I am five or six years old, and I want my ears pierced. My mother takes me to a family friend who is a pediatrician, and he numbs my tender lobes with ice. One needle poke sends me screaming out of the room, and it is years before I am ready to try again.
I think I am being brave the first time, but it is the second time that truly requires courage. I know the pain is coming, and I am afraid of it. But I want what is on the other side of the pain, so I clench my mother’s hand as the piercing gun echoes dully in my ear. There is a Great Cookie store next to the piercing place, and my mother buys one of those huge chocolate chip cookies to celebrate. Chocolate for bravery is still an even trade in my book.
*****
I have the house to myself one summer morning when I am home from college. The doorbell rings, and a man I do not recognize stares into the peephole. I do not answer, and when he rings again I peek through the curtains to see a white van in the driveway. I am not afraid of windowless white vans like I will be when I become a mother, yet I am uneasy. When the man goes back to his van and comes out with a tool box, I begin to panic. I hear a rattling at the front door, and I know this man is about to break into my house and do something horrible.
I put the leash on Lacey, and she and I run downstairs and leave the house from the basement walk out. We cut across backyards to the next court, and we walk down that court and back up ours in the relative safety of broad daylight and open spaces. I see that the van is gone, and Lacey and I return to our home, unscathed. I am proud that I protected myself and my dog from a maniac.
My parents hired the man to repair something on our front door; my mother forget to tell me he was coming. I feel annoyed, but I still feel brave.
*****
It doesn’t have to be brave for everyone else, it just has to be brave for you.
My husband told me this when I asked him what I’ve done that was brave. It was for a writing prompt, years ago. These words of wisdom were a gift, and I have repeated that mantra to myself many times.
Brave for me. So many little things, not so many big things. But is there really a difference between the big and little things? I was brave when I started my blog and shared my writing with anyone who would read, while I was still trying on writing to see if it fit. While my life didn’t depend on it, it felt as brave as running from the man at the door.
I am brave each time I push on the walls of my comfortable, safe little box. The walls protect me, and I know every inch they hold. Outside the box is unknown, and it scares me. Sometimes I peek out, sometimes I climb. Even a peek is brave for me.
When I want what is on the other side of the pain, the hurt, the fear, or the box…that is when I am brave.
Love these stories. I don’t remember being scared to get my ears pierced. For me it’s always been putting myself out there socially where I have to be brave. I’d take another hole in my ear over a cocktail party where I don’t know anyone.
We all have our things, don’t we? I’d much rather go to a cocktail party, with clip on earrings.
“It doesn’t have to be brave for everyone else, it just has to be brave for you.” This for me is huge. We compare our levels of bravery and, well, everything, with what others do. Being able to overcome the thing that is huge for you–no-one else–is true bravery. Thanks, Dana!
Bravery is so personal, isn’t it? Maybe not for the big things, but definitely for the little ones.
I love reading your blog. I’m trying to think about being brave….at 72 years old, there were probably so many times.
I like your mantra.
Thank you, Judy! I bet you are brave in many little ways, almost every day. It’s just easier to remember the big ways…or for me, the ones that traumatized me so that I can still remember decades later!
I’d say you are brave every time you post something on this blog. I love your husband’s wisdom, and I’m glad you shared it here. I have a card sitting on my desk that says “Do one thing every day that scares you.” What scares me might be vastly different from what scares you, but the point is, we are growing. Thanks for this!
I love that saying you have on a card – I’ve heard that before. I try to remember that when I hesitate to do something that may be an opportunity to grow.
What a thought provoking post! Getting that second ear pierced does require bravery, and chocolate should always be the reward for bravery 🙂
Always!
I never had any desire to have my ears pierced. When I was a little girl, my grandmother told me the story of her scarred earlobe, and that was enough to scare me out of ever getting my ears pierced. One of her ears became infected and left a terrible scar on her earlobe after she had gotten her ears pierced. I think that her experience took place prior to 1900. I kind of wonder what the piercing tool might have looked like in that time period.
Your experience of the guy with the windowless white van and a toolbox at your door only lacked the creepy music in the background. Yikes. I’ll bet your heart was racing, and I imagine your Mom felt terrible for not telling you ahead of time.
