When I was a teenager, my mom used to say to me, “I can only hope that you have a daughter just like you.” She didn’t say that because I was being a sweet loving child; she said it in the hopes that karma would be a bitch.
And karma was. I was blessed with a daughter very much like me. But I’ve learned a few things about talking to teenagers, and I’m going to help you navigate the shark infested waters of adolescence by sharing some tips. Since my own lovely teenager is a girl, I’ve used the feminine pronoun, but rest assured these tips are gender neutral.
When talking a teenager:
1. Do not look at her while she is speaking because she doesn’t want you to stare at her.
2. Look at her while she is speaking or she will say that you are ignoring her.
3. When she asks a question, answer her.
4. When she asks a question, don’t answer her because you don’t know anything.
5. When she says “leave me alone,” leave her alone.
6. When she says “leave me alone,” do not leave her alone because that will show that you don’t care about her.
7. Give her your honest opinion when she asks you for it.
8. Tell her what she wants to hear when she asks for an opinion, or risk the wrath of an adolescent scorned. And remember? You don’t know anything.
9. If she asks you to help her choose between A and B, choose C. She doesn’t want A or B. And since you chose C, she doesn’t want that either.
10. Text her, even if she is sitting right next to you. It’s just easier that way.
LOL, i thought the list was hilarious!! That’s like what men say about women when they are PMS’ing 🙂
This post really made my day, i have “an almost” teenager step son and i can see the signs.. help me god!
And isn’t it weird that almost every mom in the planet told her daughter that she wished she would get a daughter just like her??!! very weird?! My mum did the same thing!
Thanks a million!
Glad you liked it! It must be a rite of passage for mothers and daughters. Although I have never said that out loud to my daughter. I’ve thought it in my head a million times, though!
Um…..thanks?!!
Lol – you’re welcome, Roshni!
This list seems eerily familiar, and my daughter is only ten. Now I’m scared.
It started early with my daughter too. Just think of it as practice, so you will have your techniques perfected by the time she’s a teen.
I have a 9 year old and dread the teenage years because. uhmmm. well. I wasn’t the best teenager in town back then. 🙂
That doesn’t mean your own teenager will be a challenge, Jhanis. But probably 😉 Good luck!
Ummm, yep. I’ve raised one teen, am in the throes of it with another right now, and have two more to go in a few years! I can so relate! Happy SITS day, late.
Thanks so much, Jean!
We are just about here with my oldest. She’s a tween now, but she’s showing signs of becoming a teen. She actually told me once that she didn’t want to be a teenager because “nobody likes teens.” I’m gonna remind her of that when she gets snitty!
You know she’ll deny she ever said it when you remind her. My daughter’s selective hearing is unbelievable!
The moral of the story…don’t talk to teenagers! Got it. 🙂
Yep. Unless they are your child, then you kinda have to engage in conversation every once in awhile!
Visiting from SITS. That gave me a good laugh. I have 3 boys, one of which is on the cusp of teenagedom.
I’m curious to see how my son will differ from my daughter. They’ve always been so different, but I’m sure some of these tips will apply to him too.
We had a 15 year old foster girl for a while and this list is so true and funny 🙂 Happy SITS day!
Thank you Kelly!
You got it!!! Sometimes it works, sometimes it’s just all wrong. I too was blessed with a daughter that is just like I was. I call my mom for help & she just giggles! I mean seriously? That’s just rude! 😉
Ha! I have the same blessing. I’ll try not to giggle when my daughter calls me to complain about my granddaughter – but it will be hard!
Stopping by from SITS, and I must say I have Twin 16 year old daughters & trust me all the above are true! 🙂
Oh, two at once – that must be fun! Thanks for visiting, Star.
OHMYGOSH this is HILARIOUS!!! Totally sharing!
Another complete HIT for your SITS day Dana!!!! WOOHOO!!
You’re making my day even better, Chris!
OMG too funny! My first teen is a boy and my girl is turning 11 soon. My son is not as drama-filled as the girls can be, but I see what’s coming up the pike and I’m scared 🙂 Glad I’m not alone – stopping by from SITS!
