Have you ever noticed that pickled onions look like testicles that have been soaking in formaldehyde?
Matt and I had been dating for less than two months when I was invited to his family Christmas celebration. Mistakenly assuming I’d be too nervous to eat, I surveyed the dining room table that was covered with the yuletide fare. But hiding behind basket of rolls, as if they were afraid to be noticed, sat a divided bowl holding pickles and a mound of unidentifiable off-white balls of something.
“What are those?” I whispered to the boy I was still trying to impress.
“Pickled onions,” he answered. “I used to love them as a kid, until I ate so many at one sitting that I threw up. Now I can’t stomach them.”
I didn’t know what information to process first. The fact that a food called pickled onions actually exists, the fact that my boyfriend used to eat them voluntarily, or the fact that they looked like they belonged in a jar of clear liquid in a mad scientist’s lab.
I could certainly identify with an aversion to a particular food; by the tender age of nineteen I already had two.
Don’t Eat the Worm
When I was seventeen years old, someone dropped a bottle of tequila in the Cancun airport. This mishap broke me. After seven days of overindulgence, I thought I was going to die when the smell of that evil liquor filled the terminal. It was more than my nose and liver could handle. I resisted the urge to vomit, but I have not touched a drop of tequila since.
What the hell was a seventeen year old girl doing in Cancun during Spring Break? Drinking tequila, of course, under the spotty supervision of my high school Spanish teacher, who was chaperoning the educational experience. It amazes me that the trip was sanctioned by the school and by our parents, but in the era before cell phones and social media, what happened in Cancun absolutely stayed in Cancun.
Years earlier, before I was corrupted in Quintana Roo, I lost the battle against my father and a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
That breakfast biscuit looked so delicious up on the McDonald’s menu. A flaky biscuit, creamy cheese, a fluffy egg and a tender sausage patty was surely the yummiest way to clog my young arteries. I insisted on ordering it despite my parents’ warnings that I wouldn’t like it. My father relented, with the caveat that I had to finish the entire sandwich.
I’m Not Lovin’ It
I unwrapped my breakfast and gently caressed the greasy biscuit. I eagerly took a bite, only to be repulsed by the taste of the alleged meat.
The rest of my family finished, and my mother, sister, and grandmother went out to the car. My father showed no pity as I begged him to let me off the hook. But we had a deal, and I choked down every crumb of that infernal sandwich. It took me a million years to finish, but it was the last one I ever touched.
So while Matt will never eat a pickled onion again, I would gladly pop a preserved testicle look-alike in my mouth before I would eat another sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. As long as I don’t have to wash it down with tequila.
I can’t imagine pickled onions…though to me they look kind of like lychees. And I definitely enjoy those. Food photographers definitely know how to take something terrible and make it look tasty. So sorry to hear about you Sausage, Egg & Cheese experience!
Those food photographers…I actually bought a stock photo of those onions, because there was no way I was buying a jar and taking a horrible picture of them.
What an eye catching title, Dana! Sauerkraut would be the food that I couldn’t eat under any circumstances. Just the smell… It’s also the only food my parents forced either my brother or me to try. He took the first bite, and threw up before I took my bite. My parents didn’t make me taste it, and never forced either of us try a food again. I’m quite a fan of tequila, however.
I’m with you on the sauerkraut! I have never tried it, but the smell is bad enough for me. It overpowers the smells of all the other food on the table!
Sex on the Beach (the drink, of course) and Fuzzy Navel. Nope. Never again. Got myself so sick from those in my early 20s that I cannot go near them now in my 30s.
It’s funny how we were so into those sweet drinks in our 20s – I can’t stomach those now either.
hahahah!! I can’t stand papaya in any form because I had to eat it a lot in my childhood to help out my liver function!
I didn’t know papaya was good for the liver – how interesting! That is the first fruit I’ve heard of as an aversion. But I certainly can understand why!
you know I had to check out this post first. I mean….testicles?? I used to know someone who loved those pickled onions! EW.
For New Year’s, my in-laws eat pickled herring on a cracker for good luck. The consistency + smell are more than I can handle. It’s literally like a fishy loogie (sp? how do I not know how to spell loogie?). Anyway, I fight it every year, but they always win. Nasty. I do have good luck, though, so…….
Of course you had to check it out – why do you think I titled it that? And eeeeew to the fish loogie. I think my grandmother ate that too. I hope you brush your teeth before you kiss your husband with that loogie breath!
When I was in college my family spent one Christmas in Mexico City visiting some friends of our family. While out one night with the others in our age-group, my sister and I were introduced to the worm in the tequila bottle. But what almost killed me that night was eating a mouthful of what I thought were innocent slices of carrots but were actually the hottest, spiciest pickled carrots I had ever tasted. If I were a cartoon character, there would have been fire shooting out of my mouth!