Your husband’s statement about bravery is right on.
Pat, I think your grandmother’s story would make me pass on ear piercing too! And it’s funny, I vaguely recall my mom being fairly nonchalant about forgetting to tell me. I’m not sure she understood how terrified I was.
Windowless white vans still scare me. I like how you did this post with the different stories of being brave. The guy with a toolbox would have scared the heck out of me! Smart to exit through the downstairs. I had to wait until I was 12 to get my ears pierced. Later, in college, I wanted a 3rd hole in my left ear so I did it myself. I couldn’t get the earring in so I made my friend do it. She was really annoyed with me when she realized she was basically piercing my ear because the earring was wider than the needle I’d used. Funny – I’d forgotten that until now. And, that third hole is long closed…
Ha – do you know how many holes Gwen has had in her ears? She gets them pierced with barely a flinch. I did my second holes with her about five years ago, and she was braver than I was.
Tell me – why do they even sell windowless vans anymore?
I accidentally commented on the wrong form! This is better. I think that your piercing story reminds me of giving birth a second time. The first time has fear of the unknown, and the second time might have fear of what you already know!
And Scarlet will sometimes make fun of me for being scared of a roller coaster, but I will say that even if a two-year-old can go on it without a problem, it’s still brave for me!
I remember when you wouldn’t touch a roller coaster, Tamara! But you’re right – we all have our bravery for different things. And I’m with you on childbirth! Although the second time, I was less scared about labor and delivery and more scared about being a mother to two human beings.
My daughter got an infection in both ear lobes when she went swimming a few months after getting them pierced. Both ears blew up quite dramatically. When we went to the doc for a checkup, she kindly offered to pierce her ears again and I held my breath as my daughter bravely said yes. Oh man. That’s was so brave in my books.
Isn’t it? You know it hurts but you do it again. Kind of like childbirth, right?
Chocolate for bravery – this should be law 🙂 Lovely piece to read.
It should be law. Thank you Julie!
I used to hate it when people described my daughter, who had been in and out of the operating room her whole life, as “brave.” BRAVE is when you do something even though you are scared. BRAVE is when you CHOOSE to do the thing even though you are scared. Brave is NOT doing something that scares others but does not scare you, or doing something when you have no other choice. I think your ear-piercing story is a perfect illustration of that!
Debi – you are so right! Brave is choosing to do the thing despite the fear. I love that!
I love this story! “It just has to be brave for you” is my favorite part.
Thank you, MaryEllen!
Excellent choice (on the second fear event)… protect the dog. (I’m that kind of dog person that, reading the sentence, thought, well, of course, bring the family members when making the escape.)
lol
Fear is funny thing. It influences our decisions and failing or not, (tries) to shade our memory.
That is true – I’m sure there are other times I’ve been scared, but those two instances stand out for me.
Wow! Glad the white van turned out to be nothing! What struck me was “I am not afraid of windowless white vans like I will be when I become a mother” – isn’t THAT the truth!
Right? How sad that a vehicle is so sinister, because of the sinister acts and people associated with it.
I love that mantra! And how brave you were to exit through another door when the white van guy got out of the truck with a toolbox. I hope I would have thought of that. In movies little girls hide under beds and in closets and dogs bark. You did good, even though it was a false alarm.
Thanks! I just wanted to get the heck out of there – I’m glad my instinct to flee took over.
Okay, here come the ear piercing horror stories. The person who did mine did the second one wrong. As in the back of the earring was coming out of the bottom of my ear, not the back. She had to take it out and redo it! Yep, I almost passed out. Happy Birthday to me! Great post on being brave!
Thank you! I’m impressed that you hung in there for the redo.
That first story reminded me of the fact that when I was 5 years old I went to get my ears pierced as a gift from my aunt. Back then, they used the gun to pierce ears. I let them do the one, but not the other. My dad begged me to get the other done and even bribing me with getting any jewelry in the store if I did. But I didn’t. It was only about a week later that I went to the local mall where I had my ear numbed and had the second other hole done with a needle. Not sure what my rational was, but still I definitely more brave that second time out, as well! 🙂
It’s so much better now – sometimes if there are two people working, they will punch both ears at the same time!