Remember the game Two Truths and One Lie? You make three statements; two are true and one is false. I played the “Bodily Functions” edition here last year. Then Tamara played the game on her blog, and her truths (and lies) were so awesome that I didn’t think my stories could measure up.
But it turns out I still have a few to tell. May I present to you “Two Three Truths and One Lie: The Crappy Job Edition.”
The stories are in chronological order, so don’t try to figure out where I would have put the fake story. It won’t help you.
1. During one of the summers when I was in college, I waitressed at a now defunct restaurant that was like an upscale Friday’s. One evening, I waited on a large party that was celebrating one diner’s birthday. As was customary, I wrangled up as many waiters as I could so that we could serenade the poor woman with a rousing rendition of the birthday song.
As we started to sing, I placed the hot fudge sundae on the table in front of the birthday girl. I didn’t reach in close enough, so the bowl was a little too close to the edge of the table. When I let go, it tipped right into her lap. The fudge was hot, the ice cream was cold, and she was definitely not celebrating. I had to wave off my fellow waiters in the middle of the song and apologize profusely to the woman in front of all my other tables. My manager comped her meal and it came out of my tips, so I went home mortified and broke.
2. When I was getting my Master’s degree, I had an internship with the public school system. My supervisor was a middle aged male school psychologist who was clearly ready for retirement. Basically I did his work for him, but I got tons of experience in psychological testing.
On my last day, my supervisor took me to lunch. It was a nice restaurant with a full bar, and he took full advantage of that. I watched him down drink after drink, as his nose turned red and his eyes turned glassy. He started slurring, and I was so afraid that he would do something inappropriate (other than getting sloshed in front of his 22 year old intern). He didn’t, but the damage was done. I shook his sweaty hand and left him to sober up before he headed back to the office. I never even asked him for a reference.
3. I worked at a children’s psychiatric hospital for two years, performing psychological evaluations of inpatients and staffing the outpatient after-school program. The first year, I accompanied the kids as they were transported home at 6:00 pm. There was a driver, but I sat in the back with the kids and walked them up to their front door every night.
All of these kids were from what were deemed “at-risk” homes, and a few of them lived in shady neighborhoods. I became a bit nervous about walking my charges up to their front doors once it was dark at 6:00, but I had no cause for worry until the night I heard a cracking sound. My more worldly companions casually informed me that those were just gunshots. Just gunshots. That may or may not whiz by my head or into my heart.
Suddenly the kids who liked to bite seemed safe compared to the threat of manslaughter by gunfire. I was not given van duty the next year; my supervisor knew I would quit before I bought a bullet proof vest.
4. I’ve already written about the time my hotel room caught on fire when I was a college admissions counselor. Later that year, I received a chain email from a friend – something about passing the email on to win an obscene amount of money. I only forwarded it to Matt, but he forwarded it to a few people, and so on. A few days later I was called into my director’s office; some jerk in New Mexico received the email and scrolled way down to find the source. Like an idiot, I had a signature with my full name and position. So the jerk emailed my boss to tell her what I was doing on company time, and he rambled on about how I was a disgraceful representative of the college.
My boss was forgiving, but I have never again included a signature line in my emails.
So which one is the lie? Tell me your guess in the comments, or tweet me. I’ll come clean on my Facebook page on Monday!
Update: Check out the fake story HERE. Were you right?
Obviously I’m late to the party, but this was too fun not to play along, so I’m hoping/guessing that the gun shots story is the lie. Now off to your Facebook to see what the right answer is!
I won’t give anything away here…but I saw you checked your answer 🙂
Ok, I haven’t read any comments and I have no idea what the answer is so I’m gonna take a guess (btw, I LOVE these type of posts, and the job spin is so awesome I might have to steal it!)
I think the one about your boss getting drunk in front of you is fake. This is a random guess! You did really good and I have no idea!
Well now you know the answer – you should do this! I bet you have some great stories.
#3 I can believe because I worked in a Detroit pediatric ER…guns were a part of our breakfast, lunch and dinner breaks.
So #4??
I can imagine. It was so sad to see how seemingly unaffected the kids were by the sounds of gunshots. They were so used to it, and that broke my heart.