Pickled carrots? Is anything safe from pickling? I hope you didn’t wash them down with the tequila…
Raspberry smirnoff was my downfall in college and the smell makes me gag to this day!
A little too much Smirnoff, Kate? I’m impressed that you were drinking liquor in college – I went for cheap beer and wine.
Yep in my case – once you barf tequila there’s no going back. I can’t stand the smell of it either. Also when I know someone has ordered tequila my face scrunches every time they take a sip. I’ve not ordered mixed drinks because it had tequila in it, but then I’ve had some and was surprised to discover that it had it in there. I figure it’s a no worries things now because of course I drink in moderation but really I’m not going to drink tequila on purpose. LOL and the sausage biscuit story. I’m still saying ewww to the onions. I don’t like anything pickled except for ‘pickles’.
Neither do I Kenya! Pickles are supposed to be pickled, but onions are not.
I LOVE pickled onions. In fact, I now have a craving!
I cannot eat tongue – no way, no how. Thankfully it’s not a food I come across that much since moving to the US, but when I was trying to impress the boy I ended up marrying, his mom would serve it all the time!
Happy Thanksgiving, Dana. May it only be delicious 🙂
Thanks Nicki! My mother LOVES tongue, and so did my grandmother. I remember being repulsed when I found out what it was. Is that a Jewish thing? I’ve only seen it in Jewish delis.
I had a similar school sanctioned, loosely supervised trip to France. No oveoverindulgence though, France is too proper. Lol!
Wow! Someone had to be coaxed to eat McD! My kids can’t get enough of it (with grandma, not me).
I still love the fries, although I try to stay away. But I just can’t stomach fast food breakfasts anymore.
HAaaaaa.
I once drank amaretto because it smelled wonderfully wonderful.
I remember nothing. NOTHING.
I NEVER drank it again.
xx
That was probably a good move, Kim!
Hahaha! They do look like testicles! Hilarious! I think I feel the same way you do about something like Tequila. Hennessy….just the smell repulses me. I drank it several times in high school no problem and after one ad night where I was vomiting a lot, most hard liquor store, the smell alone, would make me want to barf.
I try not to smell any liquor without mixing it with something first. Have you ever smelled grain alcohol. Completely nasty.
Ahhhhhhh!!!!! BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN!!!! First of all, the lead in sentence was AMAZE-ING and the last sentence tying it all in was AMAZE-ING!!! And in between? I freaking laughed so hard at it all, Dana!!! I have a ‘high school spotty supervised Europe trip’ that will forever stay in Amsterdam… God willing!!!
And having to eat the delightful biscuit sandwich (that- btw, is STILL in your intestines… and will remain there until your first open heart surgery as it eventually will seep into your arteries causing your heart attack at age 67. Just a hunch.) (lololol) reminds me of how that old school parenting was how I was raised too. Tough love!!!
When I was learning the days of the week, we were all in the car on the way to dinner. I kept forgetting WEDNESDAY over and over again…. and my dad’s fierce interventions that only scared the hell out of me more and made me keep messing up- Finally they had all had enough as we were now sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant. My dad made me stay in the car, while they all went in to eat.
Alone in the car. Missing dinner because I couldn’t for the life of me remember Wednesday.
Tough love. I think my mom came and got me after a while…. I can’t remember because of the PTSD. lol
Amsterdam – that sounds fun! I better you never forget Wednesday anymore 🙂
I understand this post!! Captains Morgan rum (also a high school experience) and pot roast. No idea where my pot roast revulsion came from…
By the way, best post title ever. I was so super excited to click. 🙂
Captain Morgan’s – I was so into that in college, and now I don’t like it. Clear liquors for me, thank you – less hangover. Glad you liked the title – I couldn’t resist!
First of all, what an opener! Haha. I’ve never had or maybe even seen pickled onions, which is odd because the divided bowls of Xmas eve strike a chord. We have a set of those too filled with other jarred wonders like marinated mushrooms and artichoke hearts and no one ever eats them except on a dare. Except for the tinned anchovies. We love them way too much. As for a food or drink I can never touch again: Southern Comfort. Blech.
That’s the second vote for Southern Comfort! Tinned anchovies? Can’t say I’ve ever had them, but I’ll take your word for it!
I too have many infamous foods that I have literally gulped cause of my parents policy of no food left on the plate thingie…don’t wanna go down that road esp with thanksgiving approaching 😉
Very true, Ruchira – there will be plenty of voluntary eating next week!
I’m so glad you did share the McDonald’s story! I was waiting for it.
I had some pretty bad food aversions while pregnant with Scarlet – kale, split pea soup and beets. All healthy, right? It’s because that’s what I was eating when I found out I was pregnant. So I can’t even really blame nausea/morning sickness on the pregnancy. I was just so.. dang nervous. It took me years to get them back but I did get them back.
With Des, it was chicken. No problems there now!