Thanks for visiting, Beth. Eleven years old – it’s gonna start soon if it hasn’t already! I’m not sure how my son is going to be as a teen; he has a much different personality than his sister.
Cute tips. I am on the scary ledge of having my first teenager in the house, but this kind of attitude has been happening for a little while now (scary tweens!). 🙂
Yes, it does start it the tween years. It’s actually gotten better as my daughter gets older – the mood swings are a bit less frequent now that she is a ripe old fifteen years of age!
Oh my gosh! So funny! I am the parent to 4 teens and they can be moody too–love your humor about it! I think humor is probably the best thing if you want to come out of the teenage years alive. And forgiveness. And a short-term memory.
Four teens? Wow. I bet you need humor, and the short-term memory! And lots of chocolate.
So happy to have found your blog. And, I can totally relate here! I have a teenage son and daughter who will be 13 in May. You’re tips are right on the money here- damned if you do, damned if you don’t! My mom used to tell me I’d get back what I gave her ten fold.. She was NOT kidding when it comes to my daughter. I think she now regrets saying that! 😉
Ha – my mom used to say that too, and she regrets it now. She hates seeing me struggle with parenting sometimes. I’ve made sure I never say that to my daughter, but chances are she’ll get it back tenfold too. It’s the circle of life…
Hilarious, yet right on! I have a sweet teen girl who truly is a delight, but when she’s mad she’ll say she doesn’t want to talk, yet she’ll stomp in and out of the room I’m in and just pause for a second and then move on again! I have to force myself NOT to laugh, because I know that while she’s trying to work through what’s going on in her head she really wants to be close by me.
That’s a good way of looking at it, Patty. They are working things out in their head. I know I shouldn’t take things personally, but it’s hard when I’m on the receiving end of a hysterical (or ridiculous) tantrum. This too shall pass, right?
How did I miss this post?! This is so my house!! Too funny!!
I think we should throw our teenagers together and leave them to their issues while we go out for dinner. How awesome would that be?
Very funny but very true. The right time to do any of these is very important, a time to look and a time not to…
Congrats on your feature day on SITS!
Thanks so much, Ugochi!
Omg the first two happen on an almost daily basis here. “Why are you looking at me like that?!?!” “You aren’t even listening to me!!”
This was a great list.
Thanks, Heather – glad you can relate (or maybe I should say Sorry you can relate?)
We have 4 kids… 3 girls (2 college, 1 HS). The eldest has already stated she hopes to have all boys. She doesn’t want karma coming around to bite her! Ha!!
Following from I Don’t Like Mondays! I wrote about Teen Girls, too! Hope you’ll visit! 🙂
Ah, a wise daughter you have! Going to check out your post too – misery loves company 🙂 Thanks for visiting!
Are you kidding me? My girl is 9 and I already have to employ some of these tactics! It all makes complete sense. My mom LOVES to tell me that I deserve everything I am getting. Damn girl hormones…
I know! My girl was starting in at 9 too – buckle up!
This is brilliant, Dana, and vaguely familiar 🙂 I’m referring to my own tennagehood, of course. I love it when you write funny. You should totally submit this to Scary Mommy.
I love when I write funny and people think it’s funny!
This is hilarious!!! What makes it so funny is because it’s the honest-to-goodness truth! Sadly, this list could probably apply to some of the interactions between my husband and I. Too funny! #mbc
Ha – you are right! I think I could write another post on wife-husband conversations too (although Kenya did a great one like that this week).
Had a good laugh at this one, Dana. I was one of THOSE teenagers too. Nothing said by mom was ever the right answer. Lord knows how she put up with me… 🙂
I don’t know how I put up with my teen sometimes, but I’m sure she thinks the same about me!
I know I am going to be pulling my hair out when I get to this stage with my daughters (who are 2 years apart). My 5 year old already has a little sass to her! All of these tips I can totally understand…even with a 5 year old!
My teen had sass at five too – I think it’s just who she is! You’ll get through it Britton!