Ohhh, this is a tough one because they could all happen! I’m going to guess #2 because I’m hoping that really didn’t happen!
You clearly didn’t peek on Facebook before you guessed…it happened!
Ha ha ha. I’m so far behind in the blogosphere and haven’t been on Facebook in ages!
The lie is the Hot Fudge Sundae!! Right?
Yep!
These are really some good stories! I don’t have to guess though because I saw your Facebook post! I would have never guessed that one though. I would have guessed #4.
#4 doesn’t sound that bad, but I was completely mortified to be called into my director’s office and reprimanded for something so idiotic. Ugh!
Although I’m late reading this, I promise I haven’t peeked at the answer. I’m (wildly) guessing it is #4. I can’t imagine that someone has nothing better to do than track down the source of a chain email and tattle on her. If it is true, how sad for that person! My worst job: working at a bathing suit store on the beach and having wrinkled up old men try on Speedos and ask how I thought they fit. I always wanted to say, “A little baggy in the front.”
Ha! That sounds like a horrible job – ewww.
I wanna guess # 1 is a lie only because I have waitressed for 11 years and never have comped meals come out of my tips. If that is the truth I would NEVER want to work for that restaurant!
I hear you! Posting the answer in a few minutes…
Yay!!
I say number 1. Would it be legal for them to take your tips? IDK.
I had no clue what was legal and what wasn’t – I was a stupid twenty year old. It should be illegal to pay waitstaff $2.01 an hour, which was my pay rate back then.
I loved them all, but I am convinced that #1 is the lie. The others are so crazy that they HAVE to be real! It’s like they say: “You can’t make this sh*t up!” Can’t wait to see if I’m right!
I can’t wait to tell you – I’ll post it on FB later today…
This is so good. I’m guessing #3 is the lie and can’t wait to find out. This is good. This is really good.
Thanks Mimi! I will post on FB later today.
Um. Okay two truths and one lie = three things. I see four. And I’m guessing it’s number four? Not the part about the hotel room, but the other part? If not that, then number three for sure. OMG THIS IS SO HARD and I totally know you! Ugh.
I changed it to three truths because I had three good stories – yay to stumping you!
Crap. You’re really good at this Dana! I’m going to guess #3. Or #4. Yeah. #4. No wait. #3. Crap. You’re really really REALLY good at this Dana! lol
GREAT STORIES!!! Wait- maybe it’s the spilling the ice cream fudge sundae one.
Crap. I dunno…
Ha – you crack me up Chris. Your comment is just like one I would have left!
I’m guessing #2, although I’m not terribly confident… In other news, I used to be a college admissions counselor too! I worked at Arcadia University (formerly Beaver College) outside of Philly.
Really? How cool. It was a fun job, but heavy on the travel. I quit when I had my daughter because there was no way I could spend eight weeks on the road every fall.
How fun! I’m terrible with guessing. They all seem like they could happen 🙂
That was the point, so I’m glad to hear you say that. Check back for the answer anyway!
Well, I want to hope that #2 is the lie – I can’t even imagine anyone getting drunk (at lunch) in front of their intern!!!
I will refrain from responding to you for fear of giving away the answer…
I think it’s #2. If it’s not, then you handled the situation very well
Thank you! If it’s true. If it’s not, then I guess I didn’t lie very well. 😉
My vote is for # 2!!!!
Got it, Jamie! Check out my FB page on Monday to find out if you were right. And thanks for commenting; I love when people I know “in-person” leave one!
They are all completely plausible!! I am going to go with #1 being false only because it seems like the most true. If that makes any level of sense. Can’t wait for the follow up.
That makes sense, Tara. I actually have trouble coming up with a lie – Matt had to help me.
Oh, I LOVE THIS!!! Let me see… I almost went with #4 because it has the least amount of detail in the story, but I think that was on purpose. I have narrowed it down to #1 and #2. I WISH that #2 didn’t sound true, but it does. I am going with #1 as the tall tale! I can’t wait to see what really happened to you!–Lisa
That was very logical of you, Lisa. You’ll have to wait to see if your logic was correct…
I love that you did this. After my jobs one my friend reminded me of so many other stories so I’m going to have a Part II soon!
