This is the second piece in the Who I Am series, a yearlong writing project designed to tell my story one month at a time. While every other month focuses on how I see myself, this piece of the story centers on the people I love, and how I see myself through their eyes.
I am who I am in large part due to my relationships with other people. That seems like an un-feminist thing to say; a woman isn’t defined by her roles, is she?
I would argue that all of us – of any and all genders – are defined in large part by our relationships. The essence of being human is our connection with other people.
I am a daughter. A first-born.
My parents were my first loves, and that love was effortless and unconditional.
My mother is one of my closest friends, and my father is my biggest fan. Through their eyes, I see myself as a strong woman who can handle anything that comes her way. I know with complete certainty that my parents are proud of me, and that knowledge has always given me comfort and confidence.
I am a sister.
My sister was my third love. She was my first playmate, and she is my oldest friend. With Amy I learned the art of compromise and how to play well with others. As the older sister, I am usually the first: to get a job, to get married, to have kids. But with just three years between us, we are sharing many of life’s milestones. I’d like to think that many of the traits I love in her are ones that I possess as well – her sense of humor, optimism, thoughtfulness, and loyalty. Through her eyes, I will always see myself as the big sister – sometimes wise, sometimes annoying, but always at her back.
I am a wife.
I love many people, but I am in love with Matt. He is the person I would choose to be with over any other, and he is my partner in this hectic, messy life. To know that he loves (and likes) me enough to spend the rest of his life with me is humbling. Through his eyes, I see myself as caring, smart, witty, and beautiful.
I am a mother.
My children are more than my loves; they are my outside hearts. I see both my best and worst traits reflected in their personalities, and I marvel at the fact that Matt and I created these two amazing human beings.
When they were small, there were nights when I gazed at their sleeping faces and thought, I am responsible for these people. Me. I take care of them, nurture them, teach them how to be a part of this world. Being a mother fills me with pride and confidence, and as a stay-at-home mom who often struggled with that decision, I have needed to feel that worthiness on days when I felt less than my working counterparts.
Through their eyes, I see myself as a protector who is fiercely loyal and generous.
I am a friend.
My girlfriends fill that space that my family can’t; they give me permission to be myself in all my imperfect glory, with no expectations or demands. They know what it is like to be defined by all those hats I wear, and they allow me to toss them off and just BE.
Through their eyes, I see myself as witty, caring, fun, and smart. Knowing that these amazing women choose to spend time with me is a huge boost to my ego.
I am loved.
I am a member of two close and vibrant families. I have three brothers-in-law, two sisters-in-law, a mother-in-law, a father-in-law, and seven nieces and nephews. Through their eyes, I see myself as the (hopefully) cool aunt, the sister and daughter they never had, and a vital part of the family.
Looks like your life is full of loved ones. That’s such a wonderful thing to see! (Also glad to see the link up is still open…I’ll be posting and linking up in a couple days!)
Yay – looking forward to reading!
I wrote a post that goes with this prompt last year, so I linked it up! It sounds like you are part of a wonderful family.
I’m a lucky gal, that’s for sure. Thank you for sharing your piece too!
Dana, you are blessed and surrounded by love, you lucky girl. And I love how you described your children as your outside hearts. True for me, as well.
I am a lucky girl, Allie. I never forget that.
Sometimes we take the people around us for granted and forget to appreciate their part in making us who we are. This piece is a beautiful tribute to all those important people in your life. A lovely gift from you to them!
Thanks, Mo. I heard from most of them, and they returned the love.
This was so beautiful. I hope my kids say that about me one day.
I love what you did with this. It’s wonderful that you have so many people in your life who love you so much! As you know, I’m in a big writing rut. this is one I tried to force and it just wouldn’t flow. After reading some of these, though, I hope to be inspired! 🙂
I hope so too, Lisa. This one was tough for me to write too. I was stuck for awhile. Next month’s will be easier!
Oh Dana… you are SO right about that. Our relationships have MUCH to do with who we are! This was beautiful. I am SO glad you have so so many amazing relationships that truly define the incredible person that you are in so many ways.
I am totally dropping the ball on doing these. Maybe some day I’ll actually catch up. Sigh… I’ve had some writing responsibilities that have distracted me from this!
You’ll catch up when you can, Chris – if you feel moved to do so. Don’t pressure yourself! You’re doing what you need to do. Like hanging out at the pool – swim mama that you are. 😉
Beautiful Dana. I loved getting to know you more through all of your family. Love the picture of your kids? It reminds me of me and my brother. It won’t be long before he catches up with her. And so true about of kids better the best and worst of our traits.
Kenya – that photo is about three years old – he’s at least three inches taller than her now! And I just hope that they hold onto my best traits, and learn to leave my bad ones behind.
So awesome Dana! I love this series and this post. It’s really true – no matter our gender – that our relationships with others can remind us that we’re funny, capable, amazing people. I still am amazed that my son is of me and his dad – that we made him, that he’s so amazing… gulp.
I completely understand that feeling, Kristi – it is amazing, isn’t it?
I too define so much of myself by my relationships with other people, mostly because I’m a relationship (and love)-oriented person.
I could identify with so many of the feelings you described and the way you look at yourself from the perspectives of those different relationships. Especially the one about being an older sister, and a young mom (I often sneak into Eve’s room while she is sleeping and marvel that *I* created this little human being and I am helping to mold who she will become as a person.)
Beautiful, Dana!
Thanks, Bev. I don’t peek in while their sleeping much anymore, but I do marvel at what amazing young people they’ve become. I love knowing that I was a part of that!
Beautiful Dana, and I love the quotes. Thank you so much for inspiring us all with Who I Am.
Thank you for joining me, Julia!
It’s so interesting to think of ourselves as who we are in relation to our loved ones. They are reflecting back the love and the stories.
I really love this and I just may have to link up!
I would love that, Tamara! I could have written so much more – fortunately my life has been full of love.
Beautifully written as always! Witty and smart is right!! I LOVE the picture of your family from the 70’s. Classic- Olan Mills Photography, I would bet.
I am so lucky to have you in my life and am happy to be your second wing any day, you have certainly been that person for me!
xoxo
It is Olan Mills! All that’s missing is the wooden fence.
I’m so glad to count you among the people I love, Laura! xoxo
It is interesting to think about how others see you. I often think that those closest to me see me in a much kinder, gentler light than the one I place on myself. Maybe if I considered this more, it would be easier to cut myself some slack.
I’d guess that most people would say the same, Kim…we are always our harshest critics.
I love this post. .I love them all but you are such a talented writer. I feel honored to know so many of your relationships and be a part of one. You are witty, bright, beautiful ,funny, loyal and oh so organized.
I definitely agree we are defined by our relationships- thanks for being part of my definition.
Now really. ..are we really not going to school again? Ahhhhhhh.
It’s an honor to be a part of your definition, Dane – thank you for being part of mine.
School tomorrow, for sure. Or I’m moving to Reno 😉
Ohhh beautiful, Dana. I love learning a bit more about you in the context of your relationships to others. I especially love the pic of you with your mom, dad and sister. It’s a gorgeous portrait.
I’ll have to think about what to write for this, but I’ve got a while to consider it, right? 🙂
Absolutely! And glad you arrived home safely…until we meet again! xoxo
Miss you already. I hope it’s SOON!
So many wonderful relationships filled with love and honestly enjoyed learning a bit more about you here tonight, Dana. Also, linked up with an article that I originally wrote back mid last year that I felt fit perfectly with the theme of love this month, too 😉
I’m glad you’re joining us, Janine!