Five-year-old Dana cries on the first day of kindergarten, but quickly discovers that school is amazing. She loves to read and play house, and her little sister is a willing playmate.
I still love to read, and my little sister is still one of my dearest friends.
Ten-year-old Dana stands at the chalkboard with her back to her fellow fifth graders. Her mother is sitting among them, as are other parents visiting the classroom for American Education Week. Math usually comes easily for Dana, but long division is an unexpected challenge.
The chalk scratches on the board as the students to either side of her complete the problem, and the tears roll down red cheeks as the numbers blur. She can’t do it, and she can always do it. Ms. Warnken appears at her side, places a hand on Dana’s shoulder, and whispers a hint she needs to get started.
On Dana’s final elementary school report card, Ms. Warnken writes, “Straight A’s! Keep up the terrific attitude and work habits. Remember to go easy on yourself if you have an occasional set-back. Just look at yourself and say, ‘I won’t look back. I’ll just go forward.’ Then go for it!”
I no longer cry at the chalkboard, but I still need to heed Ms. Warnken’s advice. I’m always my toughest critic, and I often hold onto set-backs longer than I should. I’m working on embracing the imperfections and going with the flow.
Twenty-year-old Dana is in her junior year of college, and she is a psychology major without a plan beyond graduate school. Over two decades later, she will very strongly encourage her own daughter to choose a major carefully.
She is dating the boy she knows she will marry, and living with the five young women who will be her forever friends. She is beginning to explore the world outside of her own bubble. Social justice and feminism become realities instead of concepts she reads about, and other religions become learning experiences instead of threats to her own faith.
That plan I did not have? I’m still looking for it. I’ve lost some of the passion of my youth, but the experiences I had in college still linger. I am comfortable in my faith, and in others that respect the value of every individual. While realism has tempered my idealism, I still believe in the goodness of humanity.
Twenty-five-year-old Dana is a newlywed, holder of a Master’s degree, and a new college admissions counselor. She travels on her own for eight weeks, living in hotels and eating meals at tables for one. It is lonely and challenging and exhilarating and terrifying. She needs this experience, because she has never lived alone. She proves to herself that she can do it; she can be completely independent and responsible for herself without help from anyone else. She thinks she cannot top this feeling, but she will, when she becomes a mother.
Sometimes, I look at my home, my children, and this life Matt and I have created. I think, “I did this. We did this.” Part of me can’t believe it, and part of me wants to high-five myself.
Thirty-five-old Dana is a mother of two. Her seven-year-old daughter and four-year-old son love to listen to stories, and when they are a bit older, they will laugh at funny anecdotes about Mommy and Daddy when they were children. They cannot imagine a five-year-old Dana, or a twenty-year-old Dana; they cannot imagine any Dana other than the one who combs their hair and pours their milk and wipes their tears.
I know all of the Danas. There are pieces of each one that I still hold; some are tucked away and some have fit together with new pieces to form the Dana who is staring down forty-five. Who will she be?
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. This essay perfectly captures the purpose of the Who I Am project, shedding a light on your true self for your children and their children to see. You’ve shared precious stories about the ups and downs, times you have been afraid and times you have triumphed. I love every word.
I, on the other hand, am late to the party as usual and was stumped by this one. Posting my take on “then and now” later this week even if it is too late to link. I promise to do better in May…next week.
Looking forward to reading it, Mo! Never too late – the linkup is secondary to your actual story. Think how your grandkids will love to read it one day!
Hey Dana
Its lovely to read about the different phases of your life. And to someone who is visiting your Blog for the first time, its great. I need to pen down the pieces of mine that fit together to become the one I am now.
Welcome – thanks for visiting!
Wonderful as always. The Dana crying at the chalkboard I related to the most. Me too! Because I almost always knew the answers, how could I not know it when everyone was looking?! BTW, my first best friend in kindergarten was named Dana. Eventually she dumped me for the new girl in 2nd grade who had really cool roller skates. Such is life!
Aww, what a mean Dana. I had very uncool roller skates, but I would never have dumped you, Liz. Especially if you helped me with my long division.
