopping there? I don’t think so. Just be respectful – what is so difficult about that?
OMG this took me right back to my very short stint as a waitress on Cape Cod for a summer when I was in college. It was the absolute worst but I learned each and every skill you mentioned. I thank God each and every day that I will never have to waitress again!!!…but instead have to serve my kids…wait a minute!!!???
And I bet you don’t get tips…but the customers are cutie pies!
SO much in this post. The worry about her driving – I cannot even go there! Working in the service industry – as a veteran (retail, hospitality, food service – I did it all), I agree with everything that you wrote. But the best part it teaching them responsibility and figuring out how many hours it will take to pay for that sweater. Love that you let your kids work. I always had a job when I was in high school – and so many kids today don’t.
It’s tough – she has so much going on already. But getting a job now secures a position for the summer, when she has much more free time. I’m a mom who thinks ahead. 🙂
I think we are going to have pizza today. It’s a promise if we’re not able to meet my dad halfway because of the weather. Christopher is leaving for Spring Break either today or tomorrow. So yeah I think we are having pizza for dinner ;-).
I never had to wear a whole uniform for my jobs. I could always where what I wanted on my feet. I worked at Baskin Robbins first and we had to wear their pink shirt and khaki pants. I worked at The Fresh Market after that, their tan shirt, green apron and some kind of pants. Fortunately I never had to wear pantyhose until I worked in an office.
I always wanted to work at Baskin Robbins. My favorite part of working at Friendly’s was making the ice cream sundaes.
I hated to make stuff like that when it was like the last hour and we had taken a gamble and cleaned everything up. Then someone comes in to get a milkshake and a sundae or banana split. Just like with treating people differently because you’ve worked there, I’d never get something complicated when they are about to close and in the grocery store I always put stuff back if I changed my mind. 😉
Wow – you’re a lot more calm than I would be about my child driving! Kudos to you (and what is Find My Friend — I’ll have to check that out!). I agree on your list of skills, particularly being respectful of wait staff, and expecting respect in return. I tip high as well; the Mom of a close friend of mine years ago was a waitress and I learned early on how important tips can be to making ends meet for wait staff….
The calm is an act, Anna. I try to keep the anxiety under control. I remember that my hourly wage was $2.01 an hour as a waitress – much less than minimum wage. Those tips aren’t extra cash – they are a necessity.
I realized I have never worked at a job that required a nap tag, but I have had ones that required designated shirts, one of them at an on-campus restaurant in college and for pretty much minimum wage. I was really sick of the smell of grease by the end of that year! I do think working when you are young is such a valuable lesson. I also worked at my religious school in high school, though in the office. And it must be such a strange mixture of feelings to have Gwen driving. I look at Eve and it freaks me to think she will be an independent teenager one day!
Any restaurant job counts, even without a name tag! I know what you mean about the grease; there is a smell to your hair and clothes after working in a kitchen for hours. I couldn’t wait to come home and shower after each shift!
Yes yes yes! This is my current rant at home: he needs to get a job, where he has to show up and be on time and be accountable and for all these awesome reasons you talk about here but I don’t say it nearly as well as you do. Thank you Dana!
Oops – sorry Nicki – I replied to the wrong comment! Ignore that last one to Kristi. I’m glad I’m not the only mother who rants…I like that word better than “nags.” Because apparently I do that a lot.
I want pizza for dinner and Tucker ALWAYS does but I really love how you wove the chores of being a mom, wiping the counters, doing the food, into your daughter’s first job. There’s something beautiful and complete in that.
Thank you, Kristi. 🙂
Thanks Kristi!
All very very true lessons for life. Absolutely. GREAT post!
Thanks Lisa!
I will definitely take you up on the free pizza, as it is still one of my favorite foods. But still I am not looking forward to the day either of my girls can drive, as much as I swore I’d never be like my mom on this and more, definitely think I will be a nervous wreck with worry.
I know – I get nervous too, especially when she’s going somewhere new. I guess the worrying never stops, does it?
You used the word chore! This is a life I have yet to encounter, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it yet. Driving?!?!? So much independence! But definitely good life skills.
Absolutely! And discounted pizza is a bonus.