It’s a tale of two prompts today. The first was the one I intended to write – the Finish the Sentence Friday sentence from my blogging and in-person friend Kristi.
Sometimes, I wonder about my writing. I keep on and on because…
Because…
The second prompt is from Jena, the muse with the amazing ability to oil the gears in my brain so that my words can ooze out. “Pick any letter and four words beginning with that letter,” she writes. “Then tell us the story of that moment, whatever it may be.”
Writing, wondering, worrying, wanting.
I struggle with keeping a regular writing schedule, and I don’t often feel the need to write. I like doing it, but getting started is rough. At the end of a ten day hiatus last week, I did not feel a burning desire to get back to it.
I wonder why I feel this way, or more accurately, why I keep writing if I don’t feel that passion.
Writing, wondering, worrying, wanting.
My four words are all verbs, and I think that is significant. More specifically, they are present progressive verbs, because in my head I paired them with “I am…” These words indicate continuing action. Continuing what?
I’ve been focused on the future more than usual lately, given the transitions that are occurring in my family over the coming months. I have been wondering what my life will look like, and wondering how writing will fit in.
Worrying and wanting. The last two words typed themselves, in part because I like order. It makes sense that my four words are the same part of speech.
Like wondering, wanting is contemplative. What do I want to do with this writing thing? What do I want for the future, when I am an empty nester? I am wanting a plan, but wanting to be the kind of person who doesn’t need a plan.
I’m a planner and a worrier. I am worrying that I have run out of things to write, and I often wonder what I will write next. Then I wonder who really cares if I don’t write? And I worry about that.
I am worrying about who I will be when I am not a full-time mother. The battle I had with myself about being just a mom could resurface when my youngest goes to college, and I worry about that, too.
I keep on writing because I want my words to make someone feel, even if that person is just me.
I keep on writing because I wonder where it could take me next month, next year, in five years.
I keep on writing because I worry about what I will do if I stop.
My wondering, my worrying, my wanting…I write about all of these.
Maybe I do need to write.
“I am wanting a plan, but wanting to be the kind of person who doesn’t need a plan.” – Love that sentence. How many of us could say the same. Whether or not you keep a regular schedule, I love to read your writing and certainly hope you keep it up.
Thanks, Leslie. I will keep it up, but I’ll cut myself some slack and go at a pace that’s comfortable for me.
I think you do and I’m glad you do!
Thank you, Nina 🙂
I adore this as my life is changing too. I’ll have only 2 left at home this fall. I always wonder if anyone really cares if I write. I love writing but I like to know someone besides me is reading it. I worry a lot! Great post. Please keep writing!
I will, Deidre – you too! You never know who is reading – I know bloggers tend to comment, but other readers usually don’t. You could have a superfan and not even know it!
Every one of those verbs could apply to me, Dana. Although I have no kids, our life is at present in a state of flux as we’re living between two cities. I know this affects my writing and planning, but I am compelled to keep writing all the same.
Wishing you and the family all that’s good as the changes happen.
Thank you so much, Corinne. Best wishes to you, too – I hope you are able to settle in one city soon.
Inspiring post on the reasons behind your writing !!!
Thank you!
How very well I remember those crossroads, Dana. Life IS changing for you. The unknown beckons. I started my blog at that part of my life and am absolutely amazed at how my life has changed. Good things await you, too. I look forward to seeing how life unfolds from you from here on in. Exciting times ahead, my friend, exciting times ahead.
I hope so, Kelly! It’s good to know that you have had such a great experience so far.
Wow, Dana, I really love this. You show so well how that writer part of us weaves itself in between all the other parts of who we are. Beautifully done.
Thank you Lisa!
I’ve starting to take the pressure off a bit in feeling like I need to write a certain number of times a week or about only certain topics to have a niche. I think it’s okay to come and go, deal with life, and come back to it. It’s like going to the gym in some ways. Ha! I’m not always consistent and I’m not always disciplined. I’m not always excited about going. I AM always glad I did it.
Keep writing. Your words touch us. Your writing doesn’t have to define your present or your future self. Just let it be.
Ooh – that’s tough for me, but I will try. And yes, I am always glad I wrote (or went to the gym). That’s a good way to look at it, Leah.
Writing helps get the thoughts on paper and sometimes when you read what you’ve got down it makes everything clearer….like a guide book.
You are right, Leanne. When I write posts like this, it does help me clarify my thoughts and goals.
Oh yes how I could identify! After my recent writing break — I think it may have been 10 days also — I was definitely wondering was it worth it. Sometimes I forget why I do it and it feels more like a chore. But I truly would miss it, and the community I’ve found through it, if I were to stop. (And if you were to stop, I would definitely miss it!)
I would miss you too, Bev. I can’t imagine stopping – it’s too much a part of who I am now.
I’m so glad you do write! I always look forward to seeing a new post from you in my feed 🙂
Thank you so much!
Dana, you took the words and thoughts right out of my mouth/head. Same worries and same questions. Maybe I would feel better if I wrote about. I don’t know.
You could try – no one says you have to publish, right?
It’s funny, the things we discover, when we simply ask the question.
🙂
I love your other words used here. I often wonder, sometimes I think I don’t know how to stop wondering. I wonder and I wander.
😉
Beautiful words and musings here. Thanks for sharing them.
Thank you for reading, Kerry! Wander…another excellent “w” verb. Sometimes I wander through my writing, and I usually get somewhere I need to be.
Your title leads me to believe your conclusion. You do need to write and you’re good at it too.
I appreciate that, April. I think I do need to write – and you only get better by doing, right?