Awww I love that picture of you and your teacher. I sort of have a post like this. I’ll have to go back and see if it fits. If it does I’ll ressurect it and link up.
Anyway love your 25 year old experience. I have never lived “alone” except for deployments. I went from home with mom and dad to marriage and I was *whispering* 26 when I got married. LOL. Before I turned 27 though, my husband left for an 8 week long exercise and I got to be grown up all by myself (In Japan). It was it was all that you listed in the feelings your 25-year-old. That’s also something that I’ve never written about. Hmmm.
Write about it! I think there are many of us who have similar experiences.
This was so moving Dana, I scheduled your teacher’s words to appear on Twitter on Sunday. Don’t look back, only forward. If I had an arm long enough, I’d totally get that tattooed…okay, I wouldn’t, but those are still excellent words to live by. You are a wise and put-together woman Dana.
I appreciate the tweet, Sandra – I’m glad this pieces resonated with you. And thanks for the kind words – becoming wise is a work in progress, and I am put-together about 50% of the time, which is a total win.
I so love this one and really really really badly want to do it. I loved the way that you skipped ahead to snippets of life and your words “I did this. We did this…” totally made me cry. Also I could swear I already commented on this but must have been on my phone. I SO want to do this prompt. I need to do a thankful post (kid’s t-shirt giveaway) and isn’t it funny I used to post every day and now am worried if I post three in one week? Dumb. But maybe if I time it right, it’ll be more like 2. TMI? sorry. Love this 🙂
I hear you, Kristi – I’m at one post a week right now – two would be super productive!
Oh Dana, how I just loved reading this! I leaned so much about who you were and who you are and all those steps in between. You are inspiring me to write something similar with my own history. What a gorgeous way to reflect on all your past ‘you’s and thread them through who you are today.
I think is one of my favorites of yours. Oh, how your kids are going to treasure these!!
Just beautiful.
Thank you, Chris. I’m really enjoying this series, and I hope my kids will enjoy it one day too.
We have a lot of similarities. The “never lived alone” piece resonates with me. I went to college and had a roommate. I met David when I was 19 and we got married when I was 21. I did live in an apartment “by myself” for a few months before we got married, but we were already engaged, rented the apartment together and were together pretty much every day by then, so I didn’t feel alone. Biggest difference, though, I suck at math – always have!!! 🙂
Matt lived in our first townhouse for seven months or so before we were married – he needed to live alone too. Important life skills are learned when you are the only one around to do everything!
Ms. Warnken sounds like a good teacher! This is such a sweet look back at all the different yous 🙂
Thank you! And Ms Warnken was the best.
Oh Dana, I really love this! I love how you wrote it…a snippet and then the italicized portion. Brilliant! Every time I read an entry for this series and I want to do it (and then don’t 🙂 Great stuff, so interesting, and an incredible record to have! May you blog until you’re 90. What will you have learned by then?
Who knows! I’ll be blogging about my great grandkids, hopefully. I can picture 50, and 55…but 90? Ask me again in a few decades.:)
Hehehe you were such a cute kid! I’m glad you’ve learned to be less hard on yourself, and to embrace the things which scare you a bit (all that travelling and living alone! HUGE kudos!)
I also like that I KNOW, in x-number of years time, you’ll look back on now-Dana and see all the ways you got it so right, and all the ways you made your future a good one.
I love that you know that – it makes me feel a bit more confident that I will get most of it right.
I do know that. And none of the ‘before Danas’ have let you down yet 🙂
This is brilliant Dana.
All of the Dana’s are so remarkably you.
It’s funny because the commenter above – Laura – had the same thought that I had. It almost reminds me of that song “Once when I was seven years old”. Gives me goose bumps. I think that all the little things in our life makes up such a bigger part of who we are right now. All good and bad and in betweens.
Well done Dana.
Thank you Kim! Even though the prompt was about how I’ve changed, I found that there were more ways in which I haven’t changed. Or maybe those things are harder to remember.
Another great read, Dana. Reminds me of the song that I hear on the radio every five minutes right now, “Once I was seven years old”, perhaps songwriting is your next career! And, BTW, you totally deserve the high five!
