Or her birthday. Or Christmas. Or ever.
I love a good list, and this one could make or break a man – the worst Valentine’s Day gifts ever. A few of these gifts I have actually received. The rest I just intuitively know would suck.
1. Ceramic music box of a unicorn sitting on a grassy hill underneath a rainbow. Actual gift received. It played – what else? – Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
2. Any piece of clothing in a size too big – when in doubt, go small. But then she’ll have to return it and get a bigger size, which will make her feel bad…forget it – just get her a gift card.
3. Beard burn. Run a razor over that five o’clock shadow before you make out.
4. A card signed with just your name. At least add a closing: Love, Yours Truly, Your Sexy Studmuffin. Be an overachiever and write a little something about why you think she’s so groovy.
5. A venereal disease. A burning sensation will be the least of your problems when she’s through with you.
6. A box of chocolate. So predictable and completely devoid of creativity. It’s the “oh, crap I forgot to buy her a present and now I’m screwed” gift. Negative points if a teddy bear is holding the candy.
7. Any food that has the words low fat or diet on the package. Same principal as #2.
8. A card with a five dollar bill inside. Actual gift received. From a guy, not my grandmother.
9. The same sweater that you bought for your mother. Or frankly, the same ANYTHING that you bought for your mother.
I couldn’t come up with #10, so I asked my (generally witty) husband. His answer:
10. A pet in a box with no holes. He cracks himself up.
What’s the worst Valentine’s Day gift you’ve ever received from your sweetheart?
Dana says
my friend in Santa Barbara only got cards in Spanish because her hubby would go the night of and that’s all that was left…so very very sad.
Dana says
That is sad. My father-in-law always says they wait to put out the best cards the day before…
Ellen says
The pet with no holes would’ve at least made dinner easier.
Dana says
Eeeww.
Stasha says
I am laughing so hard the bed is shaking. A fiver is the winner. And your hubs is funny. Love this list.
Dana says
Thanks, Stasha – it was fun to do.
Clarinda @ Enjoying the Course says
I’m sorry, but your husband’s answer totally cracked me up! Great list! 🙂
Dana says
Yeah, he’s a pretty funny guy. Thanks for stopping by!
Diane says
Tooooo funny! Your list cracked me up. 😀
Dana says
Glad you liked it – thanks for commenting!
christine says
Gotta say, your husband cracks me up, too. Please tell me you got the music box when you were 10. And a five dollar bill? Good heavens.
Dana says
I got the music box when I was 16 given by an 18 year old who should have known better. Who knows what he’d be getting me now if I married the guy!
Jessica B says
We also try to keep it light for Valentine’s Day gifts… I prefer having an experience – like a getaway, or a nice dinner. Bu man, I wish there was a list of awesome gifts to get men – I have the worst time trying to find something meaningful but not sappy. Great list 🙂
Dana says
The most awesome gift I can give my husband is to let him off the hook – so no gifts for us (and then I go buy myself a gift) 🙂
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms says
#5, 9, and 10—Perfection! Ha! Erin
Dana says
Thanks 🙂
Lisa H says
We don’t do gifts for any holiday. We save the money to use for family trips. I would rather travel than get a gift for Valentines Day, Christmas, or Birthday. We will be going to the beach on V day. We do go out to dinner for our anniversary, that is a special day!
Dana says
Sounds smart to me, Lisa. We just do cards. This year I will be carpooling to basketball practice in lieu of a romantic dinner – whoo hoo!
Wayne says
Guys are not allowed to complain about gifts or we face eternal strife.
Dana says
Agreed – yet you have to give the perfect give. You really just can’t win.
Kris says
I was looking for “a single red rose wrapped in cellophane” (clearly from 7-Eleven). Blech!
I have to admit, I don’t envy the men here. And I sure as heck don’t know what to do for my man! It’s such a goofy holiday, especially once you’ve been married for a while. Ideas?!
Generally, I go with a thoughtful card in which I remind him all the ways I think he is awesome. Is that enough? (I get flowers . . . The years he remembers, anyway.) 🙂
Kris
Dana says
The rose is a good one, Kris! I’m out of ideas – we just exchange cards (with declarations of love handwritten inside, of course!)