I’m glad you write.
There are severalmanytimes you’ve made me Feel, and I know that in spite of your nature and your worrying, you will continue to want, wonder, and write, because as much as things like NOT being an empty-nester, or blogging in spite of inconsistency, or building friendships on and offline, are part of what makes now-you, you will adapt, and writing will change with you.
The question is, who would you be WITHOUT it?
Excellent question, Lizzi! And you are right, my writing will change with me. I’m so glad you’re along for the journey. xoxo
Yes, you do need to write! I do too. I often wonder how writing will fit into my life through transitions, but then I remember that writing is the way I navigate my own thoughts through transitions.
Gosh, can you imagine if we didn’t have it? I can’t.
I can’t either. It does help me navigate my own thoughts through transitions too. It’s like therapy with myself as the therapist.
*****Writing.
wondering.
worrying.
wanting.****
Oh, how I LOOOOoove Verbs!
xx
Me too!
Dana, you most definitely need to write. I always love what you have to say. I also love that you nailed the tense of your verbs… you really are a Word Nerd, aren’t you? I encourage you to focus on the action and not let the contemplation slow you down too much… although a thoughtful approach to life is good. Keep up the fabulous work.
I am totally a Word Nerd! You are right – I should focus on the action and not get bogged down on contemplation. Embrace, right? Even my word of the year is a verb.
“I keep on writing because I want my words to make someone feel, even if that person is just me.
I keep on writing because I wonder where it could take me next month, next year, in five years.
I keep on writing because I worry about what I will do if I stop.
My wondering, my worrying, my wanting…I write about all of these.”
Me too!! And I love your photographs!
Thanks, Emily! They are stock photos, but I thought they fit pretty well.
I love this.
I write too because I want people to feel. I want myself to feel.
It just feels good.
It does feel good to write. And your writing makes me feel, Kim – always.
This made me feel. It made me want to write and it also made me really grateful that you write and that I write because if not for the blogosphere, would we have met? Maybe not, and that worries me. I love love the line about how you want to make somebody feel – even if that person is just you. YES. That. All of it. xo
We would not have met, and my world would be a little dimmer without me even knowing it. xo
Your post made me tear up – it expresses the exact thoughts running around in my brain. I think I found writing again a few years ago as a way to help me deal with my impending empty nest. Even if no one else reads my words, they help me deal with all the emotions and worry. Thanks so much for sharing this today!
My pleasure, Lana. I do think that writing is going to help me deal with all the emotions; I just may not publish everything I write!
I can’t even imagine that I’ll stop again. I stopped for so many years and always felt like something was missing. Now that I have an actual website, a place in the blogaverse that is my room, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t want to write in it. I’d love to post every day and have a choice for people to read what they want to read, not just the latest of whatever. I think as our lives grow up and out of what we are currently doing our experiences will still render stories to tell.
I hope you are right, Kenya. I think you are. It’s so evident that your blog is home to you – I love visiting you there.
“I keep on writing because I want my words make someone feel, even if that person is just me. ”
liked that, although, and self-instructive in an odd way, I’ve only recently come to realize that the last part of this statement actually applies to me now…. 5 years after embarking on this adventure.
Isn’t it cool how writing can make us more self-aware? Sometimes I read what I wrote and think, “Hmmm. I didn’t realize I felt that way until the words came out.”
yeah… (even more fun) is when you go back and read something and think, ‘hey that was pretty good, who wrote it?’
lol
There is something very peaceful about this post, even though you are talking about some inner turmoil. I really like the way you were able to organize and define your feelings, and it’s nice to know that there are others out there who are worriers and planners.
I do organize and define my feelings in my writing sometimes…I didn’t think about that until you commented. I love when comments make me look at myself or my writing in new ways…just one more reason to keep this blog going.
I LOVE this!!!!! Because I feel so many of the same things right now – having nothing to write about, wondering if anyone would even notice if I just stopped, wanting to write but not really NEEDING to write. All of it.
I know you understand, Lisa. I can’t tell you how much it helps to know I’m not the only one!
Yes you do!…and I for one hope you always continue. I can always relate to your words and the way you share them…if that makes sense? I am also a worrier and I don’t know what I would do with that if I didn’t write!
It does make sense – I feel the same way about you! Sometimes the way someone writes is more compelling for me that what they write.
I’m beginning to see that writing helps me control my worrying a little…
You need to keep on writing because I adore your writing, and life revolves around me….duuuh…(kidding…it doesn’t). You will always find something to write about, and you have loads of avid readers who would fill a loss without your honesty and your wit in their lives. Don’t stop believing…or you could write for Journey.
If only! Thank you, Sandra – it means so much to me to know that you enjoy my writing. So that makes two of us who read my stuff Faithfully. <<<
Oh Dana- SO much of your post resonates deeply with me. I could use those very words to describe myself with writing too. It is so complicated, isn’t it? Let’s just keep writing… wishing… wondering… worrying… waiting and see where it takes us, my friend. Yeah, I added a few more for me. 🙂
I had “wishing” and swapped it out for “worrying” – pretty telling, right? But I didn’t think about “waiting” – love that!
Aah! The last few lines gave me goosebumps, Dana.
I also agree that by writing the full time job of a mom would be lost, but then for the kid’s sake…gotta do something 🙂
Lovely linkup of the verbs with the FTSF prompt !
Thanks, Ruchira! I do love my verbs 🙂
Dana, that last line sums up why I keep writing as crazy it may sound for some I just can’t help myself still. But yet a break once in a while does help me, also. So, yet I get that, too 🙂
I know you do, Janine!