Thank you, Laura. xoxo It reminds me a bit of that song too, although it didn’t occur to me until after I wrote it. I’ll pass on the songwriting, and I will DEFINITELY pass on the singing. Unless it’s karaoke at D’s.
I did’t know about the college admissions period of your life! (I don’t think.) Interesting! All that travel. My roommate after college was an admissions counselor and she was always gone.
I did it for two years – my territory was New England, so I traveled up there a ton. It was an interesting job, and even though much has changed in 17 years, it did help make the college admissions process with Gwen easier. I knew exactly what to expect!
Oh wow, I’m loving the prompt. And I think I may need to find my weird way to participate.
I am a fan of all the Danas, but the one I met brought me Berger cookies. I’m partial to her!
I don’t blame you! She’s always up for chocolate. Actually, every Dana is always up for chocolate…that is one thing that has never changed!
I love this Dana. My sister is my best friend, too. You brought me right back to a couple of my own defining moments, good and bad!
Happy to walk down memory lane with you, Steph!
I’m so glad we’re doing this because I see how much we have in common. Too hard on myself? Check! Struggling with a life plan, then and now? Check! Except, at 20, I had a very clear major and a plan. Five years at UVA to earn a bachelor’s and a master’s in teaching. Teach and earn money while my husband goes to med school. But then… I didn’t like teaching. Back to school for three more years and another master’s degree. It’s hard to figure out what you want to do at 20. And at 45. We’ve got to do our best and not be too hard on ourselves if things don’t go according to plan. Embrace… 😉
Thanks for this, Dana!
We do have much in common…I discovered I don’t like being a counselor/therapist. Which stinks when that’s what you went to school for.
Embrace, embrace, embrace. I’m trying!
Cannot wait to meet the 2016 Dana later this summer. My heart melted when I read about you crying at the blackboard. What lovely advice from your teacher. I had a wonderful one for grade three and grade four and I’ll never forget her either.
I’ve tried to find her online, but no luck. I can’t wait to meet you too, Kelly – I promise I will not cry, or attempt any long division.
I have chills! I love all the Danas and can relate to each one. Also I this line particularly resonated with me: “Social justice and feminism become realities instead of concepts she reads about, and other religions become learning experiences instead of threats to her own faith.” And you totally deserve the high five!
Ha – thank you Allie! College was such a time of intellectual and spiritual exploration for me; I’m excited to see where it will take Gwen. Excited and a little nervous.
Love this. So sweet just like you.
Aww, thank you Mandi. My kids may not agree with you, but what do they know?
I was a psychology major too, still love to read, and my little sister is one of my dearest friends. Sometimes I think we’re living parallel lives 😉
But it all seriousness, this was such a beautiful post. I love the ending “I know all of the Danas. There are pieces of each one that I still hold; some are tucked away and some have fit together with new pieces to form the Dana who is staring down forty-five.”
I think about the Bev I was and the Bev I am and the Bev known as Mama. So different and yet obviously the same person, though I have changed in so many ways over the years.
This project has been such a great opportunity to reflect on who I am, and to get to know you.
I agree Bev – it is a great reflection, and I love getting to know some of my favorite bloggers. And I do think we are living parallel lives!
Another great post! I absolutely love the advice your teacher gave you in elementary school. I also need to heed that advice. I also stop and look at the life my husband and I have created and sometimes I’m in awe of it. How did I even get here? How am I a mom to 7 year-olds? What will a 45 year old Allie look like indeed!
She will look amazing, I’m confident of that!
My daughter needs a Mrs. Warnken. It’s so hard to watch our kids when they’re hard on themselves. And as adults, it’s hard to get rid of this habit, isn’t it? Love that you spent some time traveling by yourself, too. Not many people would be brave enough to do that!
I didn’t have a choice, and it turned out to be such a valuable experience. Now being lost doesn’t stress me out – I spent plenty of time driving around strange towns with no GPS!
I loved getting acquainted all the Dana’s here tonight as I truly adore thought couldn’t adore the current, present-day Dana more if I tried!! 😉
Aww, thank you Janine. I adore you too. xoxo