I don’t think I had any food aversions when I was pregnant, although I didn’t crave chocolate as much as I usually did. Unfortunately that did NOT last.
Boones Farm Strawberry Hill Wine (not that it is true wine) – a few too many nights (weeks) of chugging this stuff straight from the bottle during grad school – can’t believe I ever drank that stuff!!!
I LOVED Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine when I was in college – it was $2 a bottle!! I can’t believe I ever drank it either – it was really a wine cooler. I haven’t thought about that stuff in years.
How could I not read a post with that title? Funny stories. I have an aversion to white chocolate covered pretzels for the same reason as hubby’s onion aversion..
The title gotcha, huh? Oh, white chocolate pretzels…I can see where overindulgence would make you ill. Milk chocolate pretzels are better anyway!
Lemon Gin.
Oh and pecan pie. My best friend and I lived together for about 6 months. We decided to have a Christmas party and cooked and baked up a storm. I forgot to invite people until the last minute (duh!) and we had a hell of a lot of food left over. But not much wine of course. After everyone (all 9 who showed up) left we sat down and between the two of us consumed an entire pie. Neither of us can attempt even a crumb of it since.
An entire pie – no wonder you won’t eat it anymore!
What a fabulous opening pic and sentence! I’ve never had pickled onions, but I love pickled things, so I’d probably like them.
I love pickles, but I can’t stomach the idea of popping one of those buggers into my mouth. And it is a great picture, isn’t it? Totally worth the $1 for a stock photo.
I hate those onion things, too. And I also had a bad (young) experience with Tequila. But in my late twenties I had my first margarita and decided to forgive Tequila.
That was so nice of you, Allie! I never forgave Tequila – give me a daiquiri over a margarita any day!
I love olive now but when I was a kid my step-mother said if I ate 7 olives in a row I would love them. Wanting to please, I ate the first one as my eyes welled up. Second one hit my mouth then I gave them both to the ceramic bowl. She had eaten the remaining 5 by the time I got back.
That was nice of your stepmother – my dad would have made me eat them.;)
Jack Daniels and White Castle…they weren’t linked. They were two separate instances from long,long ago. I almost spit my coffee when I saw testicles appear in my feed.
Ha! I wonder what awesome Google searchs will bring readers to my blog with that title…
Why is it that we never listened to our parents back then? I would never eat pickled onions but you can send all the tequila my way! LOL
You can have it all, Jhanis!
I actually don’t think there is anything I truly cannot eat. I once got a stomach bug after eating dinner at a crepe place (the crepes did not make me sick, I’m pretty sure, since my sister at the same exact ones and was fine). The next time I went back to that particular crepe place I couldn’t get myself to eat them. Thankfully it didn’t transfer to crepes from other restaurants!
And man, school-sanctioned trip to Cancun at 17? That’s crazy!
I know, right? Stomach bugs can definitely turn a person off to a food forever, so I’m glad it didn’t happen to you. It would be a shame to never eat another crepe. 🙂
Hahahaha!!!! That is so great. I can relate to the Tequila incident as I was in Cancun as a seventeen year-old, without any supervision at all! What were my parents thinking? And your McD story is priceless. At least you were repulsed at a young age so you were able to avoid it the rest of your life! Very wise. Very wise, indeed.
Yes, at least I was repulsed by a completely unhealthy food. Unfortunately I still love Mickey D’s hashbrowns…
oh no, you poor thing. Gah. I will never eat chicken and dumplings again, since that was the last thing I ate before the house was hit with a stomach bug. I will never eat tomato soup again, ate it almost every day while I was pregnant and now I am so sick of it…
Pregnancy can really screw with our appetites, can’t it? I eat tomato soup at least once a week; I’ll have to be careful not to overdo it.
This reminded me of a time that I’d gotten home late from a date and my dad had made his famous ribs. There was a huge pot of them sitting on the stove and when my date brought me home he told us that we had to sit and eat the entire pot of ribs.
Wow – that’s a lot of ribs. I can’t imagine that ended well.
Southern Comfort and chicken wings. Never ever again. Like ever. I started looking at the wings and the veins (OMGGGGGGGG) and well yeah, I can hardly eat meat unless disguised as unmeat. Also those balls in a jar look nasty. I’ve not tried beets in 30 years for similar reasons. GROSS. Thanks for linking up Dana!!! Even if you finished first and whatever.
I don’t like chicken wings either, and when someone is eating buffalo wings near me, I want get up and leave. Yuck.
Brandy. Really, really cheap brandy.
‘Nuff said.
Yep. That’ll do it.
This totally reminded me of when I was a kid and was eating mussels. My mom totally told me to slow down and not eat so many, as well as chew them good. Well, you can guess that I didn’t listen to either warning. I indeed got so very sick and haven’t gone near another mussel since either.
Similar to Matt’s story – overindulging until you’re sick. That’s a shame – I love mussels! But then again I’ve never eaten so many that I got sick.