Ok, this all seem so real. Honestly. I’m going to go with #1 as a lie.
I’d love a part 2 from you – you have great stories! I think this is it for me.
Oh this is fun! #4?
I’ll let you know!
This is hard. I have to go with #4.
I’m glad you thought it was hard – that means I lie well!
Hmmmm…I’m going with the drunk supervisor. I can see you pouring a hot fudge sundae on a customer. It would have been better if there was a lit candle. I was always a pretty hostile waitress.
You can see me pouring hot fudge on a customer – thanks a lot! I was not a great waitress – I still have dreams where I’m in the weeds and don’t know the menu at all. How sad is that?
I’m going with #1 because it’s the tamest, and no one else has picked it yet.
You just want to be the rebel, Sarah, right?
Oh I love this idea…so much fun! Let’s see, I’m going to go with the drunk psychologist as the lie. Mostly because those types of lunches are the worst and I would hate to know that had to deal with that. Then again, gun shots would be even worse. Ughh, it’s a toss up!
I know – I wanted to make it tough! 🙂
I worked at Friendly’s too!!! I refused to take the trainee button off once I figured out that people were nicer to you and tipped better with it on. I quit after I drop a tub of blue cheese that exploded all over my polyester uniform. Remember that dress? I can still feel it. I vote for #4 because I can’t see someone going through that much trouble to read a chain e-mail
I do remember that dress – it came out of the washing machine completely dry. We used to joke that if we got to close to the grill the polyester would just melt into our skin. Good times!
Hmmmmmm. Tricky. Saw the comment from your mom and I’m really intrigued now. I’m going to go with number 2 – the drunk boss. It is just the one that is the most likely to happen so I am guessing it didn’t happen … Looking forward to the Monday reveal …
Another vote for #2!
Oh man, so hard to tell! Hmm, I’ll go with….#2! Can’t wait to see which one is the lie.
Your vote is noted! I’m going to have to tally how many votes each story receives and see how good I am at deception.
Well, I actually have a story very similar to #3 from my first job as a teacher, so I’m going to say that’s true. Also going to say the sundae in the lap is true since you have al those name tags. 🙂 So, I’m guessing #2 if a lie and hoping your boss didn’t get drunk in front of you.
I like your thinking, Lisa. You may be right, but you may not be 😉
I suck at this game. Honestly I do. I am going to take a stab and say #4. Now I will patiently wait for Monday to find out how off was I.
I suck at this game too. I never get Tamara’s right. Until Monday…
I thought I’d know the correct answer to this since I have a little bit of an edge. However, I’m not too sure after reading all of the situations. I don’t remember hearing about number XXX. Then again, number XXX sounds even less familiar to me! Oh my, the memory is such a terrible thing to lose!!
I crossed out your numbers, Mom – don’t want to give anything away! I will tell you that one of the two you mentioned is the lie.
I think three is the lie.
Duly noted!
I’m going with #4! Love the name tags, proof of your former life. You need to make one that says, “Dana, Blogger extraordinaire”.
Ha! I’ll pull out my label maker and get right on that Laura. 🙂
II am going to say #4, but still not sure and #1 I could totally picture happening, especially if I had been a waitress, because I am a huge klutz and probably would have dropped my fair share of food and drinks on people!
It is amazing that I did not have more accidents in my two waitressing jobs than I did. Pouring coffee always made me very nervous!
I kind of hope the gunshots one is the false one, just because I don’t like to think of kids living in that kind of neighbourhood (though I know it happens)
I wish all of them were false, but I know what you mean.
Gosh, they all sound so probable! I’m going to guess wildly and say…. #3 is a lie?
I’ll let you know…
Oh I love these!! I also love that you still have your name tags!! At this horrible job I once had, my boss was so hung up on name tags (and I never wore mine because it was so unnecessary!) and when i quit, I left them all on my desk in the various “award cups” I had received over the years. It felt really good to do that, even though it was so immature!
I’m going to guess the lie is the bus one with the shootings. Oh my!!!
Award cups – ha! I never got one of those.