My kids are 15, 17, 18, 20, and 22. We’ve been there and done that. I’d say you pretty much nailed it.
I feel like I’m better at letting the teenage attitude roll off my shoulders than I used to be. I walk away more. I try to remember that it’s important developmentally for them to fight me on things.
The crazy making people in my house aren’t actually the teens. It’s the young adults still living at home. Dying to define their own world and create their own home — while still living in mine. Telling me all the ways I’m screwing up as a parent. Chastising me and my husband for letting the water run. Deciding what the rules of the house should be and trying to force them on everyone else. And trying to parent their siblings. Seriously, we may come to blows over it soon. Ugh!
They’re going to move out eventually, right? Please tell me they are.
Yes, yes, yes – they are moving out eventually. If they don’t, then you should move out 🙂
Yep, that’s about it. Whatever you say or do will be wrong and the opposite action would have been a better choice. This too shall pass and you will be back to being the wonderful, loved all knowing mom that you were when (s)he was younger. Great list, Dana!
Thanks, Mo. Every once in awhile I’m that all knowing mom again – but only for a few minutes, and then I go back to not knowing anything.
My husband is toast.
Why? Going to have a rough time with the teen years? He has a little while to prepare himself!
You nailed it!
Approval from a fellow mom of teens – thanks Jenn!
ha! Ok, that about clears it up for me. I feel like I was a teen girl only yesterday. And my parents had three teen girls and two teen boys at once. I think they should have written a book.
Oh jeez. Written a book and received a medal! I feel like I was my daughter’s age yesterday too – I remember all of it clearly. I try to remind myself to put myself in her shoes when I’m trying to parent her.
That about sums it up! hahaha
Glad you liked it, Lydia!
Too. Darn. Funny. You are right, it is applicable to boys too! I have tried some of these strategies myself and they ALL work! HA!
Yes they do all work – which is why I walk around with my head spinning most days!
Well, I have 3 daughters but the oldest is only 11, so we aren’t quite there just yet, but I can tell we are dangerously close! 🙂 I’ll have to remember this list!
Oh, you are almost there, Lisa. Just remember that nothing you do or say will be right 🙂
LOVE IT! OMG I don’t have teenagers but as a former teenager whose mom said the same thing to her (I hope you have a daughter just like YOU!) I have to say you nailed it!!! No wonder this is your specialty!
Thanks, Allie. I can’t guarantee your boys will be any better, but there’s just something about that mother/teenage daughter dynamic that makes tempers flare.
And this won’t end ’till about 27. Daughters….
Great. I hope I can hang in there that long, Cheryl.
HaHa – so funny!! And reason 53986 that I’m happy to have boys!!! I think tip #10 is right on target!!!
Yes – we’ve had some of our best conversations via text!
This is hilarious! And I think I’ve encountered all of these with my 9 year old!
Yes, they start early. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better!
This is awesome. I have to say I was such a joy for my mom to deal with as a teenager and now my younger sister is hitting the teen years and I am reminded of all I put my parents through. God help them.
They survived you; I’m sure they can survive your sister 🙂
LOL this made my eyes water! I’m not laughing – I swear.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just wait until Christopher gets there. 😉
Totally made me giggle and I am so in for it, because I was the teenager from hell and my mom even said at the time that she wished one just like me on me. Now, I have two for the price of one!! God help me!!
Yes you are! But you’ll get through it 🙂
HA HA HA! This totally must apply to the not quite preteen set as well, because 100% yes to all of this!-Ashley
Especially girls…it kicks in early with them. It’s a long adolescence…
I have 10 more years in which to decipher the *ahem* internal conflict (?) of your list before Niece becomes a teenager and this becomes relevant :p
(yes, yes, I KNOW. On purpose. Cos teenagers are ‘difficult’) 😉
I have complete confidence in your ability to handle yourself with a teen. And your niece may be less difficult with you…aunts are super cool, you know.
There’s that. I shall have to rely on that fallback, forsure. Maybe I could be the one she runs away to, instead 😀